Chapter 21
Twenty-One
Fox awoke with a start. He shot upright in the bed, gasping for air against the last image burned in his brain. All the Variks were dead…because of him. Because of his magic. It was just a nightmare, but he couldn’t shake it.
He glanced over his shoulder to find Winter sprawled on his stomach, his face pressed into his pillow as he breathed deeply.
It would be so nice to just curl up with Winter again and fall asleep, pretend the nightmare was nothing, but he knew he’d never be able to. The dream wasn’t an omen, but a reminder of the one thing he didn’t want to think about—hurting the Variks.
As quietly as he possibly could, Fox slipped out of bed and pulled on the pajamas he’d tossed onto the floor. Escaping Winter’s room without waking him, Fox headed downstairs where he dropped on the couch to face the cold, hard truth.
He was the Fox in the prophecy.
Damon believed he was going to hurt the Variks from within.
There was a chance he could be right. What if he’d gotten the prophecy straight from the witch? She could have explained that was what the prophecy meant.
Not that Winter didn’t have a good interpretation too. They just weren’t working with enough information yet.
The big question was whether Fox was willing to risk the lives of all the Variks by not doing anything.
That was a huge fucking NO.
He didn’t want to do anything that endangered the Variks.
Yes, he’d known Winter for barely more than a week, but the vampire was claiming his heart piece by piece with every kind word, gentle gesture, and wonderful laugh.
Even the Variks had treated him with kindness and respect despite the fucking mess they were all in.
Not once had they thought less of him because he couldn’t do magic.
When Winter said he’d didn’t think Fox meant to harm them, they all believed him.
And by extension, they believed in Fox. He had no intention of ever breaking that trust.
So if he didn’t hurt them intentionally, it all came down to doing something unintentionally.
Like blocking Winter’s access to the ghosts with his magic.
His stupid fucking magic, which he couldn’t even access. The last link between him and his mother. She’d been so proud of her witch heritage. She never wanted to do grand things with her magic, but she loved doing small, helpful things. She liked making the world a better place.
And Melanie Turner instilled that same pride and need to be helpful in her son.
Except Fox couldn’t do anything helpful with his magic. If anything, he stood a very good chance of destroying something beautiful with his magic, and he couldn’t allow it.
He had to get rid of his magic.
Just the thought created a painful lump in his throat.
Fox slapped a hand over his mouth to hold back the choked cry.
He’d wanted magic his entire life, and when he’d finally discovered that he was truly a witch, it remained just beyond his reach.
But it was there. The potential was always there and with it the tiny hope that just maybe he’d learn how to tap into it one day.
He’d be the witch that would make his mother proud.
If he got rid of that, all those hopes and dreams would be dead.
But Winter would be safe. Marcus, Bel, Rafe, and all their family would be safe.
Winter would lose his shielding from the ghosts. He might even hate Fox for cursing him once again, but he’d be alive. His family would be alive.
Roughly wiping away the tears that streaked down his cheeks, Fox got off the couch and marched into Winter’s office. He could do this. Losing his magic would be worth it if he could protect Winter and his family. Even if he lost Winter, it would be worth it.
A twist of unease shimmied through him as he sank into Winter’s chair. Their first night together in the loft, Winter had told him not to use his computer, but it was the only way to find the information he needed.
Taking a deep breath, he shook the mouse and woke the computer from its slumber. It didn’t recognize his face, but Fox had watched as Winter typed in a six-digit code to unlock it one day. Of course, he remembered it, as if his brain had known he’d betray his lover’s trust one day.
Once logged in, he pulled up a browser and started digging in the few places he’d sworn to himself he’d never go again.
His personal contacts were extremely few, but there were other resources online he could use.
It just took knowing where to look. Things his mother had made him aware of just before her death.
He didn’t know how much time ticked by as he worked on his search. Enough that his neck had grown stiff and his back ached. Groaning, he straightened and twisted in his seat when his eyes fell on Winter standing in the open doorway. He shouted and jerked upright.
“What the fuck? How long have you been standing there?” Fox demanded, even though he had zero right to be pissed. He was the one invading Winter’s space without asking.
“Not long. I woke up and didn’t like that I was alone,” Winter replied. He didn’t look pissed, just wary. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing. I-I was just looking for something,” Fox muttered. He reached for the mouse to close the window he was on, but a sharp bark from Winter halted his hand in midair. Winter closed the last few feet between them and stood behind Fox to see the computer monitor clearly.
“SpellIt?”
Fox groaned. “No one ever accused witches of being incredibly original. It’s sort of like Reddit for witches. A networking forum to share information.”
“I thought witches didn’t like to share info.”
“They don’t. Well, not with apprentices, I guess. They don’t mind talking to other trained witches if you don’t mind sifting through all the trolling comments and sniping at each other.”
Winter reached around him and placed his palm over the mouse. He carefully moved the cursor up to the navigation window and hit the back arrow. Fox flinched and huddled in on himself as he waited for Winter to hit the main search screen.”
“How to remove a witch’s magic,” Winter read aloud. The silence that followed was heavy, and Fox couldn’t bring himself to look up at the vampire. “Fox, what are you doing?” Winter finally asked in a harsh whisper.
“The right thing,” Fox replied, trying to put as much steel in his voice as possible.
“How could this be the right thing? Being a witch, being able to do magic is the most important thing in the world to you. I would never ask that of you.”
Fox launched himself out of his seat and paced away from Winter, anything to protect himself from those sweet words.
“No, the most important thing in the world to me is you. And if Damon and that stupid prophecy are right, I’m going to hurt you with my magic.
It’s the only thing that’s left. I can’t…
I can’t do that. I’d never be able to live with myself.
” Fox’s voice broke, or maybe that was the remains of his heart.
He didn’t want to give up his magic, but he’d give up everything to protect Winter.
“I’d rather lose my magic and give up the only thing about me that’s worthwhile than hurt you and your family. ”
Winter shook his head, deep lines digging into his brow as he glared at Fox. “Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that.”
“It’s the truth.”
Winter closed the distance between them, grabbing his arms tightly.
“You’ve not heard a word I’ve said the past few days.
Your magic is not the only thing that makes you valuable.
You are an amazing, wonderful person. You make me laugh.
You make me feel like there’s more to me than just killing and death.
You are strong and brave without ever casting a single spell.
You risked your life for me in that vampire’s house.
You had no idea if I was in there to protect you or not, but you did it anyway. ”
“I trusted you. Believed in you.”
“And I can do anything because you believe in me.” Winter leaned close and brushed away Fox’s tears with his lips. “I’m dreading the day we finally take care of Damon,” Winter whispered roughly.
Fox jerked away enough to look up into Winter’s eyes. “What?”
“Because then you’ll be free to leave me. And even if all the ghosts come rushing back, I know my life is going to feel empty without you.”
Lunging at Winter, Fox tightly wrapped his arms around Winter’s neck. “I don’t want to leave you, but I don’t want to hurt you. If I give up my magic—”
“Not an option,” Winter interrupted, tightening his arms around Fox’s waist until he swore he felt ribs nearly crack.
“I like you exactly how you are. I don’t want you to change anything.
When this is over, I want to find a witch and fucking force her to teach you to use your magic.
I know you’ll be the best witch ever because I believe in you, and it’s what you want. ”
Fox’s heart swelled under Winter’s fierce words. He’d been sure the thing would never be put together again, but Winter wasn’t only picking up the pieces. He was gluing them back together with his fierce devotion.
“Please don’t let me hurt you. Don’t want to hurt your family,” he pleaded. He didn’t know what was right anymore.
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes.”
“Then trust me when I say that you won’t hurt me. I know it.”
Fox could only nod his head. If he spoke, more sobs and other words he wasn’t quite ready to say would all come spilling out. He wasn’t going anywhere. So long as Winter wanted him, he was staying right in his arms.
“Will you come to bed with me? You’ve scared the shit out of me, and I need to hold you for a little while,” Winter murmured against his hair.
“Yes, please.”
Fox loosened his hold on Winter enough to let the vampire take his hand and lead him up the stairs.
Once in the room again, Winter kissed him as he took off his clothes and put him in bed.
They made love slowly this time. Winter kept him balanced on the edge, his skin covered in sweat and trembling, before letting him find release.
Sated and sleepy, Fox smiled as Winter cleaned him up and tucked him beside Winter’s body.
As he drifted off, he clung to the thought that Winter believed in him, cared for him with or without his magic. That was enough. They’d find their answers together.