8. Chapter 8
A Few Days Later
Dosser played on the speaker in my room.
I sat on the floor in front of the full-length mirror as the warm glow of fairy lights shimmered around me.
The room was a direct reflection of my eclectic style.
Abstract paintings I’d painted hung on the deep charcoal walls.
Each one was a unique expression of my inner world.
When Marcel’s grandmother presented the idea to Kinsley and me about redesigning rooms at her house, she gave me free rein, and I went with it. We’d moved in shortly after welcoming Victoria and Declan to the family officially at the beach house.
The amount of room we now had was staggering. The grounds alone were massive. My room was my favorite place. The short bookcase stood on one wall and was filled with volumes of art history books and autobiographies of some of the most famous painters in the world.
Victoria had taken to purchasing me and Kinsley romance books to read, so keeping with the theme she’d dubbed for me, vampire and shifter romance books filled one shelf. They sat largely untouched. I didn’t have the heart to tell her no. The only exception I had was no mafia books.
When she’d suggested them, I damn near rolled my eyes out of my skull. I looked at myself in the mirror as I hummed the chorus. My newly cut hair was now shoulder length and brushed my shoulders. I low-key loved my new bangs.
Concentrating on my makeup, I had one hand skillfully applying a smokey eye shadow while the other held a small makeup mirror.
My blue eyes sparkled with a touch of mischief as I perfected the look.
The light glistened off my newest addition.
A small diamond in my nose. I turned my face to the side to admire it.
Check item number four off my list. Look at you crossing things off before Marcel even gets a first peek.
The scent of apples and cinnamon wafted close. “I see you’ve taken up after Kinsley. Not gonna knock?” I asked playfully.
Victoria stood behind me, a huge grin on her face.
Her warm hazel eyes were filled with affection, and my heart caught in my throat.
God, it was good to see them looking so alive.
I still couldn’t get over the fact that she was here and how quickly she and Declan became close to everyone in the house.
Having a small child underfoot was chaos, and it brought out the inner little boy in every man in the house. At any moment of the day, roughhousing, wrestling, and even the occasional soccer ball could be heard destroying something.
“I swear you need to teach me your makeup skills. You look fantastic and I really love your hair. Oh, you should do those ‘Get ready with me’ videos or I know how about the podcasts where they do their makeup while talking about true crime.”
“You’re joking, right?” I paused, and the innocent look on her face said it all. “Oh, dear God you’re not. Let me put you out of your misery. It’s never gonna happen. But should you ever need a smokey eye for Marcel, let me know.” I winked.
Her eyes drifted affectionately to various parts of my room. “I swear every time I step in here, I think I’ve hit a time warp or something. It screams the 90s, not that I know much about that era.”
I glanced at her attire, raising an eyebrow. “Speaking of time warps. You’re wearing a dress again. I swear we’re going shopping later. You need some pants. And don’t bother trying to tell me your dresses are on trend and all that. Wearing dresses every day screams ‘50s housewife.”
“But Andy likes it when I wear them.”
“And we all know why. I swear I don’t know who is worse, you or Kinsley.”
“Kinsley,” we both said in unison and laughed loudly.
I jumped up and grabbed my beanie, feeling suddenly self-conscious. Victoria reached out her hand. “He’ll love it.”
“What are you talking about?” I scoffed, trying to brush it off.
“Okay, we’re still in the denial stage.”
Choosing to ignore her words, I studied my image once more.
I hadn’t done the hair cut for him. But her words hit differently today.
Ever since I made the list with Pasha, it had left me unsettled and vulnerable.
Marcel wanted to go over the list later, extensively.
A deep dive is what he called it. It had me on edge.
Always the gracious one, Tori got the hint and dropped it.
“So has your brother seen it yet? He’s gonna flip his lid, something tells me he won’t like it,” Victoria said, nervously looking at my nose piercing.
“That’s because he needs to get a life and stay out of mine. And he has no room to talk. He has piercings of his own. Let him bring it up. I promise he’ll regret it.”
Victoria sighed and put her hand back out, taking the hat from me. “Don’t wear the beanie. You look beautiful.”
I touched my short locks. It was the shortest I’d ever gone. My door opened once more, and another member of the family came in.
“It’s like a revolving door today.” I smirked.
“Sorry, needed one more hug. Where are you two off to?” Marcel asked, making a beeline for Victoria.
“As if you don’t already know,” I huffed.
He leaned in and hugged Victoria. He was so cute he couldn’t keep his hands off her. Not that I’d ever say those words out loud. He didn’t seem to want to let go.
“Tori, you going to stand there and hug Marcel all damn day or what?”
He had the nerve to give me a stern look before he murmured, “Language.”
“Well, he’s a good hugger, and he smells nice.” Victoria sighed as he rubbed her back. “We’re going to go critique Pasha and Kinsley’s latest daredevil act. She makes me so nervous. I swear if he drops her…”
“He won’t,” Marcel said, soothing her. He sighed, let her go, and then turned to me. “We have our session later tonight. I want that list.”
“I’ll have it,” I exclaimed.
After a long, drawn-out goodbye between the lovebirds we made our way to the garage. We greeted Marcus and settled in for the short drive.
Victoria studied me closely. “Will you be sharing the list with me and Kinsley?”
“Yes, once it’s complete. I still have three spaces left. Which reminds me, I should start thinking about them. Why on earth I blindly agreed to let Pasha pick the number is beyond me.”
“I can guess why.”
“What?”
“Okay, so it’s obvious there’s some tension between you two. How Kinsley hasn’t picked up on it by now is surprising. And for that matter, the guys either.” She looked thoughtful.
“Maybe because you’re wrong,” I huffed and shifted my body. Marcus shook his head, and the corners of his mouth curled. “I…there is no…tension. We’re friends is all.”
“You know it’s okay to be curious.”
“Not you too? I get enough of this from Marcel.”
“I meant it’s okay to potentially want to explore sex with someone. Just because of our past—”
“Don’t, please.” I sighed once more, shifting next to her.
“Sorry, but I lived it with you. I’ll speak about it, anyway. Of course, with care, because I love you. While it’s not the be-all, end-all in a relationship, enjoying sex isn’t bad. The level of depravity we saw—”
“And you experienced,” I pointed out.
“Which Marcel would never do in a million years to any woman, let alone the mother of his child. I meant that when it’s with the right person, it can be beautiful and—”
“I’ve got it covered. Losing my virginity is on the list, okay?”
I paused, letting my words sink in. From the look on her face, she wasn’t expecting that. She went to speak, but I beat her to it.
“No, not with Pasha. He isn’t the right person. Trust me on that. He…it would never work,” I stated matter-of-fact.
Thoughts drifted in—him at the club with a woman bound to a wooden cross. Him holding a whip. I shivered, uncertain of what I was experiencing internally. I mentally shifted away from those types of images.
“Who then?” she asked, her face transformed from friend to mother. My chest heaved.
“I’ll figure it out.” I shrugged.
Marcus frowned in the rearview mirror. Perfect. Now he knew and apparently had an opinion. It didn’t matter how our family worked; everyone would know what was on my list. Marcel and I had already talked about it.
He’d given me the option of keeping it private. I would share with my girls, and it wasn’t fair to ask them to keep it back from their men. They would be curious. Better to rip the Band-Aid off. They wanted me to grow up anyway.
“Why not Pasha?” Her question was delivered so quiet that I had to strain to hear her.
“For a thousand and one different reasons. The primary one being Sebastian. He’d kill him.”
“Really? You think so?”
“Yes. While my brother is a man-whore and has taken Pasha on as his new partner in debauchery, especially now that the other guys are no longer free to slut their stuff. He would unfortunately go mental. Ever since our little secret came out, he’s relegated me back to being a little girl.”
I let out a breath and looked out the window. His overprotective instincts were in overdrive when it came to me.
“Believe it or not, he used to encourage me to try to live a little, but not anymore.” I sighed.
“Hmm.”
“Yes, I can see you trying to analyze the shit out of that statement, so let me help you out. On the day I was kidnapped.” I took a deep breath before speaking again, “Bash was supposed to walk me to school.”
Her eyes instantly registered shock and sympathy. I’d come to terms for the most part so it didn’t sting as much.
“He stayed out with Alek the night before and overslept. Guilt has taken on a whole new meaning for him now. He always had layers of it. It was easier to assuage it when he thought I was some lonely woman’s replacement ‘daughter’.”
“Makes sense. I trust that you know him best. Promise me that you’ll be careful.”
“I’m always careful and I’ll state for the last time. We’re friends, nothing more, nothing less. Now are we going to go watch Kinsley fly in the new circus act or what?”
We pulled up to the front of the studio. She sighed and opened the car door. “I really don’t like how you put that last part. What on earth made them want to explore trapeze dance, anyway?”