Chapter 47
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
PHOENIX
The road back to the monastery is long and painful. In more than one way. I’ve no clue how long it takes me to get back, on foot. Alone.
It never stops raining, not even for a brief moment.
The looming forest doesn’t scare me anymore.
Nothing worse can hide between the trees than what I have already faced.
The dragon I thought was mine, refused me.
Showed me just how wrong I’ve been all these years. Just how close I am to destruction.
What I am capable of.
What I’m becoming.
All this time wasted, away from my government, not looking for Vera…And for what?
Oh, Vera.
If she’s dead by now because I’ve chased a fantasy all this time…I’ll never forgive myself for it.
When the forest ends and the view of the white building emerges in the distance, my legs give out. A sob escapes me the moment my knees hit the dusty ground.
I only allow myself a moment of reprieve before I push myself back to my trembling legs and aching feet, and continue towards the monastery.
The moment I approach the entrance, it swings open and Elder Arcon greets me with a worried expression.
Thankfully, he spares me the embarrassment of asking where my dragon is. He simply dips his chin and rushes me inside.
“Where’s Jax?” I croak, my throat raw.
“He left for Jaakii the day after his return to the monastery,” Elder Arcon says. “He left you this.”
Elder Arcon hands me a piece of folded paper. My steps halt. With shaking hands, I unfold it to find a message:
I’m sorry I couldn’t be more of use on your journey to bonding your dragon. Maybe I’ll be more useful in Jaakii. I’m going after the Talbots. I’ll get Vera back. Promise.
—J.
My heart tumbles out of my chest. I sway a little, unsteady.
Jaakii lost in flames and the bodies of those I care about littering the ground flash in my mind for half a second.
The vision of the future I’ve seen is already happening.
Oh gods.
If Jax goes after the Talbots by himself he’ll be as good as dead.
I can’t let him get hurt.
“Where are my Ezkai?” I look up. “We must leave for Jaakii. Now.”
Elder Arcon gives me an odd look.
I frown. “What is it?” When he doesn’t speak, I snap, “Just tell me.”
Elder Arcon hesitates. Clears his throat. “It’s better you see it for yourself. Come with me, General.”
I follow Elder Arcon through the dimly lit monastery. With each step, dread grows inside me. We turn right into a narrow corridor. At the end is a door. Ezkai Bjorn and Ezkai Emil stand on each side of it.
The moment they notice me, they press their fists above their hearts and bow at the waist. “General.”
I nod, absentmindedly. What is it that Elder Arcon wants me to see? Unease coils in my stomach like a snake getting ready to strike.
Elder Arcon opens the door, but doesn’t enter. He turns to me. “She doesn’t allow any visitors. Only you.”
I enter the dimly lit room. The fireplace crackles, casting a shadow over the double bed in the middle. Kazh rests between white linen pillows, pale as a ghost.
“Kazh.” I breathe out her name.
Slowly, her eyes open.
“Kazh, what happened? What’s wrong?” I rush to her side. “Was it Caligos? My Ezkai were supposed to protect you!”
“Will you shut the fuck up,” she snaps at me, but it lacks her usual fire.
I blink, taking her in. She’s so…frail. Much more fragile than she was when I left. I don’t understand. Her arms are thin as a stick, blue veins popping everywhere. Once in a while her fingers spasm uncontrollably.
“Kazh, what’s going on?” My words are barely louder than a whisper.
She swallows hard. “Sit.”
I look down at the crisp sheets. I’m still in my travel clothes, my leathers dusty and ragged. I must smell awful, too.
“Sit,” she repeats, harsher this time. “You took your sweet time returning. We may not have much of it left.”
Without protest, I obey her.
Kazh’s breathing is labored. Each breath she takes makes her lungs rattle.
“Are you…are you dying, Kazh?”
It’s a useless question. Deep down, I know the answer. But I want to hear her say it. I need to hear it.
She sneers. “What do you think, shithead?”
My shoulders sag. “Did they poison your food or water? How come my men couldn’t—”
Words die on my lips when she reaches for my hand. Her fingers are cold as the depths of winter as they wrap around my leathered hand.
I squeeze her gently, holding her frail hand between my palms. The tremor, the spasms that come and go are hard to miss.
“It wasn’t Caligos,” she says slowly. I frown. “It’s the cycle of life.”
I shake my head. “You’re a fae! And a Decarios. You’re not even that old!”
“I’m old enough, General. Fae live long, fae Decarios even longer. But sooner or later even our bodies crumble to dust.”
I refuse to accept that.
“I need you,” I say, throat thick. “You can’t leave me. Not now.”
A corner of her mouth twitches upwards. “That’s not up to me. I’ve already lived long enough on borrowed time. I wanted to make sure you’re ready before I retire.”
The backs of my eyes burn. “But I’m not ready.”
She squeezes my hand. “You are, General. You know everything I know. You’ve mastered the blessed trinity. You’re able to be the leader Ekios needs.”
I bite the inside of my cheek to try and stop myself from breaking down.
I can’t believe this is happening.
No. I don’t accept it.
“Did you find your dragon?” she asks.
I swallow a ball lodged in my throat. “Yes. I found a dragon.”
“Did you bring it back with you?”
My gaze drops to my hands in my lap.
Hot tongues of shame lick my chest and up my neck. The tips of my ears are burning.
“I fucked up.” I finally manage to get the words out. “I shouldn’t have come here.”
“What happened with the dragon? Tell me.”
I worry my bottom lip between my teeth. The sight of Kazh’s palm resting between mine in my lap blurs. I blink. Heavy tears roll down my cheeks, clinging to my jaw.
“It refused me. Showed me awful things about the future I’ll bring to Ekios,” I croak.
Kazh is silent for a long time.
“It…showed you things?”
I nod weakly.
“Dragons don’t show visions lightly.”
I already know.
The images are seared into the backs of my eyelids…
Jax. Vera. Noire. All of them, gone.
A path of corpses I carved myself.
“If it showed you something…then it gave you a warning. What was it?”
The words sit heavy on my tongue. I don’t want to say them out loud. Saying it makes it real.
“It showed me what my choices will cost me.”
The silence that follows is suffocating.
A severe cough rattles Kazh. I pick up the water jar on the nightstand and refill the cup before carefully bringing it up to her mouth once she’s over the fit.
Kazh clears her throat. Her eyes find mine, sharper than they have any right to be for a dying woman. “Heed the warning.”
She sighs and closes her eyes.
“Kazh.” I squeeze her hand.
“I’m tired now,” she says weakly. Her fingers twitch as if she wants to squeeze my hand but doesn’t have enough energy. “I’m…proud to call you my apprentice. It’s an honor to have you as my last.”
Tears stream down my cheeks. I can barely see clearly. “I’m proud to call you a mentor. Thank you, Kazh. For everything.”
Her lips curl into a smirk.
I sit there, silent tears streaming down my face until Kazh’s fingers stop spasming.
Until the tremble in her hand stops.
When her chest falls with her last breath, I slide off the side of the bed, still holding her hand. My knees hit the hardwood floor. My whole body shaking, I bury my face into her sheets to muffle the sound as I fall apart.