Chapter 12 #2
She loved the feel of him beside her in the car, the strength of his spirit and the scent of his skin. They drove along the country roads and Gwen knew she would make love to this man, to give in to the energy that connected them like electricity. It was not a fantasy this time, but a plan.
An overdue plan to give in to desire.
There would be no going back, though she would be the first to admit there were bound to be regrets.
Gwen finished dressing by slipping a wide-necked jersey dress over her bra and panties, not knowing what tomorrow would bring for her and Colin, but knowing exactly what she wanted from today.
She stepped into the hotel room as the last rays of the setting sun fell across the room.
Colin sat on one of the beds, legs stretched out before him, arms crossed behind his head as he watched her. The pose would have made her nervous just hours before, but now she welcomed the dance in her stomach. Gwen had never given half her love, and she was not about to start this evening.
“Good shower?” he asked.
“Mmm hmm. Your turn.” Her eyes went to the TV.
“I’m not watching this. Go ahead and change it,” he said as he stood.
“I don’t want to watch TV,” she said, her eyes telling him what she wanted instead.
The energy hummed between them. He stared at her for several seconds before looking away, then stood and walked into the bathroom.
Gwen squinted against the orange rays of the sun and crossed her arms over her chest, feeling goose bumps along her arms as she did.
Be happy, Gwen.
The words were clear in her mind, though they were not spoken aloud. David’s spirit was light, but undoubtedly present.
“Thank you,” she whispered, a smile touching her lips as she closed her eyes and lingered in the moment. When she opened them, the sun had slipped beneath the horizon, coating the room in a softened dusk. The rush of water told her Colin had turned on the shower.
Be happy.
The cell phone rang and Gwen reached to answer it. “Hello?”
“Gwen, it’s Rowan. How are you holding up?”
A flash of guilt went through her at the reminder of the hunt for David’s killer, but she allowed it to recede as quickly as it had come. “Pretty well, all things considered.”
“I’m flying into Logan. I just boarded the plane.”
“You don’t have to—”
“Sure I do, Gwen.”
She considered for a moment how she would feel if she was an ocean away from these events, and understood that Rowan needed to join them. “Yes, of course you do. I’m sorry. When does your flight get in?” She wrote the information down and tucked the paper in her purse.
“Let me talk to Colin.”
“He’s in the shower.”
There was a pause on the line. “All right. I’ll see you in the morning. I don’t know if my cell will work in the states or not.”
“We’ll be waiting for you, Rowan. Have a good flight.”
A tension settled between Gwen’s shoulder blades at the memory of Rowan’s role all those years ago.
She suspected her husband’s best friend would not approve of her and Colin being together, and mentally decided to wait until morning to tell Colin that Rowan was on his way.
She didn’t want anything to come between her and Colin this evening—not David’s memory or Rowan’s hostility.
Colin dressed in the steamy bathroom, his damp skin sticking to the fresh cotton of his new t-shirt. It aggravated him as it pulled at his wet arms, the action seeming more difficult for the situation that awaited him outside the door.
He needed to apologize to her.
He needed to get her the hell out of harm’s way.
He needed a football field between them and a cold shower.
He cursed under his breath as he tugged a pair of crisp blue jeans over his thighs. She wasn’t going to go willingly, that much was for sure. Colin considered whether to discuss it with her at all, or simply tell her what was going to happen as he headed to Becky’s house to drop her off.
He brushed his teeth and ran his fingers through his short hair before he opened the door, and his heart stopped beating. Gwen reclined against the pillows, wearing a sexy smile and a thoughtful look.
“Hi,” she said softly.
Colin felt his blood stir and tramped down his desire. Haven’t you done enough to this woman? Do you need to keep pestering her for the smallest affection?
“Hey.” He turned to the desk and began digging through it. “You hungry?”
“I am. What do you have in mind?”
He could think of a few things, but none of them were on a menu. “I don’t care. Pizza. Subs. Whatever you want.”
Gwen walked to stand next to him, looking at the selection over his shoulder. She smelled like sweet soaps and something flowery, and she was standing too close. Reaching over him, she pointed. “Do you like Thai?”
“What, like rice and seaweed and stuff?”
She chuckled and lightly hit his shoulder. “No. It’s simple food, usually spicy. It has a light, balanced finish.”
“Sounds like seaweed.”
Gwen picked up the menu and began looking. “I want this. You can have pizza.”
Colin could still feel his skin tingling where she had touched him. “I’ll try it. Just order me something that’s not too scary.” He watched as she picked up the cell phone and dialed, tossing her golden curls before putting the phone to her ear.
“About forty-five minutes,” she said, coming to sit beside him. Gwen’s hip was next to his on the bed, nearly touching, driving him crazy. He turned to her, his gaze questioning. Was it his imagination or was she flirting with him?
It would be so easy to kiss her. Just like that. Bend his head and do what he always wanted to do around her. Instead, he heard himself say the words that needed to be said. “I’m sorry, Gwen.”
Her brows drew together. “What for?”
“So many things. I don’t even know where to start.” How did you explain to someone that you held yourself responsible for everything that had ever gone wrong in her entire life?
“I’m listening.”
“The party. When I made a pass at you, embarrassed you. I shouldn’t have done that.”
He watched her face soften, her full bottom lip curling up on one side. “Thank you.”
“I hurt David, too.” He shook his head. “He was as important to me as my own brother, and I didn’t give a damn how he was feeling.
I tried to steal the woman he loved. I would have done it in a heartbeat if you’d let me.
” He took a deep breath. “Now he’s gone, and I can’t ever fix that. Apologize to him. Make it right.”
“He knows, Colin.”
“Bullshit,” he said under his breath.
She reached up and resting her hand on his arm. “He does.”
Their eyes locked, absolution passing between them like consent.
Colin slowly nodded. She seemed so sure of herself, he could almost believe it.
“I hope you’re right.” He saw her stare drop to his own lips, an answering fire igniting in his belly.
Hadn’t he just apologized for this very thing?
Not a minute later, he was already imagining kissing her.
He stood up and turned away from her. He had to make her understand everything. Once she did, she would never look at him like that again. “David and I used to go skiing together all the time,” he said.
“I know.”
He spoke past the knot in his throat that worked to stop all communication. “Maybe I would have been there, that day on the slopes.”
She stood, grabbing his shoulder and turning him around. “Stop this, Colin. It is not your fault David died.” Color flooded her cheeks as she shook her finger at him. “You are not the one who killed him, you are not responsible for his death. Do you understand me?”
“I should have been there. I should have been in his life. Who knows? I could have made a difference…”
Gwen stepped on her tiptoes and pressed her mouth to his, stopping the flow of words and shocking him into silence. She pulled back and met his surprised eyes. “He loved you, Colin, and he missed you, just as I did.”
“You missed me?”
She nodded her head, wide-eyed. “But I was too ashamed to encourage David to contact you.”
“Ashamed?” He held on to her when she would have stepped back.
“The attraction between you and me was never one-sided, Colin. With you gone, I didn’t have to feel uncomfortable.
I knew David missed you, and I just let it go because it was easier that way.
” She wiped at a tear that had fallen onto her cheek.
“What kind of person does that make me? I never cheated on my husband, but I cheated him out of the family he loved.”
Colin watched a second tear fall from her lashes, and bent his head to kiss it away. Every reason he had devised for keeping Gwen at arm’s length vanished in that instant. She was here, of her own free will. She knew everything that haunted him and she forgave him anyway.
She reached up and pulled him tighter to her, finding his lips with her own.
Colin’s heart swelled, knowing that she wanted him, that she cared for him, that she’d missed him.
What had always been a physical attraction turned into something so much more, deeper, more meaningful.
Colin was lost in her, lost in the moment, lost in their loving.
Evening turned to nighttime and kisses to sweet passion, inching closer to the morning’s light and what Colin knew he must do.
Protect this woman, as he had failed to protect her husband.
He only hoped she would be able to forgive him when she awoke in the morning to find him gone.