Chapter 4
D illon had already made two rounds on the quarter of land that comprised the field.
The magnificent red combine came into view as the drone of the engine reached Cash.
Dread built about the upcoming conversation with his cousin.
They’d just reached a solid point in their bro-ship after years of Dillon blaming Cash’s irresponsible side for Daniels’s death.
Cash was always responsible when it counted.
He slid onto the tailgate, waiting for Dillon to pause the operation and swap duties.
The combine rumbled to a stop. Dillon scaled down from the cab and jogged toward him. He carried his lunch pail and nimbly picked through piles of shredded soybean plants.
Dillon reached him barely out of breath. “How’s Patsy Cline?”
He got a run in almost every morning, while Cash only met him two or three times a week, just like old times in the army.
They’d pass for brothers with the same body frames and similar features.
Only Dillon’s rusty brown hair was obviously different compared to Cash’s sandy blond.
Cash was only a month younger, and they’d been inseparable their whole lives—they might as well be twins.
Admittedly, in their army days, they may have claimed to be twins once or twice to women.
“What’s wrong?” Dillon’s clear gaze was concerned. Cash’s chest grew heavy.
Only six months ago, he’d been afraid Dillon was going to crawl into a bottle and screw on the lid.
Now, he was bright eyed and bushy tailed, with a smart and intelligent woman waiting for him at home.
Figuratively only. Elle did her own thing and Dillon gladly chased after her.
But Dillon’s parents had been like that until the death of his dad.
Cash’s heart broke for his Aunt Christy, but the anticipation of grandkids in her future seemed to keep a spring in her step.
If Cash couldn’t have any of that in his life, at least he got to witness it with Dillon.
“I got a visitor today,” Cash said. Oh fuck . Telling Dillon about Abbi was bad enough, but he might as well come clean about how they’d met. As if anyone needed more proof that he was a poster child for commitment phobia. “Let me start at the beginning. I met a woman last night.”
Dillon snorted and Cash scowled at him.
“This one left me in the dust.”
“Seriously?” Dillon’s surprised tone matched what Cash had felt watching Abbi walk out the door.
“Yeah. Ran out as soon as she woke, but here’s the thing.” Cash drew in a weighted breath and blew it out. “She shows up again at my place looking for Reno Walker.”
“ What? Wait, she didn’t know you were Reno when you two…”
“Nope.” Didn’t even remember my name . “And we didn’t swap last names. You know how it goes.” Cash smiled easily. “If your memory goes back that far.”
The corner of Dillon’s mouth lifted, but he remained serious, waiting for the bad news.
“Yeah, so,” Cash said gruffly, “she introduced herself as Abbi Daniels.”
Color leeched from Dillon’s face. Cash had known what was coming, but his heart rate sped up anyway.
“Damn, Cash. What’s she doing in Moore?”
“Looking for us—me. Mostly me. Thinks she didn’t get the whole story behind her brother’s death.”
Dillon’s head tipped back.
“Yeah.”
Dillon took his hat off and shoved a hand through his hair. “What’d you tell her?”
“I asked her what she’d been told. She knew we’d been clearing a building and he’d set off an IED. But she didn’t seem to believe me when I said that was it.”
His cousin’s mouth twisted. “I hope you were a little gentler than that.”
“Of course. I’m not an ass.”
Dillon grunted. “Not at all.” Cash flipped him off. Dillon shooed him over on the tailgate and settled down next to him. “She’s looking for closure then.”
“She won’t find it with me. What am I going to say? ‘Your brother was kind of a flake and died because he didn’t listen to orders’?”
“Maybe she heard mutterings when they went through all his paperwork with the army. What are you going to tell her?”
“You know I can’t say anything. I’m not going to be responsible for tarnishing the image of her big bro. And as for the other…I’m not going there. It wasn’t my business.”
“The hell it wasn’t. It almost got you killed with him.”
“But it didn’t.” The day replayed in front of Cash’s eyes.
Searing-hot temperatures. Sand in his eyes, his gear, clogging his pores.
Yelling at Daniels to leave. The guy looking at him, looking away, and purposely charging into that room.
A dull throb settled in Cash’s temples. Great.
A long afternoon by himself in an enclosed space with nothing but memories, remorse, and guilt.
“If I go saying shit like that, what if it causes a rift in the family?”
“No. I agree. There’s honesty and there’s hurting his family.”
They fell quiet, both of them staring at the red combine.
“You doing okay?” Dillon asked quietly.
Good question. After his talk, he planned to call Bunny. If he lost Patsy Cline on top of getting his emotional Band-Aid ripped off, it’d be a shitty few weeks. “Peachy. You?”
“Brings up some memories I’d rather forget, but it’s not like they leave anyway.”
“She might want to talk to you, too.” She might get distraught, and he didn’t like thinking of that. The easy laughter they’d shared over drinks shouldn’t be dulled.
They’d joked and chatted about everything from the food at the bar and grill to the cantankerous hotel owner who’d offered to introduce her to his grandson.
Cash had gone to school with him and had regaled her with stories of their pranks.
No personal topics had been touched on. Cash was an expert at that and she hadn’t seemed to mind.
The smile had been wiped off her face this morning and he missed it.
“I don’t mind meeting with her, if it’ll make her feel better,” Dillon said. “It’s the least I can do. I’ll always feel a little responsible.”
And Cash would always feel a whole lot responsible. The situation with Abbi had taken up way too much time this morning.
“Well,” Cash jumped off the tailgate, “the beans ain’t gonna thrash themselves.”
“Cash…”
He called over his shoulder. “Go home, clean up, spend some time with Elle.”
Dillon took care of everyone else first. Cash didn’t want to be the curse on another relationship.
Seriously, Abigail.
She scowled at her phone as she sat cross-legged on her bed in her hotel room. Ellis had texted the message after she’d hung up on him.
He chastised her behavior and he wasn’t even here. Why did he always think he was the measuring stick that everything should be compared to?
How had she tolerated it?
The answer came quickly. Her parents. They liked him so much, and they’d liked the change in her when she’d started dating him.
Abbi had liked Ellis and how grounded he’d made her feel. She was honest enough with herself to know she’d been growing out of control. Her partying was going to hurt her one day, and she’d needed to grow up.
So she’d settled into a relationship with the new man in her life.
He’d accompanied her everywhere, probably because he didn’t trust her.
The drinks and laughter would flow while he glowered at her and hinted it was time to get home.
After a year of dating, her wild child was put into the corner for a timeout.
She hadn’t seen near as much of her friends, and she and Ellis had spent all their time together.
Abbi recalled those suffocating days and the moment she’d resolved to break it off. She had just graduated from college and Ellis had “surprised” her with an apartment to move into together.
Living with Ellis. The idea had crashed reality down hard. Live the rest of her life feeling suppressed and under constant scrutiny? Nope. It had been time to break up with her handler.
Then her parents had called, and life had stopped on a dime.
Perry was gone.
Abbi blinked away tears. God, she still missed him. He hadn’t liked Ellis, thought he was too pretentious and had noticed Abbi wasn’t as happy as she used to be.
“He’s not right for you, Abs,” Perry had said after he’d met Ellis.
Oh, but her parents had loved him and how could Abbi shove Ellis away from them after they’d lost Perry?
The next three years hadn’t been bad. She’d been too devastated to care about what anyone thought, and she’d begrudgingly admit that Ellis had been a huge support.
Too much time had lapsed and Ellis’s support had turned into a crutch.
The longer she leaned on him, the more he thought she couldn’t adequately function without him.
But she’d been coming out of her fog, pushing back against Ellis and his wishes more and more.
The weekend she’d spent going through Perry’s belongings before she’d decided on a trip to Moore had been more than cathartic.
It’d brought up all the questions her parents had had over the years.
The ones that had gone unanswered. No one from Perry’s old unit had ever stopped by to talk to them, having said their good-byes before Perry’s body came home.
A tear dripped onto her phone and she wiped it away.
Seriously, Abigail.
As serious as death, Ellis , she finally texted back.
She wanted to talk to the men Perry had been the closest to.
Wanted to know if Perry had known his family loved and missed him.
Wanted to know how Perry had been. He hadn’t sounded like her jovial brother the few times she’d gotten to talk on the phone with him when he was over there.
His letters and emails had grown shorter and shorter and hinted at despondence.
Then the last phone call, he’d been Perry again. Told her to be true to herself. She’d asked him what that meant.
“Come on, Abs. You’ve become boring as fuck. Lose the jackass and have some fun. It’s all going to be all right.”
It’s all going to be all right.
It hadn’t been since then.
She glanced at the time. She had an hour before she had to meet Cash. Flutters tickled her belly.
Looking forward to seeing him again? No, just relieved to be able to talk about her brother and that was it.
Had to be. She couldn’t sniff around Cash for anything more.
Hey, Mom and Dad, not only did I meet this guy as a random hookup, but he’s Perry’s friend.
You know, one of the ones that ignored us after he died?
Perry hadn’t been close to many men he was deployed with, complained it was hard to meet a woman when he chose a male-dominated field like infantry. But he’d gushed about the Walkers.
Abbi groaned and flopped back. Another memory of chatting with Perry tugged at her.
“Reno’s awesome, Abbi, the exact opposite of Ellis. You need to find a guy somewhere in between. Not Reno, not Ellis, but a normal guy who’ll treat you right, one that’s Perry-approved.”
She’d been warned off Cash before she’d even known him. Then she’d been warned off him again when she’d gotten to town. And who had landed in her bed? And who made her insides molten when she thought of having lunch with him?
She groaned and rolled over. Her first instinct was to hit her makeup and do her hair, but she talked herself down. She wasn’t as worried about presentation as Ellis, no longer had to be the poster child for his growing financial advisor business.
But she had some pride. She pushed herself up and went to the bathroom. Throwing her hair up into a ponytail, she evaluated her outfit. Black athletic leggings and a running sweater with neon piping. Ironically, she’d thrown it on after her run earlier this morning.
This little vacation was earning its worth just being able to hang out in comfortable clothing all day.
Her business-casual attire from work didn’t suit her—itchy slacks and tops that she had to race to remove from the dryer or she’d have to drag out the dreaded iron.
On vacation, she didn’t have to worry about taking a flat iron to her hair, or stiff clothes, or even makeup.
No oatmeal for breakfast, either. Typical Abbi, she was usually running late so Ellis always made them breakfast. She didn’t have anything against oatmeal, but after the hundredth morning in a row, a girl got desperate.
Not desperate enough to wake up earlier, though, so she’d shovel in her oats while praying someone brought goodies to work.
What would Cash serve for lunch?
She’d be early if she left now, but sitting in her room and reminiscing was killing her.
Her phone pinged.
I’ll call after work. Don’t play games.
Games. That’s all Ellis thought this was.
That she’d run home and shrink under the pressure of finding her own place and she’d default to their relationship.
When he didn’t get his way with her, he made it her fault.
She’d capitulated so often that she barely noticed how she constantly took the easy route to avoid conflict.
When she’d left town, she’d finally stood her ground.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Abigail. You go through your brother’s things and decide you have to find his friends. Ones your parents were deeply hurt by. Now you’re packed and leaving for Minnesota. Don’t be impulsive. You aren’t that girl anymore.”
“This isn’t about you, Ellis.”
“What about us? You’ve come up with this weird conspiracy that your brother’s death was so much different than other soldiers who died over there. It’s war.”
“Mom and Dad thought information was withheld from them, too. It’s not just me. Perry’s been gone almost three years. It’s not impulsive.”
“I won’t stand by while you run off digging up skeletons.”
“Look, I have to go. Are you coming or not?”
Then he’d played the trump card. “ No, I’m not. If you go, you’re going to throw us away.”
Wild child Abbi had reared her head, announced they were done, and walked off.
The conversation still upset her, a perfect example of how he had controlled her, and how she’d allowed it. Abbi grabbed her tote bag and went to her car. She wasn’t going to head to Cash’s right away. A responsible guest would bring a food item to contribute for lunch.