Chapter 53
CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE
PHOENIX
Dawn hasn’t yet broken when we ride out of Jaakii.
The courtyard is still cloaked in darkness when I step outside, thirty Ezkai already assembled in silent formation.
Their polished leather armor gleams faintly in the torchlight, breath visible in the cold morning air.
Everything is as I ordered. Precise, efficient, controlled.
Yet, something feels…off.
I roll my shoulders, trying to shake it. It clings anyway.
I want to ride on a horse, just like my Ezkai. But Noire talks me out of it. Security reasons, of course. So, I share my carriage with Jax and Noire, my army of Ezkai riding behind us.
The iron gates to the castle grounds close behind us with a heavy thud that echoes longer than it should.
Chances are, before we reach Talbot’s estate in Vaskor, Reizei will know about our arrival. I’ve been careful about who travels with me, but Ekios is small and word travels fast. Especially in these godsdamned shadowy circles.
I’m ready for it, though.
I’m ready to face Reizei and end his malicious reign. He will not threaten Ekios, my throne, or people I love anymore.
The city fades behind us too quickly, swallowed by morning mist and silence. Hooves drum against the road in steady rhythm, thirty riders moving as one.
It should feel like control. Like certainty. I chose this.
Instead, unease coils tighter in my chest with every mile we put between us and the castle. I tell myself it’s anticipation. Not doubt. But the silence in our carriage makes it even harder.
Noire sits unmoved by the tension in the carriage on my right, his hands folded neatly in his lap as he watches the fields we pass through his small window. Jax is on the cushiony bench straight in front of me, eyes trained out the window.
He doesn’t speak. But he doesn’t have to.
I feel him through our bond. Painfully so.
He told me he’ll stand by me even if he doesn’t agree with my choices. But it still hurts… Why doesn’t he see that this is the correct way for me to lead?
As if he has read my mind, his gaze flicks away from the window, and our eyes meet.
I’m not leaving you. His words float through my mind.
That’s not what worries me.
He blinks. You sure?
With a sigh, I turn away to look through the window at the vast fields that stretch as far as my eyes can see.
Lorca stirs at the back of my mind. As always, with the worst possible timing.
Good for you to show up, I mutter at the trickster god.
They chuckle. You called.
I haven’t! I insist. I don’t need you messing with my reality again. Not right now. Please.
You march an army into enemy territory. It’s a call clear as day, Lorca purrs. I’m ravenous.
I freeze.
Of course, the souls I owe. So many souls.
I don’t want to disappoint you, but nobody’s dying.
Lorca chuckles. Oh, General…
It caresses my thoughts with its fluffy tail and once more retreats to the back of my mind. I force a breath down, and work hard to regulate my heartbeat.
I try very hard not to think about what Lorca’s answer means for the rest of the trip. But it’s all I can focus on.
We travel all day with only one stop at midday. Even then, we have only a ten-minute break before we’re back on the dusty road, heading farther south.
Only when the sun sets behind the horizon does the carriage come to a halt and we climb out.
Crisp evening air nips at my cheeks as I stretch my legs.
My Ezkai are working efficiently building the tents in the middle of an empty field.
Farther down, there’s a large tree, and some lone boulders are scattered across the field.
We’re in the middle of nowhere. Far from civilization. I can almost pretend the looming threat doesn’t exist.
Almost.
My gaze catches Jax working with Emil and Bjorn on setting up two tents next to each other farther away from the rest of the camp. One’s bigger than other, embroidered with a large Ezkai General sigil where the entrance is.
He’s changed so much. I still find it hard to wrap my head around it sometimes. The man I met at the Black Night all those moons ago is a mere shadow of the man that stands between my Ezkai, his muscles straining against his white shirt as he secures the tent entrance.
I suppose I’ve changed, too. We had no other choice.
“General, your tent is ready,” Ezkai Bjorn announces, startling me from my pondering.
“Thank you,” I say.
I grab my backpack and rolled fur blanket and head inside to get cozy.
The interior is bare. A cot rests against one wall.
A small metal brazier burns low in the corner, its heat barely enough to cut through the night’s chill.
The tent’s top flap is left open just enough for the smoke to slip out, the canvas stirring softly with each gust of wind.
With a sigh, I toss the backpack on the ground next to the cot and unfurl my furs on top of the cot. Despite it being late, I’m not yet ready for sleep. Neither am I hungry enough to eat the rations I brought with me. So, I head back outside.
Ezkai Emil stands guard at the entrance.
I frown. “Come on. You don’t need to guard me here at all times.”
He offers me a cheeky smirk and shrugs. “It is our duty, General.”
“Take the night off,” I say. “It’s an order.” When he opens his mouth to speak, I add. “Nothing will happen to me in the middle of nowhere, with over thirty of my most loyal men around me. Besides, you can always see me from any corner of the camp.”
Finally, Ezkai Emil relents. “You got it, General. But just so you know, we have eyes on you at all times.”
I chuckle and pat his shoulder. “Yeah, yeah. Go have some rest now.”
From the entrance to my tent, I cast a glance over our small camp.
Small groups of soldiers huddle around fire pits between their tents, enjoying warmth from the flames and hard cheese with some bread.
While they chat amongst themselves, and an occasional smile pops up on one or two faces, the camp is quiet. Eerily so.
Slowly, I walk around the perimeter of the camp, scanning the tents, the fireplaces, the men gathering around. The tension is coiled so tight inside my stomach, I’m taut as a bowstring.
At first, I don’t understand what I’m looking for. But then it hits me… My gaze lingers too long on every shadow, every movement.
Only the most loyal men, I tell myself over and over again in my mind.
When they notice me passing by, my Ezkai offer their respect in the official manner. Some conversations go quiet. Not everyone meets my eye, but all bow their heads and press their fists above their hearts.
After mapping the whole perimeter of the camp, my shoulders sag. I’m so tired. With a sigh, I head towards my tent. On my way, I pass Noire, Ezkai Xander, and my old lecturer, Ezkai Cassandra, sitting by the fireplace, sharing a meal.
“General, would you like to join us?” Noire asks with a smile.
My steps halt. “Thank you for the invitation, but I’m going to pass. I’m too tired to sit straight.”
I say my goodbyes and leave them behind.
My tent and Jax’s smaller one next to it are far away from the camp, where the separation is obvious. Mine might not be a fancy tent, and not even that much bigger than others…but it still stands on the edge of the camp, a lone island.
“You look like a puppy who’s been drowned in the river,” Jax says, looking up from the fire pit he has built for us.
A startled laugh escapes me. “That’s…oddly specific.”
“What can I say, I’ve got a description for every situation,” he says and flashes me a smile.
It’s one of those that don’t reach his eyes.
I’m torn inside. We’re not on the same page, and he doesn’t approve of my decision, which makes me uneasy. It makes me want to put distance between us. But…I’m craving him in a way that’s hard to describe.
The thought of me sleeping in my cold tent alone makes my whole body ache. I miss those nights when it was only us, wrapped in the furs, bodies tangled together.
When one corner of his mouth curls and his dark eyes flicker, I realize my thoughts may have traveled farther than I intended them to.
“I miss that, too,” he murmurs. “I miss you. All of the time.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, my chest and neck heating up. A different sort of tension curls low in my stomach.
I glance over my shoulder at the camp behind me. Fuck. So many eyes. So many ears.
“You look like you could use a massage to ease some of the tension.” Jax’s voice draws my attention back to him.
Something in my stomach flutters. “Are you a massage therapist, too?”
Jax rises to his feet. We’re face-to-face. He leans in closer and whispers, “I told you once. I’ll be whoever you need me to be, darling.”
Fuck all the eyes, and ears.
When Jax pushes the flap of my tent to the side, I duck inside without a single hesitation. A moment later, he follows me in.
I turn around so we’re face-to-face again, this time in the privacy of my tent. This feels…dangerous. As if I’m playing with fire.
I don’t care.
Wordlessly, I step closer to Jax and slide my hand over his chest and around the back of his neck. His lips part with a sigh before he brings them to mine.
Once more, lightning hits me, so intensely my blood turns to molten lava. Jax’s hands are on my waist and before I know it, our bodies are as physically close as possible.
Well, actually…
The desire to rip my clothes off, and his, to remove that one last layer painfully separating us, is hard to resist. Jax is much more in control here than I am, his lips slow and intentional as they explore mine.
He’s also the first one to pull back.
“I’ve been waiting for this moment for ages,” he whispers over my mouth, his thumbs caressing the sides of my ribs. “But I meant it. You’re tense enough to snap. Allow me to help.”
A shiver runs down my spine when his fingers slide to the front of my leather jacket and start unbuttoning it. Our eyes are locked, his dark gaze a pit of bottomless hunger as he slides my jacket off my shoulders, leaving me only in a cotton tank.
When I inhale, my breasts press against his hard chest. My nipples harden, aching with desire for his touch.
A breath hitches in my throat when Jax slowly kneels and places my hands on his shoulders before lifting one of my legs and unlacing my leather boots.
“I’m definitely tense.” I breathe out the words.
Jax chuckles and pulls off both my boots. Then, he rises again and by my hips, guides me towards my cot.
“Face down,” he whispers into my ear and turns me around.
It takes me a minute to get moving, my mind is so dizzy with the proximity of him.
Once I’m settled on my stomach on top of the furs that line my cot, I rest my chin on the backs of my palms and sigh. Jax’s weight settles on my bottom as he straddles me.
He rests his palms flat over the top of my back and carefully applies pressure as he starts to massage my coiled muscles.
He was right. I’m even more tense than I realized.
“Oh, fuck,” I groan as he works every muscle in my shoulders and back masterfully with his hands. “I really needed this.”
“Told ya.”
For once, I allow myself to sit in the moment, and simply be. I focus on the pleasant tingles Jax’s touch evokes across my body, and how good his weight feels on top of me. My mind drifts as the memory of his naked chest and hard six-pack surges to the front—
I’m stupid with desire.
Jax chuckles close to my ear. “Naughty.”
I groan. “Can you blame me? You’re such a tease!”
He hums against my neck. “You’re not wrong…I do enjoy taking my sweet time.”
His hands slide down the sides of my waist, and when he presses his thumbs into my glutes, a moan escapes me.
Damn. He really knows what he’s doing. I’m not even naked yet, and he already has me panting with need…
That’s why his next words are like a bucket of ice water. “Promise me you’ll let your spies go in first. That you won’t march ahead of your army into Talbot’s estate.”
My eyes snap open, every muscle in my body tense once more.
The heat retreats, and the cold air of the tent nips at my exposed skin.
“Jax.” My voice is hard. “I’m the Ezkai General. I won’t hide behind my men like a coward.”
A beat of silence.
With a sigh, Jax gets off me. I push myself up on my knees and turn to face him.
“Being an Ezkai General doesn’t mean charging into every conflict head-on,” he says, calmly. “I don’t want you walking into a trap when it can be prevented.”
I press my lips into a thin line.
“At least let me go in first,” he says.
Alarm rings in my mind. “Absolutely not.”
I’ll not risk him.
“Phoenix—”
“No.” I cut him off. “I understand your desire to keep me safe, but I won’t stand down. You’ll have to deal with it. I’m the Decarios, after all, I can handle myself on a damn battlefield.”
Jax’s mouth snaps shut. He stands there, quietly. A muscle in his jaw ticks. For a second, I think he’ll push again. I refuse to stand down, though. He better deal with the fact that I will not change my mind.
I’m so certain that he’ll storm out of the tent and leave me alone that I don’t react immediately when he says, “Fine. Move over.”
I blink at him, frozen in place. When I don’t do as he says, he gestures at the brazier in the corner, the warmth from it barely reaching my cot. “That surely won’t be enough to keep you warm at night. Move over, darling.”
I look over at the brazier, and then back at Jax. And then, I make space on the cot next to me so Jax can climb in. He tosses his shirt aside and pulls off his boots. Once he’s under the fur blanket, he lies down on his back and pulls me into his embrace.
I rest my head against his hard, naked chest where the large tattoo of an eagle spreads wide. His heart beats steadily beneath my cheek. I close my eyes…but sleep doesn’t come.