Chapter 49
LOREN
Boyfriend
I’m so sorry
I fight with myself the whole way home. This whole situation is such a conundrum, isn’t it? On one hand, I understand why Elliott lied: To protect himself. On the other, if he truly trusted and cared for me, he would’ve respected me enough to tell me the whole truth. It’s the least I deserved.
He told you the whole truth eventually.
Did he though? How do I know that in six months’ time he won’t come to me with another monumental secret that shakes the foundation of our relationship?
The problem is, I want to forgive Elliott, so I’ll end up twisting the story in his favor and offering excuses he might not deserve. Look at what happened with Josh.
Except Josh was a ratbag.
And even though Elliott lied, I don’t think he’s a ratbag.
I still think he’s the most wonderful man I’ve ever met.
But as I sit in the parking lot, staring up at the windows of our apartment, I’m not sure I can go inside because all I’ll end up doing is thinking about him.
Is he only with me because it’s convenient? Because he can mosey down the hallway to my room any time he wants? Is this whole relationship solely based on proximity?
I reverse out of the space and call my best friend. Meg, the angel that she is, answers on the first ring. “Hey, babe. How’s the reunion?”
“I don’t know. I left.”
“What? Why?”
“Because I just met Elliott’s ex-wife.”
“Holy shit. Elliott was married?”
“Yup. Can I come over? I need to talk to someone.”
“I’m just headed over to the house to meet the inspector. I’ll send you the address and meet you there.”
Ten minutes later, I’m pulling in behind Meg’s tiny hatchback.
“So this is the place.” It’s smaller than in the pictures, but still one of the cutest houses I’ve ever seen.
With a coat of fresh paint, the blue-gray paneling on the craftsman home will look brand-spanking-new.
And there are even window boxes. Man, I love window boxes.
Her long ponytail swings when she twists back toward the house. “This is the place. Three bedrooms all to myself…Unless you have any interest in moving in.”
It would be super convenient being this close to work, but the thought of moving out makes me sick to my stomach. I wouldn’t do that to Elliott. He’s already been through enough trauma with his ex-girlfriend—I mean ex-wife.
“If I ever need a place, I’ll let you know.” At least I have options now. Who knows? Maybe Elliott will come back from the reunion and tell me he’s fallen for his wife again.
Oh, no.
I think I might puke.
“Meg?” a familiar voice calls from the house.
“Is that Rebecca?” I whisper.
Meg winces. “Sorry. I forgot to tell you she was coming.”
“Why are you sorry? It’s fine.”
Rebecca beams at us from the porch, one hand over her eyes, shielding them from the sun. “Hey, Loren. I didn’t know you were coming. How was the reunion?”
Meg squeezes my arm for moral support.
“Hey, Rebecca. The reunion was fine.” That’s all I want to say about that. As much as I like Rebecca, she has her own relationship woes to worry about without adding mine to the pile.
Determined to distract myself so I don’t fall to pieces, I ask Meg for the grand tour.
The house is small but cute, and all the updates to the kitchen make it feel more modern.
Meg will put her own stamp on it in no time.
I’m so happy she has this for herself, especially since she’s been looking for so long.
Rebecca’s shoe taps against the refurbished hardwood floor as she studies the living room. “Do you know what would look great in here? A green couch.”
“I love green couches,” Meg agrees.
My head is too wrapped up in everything that’s happened to even think about couches or anything else.
A phone rings, and we all rush over to where we discarded our purses on the kitchen island to see which one of us is getting a call. Turns out, it’s Rebecca. Her lips purse as she frowns down at the screen, and I’m close enough to see Josh’s face smiling back at me from beneath a Vanderbilt hat.
What the hell is he doing still calling her? “Is that your ex?”
She nods. “Yeah. He keeps wanting to meet up for coffee.”
Meg folds her arms over her chest as she scowls at Rebecca’s phone like it’s covered in worms. “You’re not thinking of going, are you?”
Rebecca tucks her phone into her back pocket without answering the call. “I don’t know. I mean, we dated for so long, the least I can do is hear him out.”
Josh doesn’t deserve more chances to lie. He doesn’t even deserve to breathe the same air as Rebecca James.
And I can think of one way to keep him away forever.
You always hear about the bro-code. Don’t snitch. Always have your bro’s back. Blah blah blah. What about us women? Why don’t we have some catchy name for our relationships?
I’ll tell you why: Because the world wants to pit us against each other. They want us squabbling and fighting and tearing each other down instead of building each other up. We’re all “competing” against each other, hoping a guy will choose us, when we should be the ones choosing ourselves.
Rebecca needs to hear the truth, just like I did.
She’s my friend and she deserves total honesty.
I don’t know how this is going to impact my job, but I can’t let Rebecca make the biggest mistake of her life. If she still chooses Josh after she knows everything, then that’s on her.
But if I continue to keep this terrible secret, that’s on me.
“He doesn’t deserve it.”
Rebecca glances at me, her brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
Just rip the band-aid off. Keep it short and sweet. “Josh is a lying, cheating ratbag. He wasn’t just cheating on you. He was cheating on you with me.”
Rebecca goes as still as the weird concrete owl perched on the corner of the railing.
“I swear I didn’t know he had a girlfriend,” I say, my voice catching.
“We met at his great aunt’s funeral back in Maryland.
He’s the reason I moved to Nashville. The moment I found out, I broke things off.
Told him to tell you or I would.” If only I’d been strong enough back then.
“But I chickened out and had Elliott do it instead. I should’ve told you as soon as I found out, but I was too afraid to lose my job.
I understand if you never want to look at me again.
I’m so sorry, Rebecca. I hope someday you can forgive me.
” I turn on my heel and run for the door, shame washing over me like a shower of ice.
All I want is to curl up in Elliott’s arms and cry on his big, strong shoulder.
Elliott.
How can I be angry with him for keeping his shame hidden when I’ve been doing the same thing since I found out about Josh?
If he feels half as shitty as I do right now, then he’s going to need some consoling too.
“Loren, wait!”
I freeze, almost too afraid to turn around. When I finally drum up the courage, I see Rebecca standing behind me, mascara streaks painted across her perfectly sculpted cheekbones.
She swipes at her eyes, but still the tears continue to fall. “Thank you for telling me the truth.”
My vision blurs as I blink back my own tears. “I’m so sorry.”
She throws her arms around my shoulders, pulling me in for a hug. “This isn’t your fault. It’s his.”
All of this is Josh’s fault. But I’ve gotta say, part of me is grateful to the ratbag because he brought me here, to this moment, to these amazing people.
When we finally let go and say our goodbyes, I drive away from Meg’s new house feeling lighter than ever before, no longer hiding or running away from a terrible lie.
Today, I’m running toward someone.
When you find love, you chase after it, no questions asked.
If you don’t, you’ll be living in a perpetual third act breakup instead of finding the happily-ever-after you deserve.
And I’ve found one of my own.