Chapter Eight
Astrid stood at the window, blowing across the mug of coffee, with the special pumpkin creamer she couldn’t stop herself from making.
It tasted so good. Outside the window, across the ranch, it was covered in white.
Snow had fallen thick and fast through the night.
And it was still snowing. She must have missed the warning, but it was in full play right now.
There was no way any ranchers were making it today. Lord had already said he would be back as soon as possible, and as she sipped her coffee, she watched him return.
This was not good.
It was easier to ignore Lord if they were both doing other things—if he was busy with the ranch and she was working in the kitchen, or cleaning the house. They could avoid each other. This was going to be a lot more difficult.
The last thing she wanted to do was appear petty.
She took a sip of her coffee, and she made her way into the kitchen to pour him a large mug and add the pumpkin creamer she had made.
It tasted so good, and she knew she should stop making it as fall was over, but she still had a few cans of pumpkin in the pantry.
It was a staple in her cooking, especially through the fall.
“Wow,” Lord said, coming into the kitchen, and she handed him a mug. “Thank you. It’s fucking cold out there.”
That surprised her. Lord tended to run a lot hotter than most. She was already feeling the cold herself. She tried to wrap up, and they had turned the heat up in the house.
“Should we be worried?” she asked.
“You went shopping yesterday, right?”
“Yes.”
“We’re all stocked and I know the workers all made it home.”
“You knew this was coming?” Astrid asked.
“Yeah, I warned everyone.”
“When?” she asked.
“That would be at one of the breakfasts you decided you no longer needed to attend,” he said.
She was not going to rise to that bait. They both knew why she hadn’t been attending the breakfasts. It was her plan to try and get over him without everyone seeing it.
She didn’t want the ranch hands to watch her look at him with longing. That was sad. She knew that, and so did they. Astrid was trying to get over him, because she didn’t want to be one of those women that wanted a man who would never want her.
“And you told everyone then?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you leave me a note?” Astrid asked.
“Why didn’t you just attend the breakfast?”
She stayed quiet and decided to move on. “So, everyone got home safely yesterday before it started to snow?”
“Yes, and everything is locked and I can handle everything until the snow thaws.”
“Do you know when it will thaw?”
“Not a clue,” Lord said.
“Do you want some breakfast?” she asked. There was no point in being petty. He was the boss, and they still needed to eat.
“I’m starving.”
She would take that as a yes.
Opening the fridge, she saw she had a lot of breakfast sausage. She hadn’t paid attention, so she was going to have no choice but to cook it all and freeze it into packages.
“I bet you’re wishing you had come to one of those breakfasts,” he said.
She glared at him. “Why don’t you just enjoy your coffee?”
He took a sip. “I ever tell you this creamer is delectable?”
No. He never complimented any of her food.
She scanned the fridge and knew she could deal with all the extra meat without wasting a single thing.
First, she got a handle on the breakfast as Lord sat in the kitchen, watching her.
Every now and then, he was on his cell phone, but for the most part, he watched her.
She made them both a burrito, using different ingredients from the day before.
Rather than have rice, she used some refried beans she had made herself.
There was of course cheese, and she added some pico de gallo as well.
All made by herself. Toasting up the burritos, she served them both and put lids on the pans, as she would finish them all after her own breakfast.
She poured them both a fresh coffee, with the creamer, and it was utterly delicious. The burrito was filling as well. For a good thirty minutes, neither of them talked, and she could forget about their troubles.
The truth was, every time she thought of the word “convenient,” she felt it like a slice across the chest. It hurt.
Before she heard him tell Blake that, she’d been planning their wedding and their future, imagining him as her husband.
It had all been lies. She had just been the only willing female there.
After breakfast, she got up and started to assemble the burritos. It was going to make a lot, but she had plenty of room in the freezer. It would make a convenient breakfast—there went that word again—for when the ranch hands returned. She was happy to make them in advance.
Lord didn’t leave.
“Are you going to spend the whole time in the kitchen?” Lord asked.
“Like you said, I didn’t come to one of those breakfast announcements, and I bought a lot of food, and I don’t want it to go bad. I’ve got to finish preparing it.” She continued to wrap, and was shocked as Lord came to join her.
He was wiping his hands on a towel and had rolled up his flannel sleeves. “Where do you want me to start?”
“You don’t have to do this,” she said.
“I know. I’m the boss. What I say goes, but right now, I want to help you, so let me help you.” He winked at her.
She nibbled her lip but then nodded. “Okay, okay.” She hesitated for only a split-second, because she needed all the help she could get.
She spread out the pans in front of them, showed him how to build and wrap, and they also secured them in aluminum foil.
After, she placed them in a bag and labeled them.
Next, she placed them in the freezer. With Lord helping, they were able to get through the breakfast sausage fast. This meant moving onto the other meat.
This was a little easier to deal with, as she didn’t have to cook the chicken. She got Lord to divide it into portions as she worked on a quick citrus-spice marinade. They went into the freezer as well.
Lord kept asking after each one, if that was it, and of course, it was a full grocery shop, with the intention of feeding the ranchers for a good, long time.
Next was ground beef. So, they worked on meatballs, Salisbury steak, and then seasoned a whole bunch of it as taco meat. With Lord’s help, they were able to get through most of it before lunchtime.
“Fuck me, that is a lot of work,” Lord said.
She smiled.
“Have you got more?” he asked.
“No, no, I’ve got some vegetables, but I think you and I can use them.”
“Wait, we just processed a lot of meat. Are you saying we’re not going to have any meat for our own dinner?” he asked.
The fear in his eyes at the thought of eating a vegan or vegetable rich meal, was hilarious. She managed to stifle her laugher.
“We’ve got meat. It just means you’re going to have to eat a lot of vegetables as well.”
It had been a long time since she last cooked for only two people. Cooking for the ranchers reminded her of why she wanted a large family. Her brothers had been much older than her and left home not long after they turned twenty-one. For a long time, it had been just her and her parents.
She would watch large families—brothers and sisters, families that just seemed to flourish. The strangest thing was, she had grown up in a quiet household, and she hated the quiet. She liked the noise of the ranch, the hustle and bustle of activity.
One look at Lord, and the memories came flooding back. The saddest thing was, she missed him and was still attracted to him. What did that say about her? She didn’t want to be attracted to a guy who saw her as a convenience.
“Stop it,” Lord said.
This made her jerk her head up in shock and turn to look at him.
“I was a dick, okay, but you’ve got to stop thinking about it. I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean any of it.”
“Then why did you say it?”
****
Lord didn’t want to admit the truth. He didn’t want Blake to know he had deep feelings for Astrid. He also didn’t want to admit it had been one of the greatest nights of his life.
Astrid coming to him, opening the door, and kissing him back. She didn’t fight him as he carried her to his favorite spot. Making love to her, feeling her virginity tear beneath the pressure of his cock. It would stay with him forever. He fucking loved the feel of her. The beauty.
She was everything.
All his life, he never had to rely on anyone.
He never needed another wolf, and he didn’t even miss his family.
They didn’t matter to him. He’d been a recluse.
For the first time, someone else mattered.
Astrid mattered to him, but the real truth was, she had mattered to him all those years ago with her head in a book.
That was why he kept going to the library, to catch brief glimpses of her to know she was all right.
He wanted to take care of her. To protect her.
And he wasn’t used to feeling any of this. He felt ... weak. Useless.
But he hated Astrid’s silence so damn much. She had turned her back on him and started to work at the dishes. He clenched his hands into fists.
Blake had told him to just start speaking the truth. To be real with Astrid. He wasn’t used to opening up to anyone.
Getting to his feet, he closed the distance between them and placed his hands on her hips. He expected her to push him away, but she didn’t. She did go tense in his arms, not that he could blame her. He had to earn back her trust, and he knew that was going to take time.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“Stop, Lord.”
“No, I’m not going to stop. You’re not a convenience to me, Astrid.
” He pressed his lips against her temple.
“You have no fucking idea what you mean to me, and I am sorry you had to listen to me being an asshole. Blake’s my friend, but I didn’t want him to know how .
.. special that night meant to me. How, even now, I can feel your sweet cunt wrapped around my dick, and all I want to do is drive inside you, over and over again, and not stop. ”
Her heard her soft whimper.
Mine.
He smelled her attraction.
“Please leave me alone,” she said.
He heard the desperate plea in her voice, and he wanted to ignore it and just feel her against him. It felt good to have her in his arms, but that wouldn’t be building trust. That would just be taking what he wanted. He was not going to do that to her.
Against his very will, he let her go but didn’t leave. He grabbed a towel and started to dry the dishes. She didn’t tell him to leave, and he considered that a breakthrough.
Lord was not used to talking about his feelings. It did surprise him how much he must have hurt her.
After the dishes, Astrid turned to look at him, then excused herself, and he watched her leave. He had no choice but to step outside. The snow hadn’t stopped all morning, and it was filling up the doorway. Leaving the warmth of the house, he was shocked by how cold it was.
Mine.
His wolf didn’t like being out of the house or away from her.
Lord was not going to force this. He had fucked up, and now he had to give her space. That was all he could do.
He walked to the shed and grabbed the large snow shovel.
He went to the house and began to clear away the snow from the back door as well as the front.
Once he was done shoveling snow, and he couldn’t feel his legs anymore, he decided to check on the cattle, and they were fine as well.
Everything was more than fine, and he had no choice but to go back into that house.
Before he got to the door, his cell phone went off, and he saw there was a call from Blake. The cell service had been in and out since the snowstorm started.
“Hello,” he said.
“Finally, I’ve been trying to call you all freaking day. I love snowstorms, it means the kids will tire out from playing outside, but cell service turns to shit. How are you? How are things at the ranch?”
“All good. The cattle are settled. Everything is looking good,” he said.
“How are you and Astrid?”
Lord stayed silent.
“You’re alone with her, and you’re silent right now.”
“I’m trying, all right?” Lord said. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to ... ugh, I don’t even know what the fuck I’m saying. I hurt her, and I don’t think there is any way back from that.”
“Of course there is a way back from that,” Blake said. “You’ve got to apologize and be real with her.”
“I have done that and trust me, it’s not working. She doesn’t want to know.” He looked toward the house. He missed Astrid. He had really fucked up, and he would gladly go back to that day, shut his mouth, and just tell Blake how he felt.
Why don’t you start now?
“I think she’s ... my mate,” he said. He didn’t even know if Blake understood the significance of that.
“Holy shit, that is a big deal. Like a big, big deal.”
He guessed wrong. Blake did know.
“I thought you guys had some kind of ... I don’t know, something that stopped you from being assholes to your mates,” he said.
“Clearly not.” He didn’t know how it was for everyone, but he was pretty sure there were a lot of rumors flying around No Wolves Road, about some of the couples, both human and wolf couples. He wasn’t the kind of wolf to interact and mingle.
“Clearly. Look, you will figure this out, and Astrid is a good woman. She is worth fighting for.”
Blake started to cut out, and he couldn’t quite hear what he was trying to say. It was all static, and he had no choice but to hang up the phone. He didn’t know what to fucking do.
Glancing back at the house, he saw Astrid through the window, fluffing up some pillows, cleaning away. She looked good in his home. He liked watching her as she moved around the house. Lord had built this place for her, and it was good to finally see her in there.
Running fingers through his hair, he had to figure out the best way to fix this. His wolf was not going to be patient for long, and he didn’t want to lose another chance with his mate.