Chapter Five
Oleander
Charismatic.
A natural born merchant.
An eye for beauty.
Castien’s words played through my head like a persistent song set to the sound of crickets chirping outside my tent.
No one offered me praise. They were too busy listing my shortcomings.
Even at the shops where I worked, they told me they would give me more coin if I were better at running the shop and not simply charming the clientele.
Every compliment came with the sour sting of a shortcoming being listed.
But Castien had not given a stinger.
Instead, he’d looked up at me with such tenderness in his eyes that I found myself wanting.
When I finally fell asleep, the memory of his voice was my lullaby.
The look in his eyes visited my dreams, but in my dream, his sibling did not interrupt.
Our lips met in the middle, and his strong arms pulled me close.
In my dream, the stall closed of its own accord and every person at the market disappeared at once.
It was just me and him, his kiss, and his touch.
Oh, his touch.
In my dream, it was strong and certain. His touch was meant only for me, and it came attached to his heart.
When our kiss broke, he whispered the same words he’d said earlier: charismatic, a natural born merchant, an eye for beauty.
He took it further, calling me beautiful.
I’d heard it before. Every lover I’d taken had called me beautiful, but in my dream, it meant more from his lips.
It made my heart soar because it was the last thing he said. Not the first.
When I woke, I was so hard it ached. My hand moved silently over my hard cock, and when I came, his name fell from my lips in a soundless cry.
There was a skip to my step as I moved through the morning market crowds.
I could lie to myself, claim that it was simply the excitement of finding my future spouse that had me moving the way I was.
But dishonesty was not among the list of my many shortcomings, particularly when it came to myself.
It left a poor taste in my mouth. Or it would if dishonesty had a flavor.
No, the reason for my pep was the man waiting for me at his stall.
Waiting to help me find a marriage.
My step stuttered, and I began to walk slowly.
It did not matter that it had looked as if he was going to kiss me yesterday.
He was helping me find a life partner, and while I knew love and marriage did not have to be synonymous, I wanted it to be for me.
I did not want a marriage that was nothing more than names on parchment and shared legal status.
I did not want a cold marital bed where we both found warmth other places.
My parents had many flaws, but they had shown me what marriage could be, and I wanted that more than I wanted anything.
My head was full of thoughts by the time I reached Castien’s stall.
Acantha was stocking oils for the timepieces, and Castien was nowhere to be seen as I approached.
Maybe he had changed his mind, or maybe he’d only meant to help me once.
Maybe what had happened between us, that shared moment that I was not entirely convinced I hadn’t imagined had sent him running toward the proverbial hills and he was hiding.
Luckily, cowardice was also not one of my shortcomings.
I drew myself up to my full height and walked toward Acantha with a confidence I did not feel. “Is Castien here?”
“In the back, unloading crates off the cart,” Acantha answered, not looking up from their careful stacking. I knew how precariously those vials were stacked. I’d knocked them over just two days before. It had been a miracle none had shattered.
I thanked them and went through the canvas flaps at the back of the stall to find Castien.
The sun hit him perfectly the moment I saw him, illuminating strands of red and gold in what I thought to be plain brown hair.
Sweat glistened on his face, and his tunic sleeves were rolled up to show the full breadth of his arm muscles.
The dream version of him I’d created had nothing on the reality.
My mouth went dry as I watched the flex of his muscles as he lifted a crate with ease.
He looked up as he straightened with the box, and his eyes landed on me.
Just as with his hair, I noticed gold in the sunlight I’d not seen before.
Golds and greens, adding depth to their warmth that struck me as one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen.
I couldn’t think of any flower or gem or dye that could ever compare.
Oh, this was going to be a problem.
Our eyes met for a moment, and I thought I saw color rise to his cheeks.
I couldn’t be sure. Maybe it was just exertion from lifting boxes.
I moved out of his way to allow him entry into the stall and picked up a box of my own to follow.
It was heavier than I’d imagined, and he’d lifted it with such ease.
“Where—” I grunted out as I entered. “Where does this one go?”
Castien put his box down just as easily as he lifted it and rushed to my side, lifting the box from my arms. Maybe he had figured out the unsaid subtext in my story about helping at my parents’ apothecary.
Not only was I hopeless with numbers and herbal remedies, but I was clumsy as well. Especially when my hands were full.
He looked at the box and smiled. “Onto the cart,” he told me.
My eyes widened as he moved past me and put the crate I’d just carried in onto the cart.
“This one isn’t selling, so I’m pulling it,” he explained when he caught the look on my face.
“I will try it again at the week’s end when more people travel to the market.
Until then, there is no use keeping it on display. ”
“If you’re too busy to help me today—” I started, because if he was moving new stock into the stall while working, then I could hardly fault him if he did not wish to escort me around.
“I’m not,” he cut me off. “I will be ready in just a few minutes. Acantha has promised to stock while we’re gone, if I will allow them to have the afternoon off again.”
“I’ll take their place.” Spending time with Castien wasn’t a burden. In fact, it was the opposite. Every moment I’d spent with him thus far had only made me want another. He turned away from the cart, one eyebrow raised in question. “I don’t mind. I enjoy working in your stall.”
I enjoyed spending time with him.
I waited to the side as he loaded another crate into the store and gave some last-minute instructions to his sibling before leading me into the market. “Do you want to try the Pavilion again today?” he asked.
I thought about it. I’d felt like a piece of meat on display, and I was not even a prime cut of meat.
I was flank cut from the weakest cow dangled upon a vegetarian village.
That was how much attention I’d garnered there.
Then there was the unpleasant interaction with the woman who cared more for my potential to earn coin than who I was as a person.
No, I did not care to repeat that experience.
“Maybe we could walk around today,” I suggested.
He smiled and nodded. I was tempted to lead him toward the lane of Gearwick booths again.
I wanted to hear him explain the innovation and intelligence behind each of the inventions, the way I had when we were young.
I had not absorbed a single word he’d said, but I remembered the tenor of his voice then.
It had just been in the process of deepening.
I wondered what those words would sound like in the deep voice it had grown into.
Instead, we walked toward the clothing and gift stalls again. My eyes lingered on the intricately embroidered tunic that had caught my attention the first morning I’d been at market. “Do you like that?” he questioned as we passed.
“I do,” I told him before taking a few steps away from the stall. “I have been trying to convince myself not to purchase it since the first morning of market.”
“Why do you not buy it?”
“I have to stretch my coin to last the week. If it is still available and I can afford it, I will buy it before I leave.”
He accepted my answer easily, and we moved on. We looked at stalls all throughout the market, talking and laughing and showing each other things we enjoyed. I realized, around the time our stomachs were calling for lunch, that I had not looked at anyone else all morning.
How was I going to find a spouse when I could not look at anyone but Castien?
Acantha was quick to exit the stall when we returned. They barely waited for Castien to take the coin pouch before they slipped away through the crowd. Castien rolled his eyes at their sibling, but I don’t think they noticed. If they did, it didn’t slow their progress through the crowd.
Castien and I were left tending the empty stall.
Acantha had, as promised, put away the stock from that morning and there were no customers visiting the stall.
It was peaceful, the two of us perched on stools behind the counter.
I could feel the heat from his knee, only inches from mine.
It brought that moment from yesterday to the front of my mind, followed close behind by my dreams from the night before.
If our legs simply being close was incendiary, would I survive if he ever touched me or would I light up like a bonfire?
More importantly, did he feel it too?