Chapter 22 #2
“It’s a fixer-upper. Come on, you won’t even be here most of the time, and it’ll give me something to do in my downtime,” Sam dismissed her, making her feel inferior.
“You didn’t discuss the job with me before you took it. Do you realize I have to fly here every time I return home? I’ll lose most of my day,” she said, peering out of the dingy window with a crack in it.
“It’s only for a couple of years,” he cajoled. “We can move back to California when I get my next promotion.”
“What about me?” she asked. “What if I’m offered a different position?”
“We’ll sit and talk about it,” he insisted.
“Like we did this time?” she shot back.
“You’re cranky. Let’s see what we have in the fridge. We’ll make dinner, and I’ll tell you about the trip I planned for us,” he said.
Addyson clenched her hands, letting the rage fill her. She didn’t want to travel after spending months at sea. She wanted to sleep in her own bed and have breakfast at the restaurant a few blocks away.
Where did this memory come from? Her perfect image of her deceased husband started to crack. Her last recollection of Sam came a week before his death.
“Why did you buy this?” he asked as she pulled out a pair of curtains to make the kitchen appear more cheerful.
“I liked them. They add some color to the space,” she said cheerfully as she adjusted the material over the rod.
“It’s more crap we don’t need,” he said, frowning.
“You’ve picked out everything for every move. I want it to feel like a home for both of us,” she explained.
“We travel when you’re home. You’ll barely see it. Take it back and get a refund,” he demanded. “It’s not us.”
Addyson paused. “You’ve picked out every house we’ve lived in. I hardly think curtains will burden us.”
“I don’t like them,” he admitted. “It’s not our style.”
Stiffening, she turned and gazed at the room. “Did you ask my opinion when you bought the beige couch or big screen TV? Did I argue over the kitchen table which takes up way too much space, or the fact you have an office and I don’t?”
Sam pulled her from the ladder and kissed her. “I’ll tell you what we’ll do. Take the curtains back, and I’ll let you pick the next house when we retire. You can finally get a small dog. We’ll make sure it’s within driving distance of a beach and a place where we can see mountains.”
Biting her fingernail, she gazed at Sam. “I don’t want a small dog.”
“A big one takes up too much space, and it’s not riding in my car,” he argued.
“What has gotten into you? It seems like you’re picking a fight.
I spin up in a couple of days. Let’s enjoy them,” he cajoled.
“I don’t know how long I will be gone. When I return, I don’t want to see those ugly curtains. ”
She returned them the next day and chose a light beige pair.
Addyson felt the hurt and resentment run through her.
She put a smile on her face, not wanting to fight before he left.
In fact, they never fought. Sam always reminded her at the last minute about his upcoming deployments, and he didn’t want to worry about her while he worked thousands of miles away.
After the funeral, she went to the pound and saw Zeus in a cage too small for him, appearing lost and afraid.
She knew the feeling all too well and immediately filled out the paperwork.
A week after the funeral, she drove away from home with the for-sale sign in the front yard.
Zeus sat in the back of Sam’s car as she drove to Serenity Mountain.
It felt like an act of defiance, but it made her feel better.
Sitting on the couch, she realized she unknowingly picked a home where she saw the mountains every morning. A short drive away, she could visit the beach whenever she wanted. She unpacked all their belongings and decorated the home to Sam’s tastes. When did she lose herself?
Liam asked her opinion, gave her choices, and encouraged her to enjoy life. Even as he flew to Afghanistan, he offered her the option to stay frozen in Sam’s memory or live the colorful life she always dreamed about.
Love flowed over her as she relived him pulling her close and telling her he loved her. She liked how he called her Addy and complimented her on her job accomplishments. He didn’t complain about Zeus’ size or the color she picked for the couch.
Taking a box from the closet, Addy started with Sam’s clothes.
They experienced wonderful memories together, but she needed to let him go.
Her chest felt lighter as she made piles of items to donate, pictures to add to an album, and found a place to accept furniture for those less fortunate.
Sam represented her past, but her future belonged to her and Liam.
* * *
The following morning, Addyson woke up to a text from Liam.
We arrived safely. I’ll text you when I can. I already miss you.
He sent a GIF of two otters swimming and holding hands.
Tears formed in her eyes, knowing he might be away for a long time. Anxiety filled her, but she pushed it down. No, she needed to stay strong for Liam.
Stay safe. I’ll be here waiting.
She sent him a picture of her blowing him a kiss. Addyson hoped Liam knew how much he anchored her to the present. She no longer stayed stuck in the past. Addyson wanted a life full of friends and laughter. She no longer saw her life in black and white. With Liam she only noticed the bright colors.