Chapter 44
FORTY-FOUR
Eric
? Wicked Game – Stone Sour ?
It feels strange to be back at Madison Square Garden.
Strange that it’s been almost a year since I met Tyler.
Most of the time it feels like I’ve known her longer, and other times like I’ve just met her.
I try not to think about how differently things could have worked out had I just walked past her that night.
Walked straight into the arena and went about my business—sound check, playing the show, and going back to my room alone.
It would have certainly been the less complicated choice.
I used to believe everything happens for a reason, and that all of this has worked out the way it was supposed to, but I also can’t help but wonder what would have happened if she’d have stayed.
What if I would have woken up that morning to her still wrapped in my arms? Would we be together, celebrating our one-year anniversary? Would she have come on tour with me, or stayed behind? Would our spark have died out before it even had the chance to ignite?
After spending the last six months with her, I can’t imagine a future where we walk away from each other when this is over tomorrow night.
She might not feel as strongly about me as I do about her, but she does feel something.
I know she does, and I am counting down the hours until our working relationship ends, and I can finally tell her how I feel.
Lay everything on the table and hope to God she doesn’t walk away again.
The guys and I are playing ping pong in the hallway when I spot Ty and Dani walking our way. I can’t help but smile when her eyes meet mine, my smile growing wider when she smiles back at me.
We spend the next hour taking turns playing ping pong while we wait for the ten-minute warning from Caleb, Josh excusing himself sooner to paint himself up before it’s go-time.
He re-emerges from his dressing room right before Caleb tracks us down, his upper body painted with black and metallic gold paint.
It’s probably my favorite combination yet. He looks badass.
We walk down the hall together toward the stage, pausing to get our packs and in-ears secure, before launching into our pre-show rituals.
My gaze goes to Tyler, and I watch as Josh pulls her close before whispering something in her ear.
She smiles and nods, and her eyes follow him as he runs under the stage to take his place.
When I step up to her, she snaps her attention to me, and when she smiles, it doesn’t reach her eyes.
“You good?” I ask, as we touch fists, and she nods.
“Just sad this is almost over,” she says, pouting her bottom lip out.
“Who says it has to be over?” I say, pressing my forehead to hers. She looks up at me and smiles—a real, big, beautiful smile—and that mental image is all the fuel I need to knock this show out of the goddamn park.
When we come off the stage after the encore, I’m surprised that Tyler isn’t standing beside the girls. I look around the group standing in the hallway backstage, but I don’t see her anywhere.
“Hey,” I say, snagging Dani’s attention away from Kate. “Where’s Ty?”
“Not sure,” she says. “She took off before the encore. Didn’t say where she was headed.”
“Did you see where she went?” I ask Kate, who shakes her head.
“Okay, thanks,” I say, and I head down the hall toward my dressing room, my heart sinking when I realize she’s not here, either.
Something’s not right. She’s always waiting for me after.
The only exception was our first show in Nashville when she was still sick and at the hotel.
Suddenly worried she’s come down with something again, I pull my phone out of my pocket.
I dial her number as I grab my jacket and start heading toward the back of the building to the RVs, and frown when it rings and eventually goes to voicemail.
I call again, and this time it goes straight to voicemail, which means she sent me there on purpose.
She looked at her phone, saw it was me, and sent me to voicemail.
What the fuck is going on? This isn’t like her.
I fire off a text as I push the doors open and step out into the cold October air.
Eric: Hey, I just want to make sure you’re alright. No one knows where you disappeared to.
I stare at my phone, willing the three little dots to start bouncing across the corner of the screen, but it goes black before she replies, and now I’m really starting to panic. I make it to our RV and climb inside.
“Ty!” I call, but silence is the only answer. My brain flashes back to the morning after I met her, as I seem to be reliving that same moment one year later, the same panic flooding my chest when I can’t find her. I walk back to check her bedroom, but it and the bathroom are empty.
I swallow the lump in my throat as I check her dressers, half afraid she’s gone, breathing an audible sigh of relief when I find that her clothes and suitcases are still here.
Eric: Tyler, I’m honestly worried, so please just tell me you’re alright.
A minute later, my phone rings and my heart leaps when I see her face appear on my screen.
“Tyler?”
“Yeah, sorry, I’m fine. I didn’t mean to worry you.”
“What the fuck?” I say, forcing a laugh and running a hand through my hair. “You scared the shit out of me. Are you alright? Where are you?”
“I, uh, have something I need to do really quick, but I’ll be back on the RV before we head out,” she says, sounding nervous.
“Okay,” I say, not entirely convinced everything is cool. “You sure you’re alright?”
“Yep,” she says. “I’m good. I’ll see you soon.”
“Tyler,” I say, pulling the phone away from my face when she doesn’t answer, and I see that the call had ended. She…hung up on me?
I am officially in panic mode. My gut is telling me something isn’t right. She’s never been this cagey with me. I need to find her, my mind flashing through all the awful things that could be happening right now. Like someone grabbed her after the show and she’s being held against her will.
I bolt back out of the RV and into the parking lot, checking between all the vehicles, asking anyone I come across if they’ve seen her. I turn and start going up and down the row of RVs, and when I round the corner of Kevin’s I stop, frozen in disbelief at what I see in front of me.
Tyler and Josh are walking through the parking lot, his arm slung over her shoulder, pulling her closer to his side as they walk. He says something and when she throws her head back and laughs, I feel like I’m going to pass out.
Relax, I say to myself. We’re in a major city and it’s dark. He’s probably just walking her back. Making sure she gets back here safe. They’ll break apart and she’ll come to me.
But when they walk right to Josh’s RV and he opens the door and she steps up and inside, it feels like someone has just shoved a knife into my chest.
I am going to fucking kill him.
I take two steps forward before I stop myself, bending at the waist and placing my hands on my thighs, trying to center myself and control my breathing.
I have no claim on her, and if I walk in there right now, I know I’ll see something I don’t want to see, and I will kill him. I warned him. Six months ago, I fucking warned him to stay away from her. Told him she was off limits. He knows how I feel about her, and this is what he does?
I stand, running my hands over my face before tipping my head back and laughing.
“You are such a fucking idiot,” I murmur.
I try again to calm my breathing, going back through the techniques I learned early on in my quest for sobriety. Inhale for four seconds, hold for seven, exhale for eight. I can’t even hold for three seconds, so I try again. And again, and again before I give up and start pacing.
I take a lap around the lot as I go back into the recesses of my mind to try and pull anything that will help me fight the urge that is suddenly taking over.
On my second lap, I slide my phone out of my pocket, find my therapist’s number, and dial. It goes straight to voicemail.
I scroll again until I find the number for my sober coach. He doesn’t answer.
Fuck it. I can’t deal. I can’t handle my heart breaking like this again, and I find myself heading for the one place in this entire lot that I know will have what I need.
I damn near tear the door to the assistant’s RV off its hinges as I step inside, heading straight for the cupboard above the stove.
I pull it open and grab Dani’s bottle of Patron before pulling the top off and taking two long pulls, the familiar burn spreading through my chest. Wrapping me in its warmth like a hug from an old friend.
I take one more swig before closing the cabinet and walking back to our RV.
How long has this been going on?
Apparently, Josh is really good in bed.
Her words from the first morning at my parents’ house echo through my mind as I climb onto our RV.
I brushed it off as her messing with me.
Trying to cover up the fact that she’d had a dream about me, but…
had they been fucking since then? All this time?
All this time I’d been falling for her, and she’d been fucking one of my best friends?
I take another drink.
And then another.
And another.
And then I wait for the familiar darkness to consume me.