Lord of Dance and Desire (The Fae Court of Casakraine #3)

Chapter 1

Chapter

One

H is voice came to me from the darkened bedroom.

“What?” Setting down the brush, I left the bathroom. “You punished me last night.”

He stood at the window, gazing out over the courtyard. “The corporal punishment was for leaving Mathen’s protection. It did not include the punishment for attacking a House Casakraine warrior with your affinity.”

“I didn’t know I was attacking him.” Which was technically not a lie, if one focused on the definition of attack. I had definitely not meant it as an attack.

“You lie.” He turned to face me.

The soft chill of his voice prickled over my skin.

“I’m not trying to lie.” Much. I tiptoed around the words. Now wasn’t the time to poke the monster lurking behind his eyes. Still, it was a little hypocritical that he didn't like it when I dissembled, but he did it all the time. “I thought I was. . .batting my lashes and looking fragile so he’d feel sorry for me.”

“Your ignorance doesn’t excuse the transgression I will be called before the High Lord to explain.”

“But I—” I paused. Arguing wasn’t going to change his mind, and no one could save me from him. “What's the punishment, Andrei?”

“You will not dance for a week.”

The words wouldn't register. I must have misheard. “What?”

“For one week. You will not dance. You will be banned from the Sahakian Fine Arts building. While you are home, wherever you go, you will not dance. If you so much as execute a twirl or a skip, I will render you immobile for the remainder of your punishment.”

The shattering was so loud I thought it was an actual physical sound.

But no. It was only my soul coming apart into pieces.

“You can't do that,” I said.

He looked at me; remote, expressionless, hard. “Can I not? Lady Hasannah, be glad that it is only one week. I almost find that to be too lenient.”

“Stop calling me Lady. I am not a Lady. I've sworn no oaths to any House or Court. I'm not a Cassanian citizen.”

“You will find, if you review the documentation you signed upon being granted your resident status, that you are materially incorrect. You were, technically, sworn to the Lord of Coal District, as it is colloquially called. He transferred your oath to me .”

I knew he was correct. As soon as the protest left my mouth I understood all I was doing was bleating about something I’d already accepted. His right to rule over me.

“When did the oath transfer? And how can that be done without my consent?”

The High Lord studied me for a long, long moment. “Your consent wasn't required. I am Heir. My will is law, if I can enforce it without opposition. And in your case—” the corner of his mouth curled up in a smile equal parts mischief and malice “—there was none.”

My hands curled into fists. “Then let me rephrase. I won't submit. You can be my Lord or my lover, but you can’t be both.”

The reptilian cant of his head referenced a snake poised to strike. “You don’t understand the nature of relationships between Fae then. It’s not unusual for lovers to be unmatched in power and authority. One naturally submits, one naturally rules.” He shrugged, flicking a strand of imaginary hair over his shoulder. “It’s the way of things.”

“It’s not my way.”

“The human way.” Now his amused malice morphed to mockery. His small, humorless smile that of a High Lord holding an ace. “Shall I call for Math, or Con? It should only take either male a week to heal a broken leg. Perhaps two. You will, of course, explain why they’re to be your whipping boy again.”

The High Lord waited a beat as words strangled my throat. “Will you submit, Lady, or will I call for my luudthen?”

The horrifying reality was, for a second a part of me considered it. Considered letting Mathen or Constin take the fall. They were Fae; this was their world, their Lord, their rules. I'd asked for none of this.

“I thought you said you didn’t want to be like the other High Lords.” The soft words I wielded were the only weapon I had left. Constin had told me what to say, if I ever needed to. “You said you wanted a lover’s no to mean something.”

A burst of anger, a flinch, and then nothing as Andrei shut completely down. I didn’t think firing a bullet into his heart would have been more effective.

“You have a choice, Anah,” he said after another long silence, and this time he spoke with his voice. Andrei’s voice. “We can handle this matter between us to the High Lord’s satisfaction, or she will be moved to intervene. And she cares nothing for whatever sentimental personal promises I’ve made. Nothing. What price do you think she’ll extract for failure—Mathen’s, your’s, mine? I don’t want to do this. I have to.”

I closed my eyes. The whip wielded by the man who loved me, and regretted my pain, or the whip wielded by the High Lord who saw us all as servants.

“I’ll submit.”

“I’m sorry, Anah. Neither of us has any choice. I didn’t understand that when I was young.” Andrei left the bedroom as I sank to my knees.

A week ?

I’d go insane.

I sat huddled on the carpet, knees pulled up to my chest when he reentered who knew how many hours later. There was no fight in me. His mental walls remained impenetrable. He'd retreated so deep into a dark twisty cave, I couldn't follow. Couldn’t plead.

Soft footsteps approached, paused. “Anah. Why are you so stubborn? This is nothing we haven’t all endured. All of us. We ask nothing of you we don’t demand of ourselves.”

He knelt, lifting me into his arms, and took me to the bed.

Kissed me.

Stripped me.

Fucked me.

There was no other word for what he did. You couldn't make love to a woman after you ripped her heart out of her chest and stomped it into the ground.

At least he was gentle. . .as gentle as he knew how to be but if he’d bothered to ask I could have told him it didn’t matter.

It still hurt.

I let him learn the hard way. Let myself be reminded of the first half of Phase Three:

Insist More Sex Makes Everything Better

“Anah,” he said gently, braced above me. “The punishment is meant to discipline, not harm. And if I do nothing , my mother will question my control over you. You don't want her to ask those questions.”

I lay under him, the energy for speech, much less protest, drained hours ago. His body a hot, hard poker in mine, his mouth on my neck, my breasts, his hands pinning my wrists.

A tear trickled down my cheek.

He recoiled, withdrawing from me and rising on his knees, staring down. He’d released my wrists, his hands hovering over my face as if he wasn’t certain what to do.

Finally, he left, returning with Constin.

“I don’t know what—” Andrei cut the words off in a voice that would have sounded strained if he wasn’t the High Lord torturing me. “I was careful.”

Constin stared down at me. “You had sex with her after telling her the punishment.”

“I thought intimacy would comfort her.”

Andrei’s luudthen turned and slammed a fist into his Lord’s jaw. Something cracked. Andrei stumbled back, blood blooming on his mouth.

“This, my Lord,” Constin said, voice eerily calm, “is what we would call rape. In case you did not recognize the absence of explicit consent.”

“She didn’t?—”

“I will kill you if you don’t be silent.”

Constin waited a beat.

Two.

Andrei said nothing.

Constin was a Lord, but not a High Lord. He didn’t have Andrei’s raw power.

But no one in the room doubted the threat.

The luudthen turned back to me and knelt on the side of the bed. “Darling, do you want to go to your bedroom?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to carry you?”

“No.” I began to get out of bed, my hand pressed above my groin.

Constin’s eyes narrowed. “You’re in pain? He hurt you.”

I didn’t look at him. “It’s not his fault. I have a condition that makes sex painful at least a little most of the time. He tried to be gentle.”

I ignored my pang of guilt. I’d weaponized my silence out of spite, letting Andrei hurt me knowing it would hurt him when he realized what he’d done. I hadn’t expected him to get Constin though.

“He knew about this condition?” Constin asked.

I jerked a shoulder.

“He knew. Darkness don’t let me kill this boy.” The back of my neck prickled as his eyes began to glow.

“Con, it’s okay. Please, can you just help me back to my room?” I tried to straighten.

The glow faded. “Of course. Here, put this robe on. All right, baby—I’m sorry.” I’d stumbled, and he’d touched my arms to catch me. He let go. “I’m sorry.”

I tried to ease my throat with saliva. My bottom lip was also dry. “I’m fine. He didn’t rape me. I didn’t tell him no.”

Constin stood unmoving, eyes blank. “The next time you don’t tell him no in this fashion, he won’t live through the night.”

His quiet scared me. I almost backed up, but I’d be returning to Andrei’s bed and I wasn’t ready to face what I’d done. What I’d tried to sabotage.

My breath hitched, and some of my numbness faded under concern.

“Please don’t hurt him.” I injected as much firmness into my voice as possible.

“Take care of her,” Andrei said quietly. “Deal with me when she’s settled.”

I dared a quick look at Andrei. He was kneeling, hands on his thighs, his head lowered. He didn’t see me look.

The silence stretched as Constin studied me, then nodded, mouth a white slash.

“I won’t hurt him the exact way he didn’t hurt you.” He turned to Andrei. “Do you agree, my Lord?”

There appeared to be only one correct response. Andrei bowed, forehead touching the carpet, saying nothing as Constin gently ushered me from the bedroom. We entered my room and I sat on the bed.

Constin sighed, leaning against the wall. “We have rules, Anah. Protocol we live by because we’re too powerful, and too impulsive. I’ve tried to raise that boy to not be a self-indulgent, thoughtless terror, but sometimes things slip out. His father was—well, never mind.”

I rubbed my temple. Their relationship was so. . .Fae. They were luudthen—which meant friends, lovers, confidants, protectors—but Constin also acted like Andrei’s uncle sometimes.

“I’m fine. It wasn’t rape. I knew I could have stopped him. I—it was my fault.”

“ What? ” He went from friend to sleek predator in a second. “ Did he say that? ”

I cringed. “You don’t understand. I—I wanted him to hurt me.” I swallowed. “I wanted to use it against him later. For revenge. And maybe a little leverage.”

And because it was so hard to let go of past bitterness, disappointment, and to trust that for once, I could have happiness outside of dance.

Constin studied me. “Because of the punishment?”

I nodded, miserable. “I’m not a very nice person, Con. There’s more than one reason why I’m single.”

He snorted. “Darling. Don’t make me tell you stories about your bonded.” But he sighed, covering his eyes with a hand. “He still shouldn’t have taken you to bed when you didn’t want him.”

Since meeting Andrei I’d had no issues with libido. If only he was the cure for everything else, including my rotten soul.

“I don’t believe he meant to hurt you,” Constin said, lowering his hand. “But he needs to learn to control his impulses better. He could break you without trying.” He paused. “You know you don’t have to protect him, right?”

“I know. I’m upset, but that’s it.”

Constin shook his head. “He knows better than to take advantage, though. If you hear him screaming. . .he’ll live.”

Strange sounds woke me from a doze. I stood, walking to my window. Every room faced the inner courtyard. I looked out, immediately turned, and ran into the hallway to the nearest interior exit.

Walking outside, I stopped, my mouth falling open before I controlled myself.

They were like two sleek panthers, dark angels, classic Greek statues come to life. Naked, hair and skin and eyes shimmering under the moonlight as they fought.

Snarling, teeth and fists and the kind of sheer power and speed I’d seen only in fantasy movies done with special effects.

Andrei. . .barely defended himself from the brutal, methodical beating.

Constin wrapped an arm around Andrei’s neck, wrestling him to the ground on all fours. I winced, thinking of scraped knees.

Constin overpowered the High Lord, shoving his thighs apart. “How do you like it, my Lord ? When someone you love and trust overcomes you. You haven’t said no . Shall I fuck you then? It’s not rape, is it?”

The mockery in his voice curdled my stomach. A ghost of a very particular pain in Con’s voice. Acid, poison, a distilled viciousness that broke sweat along my spine as he struggled with that ghost.

I had to stop forgetting they all had other sides to their personalities. And hundreds of years enduring and inflicting the kind of trauma humans went insane over in just a few decades. No wonder they weren’t concerned with my little dark side.

I stepped forward.

“No, Lady.”

I glanced over my shoulder. Mathen stood a few feet behind me in the shadows, arms crossed over his chest. Watching, his expression resolute. I blinked. My teddy bear was a grizzly.

“Either he will yield, or he will suffer. In any case, he’ll pay the price.”

“This is barbaric.”

“So was bedding an upset, vulnerable consort who can’t withstand a soulbond enough to verbalize an obvious no.”

“No!” Andrei shouted. I whirled back around. “Damn you.” He pounded his fist against stone. “Damnit, Con. No.”

“I should fuck you anyway,” Constin growled, “make you bleed and scream as I betray you with your own pleasure. But the girl is watching and she’d never forgive me.”

He rose, stepping away from Andrei. . .and bowed, a graceful, perfect obeisance to a superior power—who was still kneeling, panting from the exertion of having his ass kicked into the ground. “My Lord.”

I winced again. Youch. Only the Fae could insert that much disdain into a brutally correct address.

Constin crossed the courtyard to the opposite side and disappeared into the house.

Andrei rose and turned, pinning me with brilliant teal eyes. He approached in his ethereal, rolling, inhuman gait. Nothing weak or defeated in his posture.

I believed he’d allowed the beating. He wouldn’t have suffered the penance or the humiliation a single moment if he hadn’t been chained by his own sense of honor, his love for us.

And maybe, with his own submission to a brutal punishment, he was sending me a message as well. “We ask nothing of you we don’t demand of ourselves.”

He halted in front of me—and kneeled, bowing until his forehead touched the ground. After a beat he straightened, head still lowered as he rested his hands on his thighs.

Strong. Proud. Deadly. Submissive.

The Heir of Casakraine could submit to his luudthen. Could kneel to his human consort.

He demanded no less service from me. There was a cost to living among them.

“It’s a formal obeisance, Lady,” Mathen said in a low voice. “He will not rise until you give him leave. If you don’t give it for a week, he still will not rise.”

“It’s an apology?”

“Yes. And among us, a humiliation. The High Lord’s Heir kneels to no one, not even a consort.”

“Enough, Andrei.” I abandoned formality and knelt, sighing, sliding my arms around his neck. “I get the point.”

Though I rather liked the look of him on his knees.

There was a noise and I looked up. Constin was leaning in the threshold of a door across the courtyard, a mug in his hand, an unbelted robe on his body. Another scuff of feet and I saw Philea, Esseum, Theland. Not all of the guard, but all the luudthen. Had they all been there, bearing witness?

Of course they had, or what would be the point?

“Andreien,” I whispered, burying my face against his neck, hiding from the residual humiliation.

He loathed this.

He knew he deserved it.

He wouldn’t say the words forgive me, because forgive me meant nothing. But he would ritually place himself as subordinate to her, until she felt he’d paid the price.

The beating was nothing compared to what he’d done. Not intentionally, but intent mattered nothing. Intent wouldn’t comfort a broken woman.

“Andrei,” I whispered again, withdrawing from his mind, too ashamed to voice my own guilt. I’d weaponized him like he was a toy. Like this life we were building was a tv drama or a game. “Take me back to bed. To sleep. I command it.”

He rose this time, lifting me in his arms. Mathen trailed behind us, his breath on Andrei’s neck.

The luudthen were angry. If only they knew who they should be angry with.

Why had I done this? I couldn’t walk away this time, so I was trying to force them to push me away? Was I so afraid of my own happiness?

I opened my mouth to confess, to apologize, but Andrei shook his head.

He said nothing, didn’t look at me. I felt the silent denial. Nothing I’d done—or hadn’t done—excused him for forcing himself on me. He’d expected me to behave like a young, petulant woman thrashing against her lover’s control. It was what fillies did during the breaking process. But he should have known better.

My mouth turned down. My guilt evaporated almost as soon as an image of a young female horse being broken to a halter drifted from his mind to mine.

He considered my spite nothing more than an expected act of defiance.

Andrei stopped in front of my bedroom door but I shook my head. I didn’t want to be alone tonight.

Even if I now wanted to strangle him.

A filly ?

“Your bed,” I said, voice hard. Slapping him would send the wrong message, and I didn’t have the energy for the inevitable retaliation.

Andrei obeyed, taking me to his room and tucking me in. He laid on his back above the covers, folding his arms in an x across his chest. He ignored Mathen, who flung himself into the corner and watched us like some kind of chaperone.

“I’ll be here all night, Anah,” Mathen said. “My Lord won’t touch you without your explicit command.”

All right.

“Unless he desires to be beaten like a mangy, monster-bred mutt again.”

. . .they’d left a lot of subtleties out of the culture module of the entrance orientation. Though I recalled murder wasn’t technically a crime unless you got caught. That might come in handy.

“Philea wanted her turn,” Mathen added.

A lot.