Chapter 3
“IT IS WHAT IT IS, AND IT AIN’T WHAT IT AIN’T.”
T oday wasn’t Najee’s first time having a ‘ first day out ’.
But it would most definitely be his last. He bet every dollar in his bank account on that.
He made a promise to himself that no matter the situation, he’d never end up behind bars again.
At least not under the circumstances he’d gotten locked up for.
His promise had nothing to do with the situation, but his actions and lame ass probation officer.
It didn’t matter that the year and some months flew by with a quickness.
Physically, his life had been put on pause, and he was ready to press play.
Processing out took much longer than Najee liked, but at least he was free to an extent. He called it freedom-adjacent, with him being on parole for the next year. He’d take the random check-ins, curfews, and all the other bullshit that came with an early release over a cell any day.
The gate behind him buzzed loudly and drew out like it was reminding him of his jail stint. That his freedom wasn’t just handed over, but earned with every second, minute, hour, and day that he was confined. The sound made him grit his teeth, but he loosened his jaw the second he stepped outside.
Najee stood still for a second, letting the moment settle in his chest. Fourteen months of sleeping on a hard ass mattress, avoiding unnecessary fights, horrible meals that shouldn’t have been considered food, and silent prayers had gotten him here.
He knew his Aunt Joyce and Uncle Ron’s prayers had kept him sane as well.
Unlike the August heat he forfeited when locked up, the cool October winds and tolerable sun greeted him.
Inhaling, he exhaled and adjusted his vision with slow blinks.
Some things would never change. The sun, air, and atmosphere always felt different on the outside.
He let his eyes roam the parking lot while clutching a clear plastic bag in his hand.
The clothes he went in with no longer fit thanks to his morning and nighttime workouts.
Men who’d been granted freedom just as he had swaggered to their waiting vehicles.
Some had already posted up at the bus stop down the block.
It didn’t take Najee long to spot his ride.
Uncle Ron’s black Cadillac was the cleanest in the parking lot, sparkling as if he’d gotten it washed before pulling up. Knowing him, he had.
Najee smirked as he slowly walked over, taking in everything.
The forgotten smell of freshly cut grass tickled his nose, and the passing vehicles made his reality that much more real.
Ron emerged from the driver’s seat looking exactly how Najee remembered.
He had that OG, comforting energy about him that made you stop and listen to anything he talked about.
A thick silver chain peeked from underneath his collar, while his salt-and-pepper beard was lined to perfection.
The jeans, Timbs, and red Chiefs jersey he was wearing reminded Najee of the season and day. Every Friday, once football season commenced, Kansas City Chiefs fans wore red. Today was going to be a damn good day, especially since it was a home game on Sunday.
“Looks like jail ain’t break you too bad,” Ron said, stepping to him with open arms.
Najee let out a dry chuckle and pulled him in for a hug. “Never that. You know I wasn’t going out like that.”
They were almost the same height, but Najee towered over him a few inches at six feet four.
The difference meant nothing; the love still felt the same.
It actually felt stronger. Their hug was needed on both ends.
The silence between them as Ron firmly patted his back was heavy with emotion neither of them would speak on.
He shook his head, filled with an onset of emotions only an uncle, who was more like a father, could feel.
“Sho’ have missed you, nephew. You made it out with your mind in one piece. That’s a blessing.”
Najee couldn’t agree more as his head bobbed. “Absolutely. I missed you, too, Unc.”
“Let’s get on out of here before these mothafuckas try to snatch you up again.”
Sliding into the passenger seat, Najee’s body immediately relaxed. The leather seats felt nothing like the discomfort he endured over the months. The smell of fresh linen engulfed him, making him smile.
“Ny still buying you those car scents?” Najee asked.
“You know she is. The other week, the store she likes with all the candles and smell goods had a sale, and she hooked me up.”
Of course she did. Nyesha, Najee’s sister, always looked out.
All Uncle Ron had to do was ask one time what scent she had in her car when he cleaned it years ago, and she’d been purchasing him car fragrances since.
It was the little things Najee loved and appreciated about his little sister.
Although he told her she didn’t have to, Nyesha kept his books full and picked up whenever he called, which wasn’t a lot.
Najee didn’t want to burden anyone, especially the women in his life.
They knew where he was and what he was there for.
That mattered none to Nyesha. Whenever Najee did call weeks apart, she’d give him a mouthful before letting it be known that she missed him.
That’s all it was, but her feelings were warranted.
She wasn’t used to not having him around, and having restrictions on how they communicated made his absence feel much longer.
“That’s Ny for you. It smells good in here,” Najee said, inhaling.
His chest expanded as they pulled onto the highway.
As if she knew they were talking about her, Nyesha’s name popped up on the dashboard screen.
The unexpected ringtone blaring through the speakers made Najee slightly flinch.
The sound was almost foreign. Ron answered, and Nyesha’s raspy voice filled the car.
“What’s up, baby girl?”
“Hey, Uncle Ron. Good morning. Is he with you?”
Ron chuckled. “Straight to the point, huh?”
“Of course.” She giggled. “G, I know you hear me.”
“How can I not? You loud as hell,” Najee cracked, smiling. “What’s up, sis. Good morning.”
“Brother.”
That one word made his chest tight. Nyesha’s voice was vulnerable with tears of relief and happiness clinging to it.
She missed him dearly and couldn’t contain her emotions or tears.
The echo of her calling on FaceTime resounded through the car.
Ron unlocked it and handed it to him. Nyesha’s face filled the screen.
She looked just like his twin with the same smooth brown complexion.
Big, round eyes glimmering with tears greeted Najee, making him smile.
So, Nyesha did too. Her high cheekbones lifted as she sniffled.
“There goes my crybaby.” He chuckled. “You just couldn’t wait to see me, huh?”
“No, I couldn’t. You didn’t want me to come visit you,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“Wasn’t a need to, Ny. I’m out now.”
Thank God .
“Yeah, you are, and you look unloved,” Nyesha joked. “Uncle Ron, please take him to get a haircut before y’all do anything.”
Uncle Ron just chuckled, used to their sibling banter.
It had been this way since they were kids.
At thirty-three, their seven-year age difference made Najee act more like a father than her brother, but Nyesha didn’t mind.
His presence in her life meant more to her than her actual father, so she let Najee boss her around sometimes. It was his natural protective nature.
“Damn. You can’t cut a nigga some slack? I just got out,” Najee said.
“Mmhmm. I guess so. You look good, lil’ ugly. I see you put some weight on, too. Thick neck ass.”
Najee cracked up. “A’ight. I see you got jokes. Don’t be trying to pull up on me later on.”
“Boy, please.” She waved him off. “Your house is gonna be the first place I stop once I get off work. Ugh! I should’ve taken off.”
“Nah. Take your ass to work. I’ma be moving around for most of the day. I’ll see you when you get off,” Najee told her.
Nyesha huffed. “Fine. Whatever. If you don’t love me, just say that.”
“Never that. Love you more than anything.”
“I love you more. You talked to Renae?”
“Nah.”
His one-word, dry response made Ron glance his way. Nyesha’s lips pursed with a slight smirk.
“That’s unfortunate,” she mumbled.
“She know you out?” Ron asked.
Najee didn’t answer right away. He rubbed the back of his neck, exhaling through his nose.
“Nah. Figured I’d pop up on her.”
“Mm.” That was all Ron offered.
It was one of those mm’s that said a whole lot without saying anything.
Najee knew he wanted to say more but was glad he didn’t.
Saying more would’ve forced him to confront what he’d been pushing to the back of his mind.
Renae’s energy had been off for months now, and though he tried not to be the overthinking type, jail didn’t give him much else to do but sit and analyze everything.
Now that he was out, he needed answers. He needed to look her in the eye and see if the shift he’d felt was real or if he was just tripping.
“That’ll be your best bet. She’s been acting funny with me, but you know we were never really close, so I don’t know why I expected anything different,” Nyesha said, rolling her eyes.
Najee studied her for a second. The subtle tension in her jaw said more than her words did. “What she been on with you?”
“Nothing really. Whenever I would reach out to check on her or see if she needed anything, she would be really dry. Not mean, just sarcastically polite and you know I peeped that,” Nyesha explained, shrugging.
Not only that, but she posted some questionable Facebook statuses that had Nyesha looking at her sideways. If she didn’t want to be with her brother anymore, that’s all she had to say.
Najee sucked his teeth, shaking his head. “I ain’t know all that.”
“You wouldn’t. I never said anything ‘cause it wasn’t my place,” she said, eyes meeting his. “Plus, I ain’t want it to sound like I was hating.”