Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
PHOENIX
“Good of you to show up, lazy turnip,” Kazh mutters the moment I enter the room.
The monks allowed us to use a private meditation room for my training with Kazh. After the emotional turmoil earlier, I had no desire to train outside on that damn rock even if it’s something I’m used to. And taking up the monk’s meditation hall didn’t feel right.
I would rather as little people witness my humiliation as possible.
Of course, Ezkai Bjorn, Ezkai Emil, and Jax are all here. Thankfully, they sit just outside the meditation room, on a small terrace.
Actually, it’s quite funny—the three men huddle around a small cast-iron table, playing cards. The chairs look child-sized next to their muscular frames.
It’s a relief Jax has found some common ground with at least some of our group. Ezkai Emil seems to be on the same wavelength as Jax, being a bit younger and more wild than Ezkai Bjorn, who’s all serious at all times.
“Focus, shithead.” Kazh taps her cane in front of me.
I blink and bring my attention to her instead of the boys.
“I’m focused,” I say, looking up at her.
I’m sitting on a small round pillow on the floor with my legs crossed and tucked underneath me. Kazh purses her lips, as if she doesn’t believe me.
“I am,” I say. “Elder Arcon emphasized how important mastering my heart, mind, and soul is if I want to bond the dragon. I know this is serious.”
“Great. Then show me,” Kazh deadpans.
I roll my shoulders and with a sigh, close my eyes.
Okay, let’s do this. I inhale, feeling my chest expand. Then, exhale.
In the past, I would always get scared when the time came to open the door into my subconscious. I have to find a different approach.
Jax has been a little more distant today. I think our bond is settling into whatever it needs to settle into, or maybe as we get used to it, we’re learning how to keep our distance.
If you say so, darling. Jax’s voice floats through my mind like a cloud in the summer sky.
My eyebrow twitches, but I keep my concentration and ignore him.
I focus on shutting the door between me and Jax. The tunnel that flows between our minds and our bodies is…intense, to say the least. Fuck it.
I move on to Lorca. The trickster god is not always with me, thankfully, but when they’re here…even if they don’t speak or interact with me, I feel them lurking. Like right now. Somewhere at the back of my mind there’s a presence I can’t reach. It’s like an inch I can never scratch.
Annoying as fuck.
Pain explodes at the base of my skull.
“Ouch!” I grab the back of my head and curl up in a ball.
Kazh circles me. The hand gripping her cane spasms.
“You call that meditation?” she snaps.
“I was getting into the flow!” I say, defensively.
“You were biting the inside of your cheek. That’s not meditation, but wallowing in your anxiety,” she says calmly, folding her hands on the head of her cane.
With a heavy sigh, I rub the back of my head. “There’s gonna be a fucking bump.”
“Good. Maybe then you’ll remember not to waste my fucking time.”
The guys don’t say anything, playing their damn cards. But they don’t have to. I know they watch our every move. Listen to every word that passes between us. It irks me to no end, my incompetence.
“You better get to it, or I’ll whack you with the cane again,” Kazh says.
I shoot her a glare. “At least pick a softer spot next time.”
Right before I close my eyes, I see her mouth twitch a little.
A moment later, the familiar tapping of her cane on the hard ground begins. It’s grounding, and I lock in on that sound as I drop into my body and focus on finding that damn door into my subconscious.
I have to stop being so afraid.
What’s the worst that can happen anyway?
The image of corpses floating in the Well’s otherworldly waters comes to the front of my mind. The blank, milky eyes. I shake it off immediately, pushing it away to the very back of my consciousness.
No distractions.
I have to master this.
Inhale.
Exhale.
I don’t think.
I don’t feel.
I simply am.
A steady mountain.
The world falls away. Only darkness remains. Until the red door appears. I reach for the handle, but don’t open it until I quickly recenter myself in my physical body.
You got this.
The tapping continues. The burning of my muscles is real.
I turn the handle and open the door. I pause, but eventually I enter. There’s nothing but darkness beyond the door. Kazh’s tapping sounds a little farther away, the burning of my muscles feels more distant. But everything else is the same.
Something touches my ankle. A swish of a fluffy tail. I whirl around, but there’s nothing.
Lorca’s laugh echoes all around me.
Welcome, General, it purrs into my ear.
Huh. Usually, Lorca feels tangled in my thoughts. Somewhere at a distance. But now…it’s right there next to me.
Finally, something materializes in front of me. A tall figure. Broad shoulders. Dark hair falling around the face, and those dark coal eyes.
Daegel.
I was rooting for you, but I have to be honest, I wasn’t sure you’d finally make it here. It’s Lorca’s voice, I know it. But the words are coming from Daegel’s mouth.
I’m paralyzed by the fear, and grief. It settles heavily over me, pulling me into a tangled mess I can’t escape.
Come on now, General. You can’t master that which you fear.
No, no, no.
I can’t.
I whirl around and bolt towards the red door back into the safety of my own mind. The part of my mind I control.
With a gasp, I open my eyes. For a moment I can’t get a breath down. But once it registers in my mind that I’m in the meditation room with Kazh, my body relaxes.
There’s a deep line wedged between Kazh’s eyebrows. “What happened?”
I clear my throat, panting. “I entered through the door, into my subconscious.”
“And?”
I press my lips into a thin line and remain silent. No way in the world can I admit Lorca was there, in the form of Daegel. That would lead to more questions, and more explanations. Ones I can’t give. Don’t want to.
I shake my head. Kazh sighs.
She taps her cane twice. “Again.”
I don’t react immediately.
“Again,” Kazh repeats, harder. “You’ll do this over and over again until you have perfect control over your emotions and subconscious mind.”
It feels as if the weight of the whole world is on my shoulders.
I know I must do it. There’s no other way.
Before, it used to be about me and revenge. Giving King Francis what he deserved for murdering my family in cold blood. But now…
Vera’s life depends on me.
Jax’s future is bound to mine.
The Caligos shadow threatens to pull millions of innocent people under their iron fist.
And I’m the only one who can do something about it.
So, I bite the inside of my cheek hard enough I taste blood, close my eyes, and repeat the process all over again.