23
ELEANOR
I descend the stairs to the archive in a haze. On one hand, I should be grateful Luke is looking out for me. On the other, I’m overwhelmed. He looked without telling me. Planned for my remaining in Austin without telling me. I should be swooning that he’s so invested.
Instead, I’m terrified.
“What was that all about?” Jolene asks as soon as my foot lands on the bottom step.
I freeze and glare at her. “You were listening?”
Jolene shrugs from her place leaned up against the wall. “Voices echo in the stairs. Couldn’t help but overhear.”
I roll my eyes and blow past her toward the archive door. I don’t have time to indulge her antics today.
“From the sounds of it,” she says, trailing after me, “he really wants you to stay in Austin.”
“Yeah, that was kind of the whole crux of the conversation,” I mutter. Which you should know since you were listening .
We enter the archive. I’m hoping Jolene will read the fucking room and leave me alone to get back to the work I was doing before we popped up to the exhibition hall, but noooo , of course she doesn’t.
Before I can even plop down in my chair, she’s pulled a chair out for herself to sit across from me at the table. Maybe I can ignore her into leaving me alone.
“Look, I know that wasn’t what you wanted to hear from the museum, but what you did isn’t a small feat! There are plenty of establishments that would want someone like you on their permanent team.”
I ignore her, pulling open my old, slow laptop.
“And Luke wants you to stay, I mean, that feels like an easy decision to me.”
It’s not.
“Don’t ignore me!” she snaps.
“It’s not an easy decision!” I reply. “I’m not going to stay in Austin just for some man.”
“ Some man,” she scoffs. “Please. He’s a babe.”
“Babe or not, he’s a man. And men do stupid things. Like search for apartments without asking you.”
Jolene’s eyes widen. “Is that what he did?”
“Yup.”
She’s quiet for a moment, then twists her lips into a smile. “That’s pretty romantic.”
“Jolene! That is not romantic! It’s presumptuous! It’s stupid! It’s—”
“Don’t act as if you haven’t spent nearly every moment of your free time with him for the past two months!” she quips.
I seal my mouth shut. Damn her for being right.
“Unless you were just trying to pass the time, which doesn’t seem to be the way you do things, I’d say that’s something to consider.”
Since our first date, Luke and I have spent all of his free time together. His being the operative word because he’s the one always working. I have my nine-to-five and he has his whenever to whenever the fuck. Sometimes it’s only a day a week, but other times it’s several.
And he’s been driving me crazy in the best way possible. Holding out on sleeping with me as if to prove his restraint, which only makes me more feral.
However, it’s not just the sexual component. It’s so easy to be around him. From the very beginning, he’s helped me find my footing here. Helped me embrace Austin with open arms and vice versa. He’s treated me like a queen, even when we weren’t involved romantically. He’s a good fucking man.
So why do I feel like running away?
“Eleanor, what are you afraid of?”
I bite on the inside of my cheek. Chew for a few moments. “I don’t like taking risks.”
“Okay, well I could have told you that,” Jolene says.
“So, why’d you ask?”
“I mean with Luke . What are you afraid of? He seems like a great guy, so unless there’s something you haven’t told me—”
I can’t let her finish that sentence. “He is a great guy.”
Jolene smiles in her sweet way when she thinks she knows better than me. “So? Are you not attracted to him?”
“Of course, I’m attracted to him! You’ve seen him.”
“Just asking! Pretty isn’t everyone’s type,” Jolene says, holding her hands up.
“True, just look at the guy you’re dating.”
She kicks me under the table. “Tom is cute!”
“So is his wallet.”
Snickering, she flushes. “Yeah, fair. And speaking of, Luke’s no slouch in that department either.”
“Oh my god.”
“I’m just saying. Pays for most everything, right?”
I sigh. “True.”
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
I eye her. “What?”
“You’re the problem, Eleanor!”
I gape at her, unable to keep from laughing though she’s cut me down at the knees. “Wow! Thanks!”
“I’m just saying, you’ve got a sexy man with at least some amount of money who is totally obsessed with you to the point of trying to make your life easier by finding you an apartment and you’re turning your nose up at him. You have to ask yourself why.”
“Because I’m terrified it won’t work out and I’ll be stuck here in Austin because of some guy!” I cry out. “There. That’s it.”
“Oh, honey, from the sounds of it, I don’t think Luke is just some guy.”
He hasn’t been. Not for a long time.
“You’ve been all out of sorts about him for a while now, and the second he looks like he’s actually yours, you’re running the other way.”
I sigh. “People change, Jo.”
“Sure. Fine. Let’s say something changes and he becomes a total shit. You break up. Now you have a lease in Austin. Is that so bad?”
Is it so bad?
“It’s not like you’re going to give up on looking for a job.”
“True.”
“Not like I’m going to leave you alone,” she says.
I laugh. The levity is much needed. “True.”
“So, you have friends. You have a goal. The worst that can happen is a year in a city I think you like, right?”
Love. I love Austin. Fell in love with it through Luke’s eyes. Though the weather is less than to be desired for a Chicagoan like me, I love it here. I like the people. Like the culture. Love the music and the history.
It’s only been two months, but it feels like home.
I can settle into that. Accept that. But there’s another truth. Something I have only whispered to myself in the dark of night. Alone. Where no ears can hear but my own.
“I don’t want him to break my heart,” I say. “I like him so much.”
Jolene reaches across the table and grabs my hands. “Honey, love is such a bitch sometimes.”
I laugh though tears fill my eyes.
“You can’t predict it. It’s kind of like a period.”
“Oh my god, Jo.”
“What! I’m being honest. It’s natural, sometimes it hurts, and it can be annoying, but—” She pauses. “Okay, I guess the upsides are limited. But you have permission to eat lots of chocolate. That’s the best.”
“So, if I follow your logic—”
“Never said it was logic.”
I grab Jolene’s hands tighter. “Love is like a period. It makes you bleed out, and it hurts, but you get chocolate out of it.”
“Eleanor. Fuck my stupid metaphor. Love is natural. Love is supposed to happen. And sometimes it hurts. But that’s what makes it love. It wouldn’t be anything if we didn’t know we could lose it.”
Her words hit me like a gust of wind.
“As long as it’s not toxic, and as long as everyone is doing their best, that’s just what love does. So, you can run back to Chicago and avoid the possibility that things will work out, or you can fucking run right into the fire.”
“So, now love is a fire?”
She throws her hands up in frustration. “Okay, this is the last time I help you!”
“I’m joking! I’m joking!”
Jolene leans back in her seat, arms crossed over her chest, eyeing me. “So? What are you going to do?”
My phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out to find a text from Luke. The phone number for the owner of the building he told me about.
Something washes over me. Contentment.
It’s all aligning. This is what’s supposed to be. Fear shouldn’t pull me away.
“I’m going to stay.”
Jolene woops in delight.
I tap the number and put my phone against my ear .