Chapter Forty-Five
Marina
Ryder’s bedroom door flies open, and the sound of little feet padding down the hallway draws both our attention.
“Mommy?” Ryder calls, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with one tiny fist. “I’m thirsty.”
I turn on the couch just as he scurries into the living room, his hair sticking up in every direction, his eyes still heavy with sleep.
Then he sees Blaze. His entire face lights up. “Daddy!”
Blaze is on his feet in a heartbeat.
Ryder races across the room and throws himself into his father’s arms.
Blaze catches him, lifting him against his chest. “There’s my boy.”
“I missed you!”
“I missed you too, buddy.”
Ryder wraps both arms around his neck, squeezing tight. I watch Blaze close his eyes for a moment, his arms tightening around our son.
And there it is.
Blaze loves him.
Whatever else has happened between Blaze and me, there’s no denying that.
Ryder pulls back, his excitement already taking over again. “Daddy, come see my room!”
Blaze chuckles. “Okay. Lead the way.”
Ryder grabs his hand and starts dragging him toward the hallway. “I have bunk beds!”
“Bunk beds?”
“Uh-huh! Grandma’s sleeping on the bottom, so I get to sleep on the top.”
Blaze looks back at me.
I smile.
Ryder doesn’t wait for either of us.
He pulls Blaze into his bedroom and immediately launches into a full tour.
“My bed is here. And that’s where my clothes go. And I have all my horses. And look!” He holds up a little plastic horse. “This one looks like Rowdy.”
I lean against the doorframe, watching them.
And then it starts.
Royce.
Ryder talks about Royce nonstop, barely pausing long enough to take a breath.
“Royce got me a bouncy bull!” His face lights up as he runs over to it. “Come watch me ride it, Daddy!”
“Royce said I can ride a sheep!” He vibrates with excitement. “A real one.”
“Look, Daddy!” He holds up the cowboy hat Royce gave him like it’s a priceless treasure. “Royce gave me his hat!”
Then there’s the fishing trip.
The peach cobbler.
The endless stories about what Royce said, what Royce did, where Royce took him.
Every few minutes, there’s another Royce story.
And every time my son says his name, I watch Blaze’s jaw tighten.
He tries to hide it.
He really does.
But I can see how much effort it takes for him not to snap at his own son.
Mom isn’t helping.
Not even a little.
She spends the entire day singing Royce’s and his family’s praises, seemly determined to drive home just how wonderful they all are.
“Evelyn is just lovely.” Mom sighs like she’s adopted her as her own mother.
“Bryce has done such an incredible job with the rodeo school.” She launches into a glowing account of the day-to-day operations of the academy like she works there.
Then she turns her appreciation to the Trust brothers.
“Cabe is one of the sweetest boys.” She pauses, her smile turning downright mischievous. “And just as handsome as his brother Royce. They’re practically twins.”
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing.
Blaze doesn’t look amused.
His phone has been going off all day too.
Every time it rings, he steps away.
But I can hear enough of his side of the conversations to piece things together.
He and Francey had a blowup.
A big one.
From what I can gather, that’s the real reason he took off in the middle of the night.
It wasn’t about me.
It wasn’t about Ryder.
He was pissed at Francey, apparently decided driving six hours through the night was a reasonable response, and ended up at my door because he couldn’t reach me.
And now he’s here.
He’s seen me with Royce.
And I know Blaze well enough to know his ego isn’t going to let him walk away quietly.
Even if Francey apparently wants him back.
Not when he can see that I’ve built a life without him.
A life I actually want.
I hate that I spent so many years wrapped up in that kind of toxic bullshit with him.
But I also know better than to hate myself for it.
We were young.
We were stupid.
And back then, I thought I knew what love was.
I didn’t.
Not even close.
My gaze drops to Ryder.
He’s sitting on the floor with his toy bull, making it buck while he narrates every move.
“Mommy! Look! My balance is getting better!”
I smile.
God, I love this little boy.
He’s the best thing that ever came out of that relationship.
And I don’t regret him.
Not for one second.
“I don’t regret us,” I tell Blaze quietly.
His eyes lift to mine.
I nod toward Ryder. “Look what we made together.”
Blaze follows my gaze.
“He’s here because of us. And I wouldn’t trade him for anything. Not you. Not my old life. Not my career. Nothing.”
Blaze’s jaw tightens.
“He’s a perfect little boy,” I continue. “And he’s everything you should want. He idolizes you.”
Something flickers across his face.
Pain maybe.
Regret.
I can’t tell.
“I hope, someday, you see that.” I hold his gaze. “Because if you don’t, you’re going to miss out on him. And that’s something you’ll never get back.”
For once, he doesn’t have a comeback.
I take a breath. “The door is always open for you to fix your relationship with your son.”
I let the words settle between us.
“But the door is slammed shut on us.”
His expression hardens. “You really want this?”
I frown. “Want what?”
“This.” He gestures around the cabin. “This ranch life. The rodeo school. This whole … rural redneck bullshit.”
My spine straightens.
“You’d really choose this over what we had?”
I almost laugh. “What we had?”
“You know what I’m talking about. Texas. The homes. The career. The life we built.”
I look around the room. My well-worn boots sit beside the door. Ryder’s big old cowboy hat lies on the table. His toys are scattered across the living room. Mom’s fringed purse hangs from a hook.
Within these four walls is the cabin Charli so generously let us turn into a home.
Then I look back at him. “It doesn’t come close.”
His face lights with triumph.
I shake my head. “Not even close.”
His smile falters.
“You stopped seeing me, Blaze. Long before you actually left. You were gone for weeks at a time, and when you came home, you just looked right through me to the next rodeo. You didn’t even kiss me when you walked through the door anymore.”
“He’s a Trust, Marina. He’s just as dedicated to this life as I am.”
“We aren’t talking about him.”
“Sure we are. So, what? He makes you some empty promises and takes our kid fishing a few times, and he’s some saint now?”
I laugh incredulously. “This isn’t about what he’s done. It’s about what you should have done. Tell me, and be brutally honest, if you were in my shoes, would you come home to you?”
He hangs his head.
“Would you?”
“No.”
“This life is everything I wanted,” I tell him. “Everything I didn’t know I was missing.”
The ranch. The academy. The horses. The people who have somehow become my people.
“This place and the people who call it home saved me. I don’t miss what I had with you.
I don’t miss that life. Because now I know the difference between having a life that looks good from the outside and having one that actually makes me happy.
” I pause. “And if you ever cared anything about me, you should want that for me.”
He doesn’t answer.
He just looks away.