Chapter 40
CHAPTER FORTY
PHOENIX
The moment I set foot back in the campsite, my heart drops.
I look around the place, our furs, the dead fire pit, the backpacks, and the horses. All just as we left it. But Jax is nowhere to be found.
I don’t understand.
I followed our bond.
Desperately, I open the door again and reach.
Jax!
No answer.
But as the seconds pass, the second heartbeat in my chest grows stronger. The presence in my mind gets louder.
A branch snaps somewhere in the forest. I whirl on my heel. A moment later, Jax emerges from behind the bushes.
The moment his eyes land on me, his steps halt.
I’m immobilized, too.
Is this really him?
I’m not sure I can trust my senses. My surroundings. My reality.
But before I know it, Jax charges at me. My feet move of their own accord.
I grab his arms, my eyes roaming his leathers, looking for injury. He holds me by the shoulders, doing the same.
“Are you hurt?” he asks me just as I ask, “Are you okay?”
He nods. I nod too.
The deep exhale of relief is shared.
Jax rests his forehead against mine, hands still on my shoulders. “Phoenix…”
My voice is small when I say, “I couldn’t find you. I woke up and you were gone.”
“I’m here,” he says and pulls me into a tight hug.
I wrap my hands around him, savoring the feeling of him against me once more. The safety of him. But it’s not enough.
A whole storm rages inside me as I pull away and look up at him. Jax’s eyes are dark as the night. With a thumb, he brushes the line of my jaw. It sends a shiver down my spine.
Under my palm, I feel his heart racing in his chest.
I also feel it in my chest, right over my own heart.
The closeness is intoxicating.
I want more.
That’s why I don’t pull away when he slides his hand to cup the back of my head. I angle my head to bring us face-to-face.
We’re so close his breath skitters over my lips, making me tremble.
A breathy, needy sound escapes me. That’s all it takes to snap Jax out of it. He pulls me closer and our lips meet.
I’m hit with lightning at the contact. I surrender to him completely.
Jax’s lips are hungry, his whole body is. So am I.
I wrap my arms around his neck. His hands slide down my back, waist, and hips. He cups my ass in his palms and lifts me. Immediately, I wrap my legs around his waist and moan into his mouth.
In response, he grabs my thighs harder and groans.
Our lips are locked in a passionate dance. My whole body tingles, flames of desire burning me from within.
I’m a victim to my own visceral needs as our lips slide from one kiss into the next one. But I can tell through our bond that despite suffering equally, Jax is holding back.
I tug on the hair at the back of his neck and deepen the kiss in an attempt to show him that he doesn’t need to hold anything back.
For a moment, everything is quiet.
No war. No dragons. No past.
Just him.
It’s liberating.
But also…terrifying.
That realization is like a bucket of cold water. Panting, I pull away.
Jax’s lips are red and swollen, eyes glazed with desire. He blinks at me, as if completely disoriented.
I unwrap my legs and arms from around him. And he lets go of me.
Oh, fuck. What did we do?
Jax clears his throat. “Phoenix…”
I shake my head. I run a finger over my lips that still tingle from his kiss. I still taste him. His scent lingers all around me.
The way he looks at me…as if I’m the only thing that matters in this lifetime.
“Don’t fall for me, Jax,” I whisper. His eyes search my face for a long moment.
Finally, he shakes his head. I cup his cheek, the fresh stubble rough under my fingertips.
“Please, don’t fall for me. The last man I loved ended up dead, by my own hand.
If I’m capable of murdering one I love, there’s no redemption for me.
I chose the path to vengeance, and I’ll follow it until the end.
Until I burn myself out. I don’t want to hurt you in the process. ”
He brings his forehead close to mine. “You forget, darling. The last woman I loved ended up dead, too. Because of me.”
I huff a laugh and close my eyes. His hand on my face, fingertips trailing the line of my jaw, is intoxicating.
“Then it’s even worse,” I whisper. Tears burn the backs of my eyes. The longing that fills me is so painful it’s hard to breathe. Longing for many more moments like the one we had moments ago. “We’ll ruin each other.”
“I would never do anything to hurt you,” he says. “That’s a promise. That’s my oath to you.” A smirk curls his lips just as I open my eyes. “If being ruined by you is the only way to have you, I’ll take my chances gladly.”
He brushes his thumb over my lips ever so slightly.
I’m tempted.
I’m so fucking tempted.
But I’m the Ezkai General, carrying a blood debt.
And he’s the General Slayer, the Blood Sentineal.
Instead of leaning into my desires, into the need for him, I pull away. And Jax lets me.
I’m not sure what breaks my heart more.
He smiles at me, but it’s a sad one. One that doesn’t reach his eyes, which are like two bottomless pits of grief and unfulfilled desire.
“Maybe in another lifetime, darling,” he says with a wink. “I know I don’t deserve you in this one.”
Before I can say anything else, he walks away. I watch the future walk away with him. When the monks burned it from within me, I told myself it didn’t matter…I had nothing left worth protecting anyway. Standing here, I’m not so sure anymore.
“Where are you going?”
“To look for some more dry wood for the fire,” he says over his shoulder. “Let’s camp here tonight and get back on the road early tomorrow morning.”