CHAPTER 50 #3
Reaching into my car, I pull out my bag. When I find the makeup wipes, I grab a few. I try to pass some to Bodie, but he waves me off. I squat down next to my side mirror and begin cleaning off my face. When I’m done, I face him. “So, any regrets?”
“None. You?”
“Not a one.”
I pull the pins from my hair and remove the wig. After storing it along with the rest of the evidence of our little venture in my bag, I toss the bag back into the car. Bodie holds up the knife he used earlier. “Can I keep it?”
“It’s all yours.”
He grins and tucks it through his belt loop.
I lean back against the car, taking a moment to relax and take in the peaceful night. He joins me.
“Are we tellin’ Goose about this?”
With a heavy exhale, I say, “Yep. No more secrets or lies. That’s what we agreed to. We’re waiting until we can talk face-to-face to dig into the past, but we’ve agreed we’re done keeping things from each other.”
He dips his chin. “Good for you. Sounds like you guys finally figured things out.”
I shrug, staring out at the dark road ahead. “We’re working on it.”
“Yeah, the couple thing is hard. Fuck, adulting is hard.”
I chuckle. “It’s the worst, isn’t it?”
He palms his face, smearing what’s left of his makeup.
Not that it wasn’t already wrecked from the night’s chaos, but now he really looks like the mad clown.
“Shit,” he laughs when he sees all the makeup on his hands.
He wipes it on his pants. Then his smile fades, and his voice drops.
“Wish I could figure my own shit out too… but I think that ship has sailed.”
That catches me off guard. I turn fully toward him, my brows pinching together. “How so?”
He glances at me, then quickly looks away. “You don’t want to hear this.”
“Come on, we’re BFs now, aren’t we? Hit me with it. You never know, maybe getting a woman’s perspective will help.”
He snorts at that, running a hand through his hair.
“You haven’t met her yet—my wife. Blaire.
Not because I don’t want you to—generally, we avoid mixing the clubpieces with the old ladies.
Because of you know, all the catfights that break out when the two collide.
No offense. I know that’s not you anymore. ”
“None taken.”
“Yeah, it’s just a thing. Otherwise, shit gets real. You know how it is.”
I laugh. “I’ve seen and heard a thing or two.”
“Anyway, we’ve been together since she got pregnant, but it’s always been rocky.” He pauses, almost hesitant.
I can see it coming. “That’s why you sleep around? Because it’s not love. Not the real kind.” It’s blunt, but there’s no point in dancing around it. Not with him.
He sighs, shrugging. “Yeah. No. It’s never really been that.
I find her sexy as hell. But she knows it and uses it against me.
Swear to fuck, she tries to guide me around by my dick.
She’s either wantin’ to fuck me or bitch me out.
There’s no in between with her. The other women…
that’s because she gets off on being jealous, or sometimes I do it when she freezes me out. ” He shrugs.
“It sounds like it’s a game to both of you.”
He huffs. “Yeah, maybe it is.”
“Does she know everything about what goes on in the clubhouse?”
“Depends on the day. Some days, she wants to know every dirty detail, and she gets off on it. Other days, she acts like I’m the worst piece of shit on the planet. It’s a fucking mindfuck. One moment, she’s hot and heavy. The next, she’s an ice queen and ready to cut my dick off.”
“Is she worth it, if you found a way to work through your issues? Is that even possible, you think?”
He stiffens. “Fuck, you don’t pull any punches, do you?”
I shrug. “It’s two simple questions. Is it fixable, or is she worth the time and mindfuckery? Or are you just putting off the inevitable?”
He doesn’t answer right away. The silence that follows is telling. He stares off into the distance, then finally admits, “I don’t know how to answer either of those.”
He does. His hesitation says more than any words could.
I don’t push him, though. Telling someone to end a relationship never works unless they’re ready to hear it, and most of the time, it only pushes them back into the situation because they want to be the one who makes the decision. They want you to be wrong.
Bodie’s not there yet. One day, but today’s not that day.
“I’m no relationship expert,” I say instead, trying to soften the blow. “I’ve got my own stuff to sort out. I was fucked up over Finn for years, lied about everything and pushed him away because I couldn’t face my past or face him long enough to learn his truths, and look where that got us.”
He grins, a wicked gleam in his eyes. “Murderers standing on the side of the road dressed as clowns?”
I laugh, backhanding his chest. “No, dummy. Him in rehab, nearly killing himself to win me back.”
“Oh… yeah. That.”
“Yeah. That.”
Bodie’s smile fades again, the weight of his situation settling back in. “What about my kids? If I leave her, I know she’ll try to take them, and there’s no doubt in my mind, she’ll keep them from me.”
“She can try,” I say firmly. “But we’re not going to let her. We’ll hire the best lawyers, dig up whatever dirt we need to. And if push comes to shove…” I give him a dark smile. “We’ll bury another body together.”
He snorts, but there’s a glint of hope in his eyes. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. That’s what BFs are for, right?” I hold up my fist, and he laughs, bumping it with his own. “Now there’s fisting. That’s what I’m talkin’ about.” His dimples are back, and it’s a welcome sight.
“No fisting, but you’re definitely in ride or die status.”
He nods. “Ride or motherfucking die. I’ll take it.”