CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
LILA
This day will never end. It just keeps getting worse and worse. “Ugh, I’m so tired of this place,” I mutter under my breath. I look up at the hospital, wishing Mom weren’t here, but at least she’s still getting treatment.
“Lila! Wait up!” Aster calls from across the crosswalk. I turn to see her jogging towards me. I don’t say a word. I honestly don’t have an ounce of energy left to respond.
“Whoa, what happened to you today?” she asks, concern clear in her voice.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I say quietly, wrapping my arms around her neck. I inhale deeply, breathing her in. Aster’s hugs are different. Not the kind people give out of obligation, but the kind that hold you up when you're falling apart. The kind that says, without words, I’ve got you.
I needed this one more than I realized. Aster pulls back, her eyes scanning my tear-rimmed face like she’s piecing together every shattered part of me.
“Are you sure you want to do this today?”
“I don’t want to do it at all,” I admit, “but I need to be here for her.”
Aster slips her hand into mine as we walk through the hospital’s front doors into the dim, sterile lobby. “Well, I’ll be here for you,” she says softly, giving my hand a gentle squeeze.
I glance at one of the patients sitting nearby with her family.
She looks pale, frail, barely hanging on.
When she smiles, her lips are almost the same shade as her teeth.
Chemotherapy has stripped her completely…
her hair, her color, her confidence. Is this what Mom will look like after we sh ave her head?
Am I ready for that? Can I handle seeing her like that? Am I strong enough?
I haven’t seen her since Sunday. Since the day she sat by the window, quietly watching the world move on while she stayed behind, fighting to stay alive.
“So… how are you and Beck? What happened after Leon and I left?” I ask. The elevator dings, and we step inside, heading straight toward the heartbreak waiting for us. Two older women in their fifties join us. The air turns awkwardly silent.
“Well, if you must know,” Aster starts, completely unbothered, “I went back to his house, and I thought we were just going to fuck…” Both women gasp at her sailor’s mouth.
Aster? Doesn’t even blink. “But it was different, Lila. I think we actually made love. And you know me… that’s not my style!
” She clasps her hands together like she’s in a romance movie, eyes sparkling with the memory.
I grin. “I’m so happy for you. You deserve that kind of love. So, are you two, like… official now?”
“He wants to be,” she says, then sighs dramatically. “But you know me. I’ve never been the committed type. I prefer my monthly orgies.”
The women beside us nearly choke. Aster flashes them a dazzling smile.
The elevator can’t open fast enough.
They whisper back and forth, but Aster doesn’t care. She’s unapologetically her, and that’s what makes her so special. The elevator doors open, and we leave the gossiping women behind.
“Well, I support you no matter what you choose. But know, if Beck breaks your heart, I will break his face,” I tease, and we both giggle .
“Duly noted. But honestly, that’s not even the most exciting part. After you and Leon went upstairs—”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“After you and Kage had your spat and you went upstairs with Leon, Kage got sloppy drunk, told the girls to get lost, and then got into a fight with Leon’s personal assistant!”
“Oh my God, why didn’t you call me? I would have come down and gotten him—” I stop myself before I finish the complete sentence.
“That’s why I didn’t. If he was acting out because of how he treated you and what he lost, then I wanted him to grovel in his self-pity.”
“You’re an evil genius,” I say with a laugh.
Aster throws her head back, her signature evil laugh echoing down the hallway, her eyes glittering with mischief.
“Okay, chill. That was actually scary,” I say, caught off guard.
Our laughter fades as we reach Mom’s hospital door. We freeze, and Aster grips her bag, knowing what’s inside. The hair clippers.
The object that will break Mom more than she already is. My heart races, and for a moment, I almost ask Aster to stop, to wait, to turn back. But there’s no turning back from this. “Are you ready?” Aster whispers, her hand trembling on the door handle.
“As I’ll ever be,” I breathe out.
Inside, Mom sits in the recliner, watching the sunset sink slowly over the city. She looks like she hasn’t moved in days. Her hair falls out in patches, bald spots scattered across her scalp.
Dad sits across from her, watching the love of his life suffer day after day, completely powerless to stop it.
But he’s still there, step by step, even as she pushes him away.
That’s what love is. The hardest part isn’t loving someone who’s dying.
It’s loving someone whose death could be stolen at any moment.
“Hey, kiddo.” Dad stands and pulls me into a hug.
“Hey, Mom. How are you feeling today?” I ask, but she doesn’t take her eyes off the city skyline, just a void, vacant stare.
“I’ve been better,” she says softly, her expression unchanged.
I step closer, breaking her line of sight, and bend down so I’m face-to-face with her tired eyes. “Momma. I’m right here. Dad is here. Aster is here. We’re all here for you. Please,” I plead, reaching up to gently cradle her face. “Please don’t push us away.”
She slowly lifts her frail hand, placing it over mine. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m not trying to push you away. I feel detached, like I’ve already accepted my fate and now I’m just waiting for it to happen.”
Her cold, delicate fingers brush against my cheek. “And that’s okay,” I whisper. “But don’t forget why you’re fighting so hard to stay alive.” A small tear escapes, rolling down my cheek. She wipes it away with her thumb.
As always, she’s the one taking care of me when it should be the other way around.
“You always help bring me back to earth,” she murmurs, her lips curling into the first genuine smile I’ve seen in two weeks.
Aster’s voice echoes through the room. “Well, Alice, are you ready to kick cancer’s ass?”
We giggle, and the sound makes Mom and Dad laugh too, filling the room with warmth. “They did say the lumps in my breast are looking good, and the cancer in my lymph nodes has decreased tremendously,” Mom says .
I throw my arms around her neck. “Mom, that’s amazing!”
Every ounce of her smile radiates pure joy. “It is, but I hate that I have to shave my head.”
“I told you I’m getting you a wig made. Once we shave it, I’ll measure everything and get it started tomorrow,” I say.
“Aster, I told you, you don’t have to do that,” Mom protests.
Aster cuts her off, sass shining through. “And I told you I want to. You’re my family. Practically my second mom. I love you, and it’s totally happening.”
Mom rolls her eyes, knowing she won’t win this one. Aster’s too stubborn. Dad stands and ruffles his hair. “How about I grab us a few pizzas while you ladies get started on Mom’s hot girl makeover?”
We giggle as he leans down and presses a sweet kiss to Mom’s pale lips, like it might be his last. Aster pulls a chair from the table while I take Mom’s hands and gently help her up.
“Take it easy,” I whisper. “We’re not in any rush.”
“I am,” she says softly. “This hair holds the past, and I’m ready to move forward to your future.
The new hair that grows will be the hair my grandchildren braid during makeovers.
The hair that flows in the wind at your dream wedding.
I’m ready.” She settles into the chair, determination shining in her eyes as Aster wraps the cape around her neck.
“Here, Lila,” Aster says, holding out the clippers. “You should be the one to cut your mom’s hair. The strands that fall will be everything you two have overcome.”
My hands tremble as I take them. “Mom, are you sure you’re ready?” I ask, my voice breaking.
“Honey, are you?” she counters, her voice calm and steady .
Tears roll down my cheeks. “I’m trying to be.” I flick the switch. The soft hum fills the room like a heartbeat, steady and inevitable. Mom reaches behind me, her frail hand wrapping over mine.
“I’m ready, sweetie,” she whispers. And together, she guides my hand as we cut the first line, her tears falling faster than the hair. This isn’t just her battle. It’s ours. And I swear, cancer won’t take her. Not while I’m by her side.