CHAPTER SIXTEEN
LILA
My white baby-doll heels click against the concrete as I weave through the streets of New York City. It’s eight o’clock in the morning, and of course, cabs are impossible to catch. So, I’m stuck walking if I don’t want to blow my shot at Heartford Cyphers International.
Ever since Saturday, my mind’s been in a fog, but I must snap out of it if I want this job.
Don’t screw this up.
The wind whips my hair into a frenzy, every perfect curl completely disarrayed.
Perfect. Just perfect.
RING. RING. RING.
My phone buzzes in my purse, and I start fumbling around like a cyclone, bumping into strangers as I dig through the designer bag Aster got me for my birthday. A white Chanel shoulder bag that screams femininity.
Honestly, I should marry her; she spoils me more than any man ever has.
“Hello?” I answer breathlessly.
“What the hell! Why didn’t you call me yesterday?” Aster practically screams through the phone.
“Well, I slept all day after the chaos… Saturday night.”
“Bitch, you got laid… didn’t you?” she squeals.
“Unfortunately, no. But Ididget a little something, enough to keep me sane for this week.”
“Wow. Leon must be really good with his mouth if that’s all it took. It takes me forever to get off that way!”
Silence.
“Hello? You better have not hung up on me!”
“Aster ummm… you’re going to think I’m crazy, but… it wasn’t him.”
“Damn, girl. You’re a dog! You went up with one man and ended up with another?” I can hear her clapping on the other end. I hesitate. Because honestly? I do sound insane.
I exhale, trying to steady my voice. “It was the guy in the Red Mask… from the maze.”
The line goes silent. “Lila… sweetie, do I need to come get you? Are you okay? Do I need to take you to the hospital?”
“No, I’m serious! It was him. I felt him. Well… at least, I think I did.”
“What do you mean you think you did?” Her voice softens, puzzled.
“I woke up on the massage table and found Leon in the lobby. He said I was already asleep when he got there… so he just let me rest.”
“Lila… I’m worried. What if you dreamed the whole thing?”
“Okay, but what if I didn’t and the whole thing was real? I mean, I smelled him, Aster. I tasted him. There’s no way it was a dream!” My voice wavers, like I’m trying as much to convince myself as her.
“Okay, valid, but—” I cut her off before she could finish. “Just give me a few weeks to figure this out before you start calling your family doctors, okay?”
“Fine,” she sighs. “But at least give Leon a chance. I’ve never seen him with anyone. The guys say he’s super picky. He’s never like this with anyone, and he texted me yesterday to check on you. He seemed really worried after you left.”
I pause. “But I’m taken—”
I hesitate, not finishing that statement. She’lldefinitelythink I’m nuts if I say that out loud. I’m emotionally taken but not physically… so I can’t deny him the chance.
“Umm, never mind, but yes, I’ll try. Send me his number and I’ll call him.”
“Yay! Great! Just know I love you, even if you’re a little crazy.” She giggles. “But I’m with your mom and dad now, so I’ll keep you updated on her treatment. Good luck with your interview. Kisses!”
“Kisses. Tell them I love them and I wish I could be there.”
I hang up and realize I’m standing in front of the towering skyscraper. Right there, above the revolving doors, gleams the official gold plaque:
Heartford Cyphers International .
The company I’ve wanted to be a part of since I was seventeen.
Since that night.
The night that molded my future.
The night I’ll never forget.
My heart skips. My body starts to quiver. A cold sensation creeps up my spine and crawls to the base of my neck. My chest tightens like an elephant is sitting on it, stealing every breath.
I tighten my grip on my purse like it’s the only thing keeping me tethered to reality.
No, no, no. Not again. Not now. Don’t freak out. Don’t freak out. Don’t freak out.
I gasp, trying to pull in air, but it’s like my lungs forgot how to work.
Shit. I’m hyperventilating.
The world starts to spin, and I feel lightheaded. I’m going to pass out. I didn’t even make it to the interview. How pathetic, Lila. My watch vibrates: heart rate spiking, breathing irregular.
Who would want this? Who would want to put up with this? Is this why I’ve never been in a serious relationship? Is this why I’ve never been hired here? Did they see right through me on my application?
I dart through the revolving door, heading straight toward the reception desk. The woman behind it is flawless. Her bun is sleek, her makeup perfect in every way, and her outfit pristine.
She looks ten times more polished than me… AndI’mthe one here for the interview.
“Um, ma’am? Can we help you?” she asks, eyeing me up and down.
I smooth my hair and adjust my dress, trying to act normal, even though it feels like my nerves have been electrocuted as panic flows throughout my body. “Yes, could you tell me where the bathrooms are located?” I glance around, looking for a sign, but I see nothing.
“I’m sorry, we don’t offer public bathroom access. It’s reserved for customers, associates, and employees.”
Ouch. That one stung. She doesn’t think I belong. And maybe she’s right.
I swallow hard. “Actually, I have a nine o’clock interview with Mr. Heartford.”
My eyes stay fixed on the granite counter, afraid that if I look up, it will show just how rattled I am. How easily my insecurities betray me. How deeply the fear sinks in that I don’t belong somewhere this glamorous.
Her eyes widen slightly. “Oh… my apologies, miss. Take a left at the elevators, follow the long hallway, and the bathrooms will be on your right.”
“Thank you so much,” I mumble, already halfway down the hall, walking fast, more likeescaping, desperate for just thirty seconds to breathe.
I burst through the bathroom door and grip the cold granite countertop, my fingers digging in like it’s the only thing tethering me to earth. My chest heaves as I try to catch my breath.
In through the nose. Four seconds. Out through the mouth. Four seconds.
Again. And again. Trying to quiet the fight-or-flight storm destroying me from the inside out.
Lila, your heart monitor was clear, but your body feels scared. Your heart is safe. Your body is reacting, but you are not dying. I am grounded, present, and healing from this.
My heart rate starts to calm. The erratic skips settle into a steady beat. I glance down at my watch, checking my vitals. Sinus rhythm. Oxygen back to 99%. “Oh, thank God,” I whisper, my voice barely audible over the hum of the fluorescent lights. “I can do this. This doesn’t define me.”
I repeat the words like a chant, trying to anchor myself. Trying to believe them. "Well, I know one thing you can't do." The sound of urine hitting the toilet follows. A male voice echoes through the bathroom, casual and sarcastic, like he belongs in here. What the hell?
“Ew! You perv! Get out!” I whip around, scanning for him.
“I swear I have a taser and I’m not afraid to use it! This is the women’s bathroom, so get out!” I yank the purple taser from my purse and slowly move forward, heart racing, as I inch around the wall separating the sinks from the stalls.
“You can’t use a urinal in that dress,” a voice says, cool and calm, like this is just another Tuesday. I freeze, holding the taser out in front of me, ready in case he decides to make a move.
But he stays where he is.
He stands with his back to me in front of the urinal, completely unfazed. The quiet sound of urine trickling confirms it. He’s tall and broad, dressed in a navy suit so perfectly tailored that it hugs every sculpted muscle as if it were stitched into his skin. And that’s when it hits me.
I ran into the wrong bathroom. In my rush to calm down, I didn’t even look at the door. Now I’m standing here, breathless and armed, while some ridiculously attractive man is just trying to relieve himself.
“Well, now who’s the perv?” he says, and I know if I could see his face, it would be wearing a full-blown shit eating grin.
As if I’d barge in here to get an eyeful of him.
I cross my arms over my chest, still holding the taser. “Oh, please. If I wanted to see a skinny hot dog, I would’ve gone to the food truck outside.”
He chuckles, low and cold, and I don’t wait for another word. I snatch my purse off the counter and storm out.
What a prick.
But honestly? He got my mind off the panic. So weirdly, I’m kind of glad it happened. I stomp to the elevator and catch my pouty reflection in the mirrored doors.
I look like a hot mess.
I push my blonde curls back into place and smooth the fabric of my soft, blush-pink blazer dress.
The tailored fit hugs my waist so effortlessly.
The white ruffled hem brushes the tops of my thighs, and delicate pearl buttons run down the front, adding a touch of vintage charm.
White ruffled cuffs peek from my wrists, giving it a romantic, almost doll-like finish.
I grab my lip oil from my purse and glide it across my lips.
Well, this is as good as it’s going to get.
I step into the elevator and press the button with a shaky finger. Top floor. The doors close behind me like a coffin sealing shut.
My heart flips in my chest. My brain is in absolute chaos.
I’m about to see Beck again for the first time since the Halloween party.
Or… what if I already saw him this past weekend?
He could’ve been the man between my legs…
and I’d have no idea, while he sits there thinking about the taste of me on his lips.
What if he looks at me and says, “Who the hell are you?” Even worse, what if he smirks and says, “I remember everything.” Was it him in the Red Mask?
Had it always been him? And if it is… then is he playing games with me?
I feel sick.
What if I blow the interview? What if I get the job? What if I make a fool of myself and end up working side by side with the guy who left me wrecked in every way?
UGH.