Chapter 15
C ash woke up at his normal time, dressed quietly, and tiptoed out of his room.
He felt like someone was going to jump out at him and yell “Coward!” They’d be right.
He couldn’t deal with Abbi after the raw night he’d had.
The only thing he wanted to do this morning was feed his cattle and ride Patsy Cline.
A couple hours on his horse tended to clear things up.
He made it outside and went for the tractor.
If the engine woke Abbi up, he hoped she’d just give him time and not come and find him.
Last night, he’d thought her proximity and honest-sounding words were the reasons he’d waffled and caved, to keep her around and see where their relationship went.
But a night of restless sleep hadn’t helped.
For years, he’d thought his number one fear was to be the cheating spouse his dad had been. Now, it was going through life miserable because he couldn’t walk away from a bad thing in pretty packaging.
Problem was, he wasn’t sure that was Abbi. He was afraid to believe her. Sure, his two minutes around Ellis hadn’t made him a fan, but Cash didn’t really know him, just had Abbi’s claims.
The man had seemed arrogant, though. Not in the superficial sense, but intellectually.
The way he’d looked at Abbi as if he’d been calming a petulant child had made Cash’s blood simmer.
He couldn’t picture Abbi putting up with that.
Had Ellis been the guy Daniels had worried about her trading her sense of self for?
Cash shook his head. Daniels had wanted to give Abbi financial freedom and all he’d likely done was drive her deeper into Ellis’s control.
But depression probably didn’t make a soldier think clearly when already thousands of miles away from home.
He wrapped up the feeding and parked the tractor. He half expected Abbi to come rushing out, but she didn’t. He saddled Patsy Cline.
His horse nickered and turned into him. As he patted her neck and gave her a half hug, a smile pulled at his lips while he mentally defended his own actions.
There was no shame in a man hugging his horse.
She’d saved his sanity when he’d gotten out of the army.
Cash had come home, reeling from his broken relationship with Dillon.
He’d wanted to come back home so badly, for so many years, but had been dreading it just as much. And then Daniels.
The terror Cash had experienced when he’d lost his friend…
He and Dillon had been through some shit before that with multiple deployments, but that had been the worst. Daniels had been the only one they’d lost. Dillon had blamed Cash because he’d known Cash was hiding something, but hadn’t known Cash suspected that what Daniels had done was intentional.
If Cash had been more aware of what the other man had been going through mentally, maybe he could’ve helped Daniels.
Cash could’ve worked his way up the chain of command until someone listened to him.
They could’ve made sure Daniels didn’t go on any missions until his mental health was cleared.
And there’s the big what-if: What if he was wrong?
But he doubted it. Hindsight was crystal clear and full of regrets.
He rode Patsy Cline through the ditches at an easy pace.
A couple of miles down the road, he spotted the gray outline of Dillon out for his morning run.
He brought his horse to a trot to catch up.
Dillon lifted his chin in acknowledgment.
Cash steered her to the road and she kept up with Dillon, familiar with the routine.
Sometimes Cash went for a run, too; sometimes he needed horse therapy instead.
“How far you going today?” Cash called.
“Five, just on my way back.” Dillon slowed slightly to keep his pace conversational. “I thought you’d be rushing back to hang out with Abbi.”
Cash dropped his gaze to his reins. “Yeah, about that.”
Dillon didn’t slow, but his gaze burned into him. “Did you fuck up or did she?”
The corner of Cash’s mouth lifted. Dillon hadn’t assumed it was all him and that said a lot about how far they both had come since they’d returned home.
He explained what had happened. Dillon stayed quiet, keeping his easy pace.
As the story poured out, some of the weight lifted from Cash’s shoulders.
Maybe it was the bright autumn day that made the situation not as black and white.
Cash finished and the only sounds were Dillon’s steps and heavy breathing and Patsy Cline’s hooves grinding into the gravel road.
“I guess it comes down to if you believe her or not,” Dillon said. “Or if it matters.”
“It matters. How could it not?”
“Because of your parents.”
“Yep.”
They fell quiet again. The entry to their driveways came into view. His on the left, Dillon’s on the right. Dillon slowed to a walk and put his hands behind his head to cool down.
His cousin sighed and mopped his brow. “All I have to say is that I’ve never seen you like this. You took a chance on this girl, and I can’t believe it was for nothing.”
“To teach me a lesson about not taking chances on any more women.”
“I don’t mean to speak like some old wise bastard, but that’s kind of what relationships are. Taking chances. Trusting. If you can’t do that, then you either aren’t ready for a relationship or she’s not the right girl.”
Cash’s first instinct was to argue that Abbi was the right girl. He clamped his jaw shut and glared down the road. “I guess I can choose to believe her, and if it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be.”
“How are you going to determine that?”
Cash shrugged and swung Patsy Cline toward his driveway. “I guess if she leaves my ass or something.”
Dillon chuckled and then coughed from the exertion of his workout. “That’s one way to look at it. Just don’t expect to rush back in and be where you left off when what’s-his-name arrived. It’s not like starting over, but it kind of is.”
“Listen to you, you wise old bastard.”
Dillon flipped him off and strolled toward his own place, then stopped. “But it’ll be better to be honest about Daniels earlier rather than later. He’s been gone almost three years. It’ll be hard for her, hard for her parents, but better in the long run.” Dillon resumed his trek.
Better for who? Cash could sit on a secret like that and not feel one ounce of guilt. Crashing Abbi and her parents’ world was something he’d avoid. “I think it’s best they don’t know.”
“I think so, too. But you know. And you’re in a relationship with his sister, which also means his parents.
Keeping it to yourself will only erode what’s growing between you.
But, hell, it’s not like I can say do it or don’t.
It’s a tough call.” He tossed him a quick wave and continued back to his house.
No. There was no easy answer, no winners. Abbi’s family had already lost. Cash’s gaze landed on his house. Her car was in the driveway.
Dillon’s first piece of advice registered. Not like starting over, but it kind of is.
Abbi scratched her nose with her pinky and the paintbrush she held swiped her hair. “Dammit!”
She squinted as she jerked it away from her head. Had she painted her damn hair?
Tossing the brush down on the tray, she scowled at the whole room.
Painting today wasn’t nearly as fun. Not even therapeutic.
She’d had a crappy night’s sleep, running through her mind what she should’ve done differently.
A thousand scenarios and she really couldn’t think of anything she could change.
At no point had there been any reason to say, “Hey, I think my ex-boyfriend doesn’t think he’s my ex and while I technically still live with him, I refuse to spend one more hour under the same roof. ”
Maybe some of that should’ve come up?
Ugh. She snagged a rag off the ground and batted at her hair.
Cash might be back soon, but did it matter what she looked like?
He’d shut himself in his bedroom—without her—and snuck off before she’d woken.
But what had she expected, that everything would be back to the way it had been?
For the thirtieth time she asked herself if she should just go back home.
She’d done what had been dogging her and she’d faced Ellis.
All that was left was moving out, and perhaps it was best to do that before she went back to work.
Then there were her parents. She’d purposely left her phone on silent, in her luggage.
Abbi stared forlornly at the paint tray. She had another wall to finish. If she completed the room and cleaned all her supplies up, would he even notice?
Would he notice if she just left?
The longer she pondered it, the smarter the idea sounded. She couldn’t avoid her parents forever, and extra steel lined her spine after facing Ellis. Her parents couldn’t bully her into getting back with him.
No, but they could berate her and constantly and comprehensively hound her about what she’d done until she caved on other issues just to make them happy.
God, she even knew she did it. It was like she regressed ten years around them. One mention of Perry and the conversation was over.
“Hey.”
She whipped around. Cash leaned against the doorframe, his arms folded. His tan jacket couldn’t hide his lean, muscular physique.
“Hey.” Afraid to get her hopes up, she feathered her hair away from her head.
His gaze drifted to her paint-splattered hair. He didn’t exactly smile, but the heaviness in his gaze lifted just a little. “You don’t have to paint.”
“I didn’t want to leave.” Her honesty surprised even her. She forced herself not to fidget under his vivid blue gaze.
“I’m glad you didn’t,” he finally said.
Relief swelled, but she tamped that shit down. He had hang-ups for a good reason. This was new territory for him. Her, too.
“You are?” she asked. Yeah, they were making leaps and bounds in this relationship, but it was more than she’d expected when she’d woken up to an empty house.