Chapter 23
Twenty-Three
Winter sat in his office, watching Fox retreat up to his room under the excuse of wanting to take a shower.
Marcus and Ethan had left an hour earlier, and Fox had spent that time searching for a witch by the name of Cheryl Watkins.
It was by sheer luck that she was living close in Massachusetts. Just a few hours’ drive away.
Their plan was to drive to her place and hope she could shed some light on this prophecy. While they had the wording, proving that Fox was linked to it, they needed clarification on whether Fox’s magic could be a threat and what was meant by “disarm the Variks.”
But even with a new plan of action in hand, the mood remained somber. Winter loved his brother, but he wished to God the man hadn’t stopped by. He and Fox had been happy in their little bubble away from the world. It had been a taste of heaven, and now Winter didn’t want to go back to normal life.
Just the idea made his stomach turn and his heart ache.
Life before Fox had been bleak with little sparks of happiness here and there when he was with his brothers. It had been balancing protecting Julianna from herself, protecting his brothers from her, and protecting all of his family from other vampires. The job had no end in sight.
And then there were the ghosts. Bitching and moaning and constantly cluttering up his life. They floated through, wanting something, searching for something, or just angry they were dead. And Winter could do nothing about it.
But with Fox, it felt like all of that went away. For just a little while, he could simply be, and it was glorious.
Even if he was dealing with other vampires and fighting against them, he had Fox right there at his side. The burden didn’t feel so great.
Talking to Marcus, though, had left Winter feeling torn.
He felt guilty for what happened to Blush.
For so many years, he’d overseen the protection of his family.
It was his job. It was what he was good at.
Marcus dealt with the Ministry and other clans.
Bel was their scientist and Rafe, for all his troublemaking, was sort of their goodwill ambassador.
If a vampire didn’t start a quarrel with the Variks, then Rafe made sure he or she had fun at his club.
Unfortunately, Winter didn’t want to do his job anymore.
He didn’t want to spend his nights covered in the blood of the clan’s enemies.
He didn’t want to constantly risk his life for a new secret.
He wanted Fox. He wanted to laugh and make Fox happy.
He wanted to find a way for Fox to be trained in magic, because it was important to him and his sense of identity.
He wanted to spend more time figuring out why he had this ghostly power in the first place and why Fox affected him as he did.
There had to be more for life. At least, he wanted more for his life.
But that might not be possible as a vampire.
His brothers had found love, and he envied them for it.
Marcus had found Ethan. Rafe had his Philippe.
Even awkward and absent-minded Bel had his wolves.
Was he trying to force Fox into a slot where he didn’t actually fit?
Or maybe Winter wasn’t meant to have someone. He was just meant to kill.
No, he didn’t believe that. Fox saw him, saw the things he did, and believed he was more than that. They had more than a stupid prophecy and Fox’s gift binding them together. He knew in his heart that Fox was his, and he would find a way to make this work.
Winter shoved to his feet and went to double-check the security system and the locks on the door before climbing the stairs in search of Fox.
He found the witch sitting on the edge of his bed with a towel dangling from both hands.
His gaze seemed a million miles away at that moment, and Winter hesitated to bother him, but his grim expression left Winter sure he was not thinking happy thoughts.
“I’m wondering if we moved too fast,” Fox murmured, proving that he was aware of Winter standing in the open doorway.
Winter’s heart gave a painful skip in his chest, and he hesitated a second before stepping into the room. “What do you mean?”
Fox shrugged a shoulder. “The dating, sex, and moving in thing. We’ve been lost in our own world for a few really good days now.
Yeah, we’ve had to deal with some problems here and there, but other than that, it’s just been us.
We’ve been blissfully unaware of the rest of the world and any problems.”
“We’ve had our arguments.”
Fox made a slightly dismissive noise, as if he wasn’t completely convinced. “We’ve talked so much, and yet I’m not sure I really know you.”
Winter entered the room and sat on the edge of the bed next to Fox. He was dressed in only a pair of sleep pants. The smell of coconut body wash drifted from him, and Winter longed to press his face into the warmth of his skin so he could breathe him in.
“And then there’s your relationship with your family.”
Winter’s head snapped up, and he immediately bristled. “What do you mean?”
Fox sighed, and Winter couldn’t help cringing. He’d immediately gone on the defensive, and that wasn’t fair to Fox.
“I’m sorry. Please. I’m listening.”
“I know they’re important to you, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s wonderful, in fact. I wish I had that. But…if we’re going to be in a relationship, I don’t want to always come in last. It’s…it’s not fair to me.”
Leaning forward with his arms on his knees, Winter turned his head, trying to see Fox’s face a little better. “I don’t understand.”
“It’s your job to protect your family, but it doesn’t make sense that it’s your job alone.
You have older brothers. They have to take some responsibility too.
The moment something went wrong, you took immediate responsibility for it.
It was your fault that you didn’t work harder or see it coming.
You didn’t prepare enough.” Fox paused and licked his lips before he turned his head to meet Winter’s gaze with a pained but determined look of his own.
“You thought if you hadn’t been distracted with me, you could have saved Rafe’s club.
Or maybe if you hadn’t been distracted with me, you could have taken care of Damon by now. ”
Winter froze. He had thought those things. He’d been angry at himself and hurting for his brother. And he’d thought them.
Hearing those words out of Fox’s mouth made him realize how wrong it was.
“I don’t want to be your distraction. I don’t want to be something you slip into your life when you don’t have to worry about protecting your family or dealing with other vampires. If we’re going to date, I deserve to be a priority.”
“You’re right.”
Fox blinked at him, his lips parting in surprise. “Seriously?”
Winter wanted to smile at him, but he was still hurting too much to get his lips to move in that direction. “You are. I’m too accustomed to always putting my family first. I say that you’re important to me, but I need to treat you as such. I haven’t been fair to you, and I’m so very sorry.”
Fox shook his head. “Winter, it’s not just that.
You don’t ever put you first. I know your family is important, and there are going to be a lot of times where they have to come first. That’s fine.
I like them too. I want to help protect them.
But I don’t want you to ever look back at our time together and not see it as important too.
You need to value what you want. Do you even know what you want? What makes you happy?”
That didn’t even require thought.
“You.” He said simply and without hesitation as he held Fox’s gaze.
“Even if you never cast a single spell. Even if you lose your ability to block out the ghosts, I just want you. I want to wake up to your smiling face. I want to watch you eat and hear the crazy thoughts crossing your mind. I want to smell you on my sheets and on my clothes. And I want to hold you when you’re hurting, or when I’m hurting, because I know if I can wrap my arms around you, the pain will go away and we can figure out the next step together. ”
Fox looked away from him, wiping one eye with the heel of his palm. “Bastard,” he muttered, but there was a whisper of a smile on his lips as he said it.
Winter slowly reached across and lightly grazed Fox’s arm with the tips of his fingers, just barely touching him.
“I’m sorry I made you feel unimportant. You’re not a distraction.
You are important to me. Our time together is valuable.
As you know, I’ve never done this dating thing, and I’m still figuring it out.
It’s not an excuse, just a fact. I would very much like it if we could keep trying. ”
Reaching across, Fox threaded his fingers with Winter’s and squeezed. “I would too.”
Winter released a heavy sigh of relief and lifted Fox’s hand to his lips, brushing a kiss across each finger. Fox leaned into him and pressed their foreheads together. Some of the tension that had balled up in his chest released, and it was like he could breathe again.
“There’s one more thing,” Fox said. “We have to talk about the difficult things.”
“I take it all back,” Winter replied, but it was done with a smirk.
“I’m being serious.” Fox’s tone sharpened and he narrowed his eyes on Winter as he lifted his head. “I mean it for both of us. I feel like there’s a lot we need to talk about. Heavy stuff we’ve been avoiding.”
There was no question in Winter’s mind what Fox was talking about. Or rather who. Julianna Varik. Winter hadn’t so much refused to talk about her, but he did redirect the conversation every time she came up. Apparently he hadn’t been as deft in his maneuvering as he’d hoped.
But then, Winter had a few questions for Fox as well. He’d been avoiding them simply because Fox seemed to be uncomfortable with the topic.