Chapter Nine
The Bennet Ranch
Cal woke up to an alarm he considered ignoring. Because if he got up, he’d have to go to the virtual therapy appointment on his calendar.
Funny timing, that. He wanted to skip it, but considering the way he’d fucked everything up yesterday, he supposed that was sign enough. Maybe he didn’t think therapy was helping any, but he also knew…
Sometimes it was a bit of a lifeline from falling into some pretty terrifying thoughts. He definitely needed a lifeline at the moment. He would have even if Nate hadn’t dropped a bomb they had some John Doe look-alike wandering around.
Add that? Yeah, he couldn’t skip it.
He got dressed and got his laptop set up to have the video call. When Dr. Michaels came on the screen, she smiled pleasantly. Cal tried to smile back. Failed.
She was a straightforward woman. She didn’t get emotional. He’d expected her to in the beginning, before he’d really known anything about therapy.
She started the session by asking him to recount the last week, particularly his emotions around the trial.
He went through it all, and didn’t leave anything out.
Sometimes in these sessions he didn’t fully divulge, but he figured if he wanted to not feel this badly right now, he probably needed to be fully honest.
He told her about Landon’s comment about the drinking, about the almost fight with Nate. About the fact they made sure there was no alcohol at dinner—and since they hadn’t picked up his car, he’d essentially been stuck there. Like a prisoner.
“Is there a history of alcoholism in your family?” Dr. Michaels asked casually, writing something down on her little notepad.
She didn’t get riled up, tell him not to create enemies where none existed. But something about her calm question made that clear all the same.
“I don’t know.” He shrugged jerkily, feeling like a child. “Maybe, I guess. Nothing diagnosed or whatever.”
“I’d consider that the next time you feel like using alcohol as a crutch. There is such a thing as genetic predetermination when it comes to addiction.”
“I’m not addicted.”
“I didn’t say you were,” she replied evenly. “I said it’s something to consider next time you find yourself engaging in self-destructive behavior you feel is … dulling the pain.”
“I guess I should just start fights and piss my family off instead?”
She didn’t sigh or frown like anyone in his family would have, she sat there on his screen looking placid and pleasant. Her patience was truly a marvel.
She deserved every cent he paid her.
“Cal, I want you to consider that hurting the people around you is a defense mechanism, not some fault or personality defect. Not who you are. It’s something you’ve learned to do to handle emotional upheaval. And if you start recognizing that, you can start healing that part of yourself.”
“By doing what?”
“Well, the first step would be to specifically and genuinely apologize to the people you hurt yesterday. The second step would be to start recognizing the feeling before you lash out. Feel the feeling. Accept the feeling. Not try to fight it.”
He couldn’t stop the sneer on his face. “Bennets aren’t big on apologies.”
“You’re not bound by some last name code, Cal. You get to decide what you’re big on. I’d like to see you big on healing. Forgiving. And asking for forgiveness. And I think your homework for this week is to work on … unburdening yourself.”
“What does that mean?”
“Talk. Tell the people around you what you’re feeling. Instead of reaching for alcohol, reach for an ear.”
The thought truly made his gut churn. Unburden. It was the opposite of everything he’d been taught. By everyone and everything, good and bad, in his life.
He said his goodbyes, turned off the video conferencing, slammed his laptop shut, then just sat there, scowling.
And yeah, he wanted a fucking drink.
Homework. Like he was some fucked-up kid. He was a grown man.
But he got up and went outside where he knew he’d find his family. And did his damn homework.
*
Aly didn’t pound down Cal’s door and demand he eat breakfast. Though she wanted to. And since she wouldn’t have been able to resist eventually doing that if she’d stayed inside, she’d gone out to handle some chores.
Landon was in the barn, so she was about to go find him, but the sunrise stopped her.
One of those gorgeous winter ones—the sky a shade of blue that only came out when the temperatures were this cold.
Then muted fuchsias and the golden glow of a sun just tipping over the mountains in the distance.
So, she just stood there, halfway between house and barn, and let herself enjoy the moment of beauty and peace.
Let it settle inside of her, and tried hard to believe it was a sign everything would be okay.
Whoever this man was who looked like the Bennet brothers was just some long-lost relative. It didn’t have to be sinister, like Sam had said. Maybe Nate and Cal had to believe that, but Aly … she desperately didn’t want to. She wanted to know that when the trial was over this was over.
If this stranger had something to do with Ben… She shook her head. She couldn’t deal in ifs. Like Sam had said, there were just too many.
“Stunner.”
Aly looked back, more than shocked to see Cal standing there. He wasn’t dressed for court yet. He was actually dressed in clothes suitable to do chores in—something he almost never did when he was home.
She hadn’t expected him to … well, the pattern was usually he shut himself away for a few days after a particularly bad day. She supposed he couldn’t with the trial, but he didn’t seem so … edgy or angry. He didn’t have that sharp look on his face.
Not that he looked happy or hopeful, but Aly wanted to believe resigned was better than antagonistic.
“A good omen,” she offered, desperate for that to be true.
His mouth curved, though not happily. “I’ll leave omens up to you.” He heaved out a heavy sigh. “Listen, Al. I’m sorry for the way I behaved yesterday.”
He said it so stiffly. Like a recalcitrant toddler who’d been instructed to apologize by his parents. She was torn between amusement and frustration.
“Are you?”
“I am. Apparently lashing out is a defense mechanism.” He shrugged. “Had therapy this morning.”
“Ah.” She knew he didn’t think the therapy was working, but Aly did.
Slowly, and in fits and starts, but … he had so much to deal with.
It made sense it wasn’t a straight, upward progression to healing.
“I guess it takes time to break bad habits. I made three coffee cakes last night. The freezer is running out of space for all my stress-baked goods.”
He chuckled as she’d known he would. He closed the last of the space between them, reached out, and took her by the shoulders. He looked more like Landon in the clothes, in the morning light.
But Cal had always felt like a brother to her. She loved him, but it was different. Maybe it was even motherly. She wanted to protect him, to fix things for him, and she knew she couldn’t. Even before she’d known why.
“I know you’re worried about me,” he said very seriously.
But honestly, and that was not like Cal at all.
“I’d say you don’t need to be, but … look, I know things aren’t right. That’s why I’ve got a damn therapist.”
“I’m glad you do. I’m glad you’ve got help. I wish you’d let us help too.”
“Funny, that’s my homework.”
“I was always a very good student. Let me help, Cal.”
He nodded. Then he did something surprising. He hugged her. When they were just not a hugging people. But it felt nice. Good. Progress.
“I’m going to try, Aly,” he said into her ear.
So, she hugged him back and tried not to cry. “Good.”
*
Landon walked out of the barn, frustrated that he was running behind schedule. Frustrated he was going to have to delegate more than he wanted to. But he was trying to let that go. Aly had been right yesterday. He had a good staff. He was lucky to be able to delegate.
Still, he could probably get over to the stables and handle some things before he had to head inside and get ready for court. It would be better than getting ready for court, then sitting around waiting and obsessing over what Nate had said last night.
Aly kept saying they couldn’t jump to conclusions. She’d sided with Sam on that point. Landon wanted to, but he was struggling to get there. If there was anything the past year had taught him it was that he didn’t jump to bad enough conclusions.
But maybe … maybe that was no way to live. He shook his head, striding toward the house, but he stopped short a few steps out of the barn at the sight of his brother and his fiancée hugging there in the pretty light of a majestic sunrise.
His heart gave one nasty little jerk before he shook it away. He didn’t actually think anything was going on. It wasn’t like they were hiding or making out, but it reminded him of a time, years ago, when he’d been convinced Aly had a thing for Cal.
He hadn’t handled that very well. But he’d been a different person then.
He was determined to handle this a lot better. Because he wasn’t a miserable son of a bitch anymore.
Just a regular old son of a bitch.
“Everything okay?” Landon asked, being very careful to keep his voice light as he approached.
“Not for you,” Cal replied, sounding more like himself than he had all of yesterday. “Aly agreed to run away with me.”
Aly sighed and rolled her eyes, moving over to Landon. “Almost as unlikely.” She slid her arm around his waist. “Cal’s going to help with chores this morning.”
“He is?” Landon said at the exact same time Cal said, “I am?”
Aly beamed at both of them. “He is,” she said with determination.