Chapter Eighteen
Clark Kent
Rod
She tasted incredible.
I mean, I’d known that for a minute now. But man, she did. Her hands in my hair, her voice practically chanting my name.
It’s all I can think of as I watch the dogs run around the yard, teaming up to chase away a poor squirrel or something.
Her fingers still tickle the back of my neck.
She still whimpers up to the skies. I curse Fridays.
They mean I won’t see her again till Monday, and why the hell is that too long for me?
‘Scout! Boo!’ I get down in a crouch. ‘C’mon, boys!’
The dogs bound over and, naturally, two of them deliver enough force to knock me right back onto my ass, leaving dirty paw-prints on my white T-shirt. I burst out laughing when Scout nearly pops me in the jaw. ‘Hey. Hey, that’s enough. Let’s go.’
Eventually, I wrangle the troublemakers back into the house, where Tali’s lying on her stomach, kicking her feet and scribbling away at something on the floor of the living room.
She hasn’t let whatever it is be since we got back from karate half an hour ago.
I crane my neck to take a peek. She glares up at me with a scathing look that should belong to a grown woman.
It’s fully terrifying. ‘Don’t look, Daddy. ’
‘Jeez, alright!’ I stumble backwards, whether out of actual fear or mock fear, I’m unsure, and raise my hands in surrender. ‘Not looking. But you gotta come eat at some point, Tals.’
‘O-kay,’ she huffs, but breaks into a smile when she sees the big dish I’m steering over to the dining table: taco casserole, the household favourite.
She literally jumps to her feet and comes running on a dime, plopping herself in her chair all civilly.
Once I give her a plate and fork, she’s chewing away happily, with a ‘Thank you, Daddy!’ and a request for juice that I immediately turn down with a glass of water and some grumbling about high-fructose corn syrup that has her giggling.
I ruffle her hair, and she just gazes up at me with that heart-melting smile of hers.
As I make my plate, my eyes flit over to the drawing she was working on. Two people in very bright pink sunglasses, one taller with a ponytail of black hair, the other shorter and pigtailed. The taller one even holds a big-ass orange tumbler. I’ll be damned.
She’s making it harder to do my Clark Kent–Superman toggling, this kid.
It should be so easy. Switch off my Jordan brain in the house.
But Tali being absolutely bowled over by this chai-guzzling idol of hers isn’t really making matters any easier.
I chuckle as I watch Tali try to slip food under the table to the dogs, whose tails are already wagging in anticipation as they sidle up next to her chair; they know pretty well that she’s going to serve them some treats along with their dinners.
It makes me think about how easily Scout and Boo had warmed up to Jordan, almost immediately. Tali’d love to see that, wouldn’t she?
You idiot. Is it Tali? Or is it you?
Whatever. I’m not here to crack under the pressure of a summer fling. I’ve done this before. Except …
‘What’s all up in your head?’ Bianca prods me in the ribs, the back door slamming shut behind her as she makes her way into the dining room. Tali, nothing if not a sharer, shouts, ‘Aunty Bi! We have taco asshole!’
I almost choke on my taco casserole. ‘That is not a word we use!’ I manage, while Bianca absolutely roars with laughter.
‘But that’s what you called it!’ protests Tali, shaking her head, pigtails bouncing vehemently.
‘Casserole, Talise Veronica Wilson.’ I have to blink to digest this latest development. My kid has my potty-mouth. We knew this, but if we’re calling casserole ‘asshole’, the development must be worse than I thought.
‘Okay, okay.’ Tali points to the casserole dish with gusto. ‘Take some. When will Mimi be here, Aunty?’
‘Oh, honey, this is an Aunty-only vacation. Your cousin is not allowed.’ Bia raises an eyebrow as she grabs a bowl and helps herself to the casserole. ‘Just like your pop needs a Dad-only vacation.’
‘I do not.’
‘You do. Or else you’re going to start greying before you’re thirty.’
‘What’s greying?’ says Tali.
‘When your hair turns grey.’ Bia lowers her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. ‘And Roddy here is well on the way.’
Tali shrieks, dropping her fork on her plate with a loud clank. She covers her eyes, the drama queen, and shouts, ‘NO! Daddy will look so ugly!’
I practically scoff. ‘Tali, that is incredibly mean.’
‘It’s true!’
‘Listen to my niece.’ With a grin, Bia squeezes Tali to her in a little hug. ‘Don’t go grey.’
We wrap up dinner and clean up all together, splitting the chores, before Tali rushes over to snatch up her drawing with a warning glare my way, then a full-one-eighty giggle and a thundering as she runs upstairs to her room.
The dogs, all well and fed, have already made themselves at home on the couches when Bia and I retire to the living room. We end up in respective piles of fluff, Bia’s Scout-shaped pile more enthusiastic for attention than my Boo-shaped one.
‘Well.’ Bia looks at me kindly, and yet with a sense of knowledge that tells me exactly what’s coming next. It’s just me and her, and as much as I love Genny, her absence means we will be cutting straight to the chase. Bia doesn’t beat around the bush. And you sure as hell can’t lie to her. ‘Talk.’
Boo’s gentle panting against my chest calms me a little bit, but it doesn’t make my next words any easier. ‘I’ve been thinking about Char.’
My sister strokes Scout’s fur expectantly, a set of Ma’s gold rings glittering on her fingers. She doesn’t say anything, just waits.
‘And how I was so fucking scared.’
‘Mmm.’ Bia crosses her legs, causing the dog to freak out for a millisecond, but he calms down soon enough. ‘You know fear is okay, don’t you, Rod?’
‘Do you remember where that fear got me?’ I shoot back way too quickly.
Bia is totally unaffected, blinking calmly as she shrugs. ‘It got you here. Look around. You have a beautiful home, a beautiful daughter. Your dream job. A bright future. You did it, Rod, and you don’t give yourself enough credit for that.’
‘Yeah.’ I sigh. Maybe it’s true, but I feel like it’s giving myself too much credit. Boo curls up closer to me, and I give him a scratch behind the ears. ‘Bia, it’s just …’
‘You’re hung up on that year. After she left you with Tali.’
The worst year of my life. Dad was pissed.
Ma was disappointed. Charlotte was gone, and suddenly there was this life – my daughter – that I was responsible for.
I was nineteen. I didn’t know what I was doing.
I felt like I was letting my kid down every single day of that year.
Even after Genny and Bia helped me and we mended things, after I started my treatment plan, it felt like that. Clueless, hollow. Didn’t ever go away.
‘Tali’s older now, Bi.’ Boo whimpers as if in solidarity. ‘If I screw up, she will remember it. If it happens again—’
‘But what if it doesn’t?’ Bia puts in, a hand to my shoulder. Her analytical eyes bore into mine. ‘You’re thinking worst case. Rod … what is the best that could happen?’
I could think of the best that could happen. I could think of her. But I can’t let myself.
‘Best that could happen is I get over myself.’ I look down at Boo, who makes big pleading eyes at me. An insistent bark from Scout doesn’t help.
I think Bia’s going to be mad at that response, but she just smiles knowingly. ‘The best that could happen is about to, Rod. You just have to let it.’