Chapter 19
C ash was man enough to admit he was hiding in the kitchen. They’d gathered for Christmas at Dillon’s house and the rest of his family was oohing and aahing over Elle’s shiny new engagement ring.
He was ecstatic for his cousin, and he loved Elle like a sister, but the sappy, happy mess made him want to vomit.
He couldn’t even nurse a beer because Dillon’s house was dry.
Their relatives never brought wine or alcoholic beverages to his cousin’s place no matter how many times he assured him it’d be all right.
He searched for something to do, but food lined the counters and flatware was laid out.
Everything was ready for them to eat, after everyone got over the love-fest. Could he eat and rush home, where he could watch football without fielding any questions?
Every time one of his cousins broached the topic of Abbi, or worse, how he should move on, Cash cut them off.
He couldn’t even sneak away on Patsy Cline and just ride horse all day because there was two feet of snow on the ground.
The only time he allowed himself to think about Abbi was when he left his phone in a drawer when he went to work for the day.
She’d been good at ignoring calls, and he’d taken notes.
His sister was shipping out for navy boot camp soon and his parents were constantly bitching to him—about her, about each other, about the divorce.
Who knew as an adult he’d have to referee who spent Christmas where?
Hannah’s squeal of delight reached him. The sound trampled his last nerve. Sure, she could enjoy herself because she didn’t have to deal with the fallout of what she did.
He couldn’t take it. He slipped through the door to the garage, stomped into his boots, and marched out into the snow. He hopped into his truck. As soon as his engine fired, everyone would know he’d left.
Merry fucking Christmas. He drove across the gravel road to his driveway and scowled at Mom’s car in the drive.
She’d done what she’d promised. I’m spending Christmas with my children. Dad had stayed last night and planned to leave town as soon as the shindig at Dillon’s was done. Or hell, stay in town with an old flame of his.
Mom must’ve timed her arrival so they’d all be away. Less confrontation that way.
He parked and went to the door. He stomped the snow off his boots and went inside.
Mom came out of the guest room. “What are you doing home so early?”
Ah, shit. He wasn’t prepared with an answer. “I just didn’t want to be there.”
Concern crossed her face. “Why?”
“Just…didn’t.” He tried to head for the kitchen, but she blocked him.
“I think we need to talk.”
He exhaled and gave her a not now look.
“Please.” She gestured to the couch. “Sit down, Cash.”
Like he was still a little boy, he trudged to sit. Mom settled into the recliner next to him.
“What really happened with Abbi?”
“I told you. I ruined it.”
Her lips flattened. “Why do you think you ruined it?”
He lifted a shoulder. “Because I’m not meant for a relationship.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Isn’t it what you’ve been telling me my whole life?” More bitterness than he intended seeped out. “‘Don’t be like your dad. Don’t get into a relationship if you’re just going to hurt her.’”
She blinked, her mouth hanging open. “I was trying to teach you how to be a good man in a relationship, not that you’d be awful at them.”
His gaze dropped to the floor. “Do you have any idea how what you said affected me?”
She sat forward. “Of course not! Cash, how could you think…?”
“Because of Holly. And Dad.”
She was quiet for a moment. “And you felt like I resented you and made you pay, in a way, for how your father hurt me.”
Cash nodded. He shouldn’t have said anything. Who knows how he’d unsettled Dillon’s gathering, and now he’d ruined the one at his own house.
Her sniffle jerked his head up. “Oh god, Cash. You’re one of the best human beings I know. I’m proud to be your mom.” Tears poured down her cheeks. She searched around for a tissue.
He scrambled up to find one for her. He wanted to believe her, but making his own mother cry on Christmas kinda negated her claim.
As he was coming back, the front door burst open.
“Cash! Where the hell are y—” Dad stopped when his gaze hit Cash. Sissy was right behind him, frowning at their sobbing mother. “Patty, what’s wrong?”
Cash handed Mom the tissue and sat back down. This was going to be fun.
She blew her nose. “Nothing. Everything. I just realized I was a horrible mom.” Her shoulders quaked as sobs overtook her.
“What’d you do, Cash?” Dad marched in, then stopped. He stepped forward like he wanted to comfort his soon-to-be ex-wife, but ultimately hung back.
“What’d you say, Cash?” Sissy shot him a glare and squatted by their mom. “Mom, it’s okay. You’re a great mom.”
He might be to blame, but they’d jumped on him almost immediately. “Easy for you to say, Sissy.” Cash jumped up again and stormed to the window. “Of course life was smooth for you. I was the mediator between your bullshit and Mom and Dad.”
“Ca—”
He cut her off with a wave of his hand. “And I’m still doing it.
You’re old enough to drink. Old enough to join the military.
Yet you’re constantly asking me to talk to Mom and Dad for you.
And you two.” He shoved a hand through his hair.
“I’m so sorry, Mom. You weren’t a shitty mom.
But I’m the kid in the relationship. You and Dad need to deal with your own issues.
I can’t do it anymore. Yeah, thirty might be on the horizon, but I want to think everything is hunky-dory between you two. ”
Mom lifted her head to stare at him with red, puffy eyes. Dad planted his hands on his hips and remained silent. Sissy gaped at him.
“And what went wrong with Abbi? She was pissed and felt betrayed when I treated her the same way I treat you all. I protected her because I thought she couldn’t handle it.
” He spun back to the window. “And it wasn’t something insignificant.
I was the only one who knew her brother purposely stepped on an IED so she’d get his life insurance money.
Was I wrong to keep that information from her? ”
How’d he gone from bitching them out to asking for their opinion? But he had to know. Had he been wrong?
“Was I?” He sounded pathetic to his own ears. But that question robbed him of sleep, stole his peace. He’d only wanted to do right by Abbi.
“Oh…Cash…” Mom blew her nose. Sissy hit the floor, sitting cross-legged to watch him with wide eyes.
“You know that for sure. About her brother?” Dad asked.
“As sure as I can be without bringing him back from the dead to ask.” He massaged a temple. “She was so upset…so hurt.”
Dad shuffled across the floor to take a seat. “You kept it secret all this time? How’d she find out?”
Cash scowled. He spilled the story. How they’d met. Her ex. Why he’d never gotten serious with a girl. Abbi’s parents and their accusations. When he was done, his shoulders hung and he felt like twenty years had been piled on him.
He shouldn’t burden them with this, but he couldn’t do it by himself anymore.
Mom spoke first. “I have to agree with Dillon. That’s something only Abbi could decide, and like you found out, she wanted to know. Rather, it wasn’t so much that she wanted to know, it was that she felt it was important to know. Does that make sense?”
He’d managed her just like his family. Even worse, he’d failed to treat her like the capable adult she was, instead joining the ranks of Ellis and everyone else who thought they knew what was best for her.
After years of being smothered by her family and her boyfriend, Abbi had been fed up with others determining what she was fit to handle. She’d trusted him not to do that.
He let his head hang. So now he understood. And he’d still made his mom cry on Christmas.
“Just like you should’ve told us to handle our own problems.” Mom sucked in a deep breath. “You’re easy to talk to. I treasure your support, but I can see now how…” She teared up again.
“Aw, Mom. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
She shook her head, her brown hair flying. “No. You’re right.” She lifted her gaze to Dad’s. “You and I need to keep this between us.”
“I still want to know what’s going on,” Sissy piped up. “You guys have to include me, no matter how far away I am.”
“We’ll keep you updated.” Dad’s expression was troubled.
But then he’d just been told his actions had fucked up not only his marriage but his son’s outlook on relationships.
“Cash is right. This mess is between your mom and I. I… I know what I was like and why we’re getting divorced.
I’ll…” He looked at each one of them. “Let’s just have a nice meal with all of us.
” He stopped on his wife. “Patty, can you tolerate me hanging around for a little while?”
Her features were carefully void of emotion. “I think it’s important that we learn to enjoy family functions together. Not just for the kids, but for our own well-being. I don’t want either of us to miss out.”
“Me, either.” Dad cleared his throat, like he might be tearing up, too. The divorce was tearing at all of them. “Cash, think we can find something to grill?”
His family had hit a huge milestone. They’d communicated honestly together for the first time since…ever. Could this be a turning point for them? Were they on their way to a new normal that was healthier than their old ways?
The first person he wanted to tell about his family’s progress was out of his reach. But if it weren’t for her, this would’ve never happened. At least he had that.
Yeah.
That didn’t make him feel better.