Jax
Stupid.
Bloody fucking stupid.
Actually, scratch that. Calling it stupid implies I’d put some actual thought into any of this. Clearly, I didn’t.
Why the hell did I think surprising her with the song would somehow balance out how messy everything else has been?
The album—God, the record really wasn’t supposed to be some secret.
I wanted to tell her in person, but with everything going on, it just slipped my mind.
Fires were needing to constantly be put out left and right, and somehow the one thing I should have remembered—the one thing that I knew mattered to her—got lost in all the noise.
Deep down I knew that song wasn’t ever just a song.
Not for me, and definitely not for her. I should’ve thought about what it would feel like from her side to hear it like that, in public, without so much as a warning.
But no. I convinced myself it would be sweet.
Thoughtful, even. And then we ran into Alex and—poof—every coherent thought vanished.
It didn’t even register that the hotel was blasting our songs through the loudspeakers.
Fucking stupid.
Allie slips her arm through mine, pulling me back into the present. We’re standing in the middle of the main room where the lights bounce off the walls and the music thumps through the wooden dance floor.
I laugh under my breath when I realize there’s a dance floor. Suddenly, I can’t stop picturing someone trying to tango to heavy metal.
Allie’s brow furrows as she looks up at me. “What is it?”
I shake my head and nod at the floor. “Just the idea of someone waltzing to this.”
She snorts. “You’re such a weirdo.”
I grin back, scanning the room. It’s loud enough that no one’s really looking at us, but there’s still this knot in my stomach like the whole place has eyes on me. But when I actually look, everyone’s lost in their own little world.
Then my eyes land on Desmond, Ana, James, and Nora at a table, and the knot starts to loosen. The first three are already half-drunk, laughing too loudly, waving people off. And Nora’s right there with them, smiling, joining in—just not quite as loud or belligerent.
They’re happy. They’re happy because this whole thing? It’s for our record. Something we created. All the tears, sweat, and literal blood we poured into this is about to pay off. Ten years of never feeling good enough. And now? Now we’re here.
James catches my eye across the room and lifts his glass, his grin saying what neither of us needs to put into words: We fucking did it.
I nod back and tighten my hold on Allie’s waist.
But then I realize—not everyone’s there. Someone’s missing. Someone who always seems to be missing lately.
I scan the room, and quickly spot him sitting alone at another table. At least he doesn’t look pissed off. Just… tired. Staring into his near-empty glass of scotch.
I lean down toward Allie’s ear. “Would you mind giving me a minute?”
Her eyebrows pinch together, eyes searching mine. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s perfect,” I admit, placing a kiss on her cheek.
She gives me one last look before slipping away toward the others. And the urge to follow her—to go celebrate, to forget everything for one bloody night—is huge. Almost impossible to ignore.
But I’ve known Gareth long enough. He might not want to talk right now—but hell, someone’s got to try.
I run a hand through my hair and take the biggest breath I can manage.
My feet move on their own, carrying me across the floor until I stop beside him. I slide into the empty seat, eyes fixed on him.
He laughs, shaking his head. At first I think he’s scoffing, but then I catch the start of a smile curling at the corner of his mouth, and my shoulders loosen.
“I don’t know what I was expecting, mate, but it sure as hell wasn’t this,” he admits, eyes still locked on the crowd.
“This is the dream, man. There’s no going back now,” I say, half-joking.
He turns to look at me, and whatever smirk he had is gone. “Yeah, but how the hell am I supposed to live my dream and provide for a whole-ass baby, mate?”
I shrug. “We’ll figure it out. You’re not alone in this. You know that, right?”
He chuckles, shaking his head like what I said is the most absurd thing he’s ever heard.
“You don’t get how lucky you are, Jax. You and Allie are goals.
She’s not trying to hold you back. She lets you do whatever the hell you want.
But imagine, just for a second, how fast everything would change if she were pregnant.
” His gaze drifts across the room, landing square on Nora.
“Things wouldn’t be as perfect. I can tell you that much. ”
“Yeah—”
“And don’t even try to tell me things can still be perfect, mate. You should be fucking thankful you’re not in my shoes.”
I can’t ignore the way the comment stabs right into my chest. The guys have zero idea about the long conversations Allie and I have had about a baby.
What we want with our lives. How we see things.
The plans we’ve already made. The way everything about us just fits perfectly.
But for some reason, we don’t get to achieve it, yet.
They’ll never witness the heartbreak we’ve already gone through.
Gareth and Nora see this beautiful life they’ve created as an inconvenience, when there are people out there begging and praying for just a chance to love someone like that.
And it fucking disgusts me, if I’m being honest. But it’s not my place to say anything. This is their life.
I could say a million times that they need to be happy with what they have, to stop looking at it from a negative angle, but that would never change a thing. So I bite it all back. Every word.
Gareth keeps looking at me, like he’s waiting for me to argue. To push back.
Instead, I clap him on the back and slowly stand from my seat.
I can feel his eyes on me the whole walk back to the table, while mine are locked on the one person I need right now. The one person on this earth who gets me. Who understands everything I feel, even before I do.
I wrap my arms around her from behind, burying my face in the crook of her neck and just breathe her in.
She laughs against me, the sound sending goosebumps down my arms as she twirls around. But the second she sees my face, hers softens. Because I can’t hide anything from her. No matter how hard I try.
Her hands find my cheeks, cupping them gently. “You wanna get out of here?”
The sincerity in her eyes—that’s something I could get lost in forever. Where I’m always accepted. Always understood.
The love she radiates without even saying a word? It’s addicting.
I slowly nod and sigh out, “Yeah.”
It’s almost funny how watching someone else’s chaos unfold, makes you stop and realize just how lucky you are.
I know I would be lost without Allie now.
And Gareth? He’ll figure it out. Sooner or later, he’ll know whether Nora is his person the way Allie is mine.
Because she is.
She’s it. Allie is my person. My forever. She’s everything. And I’ll never take any of it—any of her—for granted.
That’s for bloody sure.