Chapter 11 #2
“I don’t know. This one’s got me puzzled.
I noticed the many awards in the lobby saying this is a highly respected daycare, so I have to figure something good is happening here.
But is there something illegal going on underneath?
I don’t know. And if there is, is it connected to Kenna? I don’t know that either.”
“Let’s get Hayden to dig deep on Bonnie and this place. Hopefully, he’ll find information to help clarify our questions.” After getting in the vehicle, he grabbed his phone and started thumbing the screen.
She suspected he was sending the text to Hayden.
His phone dinged. “Hayden will get started with our request right away.”
“Thanks.” El buckled her seatbelt. “So Brad confirmed Kenna’s parents live in Gold Beach?”
“Yeah, in a retirement village like my mom said.” Gabe shoved his phone into his pocket.
“Are you up for seeing them now?”
He scowled. “Not something I really want to do, but we need to do it.”
“I’ll text the deputy who’s coming to pick up the evidence that he can meet us before we talk to them.”
El sent a text then got her vehicle on the road, her palms getting sweaty.
She loved her job. She didn’t love doing a death notification call.
One of the most difficult parts of her job.
It was easier with two officers present, but today her partner was a man with very strong feelings about Kenna’s parents.
The interview would be similar to the one with his parents, at least in the emotional stakes for Gabe.
Her too, as she watched him suffer even more.
She wanted to take his pain away, or at least talk to him about it so he could find some release before his emotions exploded.
But he went through Lucy’s backpack, holding each item as time ticked slowly by.
Fifteen miles in, she glanced at him. He’d placed Lucy’s backpack and papers on his lap, the sweater resting on top, and he was holding them close. She really couldn’t imagine his pain now, but if they were to lose Lucy too…
She wouldn’t let that happen. They needed to work harder.
Smarter. Do something extraordinary to find her.
They’d already passed the golden window when finding a child alive was more likely.
Golden window or not, she would choose to believe Lucy was still alive and proceed with that in her mind and heart.
And she needed Gabe to be able to focus.
Talking it out should help. “That was hard.”
He nodded, but didn’t speak.
She wouldn’t give up. “Kenna leaving the backpack when it was out of character for her adds to the theory that she wanted to get to you quickly.”
He gave a single nod. “Unfortunately, we’re no closer to finding out why she stopped at the lake instead, and if she knew her attacker. I was really hoping we would learn something from one of the people we talked to today.”
“Me too, but the day isn’t done. Don’t get your hopes up for her parents. Being estranged from her, I doubt they’ll have anything to give us.”
“Other than heartburn, you mean.” His mouth turned down.
“But I won’t lose hope. Not while my team is still working the investigation.
We’ve been known to pull off things others can’t.
When we get back to town, I’d like to meet with them and review their tasks.
Hopefully they found something to help.”
El didn’t hold out any hope for such a thing.
Not because she didn’t trust their abilities or think they wouldn’t find any leads. But if they’d discovered anything related to Lucy, they would’ve called or texted Gabe by now. Still, with his mood, she wouldn’t mention that.
Instead… “Their help could make all the difference for us.”
He swiveled to look at her. “Don’t think I’ve missed your concern about how I’m feeling. It’s always helpful to know someone cares. I appreciate it. But you. How are you doing? I know this investigation is bringing up memories from your past.”
She’d been captivated by him for sure, but this concern for her emotional well-being added to her impression of a kind, considerate man. Still, she didn’t much want to talk about Victoria or how it was impacting her. That wasn’t fair to him. She expected him to talk to her, but she wouldn’t share.
But maybe if she did, he’d open up more. “I won’t lie and say it’s not bothering me, but I’m trying to work through it. Seeing you struggle with the loss of Kenna, and Lucy missing, minimizes anything I’m feeling.”
His fingers curled into Lucy’s sweater. “I thought I’d be prepared for something like this, especially with my family’s business. In fact, I’ve imagined what it would be like to lose one of them to violence. But none of that has prepared me for losing someone I love deeply.”
“I won’t pretend to know what it feels like. I don’t even fully comprehend losing my birth parents. When I was taken away from my mom, I was too young to really even understand what loving her meant. Now, if something happened to my adoptive parents, that would be a different story.”
“It’s an all-consuming pain that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.”
“But we’ll all experience it at some point.”
“Yes, assuming everyone loves someone.”
“Isn’t love something we all search for? Even the most unstable person wants to be loved.”
He nodded.
She probably shouldn’t make this more personal, but they’d been together for some time now, and she felt a need to discuss it. “You know, we have a lot in common in this area.”
“How so?”
“This mutual attraction we’ve been fighting forever that hasn’t gone anywhere. If I’m reading it right, we both avoid relationships. I mean, I’m certain about myself, but can’t be as certain about you.”
“You’re right. Now that you’ve met my family you can probably understand why.”
Confused, she glanced at him. “You mean because they aren’t loving?”
“It’s all about their criminal activity. No matter what I do, I can’t get away from my past. It’s like a shadow following me, and anyone who knows where I came from rarely trusts me completely.”
“But Kenna did.”
He nodded.
“So why don’t you believe someone else can?”
He shrugged.
“You’re a man of faith. Do you ever hear that still small voice of God telling you to open your heart to others and trust Him with what happens?”
“Yes, do you?”
“All the time.”
His challenging gaze held hers. “And do you listen and respond the way God wants you to?”
She jerked her focus back to the road. “I’ve tried, but I’ve never succeeded long-term. My issues always come back. Or should I say, I let my issues come back.”
“Same.” One word, but the pain ran deep in his tone.
She pulled to a stop at an intersection and looked him in the eye. “What if we tried together?”
He tilted his head. “You mean, follow these feelings and get together then help each other overcome our issues?”
“Yes.” She held her breath in case he found the suggestion too disgusting to even contemplate.
“I’d be glad to try. Not until we find Lucy, and Kenna’s killer. But afterward…” He gave her a trembling smile.
She squeezed his hand, then directions from the female GPS voice came over the speaker.
El let go of their personal discussion and pressed on the gas to enter the little town where Kenna’s parents lived.
She drove past small houses and an almost nonexistent downtown with a grocery store, drugstore, and bank.
Her heart had grown lighter than the situation called for.
Gabe had done that in his willingness to pursue a relationship with her—someone who had done the most horrific thing in failing a young child in the past—and yet he wanted to be with her.
This is You, isn’t it, God? I know it’s not me.
Not in my humanness could I ever let go of my guilt for even a moment to entertain someone being able to love me.
Maybe You’re telling me to put that guilt behind me once and for all.
That I’m forgiven and have a clean slate going forward.
Maybe that I don’t even need forgiveness because it was an honest mistake.
But I do need forgiveness for the many years I’ve let guilt lead me and avoided choices You had for me.
Please let that stop today and let my heart be open to Your leading.