Allie
I know I shouldn’t stare.
But no matter how hard I try to look away, my eyes just keep snapping right back to the curve of my best friend’s growing belly.
Round. Perfect. Full of life.
There were times when I hated being the one everyone stared at.
They’d watch me like I was some kind of walking, talking miracle—just because I had life growing inside me.
I’d always catch their glances with their soft smiles, and I’d instantly feel exposed.
Like their eyes were somehow stripping me bare, even when they were filled with nothing but kindness and curiosity.
But now? Now I’m the one who can’t look away.
Nora leans against my living room wall, her pin-straight brown hair barely brushing her shoulders as she shifts her weight.
She’s pale, always has been, and somehow it makes the curve of her already swollen belly, snug beneath her navy tank top, stand out even more.
She’s barely fifteen weeks along, and boy, is she showing.
That’s the thing about third babies—they show up early and cause twice the trouble the whole nine months. Or at least, that’s what the nurses at work always say. And with two little girls already keeping Nora on her toes, I doubt this one will give her much of a break.
And God, I never thought I’d miss those nine torturous months until I knew I’d never have them again.
“Gareth must be excited, huh?” Ana asks, plopping down beside me on the couch.
Nora shrugs and pushes herself off the wall, forcing my eyes to finally shift. “He’s getting there. It’s like he forgot that having sex can actually lead to a baby,” she says, easing down into my recliner. “Things have definitely changed, and not necessarily for the better, but there’s still hope.”
“Do you think it’s because of the baby, or just the distance in general?” Ana asks, tucking her legs beneath her.
“I don’t know. But he better get over it by the time his daughter gets here,” Nora scoffs.
My eyes snap to hers, and I let out a small, disbelieving laugh. “I’m sorry,” I say, blinking. “Did you say daughter?”
She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “Yeah, can you believe it? We paid for one of those early scans just to find out it’s another freaking girl. We were hoping for a boy, but…” She shrugs. “What can you do?”
Ana glances at me, sympathy swimming in her eyes. Her lips part like she’s about to snap on my behalf, but I beat her to it.
“That’s great, Nor. Congratulations,” I say, not missing the way my voice cracks, or how much my heart breaks just a little more. Then I sink deeper into the cushion, wishing it would just swallow me whole.
They both know what happened. But what I’ve kept from them is that Jax and I still want a baby. We agreed to wait until he’s done recording before we officially start trying—whenever that actually is. Still, we haven’t exactly been careful, either.
I think we were both quietly hoping life would ignore the plan, but it hasn’t. Not yet, at least.
And then there’s Nora. Obviously I’m happy for her.
A new life is always something to celebrate.
But that doesn’t stop the green-eyed monster from whispering in my ear every time she complains about the morning sickness, the swollen feet, or the exhaustion.
She vents about it all, and I just smile and nod.
But on the inside? I’m screaming because I’d give my left leg to feel all of those things again.
“Oh, Allie,” Nora says, adjusting her position with a quiet groan. “How did mediation go with Trevor?”
I shrug. “How does it ever go when Trevor and I are in the same room?”
“Oof.” She winces and leans her head back. “Do you think it’s headed to court, or do you think he’ll actually swallow his pride for once?”
“Oh, I’ll give him something to swallow, alright,” Ana mutters under her breath.
My eyes widen, and I shove her shoulder, laughing despite myself. Though if I’m honest, a small, bitter part of me wishes she actually would.
No. That’s not fair. I don’t wish anything bad on him. Not really, anyway.
I just wish he could see what he’s doing. What he’s doing to me. To our two little girls. Even to his shiny new girlfriend, who has no idea the war she’s just waltzed into. This really doesn’t have to be so complicated or become something so ugly.
“All I know is, if it does go to court again, I hope the new judge laughs in his face like the last one did,” Ana says, chuckling as she pops a chip into her mouth.
Nora’s mouth falls open. “Wait—what? Like, actually laughed? Out loud?”
Ana cackles and nods. “Oh yeah. The second he said he wanted full custody because Allie’s ‘new boy toy’ was in a rock band, the judge lost it.” She leans in, lowering her voice like she’s letting us in on a secret. “Turns out the judge’s husband is a part-time vocalist. Plays at that bar downtown.”
The second I picture Trevor’s face—fifty shades of red, that vein in his neck ready to burst—
That’s it.
I double over, laughing so hard my ribs start to ache. Across from me, Nora’s slapping her feet against the floor, cackling right along with us.
After a few breaths, Ana rests a hand on my back, her voice soft but firm. “No, but seriously, Allie. Don’t waste your breath worrying about any of this. You know he’s just trying to control you. He did it for six years. Don’t give him one more minute.”
“I agree,” Nora says, her laughter fading. “But has he said why he’s doing this? It just seems so random.”
I shrug, lifting a finger to swipe the tear from the corner of my eye from my fit of laughter just moments ago.
Something I wish I could rewind, just to skip this conversation entirely.
“He says Jax and I are just playing house with his daughters,” I say, my voice quieter now.
“That since I can’t give Jax a child, I don’t get to use his. ”
Ana’s head snaps toward me, eyes wide. “You didn’t tell me he said that.”
I wince and turn toward her, feeling that familiar pang of guilt already tugging at me. “I know. I’m sorry. I just… I knew—”
“That I’d kill him?” she cuts in, already half-standing. “Because yeah. Absolutely.”
I grab her hands and tug her back down beside me. “No. I just know he’s lashing out. I’m not excusing it, believe me, but he doesn’t understand what Jax and I have. He can’t.” My voice softens. “Besides, Jax would never try to take his place. Ever.”
Ana clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “Yeah. What a shame that is,” she says with a grin.
I tilt my head, ready to respond, but Nora cuts in first.
“Is that where the girls are right now? With Trevor?” she asks, glancing around like they might suddenly pop out from behind the couch.
I nod. “Yeah. He’s been taking them from Thursday to Sunday.”
Ana groans beside me. “I still don’t get why you keep letting him have more time. Stop rewarding his behavior.”
I scoff, fumbling for words. “I’m not. I just... I don’t want to fight anymore. If he wants more time and I still get to have them here the rest of the week, then fine. But if he asks for anything more? He can pound sand.”
“I know, I’m sorry.” Ana’s voice softens. “I just hate how much he’s walking all over you and getting away with it.”
“Just wait until Jax is up here more often,” Nora says with a knowing smirk. “Guarantee you he wouldn’t stand for that shit.” She chuckles, then adds, “Gareth told me he’s gotten a little more cocky ever since the recording started.”
My mouth drops open. “He has not! There’s a big difference between being cocky and being confident. And Jax is anything but cocky.”
Nora chuckles, shaking her head like she doesn’t believe me before burying her nose in her phone. I glance at Ana, who just meets my eyes and shrugs, silently telling me to let it go.
But I can’t.
“Jax is not cocky,” I repeat, quieter this time, rolling my eyes.
Nora smirks. “Sure. That’s totally why he strutted into the coffee shop last week like he was already headlining Madison Square Garden.”
I open my mouth to argue, but before I can, my phone buzzes on the table.
One name lights up the screen, and I quickly swipe it open.
Jaxon
Just wanted to let you know I’m thinking about you.
And just like that, my heart forgets how to beat evenly.