35. Chapter Thirty-Five
I waited until morning to text Tory, though my fingers itched to do it sooner. I’d spent the night pacing and pondering my options, and now, I had a plan. It was crazy and ridiculous, but if I played my cards right, it might just be worth it.
I might also end up with my heart shattered into a million pieces, but what was life without a little risk?
TORY: You’re up early. What’s up? P.S. I missed you the rest of the trip. It wasn’t the same without you, Alex, and Brad.
ME: Would you believe me if I told you I needed to leave? I realized something huge coming home, and I don’t think it would have happened if I had stayed.
TORY: If your realization is that you’re falling in love with Grey, I know. I’m pretty sure all of Idaho knows at this point.
ME: Way to steal my thunder! But yes, that’s part of it. I messed up, and I’m pretty sure I’m the last person he wants to see right now.
TORY: What are you going to do to fix that?
I laid out my plan, hoping and praying it would work. If I played my cards right, I would be confessing my feelings to Grey before the end of the week.
“Will you hold still? We’re almost to the trailhead.” Tory reached over and placed a hand on my knee, attempting to stop it from bouncing.
We were driving to the start of the Grove Creek Canyon trail under the pretense of a group hike. Tory had coordinated the whole thing, ensuring Grey would be there. What he didn’t know was that, besides me and Tory, no one else was coming. In fact, the plan was for Tory to drop me off and for her to drive a couple of blocks away, giving Grey and me space to talk. I’d asked her to drive for fear that, if it was up to me, I’d bail and drive home to the safety of my cooking shows and dog.
It also gave Tory a much-needed distraction. Only hours after I’d texted her to coordinate this plan, Trent had asked her to meet up. She’d accepted, expecting their usual dinner date. Instead, Trent had dumped her, refusing to “play second fiddle” to the other men in her life. A ridiculous assertion, based on the number of times I’d seen her over the weekend actively distancing herself from Brad to make Trent happy.
Tory had driven to my apartment immediately after, and we’d spent the night eating ice cream and talking about how Tory deserved so much more than Trent and his inability to express emotions. Before Tory had left, I’d offered to reschedule our plans. But she’d assured me having something else to focus on would do her good.
Which brought us to this moment, me fidgeting in her car, desperate to find something to do with the anxious energy filling my veins.
“This is a terrible idea. Let me out here. I’ll walk back or get a ride share or something.” I gestured to the neighborhood we were passing. I lived several miles away, but I could make the walk. The movement would release the nerves dancing in my belly. A walk would also help me clear my head and make better life decisions than professing my feelings to a guy I wasn’t sure even liked me anymore.
“Love is a Battlefield”by Pat Benatar streamed out of the speakers, a song choice that, in retrospect, might not have been my best idea.
Tory glanced at me before hitting the door lock. “I am not letting you out to run away again. If you are going to be a coward, you’ll have to do the full walk of shame from the trailhead.”
“A good friend would take me home,” I muttered, folding my arms over my chest and redoubling my knee bouncing.
“Maybe, but a best friend would save you from yourself and force you to be brave.”
I let out a huff of air, knowing she was right. It was part of why I’d made her my accomplice in my plan. Left to my own devices, I would chicken out.
“Also,” Tory added as she turned onto the street that led to the trailhead, “I’m doing everyone who’s had to spend time with you this last week a huge favor. No more back and forth. No more stewing. It’s time to act.”
“Rude!” Laughing, I gently smacked her arm. “But have I been that bad?”
Tory shook her head. “No. I’m teasing. You’ve actually been a good distraction for me.”
Sadness flitted across her face, and I reached over, giving her arm a gentle squeeze.
“Trent’s an idiot,” I said, without hesitation.
“Was he? You and I even talked about it. I could see how he—”
I lifted a hand. “Stop right there. You and Trent talked. You explained your relationship with Brad and even took steps to distance yourself and set boundaries. Brad left your birthday trip early, for heaven’s sake. It’s on Trent that he couldn’t handle your friendship.”
“But—”
“No buts. You deserve better than a man who can’t handle your personality and love for other people so he dumps you the day after your birthday trip.”
We pulled into the parking lot, and my stomach dropped as I saw who waited at the trailhead: Grey. He looked good. His beard was trimmed, his hair was mussed from the wind. He wore basketball shorts, hiking boots, and a green t-shirt, and a part of me missed his flannels.
“You deserve better than questions and what-ifs.” Tory gave me a gentle nudge, pushing me towards the door.
I climbed out and tugged down my blue “Pepsi kind of day” t-shirt, wondering if I should have dressed up a bit more than workout leggings and a messy bun. But I shook off the impulse and walked towards Grey, both praying for and dreading the moment he looked up and saw me coming. Did he even want to see me?
“Grey. How’s it going?” I flinched at the inane greeting. Was that really the best I could do? We hadn’t talked in days. Surely there was a better way to greet him. Walk any beaches lately? How goes the unicorn hunt? Do you still hate pina coladas?
His eyes darted to my face, taking me in for a moment, before looking away to scan the parking lot. “Audrey. I didn’t know you were coming. Tory didn’t say anything.”
I shrugged. “I asked her not to. I worried that if you knew…” I trailed off.
“I’m not that big of a coward. Just a commitment-phobe who apparently plays with hearts and runs away to exotic destinations like Oregon.”
I flinched at the unspoken accusation. I deserved that, but I hoped Grey could look past the pain I’d caused and give me another chance. “Listen, that’s part of why I’m here. I want to apologize.”
“Apologize for what? You don’t owe me anything, Audrey. We’re two people with mutual friends who happened to share a long car ride and a vacation together.” Grey turned to face me, reaching to grab my arm out of habit before pulling back, as if remembering we were no longer the kind of friends who touched.
“We did also share a bed,” I said before I could think better of it. I shook my head, ignoring his smirk and pressing forward. I had to get this out now, or I’d always regret it.
“What if ‘friends’ isn’t all I want us to be?” I breathed out the words, digging deep for a boldness that felt foreign.
Grey searched my face, and I bit my lip, trying not to overthink this moment. Instead, I reached for his hand, rubbing my fingers over his knuckles and feeling the calluses that covered his palms.
My anxieties bubbled near the surface, but I pushed them down. Determined to finally say my piece, to be brave and bold and all the other characteristics Grey had claimed to see in me throughout our trip.
“I ran away in Island Park because I was scared. I told you my history. I don’t like risks, and liking you, possibly dating you, feels like the biggest risk of all. Bigger even than driving up a mountain road at night. Yet, I can’t imagine living my life hiding from the world and only doing what makes me comfortable. I want to lose sleep, stargazing and watching stupid movies. I want to wander, jumping into rivers and climbing mountains.” My fingers brushed the necklace at my throat, and Grey followed the movement, his gaze heating before returning to my face. “I want—” My words caught in my throat for a moment, and I looked away from Grey, gathering my nerve. “I want to lose my heart to someone like you.”
Grey’s hands found my face, gently nudging me to look back at him. The parking lot was crowded, and people walked past us to the trail, but I ignored them, focusing on the man in front of me and the love I found in his eyes.
“I want to lose my heart to you too.”
Grey leaned forward, his lips finding mine, and I bit back a groan at the familiar sensation. Soft lips contrasted with the stubble from his chin as my lips worked to meet his, movement for movement. In that moment, I knew I could wander this entire world, but with Grey by my side, I would never be lost.