Chapter 15
Gwen didn’t believe in worrying. It served only to magnify negative energy that would otherwise pass her by. So when she found herself concerned for Colin on the drive to Sandwich Beach, she gave the sensation due note and raised her head in silent prayer.
Be with him. Keep him safe.
Her heart was filled with such longing to have him by her side that the emotion gave her pause.
Had she so easily become attached to the man that she was somehow incomplete without him, like a vacuum to be filled instead of a solid rock to stand on?
Her brow furrowed as she watched homes slip by the speeding car, cruising toward Sandwich Beach.
Gwen hoped Becky was right, that the son living there was really Jerry.
It was certainly possible Bernice found it easier to kill off her nephew than live in the shadow of his crimes, just as David himself had done.
The thought of living in one’s shadow brought her back to Colin, her conflicting emotions warring inside her.
Gwen deeply valued her independence, her own personality and strength of character.
While she had given herself completely to her husband, her quick identification as Colin’s lover was more troublesome.
She was not a person who loved in degrees, yet this time she couldn’t help but feel she would be losing something important, something she had never considered she was losing when she married David.
Herself.
In the years since her husband died, Gwen had become something more than she had been when he was by her side. She had become more fully herself, more comfortable alone than she could ever be with Colin. She tapped her fingers on the car door in a staccato rhythm.
Something else was bothering her, too. Colin had left her behind in consideration for her safety.
While she wanted to understand that, what struck her most was that he did not see her as an equal, capable partner—an asset.
His actions showed he thought her a liability, a responsibility, a problem to be handled.
Such was not love. At least, it was not love as Gwen experienced it.
The feminine in her spirit admitted it had hurt her to awaken to an empty room. She and Colin had shared something magical, the sort of connection that was reserved for the most special relationships in life.
But it couldn’t be love. It made sense she should care for Colin. He’d been a player in an important part of her life, a time that she cherished and longed to revisit. Could she blame herself for falling so willingly into his arms? For enjoying the man and the sexual chemistry between them?
Colin had always mistaken what they shared for something deeper.
He claimed an awareness of her while they’d been separated that she just didn’t share.
The truth was, Gwen had rarely thought of Colin in the years since she’d last seen him.
She shifted in her seat, bristling at what she knew was an exaggeration.
Yes, she had frequently thought of Colin, but had blocked the sensations out of lingering guilt over David.
Maybe there’d been wisdom in that.
Rowan interrupted her thoughts. “Gwen, something’s been bothering me, and I’m just going to ask, okay?” he said.
“Of course.” She turned around in her seat to face him, pushing her sunglasses atop her head.
“Last night when I called Colin and you answered, you said he was in the shower.”
She instantly saw where this was going. “Yes?”
“How did you know that?”
“I could hear the water running.”
“Because you were sharing a room.”
She faced forward. “And you don’t approve.”
Becky piped up. “What business is it of yours if they shared a room?”
“I was talking to Gwen.”
“I don’t care who you were talking to. You asked the question in front of me, so clearly you wanted me to hear it. And it just so happens I have an opinion about this matter that I’d like to share.”
“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”
Becky yelled. “Mind your own goddamn business, Mitchell.”
“It is my business.”
Gwen couldn’t believe his self-righteousness. He was treating her like a child, not unlike how his brother had treated her just this morning, and she was ticked. “How do you figure my sex life is any of your concern?”
“So, you admit you slept with him.”
Becky shook her hand at the rearview mirror as she drove. “Someone needs to pound you in the face.”
“Rowan, you are out of line,” said Gwen.
“He’s been after you since day one, back when you were with David, hitting on you all the time. It’s not right.”
Gwen could hear the pain in his voice, and suddenly realized the problem. Rowan’s anger with Colin was a facade for a different emotion, one that she understood all too well. Grief took whatever shape it was allowed, often eking out when least expected. “David is gone.”
“I know that, but how do you think he would feel about you and Colin…” he shrugged his shoulder, “being together?”
“He wants me to be happy.” Gwen’s eyes began to burn as she stared at her husband’s oldest friend. “He wants you to be happy, too. He doesn’t want you to hold on to this grief, this pain you feel from his death, and let it ruin your relationship with the brother who is very much alive.”
She could see by his expression that her words had hit their mark.
“Colin makes you happy?”
Gwen faced forward and gazed out her window, considering her response.
Becky smacked her arm. “Answer the man!”
“Oh, I don’t know, Becky. I’m still trying to figure that out for myself.”
Rowan stretched out his long legs on the seat beside him.
The backseat of Becky’s car wasn’t made for a man his size.
He stared at her vibrant hair, knowing now that it matched an equally vibrant personality.
She was a woman who could keep a man on his toes, and he found himself wondering about the lucky bastard who got to share her bed.
They must be lining up in droves.
She was too young for him, anyway. At forty-three, Rowan wasn’t interested in dating a woman who must be at least fifteen years his junior.
It occurred to him that not a lot of women wanted to date a married man, and he thought again of the divorce lawyer’s business card in his pocket.
It was long past time to make that phone call.
He put his hands behind his head and tried to stretch out.
The flight was long and he hadn’t slept well on the plane, too concerned about Colin and Gwen getting it on in a hotel room to close his eyes for more than an hour or two.
He sighed. Gwen seemed to think he was upset with Colin because David was dead, not because Colin was interested in Gwen.
The thought left an unpleasant taste in his mouth, though he could hear the lightest ring of truth in her words when she spoke them.
Rowan was still mourning his best friend, simple as that. He looked out the window and wondered if he would ever be able to accept Gwen and Colin being together. He doubted it, that was for sure.
The cell phone on his lap began to ring. “Hello?”
Colin’s voice was harsh. “You’re here?”
Rowan wasn’t expecting a warm and fuzzy welcome, yet Colin’s tone hurt nonetheless. Too many years had passed since he’d been close to his brother, too much foul water running under that bridge. “I couldn’t let you do this by yourself. I flew in overnight, got a rental car.”
“It’s not your responsibility.”
“He belonged to both of us, Colin.”
A pause on the line had Rowan holding his breath. In that moment, he missed his brother desperately. Missed the relationship they used to have, long before the issue with Gwen had thrown a wedge between them. Rowan half expected his brother to tell him to get back on a plane and head for Italy.
Colin sighed heavily. “Okay. Thanks.”
Rowan closed his eyes. “You got it. Now where the hell are you?”