Chapter 15 #4
“He’s safe. A fool came into my club and thought that he could simply claim Gideon without repercussions.”
“I’m sorry.”
Rafe pulled away from Philippe so that he could sit up against the pillows and headboard. Thoughts of Gideon and what occurred at Blush had Rafe wide awake now. “It’s not the first time someone has set their eye on Gideon, though it’s been a while. Fucking idiots,” he muttered.
Philippe seemed about to speak, but in the end, he pressed his lips tightly together as if he were trying to swallow the words.
“If you don’t feel free to tell me your thoughts, then we haven’t grown nearly as close as I thought we had,” Rafe said. He softened his words with a small smile down at Philippe.
“Just because I have the freedom to share my opinion does not mean that I should take advantage of that. You might have no interest in my opinion.”
“Tell me.”
“Is Gideon a Varik?”
Rafe tensed at the question, struggling to keep his expression bland, but he had a feeling that Philippe already saw through him. It was why he’d hesitated. “The Variks aren’t a clan. We’re a family.”
Philippe pushed up so that he was sitting against the pillows with Rafe.
“Yes, I know that’s how you see it. It’s how all the Variks see it.
You’re simply a family, but our world doesn’t know how to deal with that.
We see you as a clan whether you wish to accept that or not.
I’m sure Marcus has in a way simply because he’s the one who must go before the Ministry. ”
“Why does it fucking matter?”
“Because the word ‘clan’ means something to us. It’s the one shield we all recognize.
It carries weight where few things do.” Philippe lifted his hand and pressed his fingers against Rafe’s jaw, adding pressure until Rafe turned his head to look at him.
“Some of us recognize that Gideon belongs to you without the clan name, but most won’t.
You’ll have to keep fighting them year after year, town after town, because Gideon has no clan.
The same goes for Lola and Ryder. They stand by you out of loyalty and love, but they don’t have the benefit of having a clan. ”
Disgust filled him, and Rafe had to turn his gaze away from Philippe. He stared down at the sheets draped over his lap, his fingers twisted in the fine material. “They deserve better.”
“I’ve seen you with them,” Philippe said sharply. Rafe looked back to see his eyes narrowed. “I don’t think one of them would complain about the arrangement. They know you will give your life to protect them. They know your family will always protect them.”
Rafe closed his eyes. Philippe’s words were a mild balm, but he still worried about his people. Philippe was right. He needed to speak with Marcus about it. If they were to ever officially become a clan, to take in outsiders, Marcus would be the one he needed to convince first.
“I need to speak with my brothers about this,” Rafe admitted thickly.
“Trust me, I’m the last person who wants to strengthen the walls between us,” Philippe said. His voice was light and off-hand, but it had Rafe’s eyes popping open and his heart speeding up.
“What? What walls?”
This time, it was Philippe’s turn to look away from Rafe. His cheeks took on a slightly red hue in a surprising blush. “I think I misspoke. Making stupid assumptions,” Philippe said a low, hurried voice.
“No, mon ange,” Rafe started, trying to soften his tone when he saw how uncomfortable Philippe suddenly appeared to be. “I’m truly lost. What assumptions are you talking about? What walls?”
Philippe looked up at Rafe for a moment, as if trying to decide whether Rafe was as lost as he claimed to be. The mention of walls between them had sent a shaft of panic through Rafe, leaving him wanting to pull Philippe tight against him.
“I assumed what was happening between us was…more than sex. I thought you felt…something…”
Rafe leaned over and captured Philippe’s lips in a brutal, draining kiss that had Philippe happily sighing into his mouth and stopping his broken words.
Yes, this was more than sex and a bit of fun.
Rafe had known it was more almost from the first moment Philippe touched him.
He was drawn to the man as if the mythical red thread tied them together across distance and time.
“This was never just sex. I feel so much, need you so much,” Rafe said when he could finally pull his mouth from Philippe’s.
But his words didn’t bring the look of joy he’d expected. Rather, Philippe looked sad at Rafe’s proclamation. He couldn’t be alone in this. Philippe cared for him as well. He knew it.
“And I care for you as well. Need you. But our clans stand between us. They’ll always separate us.”
Rafe jerked away from Philippe. He wanted to climb out of the bed and pace, to run from those words. That couldn’t be true.
“How? The Variks and Arsenaults are forming an alliance.”
“True. But you will always be a Varik first.”
“Yes, of course.” The words were out of Rafe’s mouth before he could even think about them. Philippe might look a little sad, but not particularly surprised. The Variks were his family. Blood. Philippe couldn’t possibly expect him to choose anyone over his blood.
“And as long as the interests of the Variks and Arsenaults are aligned, we have no problems.”
Rafe’s heart skipped. The air in the room grew heavy and it was difficult to draw in a breath.
He finally saw where Philippe’s thoughts had traveled, and he couldn’t sit still any longer.
Throwing back the covers, Rafe placed his feet on the floor.
He walked over to the dresser and grabbed a pair of sleep pants.
“If we should ever differ on an issue, you would automatically side with your brothers,” Philippe continued.
“Would you truly expect me to do otherwise? How could you even respect me if I turned on my family?” Rafe snapped as he jerked on his pants, one leg at a time.
“Rafe, I’m not criticizing you. Of course, you would choose your brothers first. You would choose your clan first,” Philippe continued softly. “I’m sure you would expect the same from me. You wouldn’t care for me if you thought I wouldn’t do everything to protect my clan.”
Rafe paced away from Philippe, shoving his hand through his hair.
Panic crawled across his skin, and he was tempted to cross to the living room where his violin case rested on its usual shelf.
Holding it clutched in his fingers, he was sure the world would settle into an order he could make sense out of, that he’d be able to find a solution.
But there was a nagging voice in his head that kept repeating there was no solution.
“Where does that leave us?” Rafe demanded, hating the way the panic was starting to sharpen his voice.
“I would ask you to join the Arsenault clan, but I don’t think my heart could take your rejection right now.”
Rafe’s head jerked around so that he was looking at Philippe still seated on the bed. He hadn’t moved while Rafe paced like a caged animal. But his fingers were tightly clutching the sheet pulled up to his waist.
“Philippe…”
“Don’t, mon amour. It’s as you said, how could I respect you if you turned away from your family?”
“Then what do we do?”
Philippe shrugged, but it was a minute movement of his slim shoulders.
He smiled at Rafe, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
Suddenly the strong, powerful creature he was falling for looked very small and worried.
The vampire who had pulled together and protected his clan was replaced by a twentysomething young man faced with losing his lover.
“We continue as we have been. Enjoy the stolen moments we can find.”
And pray nothing comes between our two clans that would rip us apart.
Those were the words Philippe was refusing to say, but Rafe could feel their unspoken weight hanging between them.
But stolen moments and prayers weren’t enough for Rafe.
Not when he’d found someone who completed him in a way he’d never thought possible.
The emptiness was filled by Philippe and his beautiful golden light.
If there were truly no other way, he would learn to be content with stolen moments, but only after he’d searched for a solution that would keep them together.
That would give them a chance at something closer to what Marcus had achieved with Ethan.
Just the thought of his older brother’s relationship sent up a fresh spark of longing. Rafe wanted to wake each night with Philippe in his arms. He wanted him there to share his worries and joys.
And if he was being truly honest with himself, he wanted Philippe to be a Varik.
“Please, Rafe. Come back to bed. I never meant to upset you. I’m sorry I even opened my mouth.”
Rafe crossed over to the bed and climbed under the covers. He pulled Philippe tight against him, loving the feel of his man pressed to his chest. “Don’t. They were words I needed to hear.”
“Maybe, but not now. It’s been a long day. We both need rest. We already have plenty to worry about without this.”
Pressing a kiss to the corner of Philippe’s eye, Rafe ran his fingers through Philippe’s hair over and over again as Rafe settled onto his pillows. “We will figure this out. The bastard attacking your clan. My clan identity issues. Us. We will figure them all out. I’m not giving this up.”
Philippe sighed, his body relaxing. He didn’t speak.
Did Philippe doubt whether they would find a solution to their personal problem?
God knew he was skeptical enough for both of them.
But he would fight for them, even if he had to drag all of his brothers into it. He was not willing to let Philippe go.