Chapter 12
CHAPTER
TWELVE
BANON
You love your stepsister, you fucking idiot.
I stare in the mirror the next morning, looking bedraggled. I slept like shit without Val at my side. She was supposed to be there with me, but she wasn’t. She never will be, not unless I get my own place—which I can’t afford.
I’ve already been here once, trying to find the right way out that doesn’t involve giving her up. I would never, could never.
I’m so obsessed with my thoughts that as the others wake up on Christmas morning, I’ve completely forgotten what I put under the tree. Instead, I pretend to be lively and cheery, as one should be. I help make breakfast and say a bright “Good morning” when Val emerges from her room.
She sighs and says, “Hey,” before seating herself at the table. She avoids looking at me.
Damn. It’s another week until she goes back to school, and then we can really sit down and talk. There must be some kind of road forward out of this where I don’t have to hurt her or risk the destruction of my relationship with Mom.
What would she think if she knew? Val is so much younger than I am, even though she acts older. Mom would be disgusted.
I wrinkle my nose like I tasted something bad, and Fred asks if there’s shell in the eggs.
Then it’s time for presents. To this day, even though we aren’t kids anymore, Mom and Fred still like to fill up the space under the tree with gifts.
It’s mostly silly stuff like socks and underwear, but there are thoughtful, joyful gifts, too.
Mom and Fred got me a balance board for working out at home while I’m watching television, claiming it’ll give me “killer thighs.” Valentina smiles and opens her mouth to crack a joke, then stops herself and turns her head away, her lips twisting.
I wonder what she was going to say.
After another pass around the circle, I open a gift from Val. It’s a sweatshirt from our college. Exactly the sort of gift a stepsister gets for her stepbrother. Normal. Not romantic at all.
Then, Valentina picks up a small wrapped box with her name on it.
Oh, fuck.
I meant to give that to her last night, when we were alone. But I set it under the tree and completely forgot to grab it when she came to my room.
Fuckety fuck fuck.
Curious, Val reads the tag and then glances up at me.
I can’t really snatch it away from her now, or I would look extra ridiculous.
I had it wrapped at the store where I bought it, so it’s got real fancy gold and red paper and an elaborate bow.
Everyone watches as Valentina peels the tape carefully, trying to save the adorable paper—even though it’s just going to get recycled anyway—revealing a long, flat, black box.
Her eyes dart up to mine again, this time, confused. I shake my head and drop it into my hands as she opens the box.
“Oh, wow,” she breathes. My mom and her dad both lean forward to get a better look as she takes off the lid. “Thank you, Banon.”
Inside is the silver necklace I bought, the one I meant to give her last night. A shining, bright red ruby cut in a pendant shape hangs from the chain—simple and yet elegant, the kind of jewelry that is both a statement piece and will match most of what she wears.
Her dad is the first person to break the silence. He whistles as he takes the box from her to get a better look.
“Wow,” he says, glancing down at the velvet bed where the necklace is held in place, then back up at me. “This is real nice.”
I don’t even know what to say. I wish I could get swallowed up by the earth. It couldn’t be more obvious now that I’ve got feelings of some kind for Val, after giving her something like this in front of everyone.
“Yep, well, I thought Val, uh, deserved something nice.”
Fred chuckles. “You’re right. It’s a beautiful gift.”
I don’t have the heart to look at my mother. My stepdad is oblivious, yes, but I know she’s not so simple to fool. But she doesn’t say anything. Val takes the necklace out of the box, admiring it while casting me a look that says, What the hell?
Instead, Mom says, “Let me put it on you, honey,” in a gentle, motherly voice. Val kneels in front of the couch. The much larger minotaur delicately takes the necklace, opening the clasp to hang it from Val’s neck. Then she reconnects it, and Val lets her dark hair back down.
“Turn around?” Mom asks, and Val obeys, rising to her feet. The ruby pendant hangs down just above the indent between her breasts. It’s almost indecent, the way it highlights the soft mounds that are visible, the deep red of the ruby like wine or blood.
“It’s beautiful on you, Val.” Mom turns to me, and to my surprise, her eyes are soft. “A wonderful gift, Banon.”
I gnash my teeth together. Why does it feel like she knows something but isn’t willing to say it?
Because she’s daring me. She knows my secret, our secret, and she’s daring me to tell her the truth.
Val is watching us, her expression growing more worried.
“Yeah, it is wonderful,” Val echoes. “Thanks again.” She tries to sound light and airy, but I know she’s uneasy.
But the rest of the presents go normally, and no one questions either of us any further about the necklace. Together, we make Christmas dinner—which is yet another massive production—and all of us are exhausted by the end of it.
Still, afterward, my mother asks me, “Do you want to go on a walk with me, kiddo?”
Val sits up, glancing between us like she’s waiting to be invited, but the invitation never comes.
I nod and swallow. “Yeah, sure.”
It feels like I’m signing my own death warrant as we put on our scarves and then head out into the snow, leaving Val and Fred behind to take care of the dishes. I shove my hands in my pockets, hoping Mom’s not about to ask me what I think she’s going to ask me.
Instead, we both walk in silence along the path around the neighborhood, which must have gotten plowed this morning. Despite it being Christmas, some plow guy was out working.
Plow guy never gets a break.
“Banon,” Mom says at last, shattering the silence of the snow around us. “Do you love Valentina?”
I practically choke. I knew something like this was coming, but that wasn’t the precise iteration I expected.
“Um, how do you mean?”
“I mean, are you two just messing around, or do you love her?”
Fuck. I knew she was on to me. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“I heard you last night when I went to the bathroom,” Mom says. “I always knew when you had a girl over in high school, too. That creaky bed gives you away.”
Damn it. I could barely hear it. Stupid super mom ears.
“I just want to know,” she continues, “if it’s for real, if it’s something I need to think about, or if this is a phase.”
The answer comes out before I really think it through. “It’s not a phase.”
She nods.
I barrel onward. “I do love her. Fuck, I love her. I love her so much that it physically pains me. So much that when I look at her, I see everything, all the things I want but can’t have.”
Her brows rise. “And why can’t you have them?”
“You’re not… horrified?”
My mother lets out a world-weary sigh. “No, I’m not. I’m disappointed that you two have been keeping secrets. How long has it been going on?”
“Since Thanksgiving. But also… since long before that.” God, it’s awful to admit. “I’ve probably loved her for years.”
There, I finally said it out loud.
“And she feels the same way?” Mom asks, still gentle and non-judgmental.
I nod. “I think so. She says she does.”
“Hmm.” She puts her hands in her pockets as we walk, her breath coming out steamy in the cold night air. “Fred won’t take it as well.”
I shake my head sadly. “I didn’t think he would.”
“But I can break it to him. I just wish you had come and told me the truth sooner.”
I nod, ashamed. I know I should have, too. “I’m sorry. I was afraid of what you’d think.”
“You two won’t have it easy.” She turns to me, stopping in the middle of the path. I stop, too, as she pats my face. “People will always judge you when they learn your story.”
“I know.” I set my jaw. “But I want Valentina more. And I don’t care what they think.”
Mom smiles and resumes walking. “That’s my boy.”
After Mom promises to talk to Fred, we get back to the house and I pack up my things to head home. I have to work over the week between the holidays, as some silly people are still moving this time of year, but I’ll be back to pick up Val for a big New Year’s Eve party.
I get a text from her, though, the very next day.
Dad knows. Your mom must have told him.
Damn it. I wanted a chance to talk to him myself.
Fuck! Is he mad?
Yes. No. Yes and no.
I don’t like the sound of that.
Only a few minutes later, I get a call from Fred himself. When I answer the phone, I say, “Hi, Fred.”
“Come over, Banon. For dinner. Right now.”
“All right.” I don’t even try to argue with him. It’s time to face the music.
I dress in something nicer, brush my wild hair, and then hop in the car.
I’m shaking all the way over to the parents’ house, wondering what Fred’s going to say to me.
I’ve only seen him really, truly angry once, when someone hit Marissa’s car and drove off.
She got whiplash in the accident, and they never found the driver.
I swallow hard when I pull up outside, but I have to remember what this is for: a life with Valentina. A life having the person I love closest to me and getting to love her out in the open.
It wasn’t in the plan, but it had to happen eventually.
When I come inside, Val is sitting at the table, her dad across from her, my mother on the opposite side from him. Val has tears in her eyes.
She waves a sad greeting as I head to the table and take the fourth seat without being asked. Fred watches me, brows lowered over his eyes, and he is definitely pissed.
“I hear that the two of you have been in a relationship behind our backs,” he says, diving right in. He’s just like his daughter. “I also hear that it’s rather serious.”
I nod. “I love her.”
His brows lift. “So she said. It’s true, then.” He glances between us, his eyes searching. “Is it… is it get married type of serious?”
I’m startled by this question. Valentina is young, just turned twenty-one. But I know my answer.
“I would marry her in a heartbeat,” I say without hesitating. “But I would want to give her the chance to see more of the world first.”
He seems surprised, but pleasantly so, by my answer. He turns to Val.
“Is that how you feel?”
“Oh, yes. But I think I’d rather get married first and then explore the world together.” She grins. “I don’t want to rush you, though.”
My heart soars just hearing these words. That she loves me so much she would be mine, truly, forever.
“No need for all that,” Fred says gruffly, retaking my attention. “I just want to get a measure on where we’re at. But I understand now.”
Then he lets out a world-weary sigh.
“Dinner’s almost ready,” he says, getting out of his chair. “Then we’re going to talk some ground rules.”
He’s not going to disown me? Banish me from the house forever? Even Val has a slight, hopeful smile on her face as he heads to the oven to pull out the pizza he’s been cooking.
“Don’t get excited,” he says as he cuts it up. “It’s from that take-and-bake place.”
Once we all have our food, Fred lays out his expectations: no sex in his house at all until we’re married.
He asks us to wait a couple of years before going that far, but if we decide to do it, he’ll help us pay for it.
He warns us that the world, and probably our extended family, will be less accepting, but we knew that.
Then he asks us if the pizza is any good because we’ve both been totally silent, and we erupt into a chorus of “It’s delicious!”
That night, though, when I head home, I hug Val long and hard, burying my muzzle in her hair. It feels good to not have to hide it, how I feel about her.
“I’ll see you when you get back to school,” I say, and she nods vigorously.
“I love you,” she whispers.
“I love you, too.”