Allie
I grab the nearest pillow and pull it over my head, pressing it down over my ears.
Is this childish? Absolutely.
Do I particularly care right at this moment? That’s a hard no.
The pillow does a terrible job, though. Ana yanks it off my head the second she steps closer, along with the blanket that had been clinging to my tired body like a second skin.
I sit up too fast, and the room tilts dangerously. “Ana, come on,” I groan. “I’m not ready to get up yet.”
She pops her hip. Crosses her arms. And then finally, gives me the stern look, eyebrow raised to show just how much she doesn’t care about me wanting to wither away in the comfort of my own bed. Alone.
“Allie, I love you, but it’s been four days,” she says. “You seriously need to get up. Shower. Eat food. You remember food, right?” She tosses the pillow back at me.
I catch it and hug it tightly to my chest. “I ate something earlier,” I mutter, absolutely lying through my teeth.
She cocks her head, eyeing me with a mix of concern and like she sees right through my bullshit. Her eyes sweep across the room, brows pulling together when they land on mine again. “Wait… where’s Jax?”
The question feels more like a punch to the gut. The memory of his face flashes in my mind, the way he looked when I asked him to leave, and I blink fast, trying to push it down.
“He’s in Boston,” I mumble with a shrug.
Ana blinks. “Boston? What do you mean? Were they called in for an interview? Did he say when he was coming back?”
Her questions come too fast, too loud, and way too early in the morning.
I stammer, trying to figure out where to even start with her million and one questions.
God I need coffee.
I press my fingers into my temples. “I asked him to go. Just for a few days—”
Her face drops. “I’m sorry, you did what?”
A sigh falls from my lips, and I let my hand fall into my lap. “I asked him to go. It’s not permanent, Ana—just for a few days.”
Then she rips the blankets, pillows, everything off of me at once.
I stare at her, my mouth hanging open.
“Get. Up.” Her voice is low and firm. Scary firm.
I’ve seen Ana upset, sure. I’ve even seen her annoyed.
But in all our years of friendship, I’ve never once seen her mad.
And right now? She’s pissed.
“Wait—” I start.
“No!” she snaps, shaking her head. “Allie, I know you’re hurting, okay? I get it. But telling Jax to leave? Are you absolutely kidding me?”
I pull my lip between my teeth, biting down gently to keep from crying. “I know how it sounds—”
“Yeah. It sounds like a bitch move.”
I stare at her, my mouth dropping open, for the second time during this conversation. But really, what can I even say to that?
She’s not entirely wrong.
“What else was I supposed to do, Ana?” I shoot back. “I could tell he was falling apart just watching me.”
“Oh, I don’t know, Allie. Maybe let him fall apart with you?” she says, voice rising. “You found a man who actually cares. He’s not Trevor. He wants to help you. He wants to take care of you. And you just toss him out?”
“I did not toss him out,” I snap, my eyes locking with hers.
She stands there, arms still crossed, her eyes pinned on me like she’s trying to figure out what’s going on in my head.
Newsflash to Ana: there’s nothing to figure out.
“I’ll call your mom,” she says flatly. “If you don’t get up right now, I’ll call her and have her come here instead.”
My eyes narrow. “You. Wouldn’t. Dare.”
She shrugs smugly. “Try me.”
Then, without another word, she spins on her heel and walks out of the room—leaving my blankets and pillows in a sad little heap on the floor.
I think about picking them up and crawling right back into bed. But then I remember that would mean dealing with my mother.
So, I get up.
For the first time in almost a week.
Completely against my will.
“That’s better,” Ana says the second I walk back into the living room—for the second time today.
Why do I say the second time today? Well, the first time she shooed me away and told me I smelled like a foot, insisting I take a shower before even thinking about rejoining the living.
Joke’s on her—I didn’t want to rejoin the living yet.
I only did it to avoid my mother paying me a visit.
I give her a tight-lipped smile anyway, then drop onto the couch, tucking my feet under me and grabbing the throw blanket. I quickly drape it over myself before Ana can try to steal it. Because if I can’t have my duvet, you better believe I’m at least having this blanket.
She tilts her head, giving me that look like I’m a wounded baby deer that needs saving.
Which is exactly why Jax isn’t here. And why I’ve been hiding in my room.
I’m so tired of people looking at me like I’m something to fix.
“How can I help, Allie?” she asks softly.
I shrug. “You can start by not looking at me like I’m falling apart in front of you. Like I’m broken and need fixing.” My eyes drop to the fringe of the blanket, fingers picking at it until a thread starts to come loose.
“I’m not trying to look at you like that,” she says. “I just… I don’t know what to say—”
My gaze snaps to hers. “Then don’t say anything, Ana. Why can’t anyone just let me grieve?”
“Because there’s nothing to grieve, Allie. You don’t know anything yet,” she says, shaking her head like she’s trying to understand. “Are you still bleeding?”
“No.”
“Cramping?”
“Nope.”
“Okay, then the baby—”
I hold up a finger, cutting her off. “No,” I snap. “This—this right here—is why I sent Jax away. I sent him back to Boston so I could deal with this my way.”
She reaches out and wraps her hand around mine, gently pulling it down. Then she meets my eyes. “And we’re just trying to help you see that this isn’t the end,” she says quietly. “The baby will be okay. Charlotte and Lydia aren’t going anywhere—”
I cut her off with a scoffing laugh. “Right. I’m sure the judge is thrilled to hand over custody after I couldn’t even finish my line of questioning. I’m sure that really sold me as emotionally stable.”
Ana exhales. “Allie, they didn’t stop the hearing.”
I frown. “What? What do you mean?”
“I mean after you were taken to the hospital, Trevor tried to have it postponed. But me being me, I wasn’t about to let that happen.” She shrugs. “You need this over. So, I said exactly that and we kept going. There won’t be another court date.”
I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or worse.
On one hand, it’s a relief that we won’t have to drag this on any longer. But on the other, I have no idea what was said. Or what Trevor tried to paint me as while I was gone. Then there’s the fact I had to leave right after everyone finding out Jax and I…
“Wait, Nora told them about Jax and me getting married.” My voice pitches higher. “She knew that would give them ammo. And I didn’t even get to finish explaining my side of it. They’re going to think—”
“Allie, slow down.” She leans in a little, voice calmer now. “Let me ask you something. Why now?”
I blink. “What do you mean?”
“Why did you and Jax get married right now? Wouldn’t it have made more sense to wait until after court?”
Tears well in my eyes, seconds from spilling. I try to blink them away—but apparently that was the wrong move, because they fall anyway. Sliding down my cheeks as I stare at her and shrug.
“Because I’m sick of hiding. Sick of other people being in charge of my life,” I admit.
And for some reason, it doesn’t feel nearly as good to say out loud.
“We were so happy about the baby, and honestly, even if I hadn’t gotten pregnant and he asked, I still would’ve said yes.
I don’t want to imagine my life without him, Ana. ”
“Then why did you send him away?”
His face flashes in my mind again, and it’s all I can take before my chest splits wide open.
Ana swoops in without hesitation, cradling me in her arms as I fall apart. Letting me cry desperately.
And I let it all out. All the pain. All the hurt. All of… everything that’s been my life for the last few years.
“I don’t want him to think I’m weak,” I choke out. “I don’t want to be the person that drags him down or dims his light. He’s been through so much, Ana. I just… I don’t want to add to it. He deserves better than that.”
She grabs my face, gently but firmly, forcing me to meet her eyes.
“He deserves you, Allie. And you deserve him. You both deserve the love you give each other. No matter what. But you’ve got to stop pushing that man away.
You are his life. Anyone can see it. He would do anything for you and your girls.
” She pauses. Doesn’t say anything for a few beats—just searches my face.
“If Jax were going through what you are… would you think he was weak?”
I shake my head without even thinking.
“Exactly,” she says. “So stop holding yourself to some impossible standard he never asked you to live up to.”
I don’t even think—I just move, pulling Ana into a hug so tight she lets out a surprised laugh before wrapping her arms around me.
“Thank you,” I murmur into her hair.
She rubs my back a few times, then murmurs, “Hey, at least you don’t smell like a foot anymore.”
I immediately pull back and swat her arm. “That is not fair.”
She grins, shrugging like the menace she is. “Well, maybe next time don’t stay in bed for a week.”
A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. My hand drifts to my belly—and for the first time in days, I realize I’m starving.
“Let’s order pizza and watch Miracle on 34th Street,” she offers, already reaching for the remote.
I nod. “Okay. But… let me call Jax first?”
She grins, already flipping through the channels. “Tell him to hurry back home.”
Home.
The word hits hard—because that’s exactly what this is. What it should be.
This is Jax’s home.
And I can’t believe I pushed his feelings aside, even if I thought I was protecting him.
I made him leave his home.
And I’ve got a hell of a lot to make up for.