Chapter Seven
Oleander
I could still smell Castien on me, even after bathing in the river that night.
His scent lingered, stuck in my nose, clung to my hair, and in my thoughts.
The image of him falling apart in my hands was just as stubborn, living in the front of my mind.
My heart raced when I thought back to our stolen moments in the wood, of the way we had to pry ourselves apart, and of the way he held my hand as we walked back.
Once I was alone in my tent, I thought about it.
Not just about the heated moment we’d shared or the kiss the night before.
No, my thoughts went beyond passion. I thought of the way he looked at me and the kind words he’d given me.
He saw beyond my bumbling, saw the elf I wanted to be, and he made me believe that I could become him.
No, he made me think that I already was him, and that no changes were needed to improve me.
I thought of the time we spent together, the ease in which the hours passed.
I recalled the deep timbre of his voice as he told me about his inventions or shared facts with me that he’d accumulated in his years of life and study.
It all came to a very obvious conclusion.
I could not keep searching for a marriage at the market.
Perhaps I could come back in another year and find someone then.
Maybe this year, the gods meant for me to meet Castien so I could discover what it was that I really wanted in a partner.
When I’d arrived, all I knew was the type of relationship I wanted from a marriage.
I did not have any specifics as to the person, but now? Now I did.
Unfortunately, there was only one person that fit the requirements that were now forming in my mind and my heart, and that person did not desire marriage.
I would not allow myself to become disheartened by this.
Instead, I would allow myself this week with him.
I would bask in the time I could spend with him, and I would use what I learned to help me find someone that did dream of the same things I did.
I also would not listen to the dreamer’s voice inside me that questioned this logic and tried to feed me lies about him changing his mind now that we’d gotten to know one another.
The dreamer’s voice was nothing but a con artist and listening to it would only bring me pain and heartbreak.
I fell asleep feeling contented, and I woke up filled with excitement at spending another day with Castien.
I dressed quickly and selected a breakfast from my food stores that I could eat as I walked.
For the second morning in a row, there was a skip to my step as I moved through the market, following the now familiar paths to his stall.
He and Acantha were engaged in whispered conversation as I approached, but their whispers stopped the moment they saw me.
I felt a strange sense of certainty that I was the topic of their discussion, and I was not sure if I liked it.
I battled the urge to question him about it as we set off. Luckily, he offered an easy distraction from their whispered conversation after only a few steps. “Where should we go today?”
I thought for a moment. I knew what he was asking.
Where should we go to look for my future spouse?
He was unaware that I’d called the mission off.
Fear and doubt filled me. Would he still desire my company if he knew that we no longer had an end goal in mind, or would he go back to his stall and leave me to peruse the market alone?
Maybe everything that I was feeling was entirely one sided.
What if yesterday had been nothing more than explorations of physical attraction and he did not want a repeat performance?
I weighed my options. I could choose not to tell him, allow him to think that nothing had changed, or I could tell him and take the risk of him walking away.
The choice was easy. Dishonesty did not sit well with me, and that was not something I wanted to change.
I wiped my hands on my trousers and drew in a deep breath.
“Can we speak first? Before we make any decisions for today’s plans? ”
Trepidation crossed his features, but he nodded. “Follow me,” he instructed.
Like yesterday, I trusted him not to lead me to danger. We walked in quiet along the trail that led us from the Gearwick vendors and to the Central Shrine located just across a wider path. We found an empty bench, away from where anyone else was seated. He sat and motioned for me to do the same.
We were sitting so close that our thighs pressed together.
I wondered if I should inch away from him before I spoke, but I could not bring myself to do it.
I did not know how to start this conversation, but it needed to be had.
I could not allow him to keep pointing out potential partners who would not and could not hold my interest.
I drew in a breath.
He waited patiently as I exhaled and repeated the process, trying to soothe my racing heart and calm my nerves. “I do not want to keep looking for a spouse,” I began quietly.
“Why?”
“I don’t think I’ll find what I’m seeking here,” I told him truthfully.
Was I imagining the way his eyes lit up at the news?
Was it just the reckless dreamer part of me seeing what I wanted to see?
But he said nothing, so I went on. “I still want to spend time with you, though.” I wanted to spend every moment I could at the market with him.
“But I understand if that is not something you want.”
His hand covered mine. “No.” His voice was soft and gentle. “I want to spend time with you, too.”
I smiled and dared a look at him from the corner of my eye.
He was smiling, too, and I tried to memorize the way the smile transformed his face.
It brought out faint lines at the corner of his eyes.
It brightened him. I wanted to learn what it took to draw that smile from its depths so that I could find ways to keep it on his face.
It transformed him from handsome to beautiful.
“Then this morning, we will simply spend the day together,” I declared.
He nodded, and we began discussing our plans.
We decided to browse the market stalls again.
We’d done it once before, just a few days prior, but our attentions had been split between the wares sold and the elves milling around us.
I promised him a visit to the transport center.
There were always new technologies on display there, and Castien’s eyes lit up at my agreement.
He assured me that, while we browsed, he would not make me suffer through the apothecaries.
There was nothing that would be sold there that would interest me, and if there were, I could get it from Emberleigh or from my parents at the campground.
We would end our morning with an early lunch at the prepared food stalls.
I was willing to sacrifice a little coin to have a meal with him other than cold sandwiches in his stall.
We started our explorations in the gardens around the shrine as we were already there.
Our hands brushed and bumped against each other as we walked through the garden.
I kept wanting to grab his hand, to lace my fingers with his as we walked around like we had the day before.
We talked as we walked, and this time, it was me telling him the little I knew about the flowers and plants around us.
While I could not tell anyone the medicinal properties of a plant, I could identify a good number of them.
It had been part of my education in my youth.
He listened and asked questions, but I did not feel as if my intelligence was being tested or questioned. It was just another step in his eternal quest for knowledge.
After the gardens, we paid our respect to the Gods at the Shrine itself.
There were couples there, asking for blessings upon the unions they’d found at the market.
There were families praying that their children would find good matches, and there were people there, just sitting silently.
I could not fathom what they were asking for from the Gods. Maybe nothing, maybe everything.
Once we began our explorations of the market, our conversation turned more personal.
He told me more stories of his childhood with four parents and a mess of siblings.
I laughed as he told me of his family’s antics.
There was one story in particular that stood out.
He’d gone home after his first fortnight living on his own and found a child in his room that he did not recognize.
It took him more than an hour to learn that the child did in fact belong in his house.
His baba had found him in the woods on one of his merchant’s trips, lost between Gearwick and one of the territory’s smaller cities, Bloomforge.
Baba had spent days attempting to find who this child belonged to before deciding the Gods had delivered them to their family.
The child was still with their family, an unquestioned addition that had been there for years.
Castien said he could no longer imagine life without his newest, but not youngest, sibling. They’d even had a Naming Day for them months after they arrived.
My stories were not as interesting, but he still laughed at the right time and looked as if he was hanging on every word I said.
I still was not used to the level of care he put into listening to me.
I added it to the list of things I wanted in a partner.
I needed someone I could converse with, someone that cared for my words no matter how dull they were.
At one point, in the clothing area, I lost track of Castien. When he returned, he had a small bag with him. I was too distracted looking across the market at the man I’d seen the first day, the one I had thought was Raylen.