48. Tyson
FORTY-EIGHT
TYSON
I don’t know how long Josie’s been standing next to her grandfather’s bedside.
She holds his hand, her thumb brushing over his skin like if she just keeps touching him, he’ll wake up.
Like she can will it to happen. Her body shakes with her cries, and it’s the most heartbreaking thing in the world to stand next to her and not be able to take away the pain.
I stay a step behind her, keeping a constant touch on her so she knows I’m here. I don’t want to go far. I want to stay close. Just in case she falls. Because with the way her body shakes, she might.
Josie’s entire body looks tense. Every few seconds, it looks like her grip tightens on him, like she’s trying to hold on to something that’s already slipping.
I hate how quiet it is in here. It does nothing to hide the sound of her sobs.
And I hate that I have to stand here, unable to help her. The only thing I can do is be a grounding presence, but it doesn’t feel like enough.
She stares at her grandfather with a devastated look on her face, and it crushes me.
A soft knock sounds at the door, making her body go stiff.
My hand presses even firmer against her back to remind her that no matter what’s about to happen, I’m here for her.
“Come in,” I say, knowing that finding words might be hard for her right now.
The doctor steps in, completely composed. He holds a clipboard in his hand and gives us a tight smile; this clearly feels like a routine for him, even though whatever he’s about to say is everything to her.
“Ms. Russell?” he asks, his tone neutral.
Josie nods as she wipes at her face. It kills me to see her attempt to pull herself together as her eyes meet the doctor’s.
“I’m Dr. Harris. I’m the one overseeing your grandfather’s care.”
“Is he going to be okay?” she asks, her words coming out quickly, like her mouth can’t even keep up with them. They’re desperate, and it’s another stab to my heart to hear her like that.
The doctor clears his throat, making Josie tense under my hand. “He’s stable,” he begins.
I look from the doctor to Josie. I pay close attention to how the words hit her. Her eyes well up with unshed tears, but she manages to prevent them from falling as she stares back at Dr. Harris.
“But your grandfather suffered a stroke early this morning.”
Josie’s body—and mine—goes still.
“What?” she whispers. “He…he was fine. I saw him last week, and he was fine.”
The doctor nods in understanding. “Strokes can happen suddenly.”
“What does that mean?” she asks, her voice breaking. “Will he be okay?”
The doctor begins to explain everything, but I’m only half listening. I’m trying to take it all in so I know what’s happening, but I’m also watching her. I don’t miss how her fingers tighten around her grandfather’s hand as she listens to the doctor speak.
He mentions things like speech, mobility…memory.
I see the exact moment it hits her. Her eyes go wide, and her back stiffens as the doctor goes over the hurdles still to come in her grandfather’s—hopeful—recovery process. My jaw tightens. I hate to see the defeated look in Josie’s eyes.
“Will he wake up?” she asks carefully.
“He might.”
Might. Not will.
I’m so in tune with her after our weeks together that I notice the shift in her mood instantly. I can almost feel the fear—the uncertainty—coursing through her. It’s coursing through me, too, because of how much I know he means to her.
“What can I do? Is there anything I can do to help him?” she asks, her voice barely above a whisper. She glances at her grandfather for a moment with a sorrowful look before her attention returns to Dr. Harris.
“You’re already doing it,” the doctor responds, his voice softer than it was before. “By being here and talking to him. His body needs rest to heal itself. Talking to him while he’s getting that rest is exactly what he needs.”
Josie nods as the tears finally fall down her cheeks.
The conversation ends not long after that. Dr. Harris leaves, saying he’ll be back later to check in, and the room falls quiet again.
Josie remains silent.
I don’t know if I’m supposed to say anything. I don’t know if she wants my words or if she needs this silence to let the doctor’s words sink in. I opt not to speak until she does, but I do wrap my arm around her shoulders and bring her to me.
“I don’t understand,” she whispers, her voice breaking.
“It’s not something to understand,” I offer, my fingers playing with her hair in an attempt to comfort her.
Josie lets go of her grandfather’s hand before she turns around to face me. I hate the tears that run down her cheeks. Her eyes are swollen red, and the sight of her in front of me breaks everything in me.
“What if he can’t talk to me anymore?” she whispers, her voice as low as possible, as if she’s scared he can hear the question. “What if he wakes up but doesn’t even know who I am?”
The words feel like a punch to my gut. They hit harder than anything else today because it makes it clear what she’s really afraid of. It’s not just losing him—but losing him while he’s still alive.
“We don’t need to speculate on that,” I assure her. “We won’t know anything until he wakes up, and it’ll only hurt you to think that way.”
I cup her face in my hands as my thumbs brush over her cheeks to swipe the tears away.
“One step at a time,” I remind her. “We just take this one step at a time.”
She nods as her eyelids flutter shut for a moment. She leans into my touch, and I don’t stop, wanting to give her whatever comfort I can. Eventually, her eyes open again, meeting mine. She moves her head to press a kiss against my palm.
“Thank you,” she whispers, her lips moving against my skin.
“For what?” I ask.
“For dropping everything to be here with me. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to handle all of this alone right now. I just can’t imagine doing any of this alo—”
“Hey,” I cut in, keeping my words gentle. “You won’t ever have to do anything alone again, Josie. I’m here. I’m always going to be here.”
The words leave my mouth before I can even think about them or what they mean. The second they’re out, I don’t want to take them back, even if they are more honest and hold more weight than I was intending to share.
Her eyes search mine, like she’s trying to figure out if I really mean it. Like she needs to believe it, and I hope she does, because I’ve never meant anything more in my life.
My hands stay on her face, my thumbs brushing over her cheeks, swiping over the last of her tears as they fall.
“I mean it,” I say, my voice hoarse.
She lets out a shaky exhale before she leans into me again. I pull her into my chest immediately, wrapping my arms around her and holding her there like it’s the only place she’s meant to be.
She melts against me, trusting me to hold her through this. She doesn’t question it or even seem to overthink it. Something about the way she lets herself fall apart in my arms and trusts me enough to do so goes straight to my heart.
I rest my chin against the top of her head, my hand moving slowly up and down her back as her breathing starts to even out.
I stand there, holding her, feeling her lean into me like I’m something she can rely on, when it hits me.
Not all at once.
Not like a shock.
But more like a slow, steady realization.
I didn’t notice when it happened or feel anything shift when it started.
But somewhere between the quiet mornings, the late nights where we’re a tangle of limbs, the moments where she looks at me like I’m more than I’ve ever let myself be, and moments like right now, where she lets me in, even when she’s breaking…I fell for her.
Completely.
Madly.
Giving over full control.
I fell in love with Josie.
The realization settles over me. I know it should scare me.
I’ve never been in love. I’ve never cared to be.
I didn’t want to get swept up in anything that wasn’t proving myself at work.
But then I met her, and everything changed.
If it were anyone else, I might want to pull back at the realization and create some distance in an effort to protect myself, but I don’t want to do that with her.
I want her to become my world. She’s claimed the title without me even realizing it.
I tighten my arms around her as I turn the realization over in my head again and again.
I’ve fallen in love with Josephine Russell.
And all I can do is hope that along the way…she falls in love with me too.