Chapter 9
Nine
MARISSA
THREE WEEKS LATER
Today is the big day; the day we are going to tell Grace the truth. I’m trying to remain calm, but I am a ball of nerves about seeing Alex again. We haven’t spoken but once since that day at the diner so I am not exactly sure how this is going to go. I run my hands down the front of my coral-colored top to smooth out any wrinkles. I can do this.
I have been overthinking everything from what to cook to what to wear. I’ve opted to put on makeup, but now I am wondering if I am trying too hard. This meeting is for Grace, not for me, but I want to get this right, and I’d be lying if I said a part of me didn’t want to get his attention. I’m also worried about what he’s going to tell her. She’s going to have questions, and I’m not sure what answers he will give. I have a feeling she’s going to hate me after this.
I’ve told her we have a special guest coming but haven’t told her who or why. While she gets ready, I finish cooking—roasted chicken with potatoes and asparagus. Hearing the TV come on in the living room, I turn the stove down and head in to speak with her. I should probably try and prepare Grace for what’s about to happen. Her world is about to change, and she should have some warning. “I need to talk to you for a minute.” I sit beside her, taking the remote from her and turning the technology show off.
“Are you okay?” She sounds concerned.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I wave off the question. “Some things might change today. I just want you to know that no matter what happens, I am still your mom, and I love you more than anything.” Despite the anxiety raging inside my heart and mind I manage to keep my composure calm and collected.
“Mom, you’re scaring me.” Her worried eyes search mine and her breath quickens in panic.
“Don’t worry, Gracie, everything is fine. But I’m afraid you’re going to hate me after today. Know that I love you, and I’ve done everything I can to make sure you’ve had the best life. Nothing is going to change that.”
“I love you, Mom. We may not always get along, but I don’t hate you.” She reaches out to hug me.
“Okay.” I pull away and wipe a stray tear from my cheek. “The food is almost ready; he’s going to be here soon.”
“Wait, he? Are you getting married? Is that who the special guest is? Is that why you think I’m going to hate you?”
“Freedom Grace! Absolutely not! There is a prerequisite to marriage, and not that it’s any of your business, but I haven’t dated anyone since your father.”
“Okay, good, because I don’t want a stepdad.” She lets out a giggle.
“You’re not getting a stepdad. I promise.” Well, you’re getting a dad , I think, walking back into the kitchen to check on the food when the doorbell rings.
“Gracie, can you please get the door for our guest,” I call to her. She opens the door and then there’s nothing, not even a hello .
“Mr. Schwartz?” Grace asks with a confused tone, though it’s muffled through the kitchen wall.
“Hey, Grace.” Alex’s voice is soft, timid almost.
“Nope. Not happening,” Her voice is high pitched and full of panic.
“What?” He sounds baffled by her outburst.
“No. It’s weird. I am not okay with you two dating.”
“What are you…” His voice fades as the door slams and that’s my cue to get in there quickly.
“Your boyfriend’s here; he brought you flowers.” She turns to stomp past me, but I grab her arm with one hand and open the door with the other.
“Actually, the flowers are for you, Grace.” He shakes his head, amused, as he holds them out to her. She gives him a questioning look and takes them hesitantly. “Come in, Alex. Apparently, Gracie has forgotten all of her manners.”
“I don’t know what’s going on.” She crosses her arms and looks between the two of us. “But you two are up to something and I don’t like it.”
“Here.” I take the flowers from Alex and hand them to Grace. “Why don’t you go into the kitchen and put these into some water?” She walks off, but I can tell when she slips into the hallway to listen in on us instead of going to the kitchen. “Gracie kitchen now!” Her footsteps tell me she’s listened this time, and I turn back to him.
“I didn’t exactly tell her who was coming or why, just that it was a special guest. She apparently has jumped to her own conclusions.” I let out a nervous laugh, then step out of the way and motion for Alex to come in. “I know we were going to wait until after dinner, but she already knows something is going on. Do you want to tell her now?”
“I would like that. I’m just really nervous, and no offense, but this is a little awkward,” he runs his hands down his face before putting them in his pockets. He takes a deep breath and looks at me expectantly.
“I totally get it. Let’s rip the band aid off and get it over with.” I lead him into the living room and motion toward the couch for him to sit. “Gracie, come here for a minute please,” I call to her as I sit on the couch beside him, making sure to leave enough room for Grace.
“Why do I feel like I’m in trouble?” She takes the open space between us.
“I know you’ve been asking a lot of questions about your dad lately, and it’s getting harder and harder for me to answer them. So, I figured it was time you meet your dad and ask him yourself.”
“I know this is a lot to take in, and I’m sorry we haven’t told you sooner.” He looks at her with anticipation, and I can tell she has completely zoned out.
“Grace,” He waves his hand in front of her face. “Did you hear anything we just said?”
“No, sorry, I stopped listening after I heard that I was going to meet my dad.” She starts to hyperventilate. “Wait, what if he doesn’t like me? Or doesn’t want anything to do with me?”
I put my hand over my mouth to hold back my laugh. Book-smart or common sense? Apparently, you only get one. Sometimes Gracie is the perfect example of this. That went right over her head, and it’s clear from the look on Alex’s face he hasn’t caught on yet.
“Calm down.” Resting his hands on her shoulders, he leans in. “I would never do that to you.”
“What?” Her eyes snap to his ending her impending panic attack.
“What?” A look of confusion crosses his face, but before I can interject, he seems to realize what’s happening.
“Grace, I’m your dad.” Shaking his head he lets out a laugh. “I figured it out the day I saw you two at the café on campus.”
“You’re my dad?” Her eyes go wide with the realization.
“Yes, Gracie, I’m your dad. I couldn’t ask for a better daughter.”
“Oh my God, you’re my dad!” A squeal erupts from her as she jumps to hug him. “Oh my God! I have the coolest dad ever! Wait.” She freezes for a moment. Her eyes dart between me and Alex before finally settling on him. “You’ve known since the first week I met you and you didn’t tell me!” She snaps her head towards me. “I didn’t expect you to tell me but what did you do to make him lie to me?”
I struggle with finding the right words. It’s obvious she doesn’t trust me where he is concerned. Honestly, I can’t say that I blame her. “I didn?—”
“She didn’t do anything. We both made the decision to wait until we could do it together.” He takes her hand in his. “I didn’t want to do anything to hurt your experience in the program.”
She smiles brightly at him, seemingly accepting his answer. “Wait, what about the police?” Her face falls once again. “Are they still after you?”
“How do you know about that?” I’m a bit stunned, considering I haven’t mentioned that before.
“I overheard you and Aunt Amanda talking about it.” She shrugs at me before giving Alex her full attention once again.
“There’s no police to worry about. I was accused of doing some pretty terrible things, but I was innocent and was able to prove that.”
“Okay, well, I want to know everything. Tell me about your family. Am I really named after your sister? Can I meet her? Did you tell her about me?” Without pausing she rattles off a ton of questions.
“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I can only answer one question at a time. I have two sisters, Annie and Freedom. Yes, you were named after Freedom.”
Seeing the two of them together warms my heart. I’ve always wanted her to be able to have this kind of relationship, but I never thought it was possible.
“Freedom introduced me to Alex, so I thought it was only right that I name you after her,” I add.
“So, how exactly did you guys meet? Wait.” She flails her arms. “You met at the diner, right?”
Alex shakes his head and laughs at her excitement. “That was our first time meeting face to face, but we had talked before then. We didn’t tell anyone else that, though.”
“Your dad had texted me, and I thought he was kind of weird at first, but then I started to get to know him—really get to know him. He was so smart and funny. Not to mention selfless. There was this unexplainable pull to him. I couldn’t help but fall in love with him.” And I’ m still hopelessly in love with him, I think to myself, looking to see his reaction. Alex’s eyes are down—like he’s purposely avoiding meeting my gaze. It hurts knowing he’s here, he’s free, and if I had just waited, maybe we would still be together.
“Did you feel the same way about Mom?” Grace sure knows how to ask awkward questions without realizing.
“Umm.” Her question gets Alex’s attention, and he finally looks at me. He smiles, and I swear my heart skips a beat. “Your mother is amazing. How could I not fall in love with her?”
“But she ran away? Was there really no other choice?” The way Grace is looking at me concerns me. Does she question everything I’ve told her? I may have withheld the truth but I’ve never lied to her.
“No, there wasn’t.” Alex answers before I can. “I was accused of doing something and the cops were actively looking for me. Given the magnitude of it, it wasn’t safe for your mom to stay. Though, I would have given anything to have known about you sooner. Your mom running away was probably the best thing she could have done for you both.” His tear-filled eyes lift to meet mine and I give him a warm smile silently thanking him for having my back with that.
“Looking back on it, I could have found a better way, but at the time, it didn’t seem like it. I was wrong for leaving the way I did. I turned my back on everyone that day. I know I don’t deserve it, but I hope someday you can all forgive me.” We make eye contact, and exchange a smile. Alex opens his mouth to say something, but Grace throws out another question.
“So, have you not dated anyone since then, either?”
“Gracie!” I scold.
“What?”
“Wait, you haven’t dated anyone at all since then?” he asks in disbelief.
“I’m sorry. Gracie has such a big mouth!” I stand, trying to hide my embarrassment. “Well, I think dinner is about ready. Let me go check on it.” As I walk away, Grace giggles—did she do that to embarrass me purposely.
Once we are all sitting at the table, Grace starts talking again. “You know, I do have a birthday coming up in a few weeks,”
“You do?” Alex puts his fork down, giving her his undivided attention.
“Yes, I’ll be thirteen.” She beams at him.
“Okay. What do you want for your birthday?”
“Well, I would like some upgrades to my computer, new clothes, and well, the new PlayStation has just come out?—”
“Wow, that’s a lot for one birthday.” I cut her off.
“Well, he does have another twelve to make up for,” she says, making us all laugh.
“You can’t just expect to get thirteen years’ worth of presents in one day.” I roll my eyes at her teenage logic.
“It was worth a shot,” she grumbles.
Dinner is more relaxed than I expected. We mostly talk about Grace, allowing Alex time to get to know all about her. It feels incredible. Everything just feels right, like this is how everything was supposed to be all along. The three of us together.
Afterward, Alex helps with the dishes and puts them away. It’s comfortable, but it doesn’t last long. “It’s probably time to start heading home.” He props his hip against the counter.
“You can stay here tonight.” Grace turns to me. “Please, can Dad stay here for the night?”
Alex’s beaming smile when Grace said Dad makes every moment I have spent stressing about tonight worth it.
“Dad?” I raise an eyebrow at her.
“Yes, he is my dad. Or do you want me to start calling you by your first name, too?” She crosses her arms over her chest, sassing.
“Hey,” Alex kneels at the same level as Grace and pulls her around to face him. “She didn’t mean that you couldn’t call me Dad . I just don’t think either of us were expecting you to do it so soon.”
“Exactly.” I nod my agreement. She floored me when she called him Dad. The whole night has gone way better than I was expecting..
“You can call me whatever you want to, whether that be Dad, Alex, or something else. What I don’t want is for you to call me something you’re uncomfortable with because you feel obligated.” He places his hands on her shoulders and smiles at her. “Okay?”
“I’ve spent my whole life wishing I had someone to call Dad. Why would I wait?”
“Okay, then, Dad, it is.” He hugs her and looks up at me. “Now, is Mom going to let me stay here? I don’t want to be a bother.”
“Of course, you can stay here. If I say no, someone will never let me hear the end of it.” I look over at Grace. She has her hands folded in front of her and is looking up at me batting her long lashes.
“Come on,” Gracie grabs his hand and starts pulling him toward the stairs. “I’ll show you the guest room.”
They walk away, and for a moment, I allow myself to pretend things are different. I pretend that he’s not just here for tonight and that we’re a family.
After a couple of minutes, I go up the stairs to my own room. For the first time, it feels lonely, almost like I should be sharing this room with someone.