Chapter 21 Cadence #3
Zach digs his fingers into my skin and I pull myself as far into him as I can go without physically melting into him. We savor this moment, letting it consume us as we fade into each other.
But all good things must come to an end.
“What the fuck?”
We break apart and I watch as Zach jumps back from me. I turn to see Brayden standing at the end of the hall, Ryen behind him, and I pinch my brows, wondering why my brother seems so angry.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” he seethes.
“Cadie, I’m so sorry. I tried to stop him.” Ryen stares out at Zach and I and Bray does the same, but Bray’s glare looks laced with malice while I stand in confusion and Zach seemingly looks guilty. “I thought you said he knew.”
Everything starts to spin.
“What?” I say to Ry before looking at Zach and then Brayden.
Brayden seems pissed. Betrayed.
Zach looks caught off guard as he steels himself.
“You.” Brayden takes a few steps and Ry tries to hold him back but he pushes her off. “You are dating my fucking sister?” he shouts at Zach, fury playing in his expression.
My heart starts to race, but not in a good way as I look between them.
“Zach, what’s going on?” I look at Zach, who is steady on Bray, stoic and calm. And if you didn’t know it, you wouldn’t be able to tell that he was just crying moments ago.
“What’s going on is that you and my best friend have been going behind my back, Cadence.”
Bray never calls me Cadence. It’s always Cade, so my throat drops to my stomach when I realize that he really is angry and it’s likely because…
“You told me you were going to tell him,” I whisper, looking over at Zach.
He brings his eyes to mine and I can see him give me a look of disappointment. But not in me, in himself.
“I tried,” he whispers back.
I look at my brother who is breathing hard.
“How long?” Bray asks.
“Zach I thought you knew,” I say, eager to try and calm him down.
“How long?” he repeats, this time louder and I flinch.
“Let’s not make a scene,” Zach says as he steps up to stand in front of me.
“Bray let’s g-” Ry tries to reach out and get him to leave but everything happens in a flash.
Bray rears his fist back and before I know it, it’s connecting to Zach’s jaw, who just stands there as my brother punches him.
“Brayden, what the hell?” I shout as I reach for Zach, seeing blood forming from a cut on his lip.
“Alright, let’s go.” Ryen yanks him back and Brayden doesn't fight her.
“Cadence,” Bray whispers. Disappointment in his tone before he gals at me, sorrow filling his eyes and then turns to leave.
I can’t move. I can’t breathe. I don’t know what the heck just happened. But when Bray is out of sight, Zach turns to look at me.
“Cadie, please look at me,” Zach says, but I can’t force myself to look at him. “Please.”
“I can’t, Zach.”
He doesn’t reach for me. He doesn’t move. The silence in the hallway hurts more than it should, and that’s when I realize my phone is still playing music. I reach for it and turn it off, and I feel so many mixed emotions buzz through me.
I start walking down the hall, not sure what to do but Zach stops me, grabbing my elbow gently and turning me to face him.
“I’m so sorry, Cadence. I didn’t mean to lie to you.”
“You told me that you were going to tell him. I thought he knew,” I say, sadness seeping from my words.
“I know, Cadie,” Zach says, reaching for my face and pulling my head up to look at him. “I am so sorry. I know I fucked this up. I always fuck everything up.”
I pull his hands from my face.
“What are you talking about?” I say. “You don’t fuck everything up.”
“Cadence, did you just see the look on your brother’s face? It was betrayal. I have never seen him look at anyone like that.”
“Well, maybe if you had told him like you promised me he would.”
He dips his head and I feel a sour feeling form in my gut. This doesn’t feel good. I hate that we’re fighting right now. But I trusted Zach. And maybe I should have been braver and fought harder to tell Brayden myself. Maybe this shouldn't all be on Zach but he told me he would take care of it.
“I’m so sorry, Cadie.” Zach steps up to me and tries to cup my face again, but I step out of it. “Please. Let me make this right.”
I sigh. I know I don’t want to do this, but nothing feels right at this moment.
“Maybe you should just let me go.”
“What? Cadence, no.”
“I think it’s probably for the best.”
“I don’t.”
I feel the tears start to form and I can hear the worry lacing Zach’s tone. How is it that we’re already to the point where it feels like maybe we shouldn't be together?
“Bray will forgive me,” I start. “And there’s still a chance for you to make this right with him. It’s not like you and I own each other or owe anything to one another.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” Zach shakes his head as he points to his chest. “Do you not see that you own every part of me? All the good and happy parts of me, they’re yours.
Everything that is sad and tortured, you own those too.
But not because you caused it. But because you’re the only one who can make it better. ”
The tears finally shed. It’s too much. How can I feel so much for someone but at the same time, feel so lost? I love my brother, and I hate knowing that I’ve betrayed him. But I love Zach too.
“You make me better, Cadence.” Zach steps up, closing the space between us and this time when he reaches for my face, I let him.
“Zach, I have dreamed of being with you for as long as I can remember. I’ve been in love with you just as long.
” I look up at him, and smile softly. “But let’s face it.
If you really cared about me, you would have just told him the truth like you said you would.
And now, my brother feels betrayed. And the reality is that we’re going off to college soon and who knows if we can handle the distance. ”
I know that last part is not something I truly think factors in.
I mean, I’ve thought about it, but I always felt like Zach and I could withstand anything if we could get past the reaction of my brother, and look how that turned out.
But I really bring it up, because I’m trying to convince myself that it’s okay to let him go knowing that I might lose him anyway.
But I don't want to.
“Cadie, do not throw this away, please. You’re hurt and this seems impossible to navigate right now but I promise we will get through this.”
“I don’t know, Zach.”
Zach drops his hands and I can sense a bit of frustration exude from him. Pain. Confliction.
I watch as he takes a deep breath, focusing his eyes on me before he speaks again.
“You know, love has been torn from me over and over again,” he starts and my heart breaks a little more for him. “It’s killing me to know that I am fighting to let you in, risking further heartbreak for you, only for you to doubt that you are everything I’ve ever wanted.”
More relentless tears. This time, not just mine.
“I need you, Cadence,” he whispers.
“And what about my brother? You’re okay losing him just to keep me.”
“If that’s what I have to do, then yes.”
I see it in his eyes. He means that. I can tell. Zach doesn’t say or do things that he doesn’t mean. But I can feel it. The divide.
“Zach,” I start as I reach for his cheek. “I don’t want to be the reason why you and my brother aren’t friends. I think-” I sigh, feeling pain dig into my chest. “I think we just need to give this some time.”
He dips his head, and I feel a tear run down his cheek as I wipe it away.
“So are you saying we shouldn't be together, Cadie? Do you want us to break up?”
“No, Zach.” I shake my head as he looks at me. “I just- I need to think and I have to go talk to my brother. And I think you have a lot going on and-”
“Let me talk to him.”
“Zach, you had your chance.” I watch as Zach searches my eyes for some kind of reassurance or forgiveness. And I will forgive him. But right now we just have to let this breathe.
I lean up on my toes, and press a kiss to Zach’s cheek. He holds onto me, and I can tell he’s eager to not let me go.
But I pull back and I dip my head, not wanting to look him in his eyes.
“I love you, Zach,” I whisper before walking away.