CHAPTER 14 #2
The bird thing was our thing. But this looks like he’s taken our once beautiful story and turned it into something dark and twisted. Or maybe it was never what I imagined in the first place.
I force my mask of indifference to remain steady, even though there’s a war being waged inside me.
Before I can decipher the scripted words scrawled above the tattoo, he turns, opens a large cabinet door, and pulls out a shirt.
He’s quick to stretch it over his head. When he turns, his eyes are slightly shut, tension tightening in his features.
He grips his forehead momentarily, takes a couple of deep breaths, and then drops his hand.
Crossing the room, he drops onto the couch and begins to pull on his socks and boots.
Bodie throws the bottle of pills. They land beside Finn on the couch.
Finn shakes his head.
“Yes.” Bodie and Dozer say in unison.
When Finn doesn’t respond, Bodie says, “Look, man. I know a shit ton of these have side effects. But you’re not going to find one that works if you don’t at least give them a try. Alister says these are the best out there. He’s not going to steer you wrong on purpose.”
“We’re not doin’ this,” is Finn’s response. He picks up the pills and throws them back at Bodie.
“We are,” Dozer says, crossing his massive arms over his chest. He stands like a sentinel a few feet away, all business.
Finn’s dark blue gaze, glare and all, shifts from Dozer to Bodie. He sees me and Raven and freezes. Then he does a chin lift in my direction and says, “What the fuck? Is this like some kind of intervention?”
Bodie chuckles. “No, but only because I didn’t think of it.”
Under his breath, Finn hisses, “Then why is she here?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s like a divine intervention, bro.”
The hurt I feel is like an arrow to the gut, a fucking bull’s-eye. It’s like he’s saying anything to do with his life is none of my goddamn business.
I fortify my emotional walls to protect my heart, and point my thumb over my shoulder. “I’m gonna get going. I just wanted to check that you were all right.”
Raven scolds him. “Don’t be an ass to us just because we care about you.” I appreciate her words, but that doesn’t make me feel any less like an unwanted outsider.
Bodie rolls his eyes. “It’s not what you think, so calm the fuck down. She was just in the right place at the right time.”
Finn palms his head and closes his eyes. “Fuck, Lily. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. It’s just been one hell of a night.”
“It’s okay. I was headed out anyway.” I don’t need this bullshit.
Bodie’s hand snakes out to grab my wrist. I nearly yank it away, but force myself to calm down and not react.
Finn is up in a heartbeat, shoving Bodie’s arm off me. “Don’t fucking grab her.”
Bodie’s grins wide at this. Why? I have no idea. But his next move shocks me. He goes for the pills and comes back to me. Plops them into my hand. “Do me a solid, babe… get him to take one of these.”
Finn curses and paces away from us. He grips the back of his head and mutters under his breath, frustration and anger palpable.
When he stops, his gaze is fierce as he stares at his friends.
“I mean this with all the love and respect in the world. Everyone but Lily, please get the fuck outta my office.”
Raising an eyebrow, Bodie hesitates. “I’m not leaving until I know you’ve taken one.”
Dozer slaps Bodie’s chest. “Fuck, Rivers. Stop eggin’ him on. We’ve done what we can. It’s time to go.”
Turning the bottle over, I read the label. When I look up to meet Finn’s eyes, I study his features, the pain he’s trying and failing to hide. Worry for him tightens a knot in my stomach.
“Are these for migraines?” I ask.
It’s Bodie who responds. “Yeah, and he’ll be stubborn about taking one, but believe me when I say, he’s gotta do it, or he’s gonna land his ass in a pine box.”
Finn takes a step forward as if to harm him. His fists balled up at his sides. Dozer plants his meaty hand on Bodie’s shoulder and forces him toward the door, seeing the deadly threat on Finn’s face. “Come on, let’s get outta here before he puts you in a pine box for meddling.”
Raven follows the guys out of Finn’s office without another word.
At the last second, Bodie peeks his head back in before the door can shut. “Just wanted to say… you were sexy as fuck tonight, Lily. Wet Dreams-R-Us cummin’ to town.” The door shuts with a thunk .
I blink, then let out an abrupt, short laugh. “I’m not sure if I want to know.”
Finn grumbles as he walks back into the bathroom, “I assure you. You don’t. It’s best if you ignore anything that comes outta his mouth.”
He opens a drawer, removes a comb, and fixes his hair back in place. When finished, he leans against the counter and stares at himself in the mirror. The toll this pain has taken on him is at a level he can’t mask, and that alone is telling.
I don’t know what drives me forward, maybe the gravitational pull of his pain, but resisting it feels as if it takes more effort than giving in. I take cautious steps forward and stoop at the bathroom doorway.
His gaze moves to me, and I experience a moment of déjà vu .
We once stood like this, only our roles were reversed.
I was the one hurting, weighed down by the hell I’d endured with Veno.
Being trafficked by a man who saw me as nothing more than a payday and a punching bag.
Finn pulled me out. He’d been my anchor, constantly letting me know that he’d watch over me, be a listening ear if I ever wanted to talk about what had happened.
He’d been the one person in the world who cared if I came out the other side of the darkness in my head and heart.
His hair was mostly black then. Cut into a military crew cut. No goatee, which I’m partial to now. His body had been a thing of beauty, hardened and war-ready, but almost too perfect, you know? It was intimidating its flawlessness.
Because mine was anything but perfect.
Now his body tells a similar story to mine, scars and all. There’s a certain beauty to be found in the story it tells, mysteries waiting to be discovered.
We stare at each other. The quiet settles in around us. It’s not uncomfortable, but profound.
I remember how it was always like this. His presence calmed and centered me, making me feel safe for the first time in a long time.
When I was close to him–inside his small bubble—I felt like he could shield me from anything.
He had this quiet control about him, like he somehow mastered the space he occupied.
My body recognized this, and still, it reacts, orbits around it, like Saturn’s rings around its center mass, me around him .
I roll the bottle in my hands and reread the label, memorizing the name so I can research it later.
I place the pills on the counter beside his hand.
His eyes stay fixed on me, intense. I’m tempted to back away.
I never thought those eyes could be anything but honest. Anything but kind. Anything but true.
I turn to walk back into his office, heart sick at what we’ve become, but Finn catches my hand and stops me. He pulls me closer.
“What was that look?”
I shake my head, an emotionless mask over my face now. “Nothing. Look, I should be going.” I try to pull away. Finn holds tight.
“You were thinking something just now. Tell me.” He pulls my arm up and runs his fingers over my inner forearm, inspecting it.
I yank it away, knowing what he’s looking for. “Nothing important.”
“Will you tell me anyway?”I meet his gaze head-on and lie. “No, it was nothing worth mentioning.”