Chapter 30
THIRTY
Eric
? I Will Wait - Mumford & Sons ?
The last few days have been a blur of family, food, and forced proximity. Not that I’m complaining—not completely. It’s been nice to be home, to smell coffee brewing in the kitchen in the mornings and hear the sound of my parents’ laughter echoing from downstairs.
To sleep in my old room. To wake up next to Tyler.
Yesterday morning, I woke to the feeling of her body pressed against mine, her left arm slung over my chest and her leg tangled between mine.
I laid there for almost thirty minutes watching her sleep, unable to look away or to move, until I forced myself to face the reality that this isn’t what she wants. I’m not what she wants.
So, I snuck out from under her and out of bed before she could wake up and apologize and tell me she didn’t mean it. I wasn’t in the mood for a reminder of how differently we felt about each other.
This morning, Tyler’s already out of bed by the time I wake up.
When I make it downstairs, I find her sitting in the kitchen with my mom chatting about something, and it suddenly feels like it’s all too much.
The way she smiles at my mom, the way she so easily fits in, like she’s already part of the family.
It makes my chest tighten and my stomach twist in knots, because I want this.
I want it so goddamn bad. I want her to be here with me from now on—tour breaks, holidays, family events—I want her to be mine.
To really be part of this family. And it kills me to know she doesn’t want the same thing.
I glance out the window, watching the sun rise behind the trees, turning the sky into a canvas of bruised purples and fiery oranges.
It’s almost over, I tell myself. We’re flying out to San Deigo first thing tomorrow, and part of me can’t wait to get back on the road. Back to our separate rooms. Back to the routine of the band. The endless cities. The adrenaline of playing shows and the escape it offers.
The other part of me hates the thought of walking away from my family, from the comfort of being here—comfort I hadn’t realized I needed until I stepped through the front door and let myself settle in.
As I pass through the kitchen, Tyler’s attention shifts from my mom to me, and her expression softens when our eyes meet. Like she can already sense that I’m not myself this morning.
You okay? she seems to ask.
I force a smile, her eyes following me as I make my way to the back door. I step outside, the cool morning air hitting my skin, and take a deep breath. The yard is quiet, just the sound of birds filling the early morning silence as I walk toward the line of trees at the edge of the property.
My mind is a fucking mess. I’m not ready to leave, but I’m also not sure how much longer I can take the tension that has been building all week. Not sure how many more nights I can sleep in the same bed next to her without getting myself into a metric shit ton of trouble.
“Hey.” I stop at the sound of Tyler’s voice, my heart skipping a beat.
I turn around to find her standing a few feet behind me, arms crossed over her middle.
Her hair falls loosely around her shoulders, catching the light of the rising sun.
She looks beautiful as always, and for a second, I forget why I’m so damn confused. “Everything okay?” she asks.
“Yeah,” I say, my voice sounding a little rougher than I intended. “I just needed a walk.”
She falls into step beside me, not quite close enough for our shoulders to brush, but close enough that I can feel the familiar warmth of her presence. Her voice is soft when she speaks again. “What’s on your mind?”
I take a moment, not sure how to even respond to that question. Not honestly, anyway. I shrug.
“Look,” she says. “I know your family has been...a lot this week. I get it. They’ve been kind of pushy, trying to get us to spend time together, trying to...I don’t know, force us into something.”
She’s not wrong. Every time we turned around, someone was trying to get us to be next to each other or to be alone together. As if they made it some kind of challenge to get us to admit to something, or for something to happen, even though they knew damn well it couldn’t.
I let out a breath, trying to hide the tension that had built up inside me. “They mean well, I guess.” I say as I feel a slight sting of annoyance creep up my spine.
Tyler’s footsteps slow, and I can tell she’s watching me closely.
“I know.” There’s a quiet understanding in her voice, and I both love and hate how easily she seems to understand me.
“I just wanted you to know that I’m not bothered by any of it.
Nothing they said or did made me uncomfortable. I’ve actually had a really good time.”
We reach the line of trees, and I stop to lean against one, my fingers brushing the rough bark as I try to steady myself.
Tyler steps closer and stands beside me but I keep my gaze fixed on the ground, unwilling to let myself look at her, because if I do, I know I won’t be able to stop myself from saying or doing something that would change everything.
“They love you, and they just…I think they just want you to be happy.”
I swallow hard, my throat suddenly tight.
The problem is that I am happy. I’ve never been this happy.
Not when I got my first kit or when I made it into the band.
Not when we headlined our first tour or won our first Grammy.
Nothing in my life has ever made me as happy as the woman standing beside me.
And nothing has made me as frustrated as my inability to tell her any of it.