15. Chapter Fifteen
The wait to enter the park took forever, something that felt even longer since I was wearing hiking shoes and hadn’t wanted to deal with the hassle of putting them back on. I deeply regretted leaving my shoes on as my toes itched to be free. Add to that a massive traffic jam a few miles into the park, and I was quickly regretting our decision to visit Yellowstone.
“There had better be a bear at the end of this line,” I muttered as I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, ready to hit the trailhead and start exploring the park. At the rate we were going, we would be lucky if we made it to Old Faithful before lunch.
We continued to crawl forward inches at a time. I sat in the back next to Grey, listening to his running commentary about the national parks he hoped to visit someday. His constant dialogue was giving me flashbacks to the start of our trip, and I struggled to think of questions or comments to break up his monologue. Tory and Trent were no help, with Tory focused on the road and Trent being his usual stoic self.
Just as I was about to give up all hope of conversation between the four of us, Trent spoke up.
“Ten bucks says it’s a bison,” Trent said from the front passenger seat, his monotone matching his lack of expression as he glanced over his shoulder at me.
“It’s either that or an elk.” Tory tapped her fingers on the steering wheel, her voice upbeat, if strained.
One of Tory’s music mixes, a combination of current and early 2000 hits, played quietly in the background, providing a soundtrack to our snail’s-paced trek into the park. I itched to switch it to Journey or Bon Jovi, something to cut through the frustration in the car. After waiting over a half-hour to get into the park, the slow traffic just past the entrance felt like a personal insult. Especially when there was no end in sight.
“Am I missing something? Seeing an elk or bison sounds cool to me.” Grey looked back and forth between us, his brow furrowed in confusion. He shifted in his seat, looking out the windshield as if watching for an animal to come trotting down the road straight for us.
“Sure, they’re cool, but not when they’re causing this big of a traffic jam. Besides, we’ll probably see herds of both deeper into the park,” Tory said, frustration tinging her tone as she leaned forward as if silently willing the cars in front of her to move faster.
Trent and I nodded in agreement.
“Makes sense.” Grey looked out the window, scanning the trees, before turning back to me with a goofy grin. “I can’t believe I’m finally getting to see Yellowstone. How busy do you think it’ll be at Old Faithful?”
“If we ever get there, insanely busy,” Tory said, her tone flat. Tory hated crowds in nature, making me wonder if we’d stick to the plan and visit the iconic geyser, or if Tory would take us off the beaten path to some secret corner of the park that wasn’t as popular.
We continued to battle traffic, which had been caused by an elk, for a few miles before things cleared up. Grey snapped several photos of the animal, taking advantage of the forced slow down to observe the elk and exclaim over its size. I bit back a smile at his clear enthusiasm, his reaction making the traffic jam worth the delay.
We finally reached the fork in the road where we turned towards Old Faithful. The drive, which was still crowded but moving, passed quickly thanks to Grey’s excitement and questions about everything we passed. If we hadn’t been headed to a clear destination, he probably would have begged to stop at every pullout, soaking in the magic of Yellowstone with its mix of fields, forests, mountains, and geologic features.
We made it to Old Faithful and found a spot on the worn, weathered boardwalk near the back of the crowd. I watched Tory’s shoulders bunch towards her ears as she took in the people, knowing it was taking all her self-control not to bolt to the car and wait for us there. While she’d chosen our destination, I knew she’d done it for Grey. Tory, who loved people, also loved the quiet and calm of the mountains, something that was counteracted by the bustling crowds at tourist attractions like Old Faithful.
Despite the crowds, the sunshine was pleasant and helped erase my tension from the earlier traffic jam. Excitement built in the crowd the closer we got to eruption time. Grey fairly bounced on his toes, his enthusiasm palpable.
I wanted to reach over and grab his hand, feed off his energy and excitement. Instead, I slipped out my phone, capturing his expression as the geyser went off. The pure wonder on his face would live in my memory for a long time, encapsulating a moment of magic.
We watched, along with hundreds of other tourists, as Old Faithful launched thousands of gallons of water skyward. Grey’s expression of amazement made me imagine what he had been like as a young child, and for a moment I got lost in the wonder of watching frothy white water explode from the earth, wind heavy with steam blowing in our faces.
“Are we sure it isn’t manmade? Or magic? The fact nature can just launch water into the air like that…Wow!” Grey rambled as we climbed back into the car.
“Just wait until you see the Grand Prismatic. It’s indescribable,” I said as I buckled my seatbelt, his excitement reminding me of my first visits to the area as a kid.
Back then, everything about Yellowstone had felt otherworldly, and I had impatiently anticipated what waited around the next corner as my mom and I had driven from one end of the park to the other. Not all of her adventures had ended in disaster. Some had given me memories of just the two of us that I would treasure forever.
“I don’t know. It’s going to be hard to beat boiling water shooting into the sky. How high do you think it went?” Grey asked, settling into his seat. His golden-brown eyes shone, and he fairly vibrated with residual enthusiasm, causing the seats in the back of Tory’s car to move slightly.
“I’ve been thinking. What if we save the Grand Prismatic for after everyone gets here?” Tory called from the front seat as we waited for an opening to pull out of our parking spot. “I don’t think Kylie’s been to the park either, and I’m sure she’ll want to see it too.”
“That, and you’re dying to get into the water,” I teased, reading the tension in Tory’s shoulders as she dealt with the crowds. If there was one thing guaranteed to alleviate Tory’s stress, it was spending quality time outside in a body of water.
Tory shrugged, her black curls dancing with the movement. “Guilty as charged.”
We all agreed to the change of plans, and Tory drove to the Firehole. It was still fairly busy, making it difficult to find a parking spot, but Tory was able to squeeze into a spot after waiting for a family in a minivan to pull out. We each took turns in the nearby bathroom to change. I did my best to ignore the smell as I changed into my one-piece blue floral swimsuit and water shoes. I wiggled my toes in relief now that I was wearing sandals as opposed to the stiff, restrictive hiking shoes.
I stashed my clothes in the back of the car and reached for a camp chair to set up along the riverbank. The sun felt wonderful on my skin, and I welcomed its warmth.
“What do you need that for?” Grey asked, pointing to the chair. He had joined me at the back of the car wearing green swim trunks, a life jacket slung over one shoulder. I did my best to ignore his bare chest. While he didn’t have a six pack and bulging muscles, it was clear Grey took care of himself and wasn’t a stranger to exercise or the sun.
“I’m not swimming. I figured I’d read a book on my phone and enjoy nature.” I waved my phone to prove my point.
Tory joined the conversation with a shake of her head, her curls pulled up into a bun on top of her head. Her black and white polka dot swimsuit had a vintage feel that made me wish I had more polka dots in my wardrobe. “But you have to swim! This is one of the best things to do in the park.”
“I’m not a big swimmer,” I protested. Though perhaps the more accurate way to explain my swimming ability was that I could swim, I just chose not to. Swimming involved a whole lot of hassle that, since I’d become an adult, rarely seemed worth it.
Trent didn’t comment, simply joined our circle in blue swim trunks, his arms crossed over his bare chest, muscles bulging. He clearly spent multiple hours a week working out.
Grey watched me quietly, reading my hesitation.
“Are you afraid of the water?” he asked softly, trying to get at the root of my hesitation.
I shook my head. “I can swim.”
“Is it the rapids?” Concern pinched his brows, and I wanted to reach over and smooth out the crease.
“No, I can handle them.”
“Then what are you afraid of?” Grey continued to watch me, and my fingers lifted self-consciously to my bun, playing with a strand of hair that had escaped its confines.
“I’m not afraid. I just don’t want to swim.” More accurately, I didn’t want to take the risk. While it appeared safe enough on the surface, something could go wrong. Somehow, I got the feeling that Grey could see right through my excuse. He watched me a moment more, taking in my every gesture, and I shifted awkwardly under his scrutiny. He seemed to find what he was looking for before giving a decisive nod.
“Chicken,” Grey said, looking straight at me, his brow quirked, issuing the same kind of challenge he’d used at the cheese outlet to get me to step outside my comfort zone. It was the same expression that had convinced me to try root beer milk—and was absolutely not what I had been expecting. I’d thought he would back down. Maybe try one more half-hearted attempt to get me to join in before following Tory and Trent to the river without a backward glance. Instead, he’d thrown out the challenge, pushing my buttons once more.
“Excuse me?” I glared at Grey, determined not to let his tactics work on me again. It was one thing to try a new flavor of milk. It was something else entirely to jump into a flowing river so deep I couldn’t touch the bottom.
“You heard me. What happened to the brave Audrey who tried cheese curds without flinching?”
I threw my hands in the air, exasperated. “There’s a big difference between trying new foods and swimming in a river.”
“You said you can swim, right?” Grey raised one finger.
“Yes, but—”
“You have a lifejacket?” A second finger joined the first.
I gestured at a red vest in the trunk of the car. “I do—”
“And you trust us to protect you and help you?” He raised a third finger, challenge written in every ridge of his body.
“Yes,” I said in exasperation. “Skills and support aren’t the problem. What if I genuinely don’t want to?”
Even as I shot the question back at him, it rang false. A part of me, a long dormant part of myself that I’d stopped listening to around the time I’d started dating Lyle, wanted to jump into the river. But what if that part of myself was wrong? What if there was a valid reason for ignoring it and sticking with the safe, steady option of reading on the shore?
Grey crossed his arms over his chest, watching me. “I don’t think that’s it. I think you’re scared.”
I hadn’t grown up with siblings, but something about the way Grey quirked his eyebrow made me think this was how it felt to have an overbearing older brother. Though, the feelings I was developing for Grey felt far from brotherly.
“I’m not scared,” I shot back, rising to the bait, knowing I didn’t have to argue with him, but unable to resist.
“That’s the only reason I can think of for why you won’t. Because I highly doubt your book is interesting enough to beat swimming in a river warmed by one of the world’s largest volcanoes.” Grey gestured to the river behind us as it flowed and churned over rocks, the shrieks of other swimmers enjoying themselves underscoring his every word.
I bit my lip, waffling. Seeming to sense my weakening, Grey stepped closer to me, his expression softening.
“If you’re genuinely afraid and don’t want to do this, I’ll stop pushing. But I don’t want you living with the regret of not experiencing something so unique. How many chances will you have to swim in Yellowstone?”
“When Tory’s your friend, more often than you’d think.” My quip was half-hearted, and he knew it. The fact that he cared enough about me to stop pushing if I needed him to warmed me in unexpected ways.
I could do this. I could be brave enough to jump into the river, risk the loss of control. Trade safety and perfect makeup for memories and an adventure.
“Not all who wander…” Grey trailed off, and I bit back a laugh at the completely out-of-context quote, and yet, it was the perfect thing to say.
“Fine.” I shoved the chair back into the car, trading it for the lifejacket. “But if I drown or have a terrible time, I’m blaming you.” I poked a finger into Grey’s chest, ignoring the warmth that spread up my arm at the contact.
He just grinned, covering my hand with his and giving it a squeeze before breaking contact and heading towards to the river. Had his pulse also jumped at the contact?
We followed Tory over some rocks, down to a spot in the river where people were jumping in.
“Everyone have their lifejackets?” Tory called over the sounds of laughter and splashing water. “We’re not cliff jumping. There’s a rock in the river that, once you reach it, you can jump from into the current. It takes some maneuvering to get to, but it’s the best way to experience the Firehole.”
We all nodded, tugging at buckles and straps to ensure our lifejackets were secure. Tory stepped into the water first, Trent close behind her. I went to follow but hesitated. While I’d claimed not to be afraid up by the car, the nerves I’d been fighting through my entire exchange with Grey chose that exact moment to rear their ugly head.
I looked at the river in front of me and attempted to swallow down my misgivings. Instead, they lodged in my throat, making it hard to breathe. It’s just swimming, Audrey. You’ve been swimming before. I’d been swimming in lakes and rivers, even the ocean, before. While the current was strong enough to create a few rapids in this stretch of the river, it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.
The arguments against getting in continued to stack up, eclipsing my confidence and making it impossible for me to take another step towards the water. You can’t do this. It’s a terrible idea. Each word rang with an odd sense of familiarity, spoken in a deep man’s voice that I refused to examine too closely.
As I watched, a guy jumped off a rock in the river into the current with a yell, disappearing below the water. A few moments later he popped up down river, punching a fist into the air with a whoop of victory.
“I don’t think I can do this.” I gasped out, my heart racing at the thought of jumping into the water and the resulting loss of control. It was the kind of thing my mom would do without hesitation, without thinking about the repercussions if something went wrong. The kind of thing I’d learned to avoid—because one of us had to be responsible.
“I’m right here with you. You got this.” Grey gave gentle encouragement, moving to stand next to me.
“I don’t.” I said, shaking my head vehemently and inching my way back towards the car.
“Take a breath. You’ve got a lifejacket and friends to watch out for you. Nothing’s going to happen.” He put his hand on my arm, giving a gentle squeeze of encouragement.
I breathed in through my nose, counting to four, before releasing my breath through my mouth.
“That’s it.” Grey nodded, moving his hand to rub comfortingly up and down my arm. I wanted to lean into the touch, letting it ground me. “Show me your best yoga breath.”
I took another deep breath before taking a hesitant step forward, breaking the contact. I immediately missed his warmth, but if I didn’t move soon, I wouldn’t go. I wouldn’t step into the river, let alone jump in.
“You’ll be with me the whole time?” My voice shook slightly as I waited for his response.
“Yep. Every step of the way. I won’t let you wander off and get lost.” He gave me a wink, and I bit back a groan as he butchered the familiar saying.
I took one more deep breath and stepped into the water, grateful for Grey’s reassuring presence behind me. I was tempted to entwine my fingers with his, but I resisted the urge, knowing I likely wouldn’t let go once I latched on.
With each step, the water became deeper, the cool temperature making me flinch.
“I thought you said this water was warm.” I pushed the words through clenched teeth, looking over at Tory, who had paused when she’d noticed Grey and I weren’t directly behind her.
She shrugged and continued making her way into the water, crouching down so that most of her body was in the river. “I said it was warmer than most rivers. It’s not a hot spring. It’s still a river out in the woods.”
Promising myself that I only had to ride the rapids once and then this “fun” adventure would be over, I continued following the group until we reached a massive crevasse between two rocks. The water was clear enough that I could see the rocks I walked on, sharp, dark stones that spoke of a volcanic history. About halfway to the cliff on the other side of the river, a large gap appeared between the two rocks. No matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t see the bottom.
“Here’s the deal. You want to jump across the gap to that rock shelf over there.” Tory gestured to the rock floor next to the cliff. “If you don’t jump far enough, you’ll have to swim hard and quick to get over before the current drags you away. From there, make your way to the head of the rapids where you saw that other group jumping. Once you reach it, jump in and pull your legs in tight. You don’t want to knock up against these rocks if you can avoid it.”
“What happens after you jump?” I knew it was a stupid question, but I couldn’t help the voice of fear sitting in the back of my mind, taunting me. You can’t do this. This is insane. Why jump into the current of a fast-flowing river when you could be reading on the shore?
Grey took pity on me, giving my hand a squeeze. “You ride the current and have fun. Just follow my lead.” With those parting words, he jumped into the river and swam across to the shelf.
“You’re next,” Tory said, blocking Trent who had moved to follow Grey.
My gut clenched. “Are you sure this is safe?”
“I’ve been doing this for years. As long as you can swim and you’ve got a lifejacket, you’ll be fine.” Tory kept her tone light and reassuring.
I hesitated a moment more before looking over to where Grey stood, watching me from the rock shelf. He tucked his thumbs into his armpits, making fake chicken wings. I could almost hear the accompanying clucking sounds over the rushing water. I bit back a snort, grateful for the mix of goading and kind encouragement my friends were using to help me in this moment. Steeling myself, I dove towards the shelf.
I didn’t make it quite far enough and had to swim to beat the current. When I got close enough to the shelf, Grey reached out and pulled me up. My fingers laced with his and didn’t let go, needing the contact as I processed what I’d done.
I was drenched, hair falling out of its bun, heart pounding as I stood on a narrow rock shelf. Not only had I jumped across a bottomless pit, now I would willingly climb over rocky terrain to jump into rapids. Mild as they were, I was still choosing adventure in this moment, and I kind of wished my mom was here to see me be brave like her.
Once Tory and Trent joined us, I released Grey’s hand and hoped Tory didn’t notice. I had no idea what was going on between me and Grey and didn’t want her questions complicating things. Our group climbed the short distance to the rapids. Despite Tory’s reassurance that they weren’t bad, my stomach clenched at the sight.
“Who’s jumping first?” Grey called over his shoulder, gesturing towards the spot where we’d watched others jump in.
“Dibs not!” I called, wrapping my arms around my midsection as a breeze kicked up and goose bumps rose on my arms. I wanted to watch at least one, maybe two people do this before I took the plunge.
“Go, Grey! We’ll just jump in order,” Tory said, waving him forward.
Grey gave me a toothy grin.
“I dare you,” he said.
The three words were barely audible over the rushing water, but I heard them, feeling them race down my spine and sink into my toes, grounding me in this moment. I wasn’t about to let Grey show me up.
Grey jumped off the rock into the rapids with a yell, the current sucking him down into the river and away from us. He rode the water, dodging rocks, laughing and hollering until he was out of sight. Grey survived, and he even made it look fun.
I gave myself two deep breaths, just enough to calm my nerves but not enough to back out, before I jumped, praying I wouldn’t regret this.