Chapter Thirty-Nine
In which the threat of Oksana reading monster smut aloud can have surprising medical results.
Vadim…
"I know how dedicated your family is, but this was hardcore.
Fortunately, both your father and Dedushka have your same blood type.
When you were in surgery, they both insisted on giving blood until they could hardly stand up themselves, saying that only Turgenev blood could flow through your veins.
" Oksana's voice drops to a rumble that is meant to sound like my grandfather's.
Something wisps across my cheek. The stroke of a wing, perhaps. Then, another one tracing lightly around my ear. I would raise my hands to swat it, but they don't move when I tell them to.
"Your Morozov cousins flew into town," she continues. "I think they were the angriest about having missed out on the torturing and killing. Iris and Caroline physically carried me out of this room and made me shower."
My bride's resentment is clear.
"So, if you heard a bunch of endless drivel, it wasn't me. It was probably Roman and Nikandr. They do enjoy hearing the sound of their own voices." There's a bit of a smile in her tone.
"Your Aunt Ella - or is it your Great Aunt Ella?
I'm not sure. At any rate, she flew in first, she brought two surgeons from the States with her.
They both looked terrified." Oksana gives a throaty little chuckle.
"You know how your father and grandfather can look, so…
Another specialist came in from Switzerland yesterday. But mostly, it's been family here."
Something cool and moist moves over my face and arms, it feels good.
"For a man who hates to sleep, you're certainly catching up now," my bride says. There's a tremble at the end of her voice; I hate that something has made her unhappy. “But I’m here, my sweetheart. For as long as it takes for you to wake up.”
"Now, I don't want to threaten you." The cheerful tone is back.
"But Iris and Dasha brought me a stack of filthy paperbacks to read.
They said that reading the book is dirtier somehow when it's the old-fashioned way, instead of on my iPad.
" She lets out a wicked little chuckle. "I'm going to read every single one of them to you until you wake up.
The girls helpfully outlined several passages for me.
There's this one where the man is an alien.
And he has…" Her voice drops to whisper, "Two dicks. So, every time he -"
My chest rumbles. A laugh, I think.
Oksana's flow of words stops instantly. "Vadim? I heard you!" She's clicking something furiously. "I heard you. I love you! I love you so much. You should wake up so I can tell you that with your eyes open, okay?"
The door opens with a whoosh of air and suddenly, I feel crowded, here in my ocean of blood. I float for a moment, resting my arms.
"I don't see anything, Mrs. Turgeneva."
"Look at his monitor," she says sharply. "See? A spike in his heart rate."
"That could be anything." The man's voice is kind, and extremely cautious. He doesn't want to upset her, my wife. This is good for his continued survival. More voices. More doctors and nurses, I think.
Then my mother's voice, sharp, and clear. "Vadim. Your beautiful wife and I will be very disappointed if you don't open your eyes."
Why can't I move my hands or feet? They're like granite blocks, uselessly attached to the rest of me. I manage to open my eyes, part way. A long, slow blink. The room is wavy, like I'm under water. Another blink, and I see my mother. Her warm brown eyes, wide with joy, tears running down her face.
Moving my head is like dragging a tractor, slow and painful, but finally, I can look to my right. It's my Oksana, curled up on the bed with me. She's found her way under, or between, or around dozens of tubes and wires.
"I love you, my sweetheart, thank you for opening your eyes," she says, managing to laugh and cry at the same time. "We've missed you so much!" She kisses my cheek, my neck, my hand, crying harder. "It was my threat about the romance with the alien who had two dicks, wasn't it? It was…"
She abruptly shuts her mouth, glancing wide-eyed at my mother, who doesn't seem to be paying attention to her. One of the nurses has her lips pressed tightly together, trying not to laugh.
My mouth is taped around a tube shoved down my throat, and I growl. My hands are infuriating, too heavy to reach for it. The doctor tries to awkwardly stretch over Oksana, who instantly slithers off the bed. I don't like that.
"Get his oxygen mask ready," he says to a nurse. She's hovering in seconds with a mask and a tank. "Hold on, Mr. Turgenev," he says. "I need to do this slowly to avoid damaging your throat, all right?"
When the tube finally pulls free from my throat, my chest rises and falls with a huge, heaving gasp. A thousand points of agony are making themselves known on my body, I barely notice any of them, breathing in deep, grateful even for the antiseptic smell of the hospital room.
"Oksana dear, give him some water," my mother urges.
"Oh, yes of course, Svekrov' thank you! Vadim, can you drink some water?"
I painfully lick my cracked lips and Oksana eagerly holds the glass for me, angling the straw to my mouth. I swallow some water before coughing it back up and trying again. Her tears are dripping on my face, but I don't mind.
"There you are, my wife," I croak. "I swam through oceans of blood to find you."
***
Svekrov' - Russian for mother-in-law