Chapter 24
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
kate
When Jake comes back fifteen minutes later, he appears to be much calmer. Or, at least, he’s masking it well while he pulls up this new ballad. Meanwhile, I’m a bucket of nerves, fretting about how I’m going to react to this song and what it means for Jake’s career and his relationship with Jason.
Goddamn good girl in me coming out full force again. It’s like playing fucking whack-a-mole. I never know when it’s going to rear its ugly head, and I’ll have to smack it down again. Apparently, today is one of those days.
“Same plan as last time. I’ll play the song for you.
Then you share your feedback whenever you’re ready.
I’ll only use it if you’re one hundred percent comfortable with it.
No exceptions,” Jake explains, sitting at the table with his laptop while I’m on the couch.
The physical distance is what I need in this moment to allow myself to process how I’m feeling about the song without his body pressed against me.
It’s practically impossible for me to think when his skin touches mine, sending my mind straight to the gutter, reliving how he bent me over this very couch last night.
Not helping.
Focus on the potential problem at hand—the ballad that apparently details how we fell in love and how I then left him.
Stop thinking about having sex with your boyfriend.
I pull my legs to my chest, resting my head on my knees when the song begins to play over the Bluetooth speakers. Jake’s raspy voice sends goosebumps down my arms.
I listen to him detail what it was like when the switch flipped for him and how he started having feelings for me. How he pined after me, not wanting to cross any lines while I was in another relationship.
The exuberance he felt when I became single.
How he planned to wait before making his move, but a starlit night by the lake changed everything.
The way he fell in love with me so quickly, keeping his feelings to himself until I caught up.
How all his dreams came true when I was the first to say I love you.
The countless romantic days and nights. Our plans for the future.
And how it all came crashing down when it became obvious that we had moved too fast. How his heart shattered when I left, even though he eventually understood why.
His grand gesture that led to us having another chance. The lifetime he sees in front of us. And how all of it was worth the wait.
At some point during the song, I must’ve started crying because my face is streaked with tears.
The bus is completely silent; only the hum of the air conditioning and the pounding of my heart can be heard.
I glance over at Jake to see his head on the table, intentionally not looking in my direction to give me the space he promised.
God. What did I do to deserve this man? He treats my feelings with such incredible care and is devastated whenever he accidentally harms them. I’ve never experienced this type of love from anyone. Until him.
I walk over to the table, sliding onto the bench across from him and lightly tapping his arm.
“What do you think?” he asks, his eyes full of worry, noticing my tear-streaked face.
I smile, trying to alleviate his nerves a tiny bit.
“It’s beautiful. Might be the best you’ve ever written.
It has left an imprint on my soul,” I reply softly, placing one hand over my heart and lacing our fingers together.
“You captured the essence of what it was like for us to fall in love. And hearing how you felt through the various stages was such an incredible gift. Some of the things you mentioned were new to me.”
He swallows, squeezing my hand. “It’s the first time I’ve been able to adequately put into words how I felt when I started seeing you in a different light.
That’s why I wanted to create a special moment for you to hear the song.
” He sighs loudly. “Not on my tour bus after my manager sprung it on you.”
I cup his jaw, his stubble scratchy against my palm as I caress his face.
“I’ll never forget hearing it. The location doesn’t matter; the words and the meaning behind them do.
” He nuzzles his face into my hand, sending a shiver down my spine and heat to pool in my core.
“I love the song. Thank you so much for playing it for me.”
“You’re welcome. How do you feel about sharing it with others?” he asks, gazing at me with such love, making it clear I could tell him I don’t want another soul to hear it, and he’d make it happen. Keep it private between us forever.
“It’s complicated.” I glance at the table while I try to find the right words to describe my conflicting emotions. “I want other people to hear it because it’s incredible. Jason’s right about how this song could be a massive success for your career. But...”
He gulps. “You’re not sure whether it’s the best idea to release it.”
I nod. “I don’t know if I can handle any more drama in my life right now. I’m already at max capacity, and we still have finding my dad hanging over us. Maybe once things settle down, we can talk about it again. You don’t have to finalize the album for a little bit, so we have time.”
Jake rests his forehead against mine. “Yes. We have plenty of time to discuss it. Just know I’m serious about never letting anyone else hear this song if you don’t want it out in the world.
You come first—always.” Jake exhales deeply.
“I’m sorry you’re getting roped into all of this.
If I could protect you from the outside noise, I would. ”
I don’t doubt that for one minute. But he can’t control what others do. None of us can. It’s one of the hardest lessons to learn in life.
That’s what scares me the most. The potential of somehow ending up in a situation where the only option is to end our relationship to stop the trauma inflicted upon us from escalating. And knowing there is nothing I can do to stop it.
I pray that day never comes. That we’re not faced with the choice of our mental well-being versus being together.