Chapter 12 #3
“Let me finish,” she interrupted, the words coming out sharper than she intended, but she didn’t soften them.
“Friday night, you stood across from me and told me we were trauma bonding, that this was never real and we were simply passing time. You looked me in the eye and lied, Maddox. You hurt me with sharp words designed to make me leave so you wouldn’t have to be vulnerable. ”
Maddox’s face paled. “I know.”
“Do you?” Jade took another step closer. “Because I told you I loved you while you walked out the door. First time saying it, and you just stood there frozen, like I was speaking a language you didn’t understand.”
“I couldn’t—” Maddox’s voice cracked. She stopped and swallowed hard. “I couldn’t say it back.”
“Because you don’t feel it or because you were too scared?”
The silence stretched between them, heavy with unspoken emotions.
“I’m scared,” Maddox finally whispered. “I’m fucking terrified.”
“Of what?”
“Of this.” Maddox gestured between them, helpless. “Of needing you, of letting you see how broken I really am and watching you realize I’m not worth the effort, of repeating the same mistakes with you and pushing you away too far until you don’t come back.”
Jade’s throat tightened. “You’re doing it again. Right now. You’re repeating the same pattern.”
“I know.” Maddox’s eyes welled with unshed tears. “I know and I can’t— I don’t know how to stop. Every time I get scared, I burn it down first so no one else can take it from me. It’s the only thing I know how to do.”
“That’s bullshit.” The words came out flat and hard. “You have tools. You have therapy with Carla. You’re choosing to not use what you have and instead let your fear win.”
Maddox flinched but stayed silent.
“I’m not Leah,” Jade continued. “I know you’re scared and that your PTSD makes threats feel bigger than they are. I know you default to scorched earth when your panic gets loud, but I also know you’re capable. You’ve done hard things before, Maddox. You’ve faced worse than this and survived.”
“Not this.” Maddox’s voice was barely audible. “I’ve never had this much to lose.”
The admission hung between them, raw and honest.
Jade took another step closer. “Then fight for it. Fight for us. Do the actual work instead of destroying what we’ve built.”
“What if I can’t? What if I keep fucking it up?” Her voice was small now.
“Then we work through it together, but I can’t do it alone, Maddox. I won’t be the only one fighting. I won’t keep showing up while you keep pushing me away. I deserve better than that.”
Maddox’s tears spilled over, streaking down her face. “You do. You deserve so much better than me.”
“Stop it.” Jade closed the distance between them, reaching up to grip Maddox’s face between her hands. “Stop deciding what I deserve; only I get to choose that. And I choose you—scared, broken, walls up, and all—but you have to choose me back. You have to choose vulnerability over fear.”
“I don’t know if I can.” Her voice was soft and wounded.
“Yes, you do. You just have to be brave enough to try.”
Maddox’s hands came up to grip Jade’s wrists, holding on like she was drowning. “I’m sorry. God, Jade, I’m so sorry for Friday night. For what I said, for hurting you, for—”
“I know…but sorry isn’t enough anymore. I need you to show me with your actions.”
“How?”
“Therapy. Real therapy, not just showing up. Actually use the tools instead of white-knuckling through until the next crisis.”
Maddox nodded, silent tears still tracking down her cheek. Jade swiped them away with a quick flick of her thumb.
“And honesty,” Jade continued. “When you’re scared and when the PTSD gets loud and when you want to push me away, tell me what’s happening. Don’t lie to protect me or try to destroy us to save me from yourself. Trust me to handle your fear.”
“Okay.” The word came out strangled. “Okay, I can do that.”
“And accountability. Friday night can’t happen again, Maddox.
Those words—calling us trauma bonding and that this was never real—I won’t accept that a second time.
If you push me away like that again, I’m gone.
Not because I don’t love you, but because I love myself too much to stay where I’m not chosen. ”
“I understand.” Maddox’s voice was wrecked. “I do. And I—” She stopped and took a deep breath. “I love you. I have been for weeks, maybe even months, and I should’ve said it Friday night. Really, I should’ve said it a hundred times before that.”
The words landed in Jade’s chest, relief and pain and love all tangled together.
“I love you,” Maddox repeated, her voice stronger now. “I’m terrified of needing you this much, but I do. I need you and I love you and I’m so sorry I was too scared to tell you when it mattered most.”
Jade’s own tears fell, hot and fast. “I love you too. Even when you’re pushing me away, I love you.”
Maddox pulled her close, and Jade went willingly, wrapping her arms around Maddox’s waist and burying her face in her shoulder. They stood there in the middle of Maddox’s living room, holding each other like they were the only solid things in a world that kept shifting.
Zeus pushed his way between them, whining softly, and they both laughed through their tears.
“He’s mad we’re upset,” Maddox said, one hand still on Jade and the other reaching down to pet Zeus. “He doesn’t understand why his pack is broken.”
“We’re not broken,” Jade said. “We’re just…figuring it out.”
Maddox pulled back slightly, just enough to look at Jade’s face. Her eyes were red, her face blotchy, and her emotional walls completely down. She looked more vulnerable than Jade had ever seen her.
“Can you forgive me?” Maddox asked. “Eventually?”
“I can.” Jade wiped Maddox’s tears. “Not instantly. You hurt me, and that doesn’t just disappear overnight. But I’m willing to work through it and rebuild trust, as long as you meet me halfway.”
“I will. I promise I will.”
“Then we’ll try again.” Jade leaned up and pressed her forehead against Maddox’s. “Both of us fighting for it together this time.
Jade stayed close to Jade, finding comfort in her solid warmth, and feeling the lightness of possibility that maybe, just maybe this time it’d work.
“I love you,” Maddox said, softly as if testing the words on her tongue, and leaned down and kissed Jade.
Jade answered by pressing her body closer, her hands sliding up Maddox’s back and pulling her in.
The kiss deepened, shifting from tentative to certain to hungry, as Jade’s tongue danced with Maddox’s.
When they finally pulled apart, both breathing harder, Maddox rested her forehead against Jade’s again.
“I’ve missed you. I know it’s only been three days, but I’ve missed you so much it aches. ”
“I missed you too.” Jade’s fingers found the hem of Maddox’s shirt, slipping underneath to touch her soft, creamy skin. “I kept reaching for my phone to text you and having to stop myself.”
“I turned mine off.” Maddox’s voice was rough. “I couldn’t handle seeing your name and not being able to… I fucked up so badly.”
“You did.” Jade pulled back just enough to meet her eyes. “But we’re fixing it now, both of us, together.”
Maddox nodded, then kissed her again, slower this time and with the kind of focus that made everything else in Jade’s mind fade away. Her hands moved to Jade’s waist, pulling her close. Zeus whined again, more insistent this time, and they broke apart, both laughing breathlessly.
Maddox looked down at him. “Okay, buddy, you’ve made your point. Pack’s back together. Now give us some privacy.” She pointed toward the hallway, and Zeus walked off toward his bed in the corner, circling twice before settling down with a contented huff.
Maddox turned back to Jade, her expression vulnerable and hungry all at once. “Come to bed with me. I mean, if you want to. I just…I need to hold you and know this is real.”
Jade took her hand, lacing their fingers together. “It’s real. And yes, I want that too.”
Maddox closed the gap between them and pressed herself against Jade, locking lips with her. Jade walked backward to Maddox’s bedroom, already comfortable navigating the way sightless.
Jade bumped against the bedroom doorframe and smiled, though Maddox didn’t stop kissing her, just pressed her against the frame for a beat, grabbing at her shirt and moving them both into the bedroom.
Jade squeezed Maddox’s hips, then slid her hands underneath her shirt, feeling her strong back muscles.
Maddox threaded through her hair and tugged lightly, eliciting a soft moan from Jade, a warm, low sound.
Jade lifted Maddox’s t-shirt over her head and tossed it to the side and let Maddox peel off her clothes too.
Maddox turned to grab the pillow and throw it in the middle of the bed and laid down. Jade cocked her head to the side, confused for a second.
“Hop on,” Maddox said, her voice full of hunger and desire.
Jade climbed on the bed and positioned herself on Maddox’s face, staying on her knees to make sure to not put her whole weight on her.
Maddox reached up and pressed firmly on Jade’s thighs, causing her to lose her balance and fall fully on Maddox’s face. She started to readjust herself, but Maddox held her there in place.
“I said sit,” Maddox said.
Jade stayed and let her thighs smother Maddox.
She quivered as Maddox squeezed her thighs and licked her slit, slowly and torturously.
She flicked Jade’s clit with her tongue softly, then pressed with more pressure, and Jade felt off-kilter again and had to stabilize herself by leaning forward and grasping Maddox’s breasts.
She massaged each breast, feeling the fullness of them, and squeezed her nipples until they were both hardened peaks.
Jade nuzzled her clit with her nose as a thank you, and Jade ran her thumb over both nipples in response.
She dipped lower and kissed down Maddox’s torso, over her mound, and finally to her core.
Jade spread Maddox’s lips and admired how beautiful Maddox was before she buried her face between her legs, her breasts flush against Maddox’s body.
Maddox matched Jade’s rhythm, licking when she licked and lightly nipping when she nipped.
They moved in harmony, and when Jade inserted her finger into Maddox, Jade felt her tighten around her before loosening.
“Can I try something new?” Maddox said, breathing warm air against her lips and grabbing a cushion which she used to further prop up her head.
The sensation made her legs shake. “Yes, baby.”
“Let me know if it’s too much, okay?”
Jade nodded while going back to lick Maddox and draw her clit into her mouth to suck on it.
She felt Maddox’s tongue move from her clit to her pussy, dipping inside briefly, before moving backward.
Maddox grabbed her waist to hold her in place as she licked the space between her front and back, then Jade felt the heat of Maddox’s tongue circling her anus.
Jade’s legs instinctively tightened and she clenched.
“Relax, baby,” Maddox whispered, her breath ghosting hot against her skin. “How does it feel?”
Jade had never done this before, and the newness sharpened her awareness. The sensation felt like lightning between her legs, a deep throb snaking from her core and radiating out. “It feels amazing,” she whispered between clit sucks.
“Good girl, just relax and feel it,” Maddox said. Her tongue, wet and insistent, circled Jade’s anus, slow laps that traced her sensitive rim.
Jade gasped, her body jolting forward, but Maddox tightened her grip on her.
Maddox’s tongue pressed flat, licking broad strokes from her pussy to her asshole, getting it slick there before homing in, the tip of her tongue probing gently into her ass, first slowly and exploratory, then firmer and Jade felt her ass opening for Maddox’s hot wet tongue.
The sensation within her built in completely new ways for her, and Jade rocked her hips in rhythm with Maddox’s tongue. Every touch felt electric deep inside of her. Maddox squeezed her ass cheeks, and Jade sucked harder on Maddox’s clit as the pressure inside her built to a crescendo.
Jade could hear her own moans, deep and guttural.
Maddox bucked up into Jade’s mouth, a moan muffled against her ass as Maddox’s tongue went deeper alternating pushing inside of her with swirling and rimming her entrance relentlessly. Jade felt Maddox’s saliva drip down her legs, mixing with her juices.
Maddox brought her hand up and pressed her thumb against Jade’s clit and rubbed, while continuing to probe her ass with her tongue.
The dual pleasure almost drove Jade to the edge, Maddox kept worshipping her ass in a way Jade had never imagined before.
It felt overwhelmingly good. Jade knew she was close.
Her own mouth was full of Maddox. Jade stayed balanced precariously, her muscles twitching, and beads of sweat dripped from her forehead onto Maddox’s legs.
Suddenly Jade felt a finger pressing inside of her pussy and that combined with the pressure on her clit and the hot wet worshipping of her ass, and Jade lost control, her orgasm ripping through her body, stronger than ever.
Jade let out a loud moan as every muscle clenched tightly, her asshole spasming on Maddox’s tongue.
Jade kept her mouth firmly locked onto Maddox’s clit through her own release, and the vibrations of her moans caused Maddox’s body to shudder and squeeze around her fingers still arced deep inside Maddox.
They coaxed each other through the aftershocks til their bodies went limp, Jade collapsing forward slightly as she couldn’t stay balanced anymore. Maddox lapped her one more time and patted her pussy before Jade flicked Maddox’s clit once then rolled off her body next to her, panting.
“That was…wow,” Jade said, trying to catch her breath. “I’ve never done that before.”
“So, you liked it?”
“I think you felt how much I liked it.” She laughed, the sound coming out breathless.
“Yeah, I definitely did.” She grinned, her smile lopsided and teasing.
They turned to face each other, and Jade stared at the woman across from her. Maddox’s hair was matted in places and sticking up in others, her eyes were feral with desire, and there was a sheen of sweat on her forehead.
Jade leaned in, drawn by how intoxicating Maddox was, and their lips collided in a messy, salty kiss.
She flipped around, pulling Maddox’s arm over her body, and let Maddox hold her tight while she thought of everything this woman meant to her and felt overwhelming gratitude that they just might be okay.