Chapter 8 #4
Bel’s head jerked at the sound of Rafe’s voice so close to him.
His brother was only a few feet away as he walked between some high-top tables to where he was standing.
How the hell had he missed Rafe when he was so close?
Because his mind had been elsewhere instead of focused on what he was supposed to be doing in the first place.
Before he could even reply, his twin was on him, wrapping one arm around his thin shoulders, pulling him in close. Some of the anxiety itching along nerve endings eased at his brother’s familiar embrace. Rafe was safe. Rafe was home.
“Where the devil have you been?” Rafe shouted over the music.
“Just the usual. Lost in my work,” Bel replied, mentally reminding himself that he wasn’t lying. He had been lost in his work. It just wasn’t the type of work any of his brothers would be expecting.
Yes, he needed to tell his family about Wyatt and River.
He wasn’t ready yet. He was terrified that they wouldn’t understand, and he was not giving them up.
At least not until they found another solution to their problem.
Bel would see them safely settled in a life of their own.
Not forever dependent upon another for their safety. They deserved freedom and happiness.
Even if it meant never seeing them again.
“You look pale, sweet Bel.” Rafe’s fingers lightly pinched Bel’s chin and tilted his head up even though they were the same height.
Rafe liked to see himself as the older, protective brother despite the fact that they were bloody twins.
And Bel tolerated it because it made Rafe happy.
Well, it also made Bel feel loved, so it was a win for both of them. “When was the last time you fed?”
“It hasn’t been that long. Couple of weeks,” Bel muttered, pulling his chin free.
“Are you feeling ill?”
Bel lifted an eyebrow at him as if to wordlessly remind him that he was a vampire and they did not become ill.
But Rafe didn’t back down from the question.
It was fair. Bel wasn’t feeling right. He was twitchy and cranky and so fucking needy.
He needed someone or rather someones very specific, but it was never going to happen.
Instead he was here, looking for a substitute to take the edge off.
“Just need to feed.” Taking a deep breath, he leaned closer to Rafe so he could speak directly into his ear. “I’m looking for something specific, and I was hoping you could help me.”
There was surprise written clearly in Rafe’s wide eyes, but to his credit, Rafe didn’t utter a word of mocking, and Bel was so damn grateful.
“I’m always here to help you,” Rafe murmured with full sincerity.
Hating the burning in his cheeks, Bel gave a clear description of the type of donor he was looking for tonight. There was no fooling himself. The picture he was painting would have matched Wyatt down to his warm smile and laughing eyes.
Rafe rubbed a couple of fingers across his lips as his eyes skimmed over the crowd of people drinking and dancing around them. “That is rather specific,” Rafe murmured.
“If you can’t—”
“I didn’t say that,” Rafe interrupted, his smile returning. “Why don’t you go to the staff hallway? I’ll meet you there in a moment with a new friend.”
Bel nodded and started to work his way around the crowd.
This was an arrangement he’d not taken advantage of in quite a while.
At least three or four decades. He usually only came to Rafe for help with hunting when he’d gone too long between feedings and he wasn’t sure about his own control.
Having his brother watching his back and protecting his victim always made him feel more secure.
But tonight wasn’t about protection and safety.
It was about scratching an itch that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to on his own.
Rafe was the suave, devil-may-care rascal.
Even if he’d tossed aside his penchant for meaningless sex with nameless people, he still knew how to charm and dazzle people.
And if it became completely necessary, he could use his gift to cloud their minds and wipe their memories.
To his relief, the dimly lit hallway was empty when he reached it.
He’d briefly spotted Lola at her usual spot by the bar and Gideon was dancing in his gilded cage high above the crowd.
He thought he spotted Jullien moving through the dancing people, but he wasn’t completely sure.
The vampires were all a part of the Varik clan now, as well as employees at Blush.
They were there mostly to keep the peace among the vampires who came to play at Blush, but to also protect the humans.
Leaning against the wall, Bel closed his eyes and tried to settle the roiling emotions in his gut.
This was so very stupid. He needed to learn to squash all these wants and desires.
They were wrong. Yes, he wanted Wyatt and River so badly he could taste it.
He wanted to touch and hold them. He wanted to feel their lips pressed to his and all that warm skin rubbing along his naked body.
He wanted it so bad his empty hands ached, and unshed tears burned his eyes.
So many nights of easy laughter, silly wrestling matches, and puppy piles while watching movies were driving him insane.
He could feel their desire. Some nights it tasted thicker than blood on his tongue, but it had to be for each other.
River had come so far in finally trusting him, relaxing around him.
When Wyatt looked at him, it was with eyes of trust and friendship.
And Bel wouldn’t break that trust and friendship by trying to insinuate himself into their happy relationship.
They weren’t his to want.
They belonged to each other.
And he would never do anything to ruin the beautiful thing they had found together.
God, was this penance?
Not that he believed in God, but if there was such a thing, this could be his punishment for failing to find a cure for his mother.
It had to be what Aiden felt for years. To have the woman he loved so much close at all times, and yet he could never have her.
How had his father not lost his mind after all these years?
Bel had survived only a month and felt like he was going to shatter.
“There’s the handsome man I wanted you to meet.”
Rafe’s voice had Bel’s eyes blinking open.
A handsome man stood beside him with a slightly glazed look in his eyes, indicating that he was either high as a kite or already under Rafe’s spell.
The shoulder-length brown hair and broad shoulders were nice, but Bel’s mind was already picking apart all the ways that he wasn’t as handsome as Wyatt.
His nose was too large, and his lips were too thin.
He wasn’t tall enough. At least two inches too short.
Bel slammed the door shut on that kind of thinking. He was here to feed and nothing more. “He’ll do,” Bel forced himself to say when his heart was screaming no.
Grabbing the man’s arm, he shoved him against the wall and Bel fell on him before he could react, sinking his fangs in deep.
The blood rushed down his throat, but there was none of the normal relief.
It tasted like acid on his tongue. The man’s cologne tickled his nose, and all he could think was that he didn’t smell like Wyatt or River.
The hands gripping him didn’t feel like theirs either.
This was all wrong.
It was bad enough to use this person for his blood, but to steal it away because he had a faint resemblance to another person just made it worse.
Choking on the swallow of blood already in his mouth, Bel quickly healed the wound and stepped away from the man.
“I can’t do this,” he whispered. He tried to leave, but Rafe’s hand clamped on his arm, stopping him.
There was a flurry of whispered words as Rafe quickly wiped the man’s memory of what had just happened and sent him back into the nightclub.
Rafe pulled him along, up the stairs to his private office on the second floor.
There was no arguing or fighting with him.
Bel didn’t want to talk, but Rafe wasn’t someone who took no for an answer.
If Bel didn’t talk to him now, Rafe would follow him home, and that would just make everything worse.
His brother didn’t release his arm until they were inside the office and the door was closed.
A blessed silence fell over them, and some of the tension pulling Bel’s shoulders tight eased.
He walked straight to the wall of windows that looked over the dance floor below.
Better than trying to meet his brother’s gaze at that moment.
Behind him, he could hear ice hitting glass following by a rush of liquid. Rafe appeared at his side a minute later, shoving a tumbler of amber alcohol into his hand.
To his great relief, Rafe didn’t say anything.
He wrapped his free arm around Bel’s shoulders and pulled him in close, resting his head against Bel’s.
Closing his eyes, Bel soaked in his twin’s wordless comfort.
Over the long years, they’d all had bad nights and not asked a lot of questions.
Most of the time, their pain had been linked to their mother.
She’d hurt them all time and again, though it wasn’t her fault.
And if she wasn’t physically hurting them, just being around her could be emotionally draining.
Knowing that she was no longer the person who had loved and cared for them.
And even after all the ways she’d hurt them since becoming a vampire, Bel found that he still missed her now that she was dead. The love had never died.
“Do you think Aiden was ever happy when she was a vampire?” Bel softly asked.
“I think he found some happiness when he was able to visit with us,” Rafe said after a moment. “I know Marcus would sneak out to visit with him whenever he was somewhat close. He popped by my nightclubs a few times over the years.”
“I saw him too, but the visits were always so brief. On the scale of how long we live, those visits were just the blink of an eye.”
“But they were enough. He made sure they were enough for him. He knew we were happy and safe. That’s all he wanted.”
No, he also wanted Julianna, but he couldn’t have her.
Bel swallowed back those bitter words. He understood what Rafe was saying.
Life wasn’t about being happy or having the thing you most desired.
Sometimes all a person could do was grab up what little sparks of happiness that could be found and treasure each one of them.
Sometimes happiness was only a sip and a tiny taste instead of a great feast.
He couldn’t have Wyatt and River as his own, but he could treasure each smile and laugh.
He could be happy that he was providing them a safe place to live and love each other.
He could provide opportunities for them to pursue their dreams. And he could be grateful that they allowed him to try to be their friend.
It would be enough.
It had to be enough.
“I should be heading home,” Bel murmured.
Rafe’s hand tightened on his shoulder. “I wish you would talk to me. I can feel your pain.”
“I…” Bel broke off. He didn’t know what to say. At least not the truth. Not yet. “We all have bad nights occasionally.”
“I know.” Rafe released a heavy sigh before dropping his hand from Bel and straightening. “I don’t care how important your experiments are. Don’t miss the next family dinner. You’re the only one who can make Marcus see reason.”
Not true in the slightest, but Bel appreciated the sentiment.
“I’ll be there,” he promised.
Bel turned away from the window and placed his untouched drink on the coffee table in front of the couch on his way to the door.
“I love you, Beltran.”
He stopped with his hand on the doorknob and turned to find Rafe still facing the window, sipping his alcohol. He smiled. It was enough.
“I love you too, Rafe.”