Chapter 24
While Daisy slept yesterday, I got to work on something I should have done years ago. But if this time with Daisy has taught me anything, it’s that maybe there isn’t such a thing as too late when it comes to certain areas of my life.
Like fulfilling a lost promise and making someone I care about’s dream finally come true.
Daisy needs a break. I’m gonna give her that.
After clearing with Beth that I would be good to take off for a couple of days, I found a hotel with two nights of availability and put together a list of activities I think Daisy would be interested in based on memory. I nailed down the best route for the drive and started packing.
This morning, when I finally saw the sadness leave her eyes, I asked if it was okay to surprise her with something. Yeah, I know. Unconventional to the normal routine of a surprise, but like I always tell her, I’m never not going to give her a choice.
I didn’t tell her the whole plan, obviously. But I’m thankful as fuck that I’ve earned back enough of her trust that she only slightly cautiously said yes.
Our destination is a little under four hours away from Merrymount, and Daze has been content to sit in suspense beside me for about two hours. She’s getting antsy now.
“Let me pick a playlist, please,” Daisy begs from the passenger seat over the sounds of Post Malone’s latest album. She picks my phone up from the center console and taps it to life, stuck on the lockscreen. “What’s your passcode?”
“There’s nothing wrong with Posty,” I say, ignoring her question.
“I never said there was. But this is the third time we’ve listened through this album, and that’s not even counting the other one we played before this. We can change things up. Come on, Gus. Passcode.” Her index finger taps on my screen again.
“Just give it to me. I’ll do it.” I reach my hand out for my phone, keeping my eyes on the road.
Daisy doesn’t pass me the phone though. Because why would she make this easy for me? When has she ever made anything easy for me?
“Seriously? I’m not going to snoop while you’re right next to me. Scout’s honor.” Her tone remains playful.
Mine doesn’t. “You don’t need to know my passcode.”
“For fuck’s sake, August. This is one of the dumbest hills you could choose to die on. It’s four digits. I’ll forget them as soon as they're typed in.”
“Bet you won’t,” I try to mutter under my breath.
“What?” she asks.
“Nothing,” I huff.
“No, you said something. Say it with your chest.”
Up until two minutes ago, I was thinking about how this was probably one of the best stretches of time Daisy and I have spent together in years.
I felt like old times, but different too—seeing as we’re adults now, with lives that have been lived.
We’ve had time apart to grow as individuals.
But then again, some things never change, and as much as I’ll lie to your face and say I’d never back down from Daisy Stiles, I’m relenting to her request at the last second.
“It’s 0922,” I practically bark.
She chuckles as she types in the four numbers. My phone unlocks in her hands instantly. “That’s funny, that’s my…”
Silence. She hit pause on the song right before realization dawns on her so there isn’t a single sound aside from the tires of my truck rolling over the beat-up old highway we’re driving down.
A hole the size of fucking Texas opens up in my stomach. My hands are wrapped tightly around the leather steering wheel, to the point of pain.
“August.” Her tone is low and slow. “That’s my birthday.”
I say nothing. I swallow.
“That’s my birthday,” Daisy repeats, a little louder this time. Like she’s making sure I hear her. Like there was even a sliver of a damn chance I missed it the first time.
“I don’t know what you want me to say,” I finally admit.
“Tell me why,” Daisy demands.
Because one time, forever ago, you told me that no one bothered to remember your birthday.
You woke up in a house filled with people who didn’t give a shit about you, and you waited.
You waited all day for someone to acknowledge the day you came into this world, and not a soul in your family did.
I never forgot it, and I never forgave them.
“Easy set of numbers to remember.” Lie.
“That’s fucking bullshit.” She sounds almost breathless. I still haven’t looked over at her.
Movement in the corner of my eye forces me to see Daisy gently placing my phone back in the cupholder.
She pulls her legs up so her socked feet are flat on the seat and wraps her arms around her knees.
She kicked her shoes off to get comfy before we even left the Merrymount town limits.
She lowers her chin to rest on her knees and blows her bangs out of her face with a huff.
We’re still driving along in silence. I don’t offer to break it.
Minutes—maybe hours with the way it feels—pass before Daisy finally speaks again.
“I just don’t get it, Gus. You’re supposed to hate me. Did you like, change it as a prank or something? Is this you playing the long game in a big joke?”
Now I’m fucking pissed. That’s where her head immediately goes? She can still pretend that I ever hated her?
There doesn’t seem to be much of a point in keeping up past appearances now. I shrug my shoulders and finally loosen my grip on the steering wheel.
“I never hated you. I’ve spent the better part of ten years angry with you, sure. But never hate. I’d never put you in the same category as others.”
“What does that even mean?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t do that again, Gus.”
“You’re just…You’re Daisy. It’s different. It’s always been different with us.” That barely scratches the surface, but I hope it’ll suffice for now.
“Fine. Say I agree with you for the sake of the conversation. We’re different. What did you mean by ‘same category as others’?” She uses her fingers for air quotes.
“I meant I hate five people in this world, and you’ve never been one of them.”
“But—”
I cut her off, effectively ending any hint of privacy when it comes to my thoughts apparently.
“My mother.” I tap the steering wheel with a single digit.
“For choosing an abusive piece of shit with money over her own son. My stepfather.” Tap two.
“For being that abusive piece of shit with money. Your parents.” I add fingers three and four.
“For everything. For every single thing they’ve done or said or swept under the rug to save face when all they should have ever done is save you.
” The last part comes out louder than I intended, and I immediately regret it when Daisy jumps in her seat.
I tried harder than I ever have at anything to hide how I truly felt the other day.
November twenty-eighth. I wanted to let my vision only see red.
I wanted to right every wrong that crossed Daisy’s path, not caring where that landed me.
But I kept it locked down. I’m mustering up the ability to do that again.
I lower my voice again.
“Number five…” I pause.
“August,” Daisy whispers. She’s shaking, and as important as I think the truth is for her to hear, I wish I could take it back. But I have to finish this out.
“Number five doesn’t deserve to exist.” I flick on my blinker, and pull the truck to the side of the road. When I shift into park, I turn my body towards the passenger seat where Daisy sits with her eyes squeezed shut.
“Daisy.” I use my gentlest tone. “Can I have your hand?” She wordlessly places her left hand in the middle of the bench seat, and I take it into mine. I rub soft circles in her palm. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“You didn’t,” she interjects. Her eyes remain closed. “It’s just—We don’t—We haven’t, in a long while anyway, talked like this. With one another. I told myself the other day was a one off. I don’t…I don’t bring up—”
“I know,” I remind her. “I know we don’t talk about it. About anything anymore.”
“That’s starting to feel like it’s not true though. And I don’t know what to do with that. Feuding with you has been almost like a crutch to me. It was easy and familiar. And now I know.”
“Know what, Daze?” I try to not let myself hope. Hope and I have never been friends.
Her eyes burst open, and there are practically flames dancing in her irises.
“Now I know you don’t hate me. And maybe you never did. My fucking birthday is your phone’s passcode, for crying out loud! Maybe that’s trivial to some, but it’s huge to me, August. I’m not remembered or important. But to you? Maybe I am to you? What the hell do I do with that kind of information?”
“You accept it because it’s the truth. And if there’s anything you hold dearly in this world, it’s honesty.”
Daisy surprises me by leaning over. I release her hand, in favor of putting my arm around her shoulders, pulling her into my side. I grab hold of her hand again once she’s resituated. I feel the rise and fall of her breaths, and we sit without the need for words.
“I missed you,” she whispers. The words float like a feather through the charged air of the truck. I hold myself as steady as possible when internally I feel like I’m about to explode.
I think long and hard about how to respond. The wrong thing could spook her right back to where we were. I settle on the simple truth.
“Missed you too, Daze.”
“Since we’re doing the whole honesty thing…Are you ready to tell me where we’re heading?”
“I thought you would have figured it out by now,” I say into the top of her head.
“Can’t say I’ve been paying much attention to our surroundings. Which now that I say it out loud, is terrible self-preservation skills on my part.” Feeling her laugh against me feels good.
It feels so good, I can’t hold out on the surprise any longer. “It’s time you got out of Merrymount. I’m taking you to your version of The Emerald City.”
I let her think it through, see if she can connect the dots of a past promise. She freezes in my arms, whipping her head up in the direction of my face.
“Really? New York?” Her lips are so close to mine. I’d only have to lean down maybe an inch or two, and we’d be connected.
I exhale and nod, snapping myself out of that pesky little hopeful feeling again. “The very one. Against my better judgment, ignoring the rats and the sheer amount of people, mixed with all that noise, we’re spending two nights in the Big Apple. Or whatever the fuck they call it.”
Daisy squeals, and my ears start ringing.
“You’re kidding! You’re joking!” she cries, grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking. “Gus—I—I don’t know what to say,” she breathes.
“No need to say anything. Scoot on over and buckle back up. Let’s get a move on, Daisy darling.”
I smile bigger than I probably ever have, wishing more than anything that I could crash my mouth into Daisy’s with the way she’s looking at me right now.
There isn’t a hint of hatred on that pretty face.
For the first time in fucking forever, she’s just my Daze, happy to sit beside me in the cab of my truck on the way to wherever.
I’m gonna enjoy the fuck out of the next couple days. I’m not going to entertain how badly this is gonna hurt when it’s all over and I lose Daisy Stiles for good.
Because somehow I know I will lose her. She’ll leave. She was always supposed to leave.
I think it’s always been borrowed time with us.