Chapter 22
Colin paced from the window of his hospital room to the hallway and back again.
His left eye was bandaged but his right was revealed, allowing him to see despite the healing wounds around it.
He had showered this morning and dressed in anticipation of being discharged, but the hour was getting later and no one had come with the paperwork.
“Good morning,” said Gwen, carrying a tray of coffee and something wrapped in waxed paper. “You’re up! How are your eyes?”
Good enough to take in the pretty picture she made, her hair whipped up off her shoulders, wearing a gauzy white tank top that ended at her hip in layers of generous ruffles. He stared at her, trying to memorize her face, the blue of her eyes, the curve of her jaw.
“The right one seems fine. The left, not so much.”
“Did the doctor say anything?”
“Just that we have to wait and see. They’re sending me home.”
Gwen picked up a coffee and handed it to him. “I got bagels with lox from a delicatessen down the street. They’re sinful, they’re so good. Here, taste.” She put the bagel to his lips, but he turned away.
“Gwen…”
“Yes?”
“I’m going home.”
“That’s good news.”
He shook his head, rubbing his hand through his hair. “No, I mean, I’m going back to Cold Spring.”
She dropped her hand. “What are you saying?”
She looked so vulnerable. He loved her completely, the knowledge only serving to make this more painful. He reached out and gently wiped her cheek with his fingertips. “I’m saying that I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
Gwen stared back at him, her bottom lip falling into a cupid’s bow. “I don’t understand, Colin. What changed between us? I thought you loved me.”
I thought you loved me.
The words were evidence of the reason he must go. She probably didn’t even realize she’d said it. “I do love you, Gwen, and it’s killing me to say this, but you don’t have enough room in your heart to love two men at the same time.”
She turned around, putting her hands on her hips. “David.”
“Yes, David.”
“He’s been dead for twelve years, Colin. Twelve years! Are you really implying I haven’t moved on with my life, that I can’t love again?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
A nurse walked in, placing a stack of papers on the tray table. “Colin Mitchell?”
“Yes.”
“I have your discharge paperwork. Have a seat, please, so we can go through it.”
Two and a half hours he’d been waiting, and she comes at the worst possible moment. “Can you come back in a little while?”
Gwen raised her hand. “Not on my account. I was just leaving anyway.”
“Gwen…”
She raised steely eyes to his. “It’s fine, Colin.” She pulled sunglasses out of her purse and put them on. “I trust you will have a safe trip home and a speedy recovery.”
He wanted to stop her, to beg her to stay, but all he could say was, “Thank you.”
“Goodbye, Colin.”
Colin watched as the woman he loved for half his life turned on her heel and walked out the door.
Gwen knelt in the freshly cut grass, digging a hole with a small trowel. Her gardening gloves were heavily soiled, her work here near complete. Reaching for the plastic pot, she loosened the roots of a bright yellow chrysanthemum and set the bushy plant into the ground.
“I know you love marigolds, but they’re not in season,” she said to the plaque, now clearly visible in the tidy cemetery.
It had taken her nearly a week to reclaim the overgrown space, the addition of flowers and some shrubbery making the area more beautiful and serene. “I think Lucy likes the color.”
Gwen stood and brushed off her long legs, dirty circles still clinging to the skin of her knees. She put her hand over her eyes to shield them from the sun, and took in the expanse of her property.
She would miss it here.
Her work to ready the house for sale was complete.
The porch swing had received a coat of red paint, sharply setting off the white house with its new green shutters.
Gone were her more flamboyant art installations, leaving only a small sculpture of a young woman in the garden to watch over the rolling hillside in her stead.
The house didn’t look like her own anymore. Funny how homes sell faster when they look like no one with any personality lives in them.
She walked to the shed and replaced the gardening tools, as a small red convertible pulled into the drive. A tiny woman with long black hair and very high black heels stepped out of the car. “It’s open house day!” she shouted, coming close to Gwen for an airy hug. “Are you ready?”
“Oh, I’m ready all right. How are you, Beverly?”
“I’m good, thanks for asking. The porch swing looks fabulous. I love the red.” She held out her hand, wiggling her fingers. “Did you pack up the…other things?”
The ‘other things’ consisted of everything Gwen owned that could not be bought at a superstore. Beverly called it “de-cluttering”. It had taken a monumental effort, an enormous storage unit and the help of two high school kids Gwen hired from town.
“I did. I think you’ll find everything very neutral.”
Many of the things in the house had belonged to David, making Gwen realize how much letting go she still had to accomplish. It had taken her only a week to organize everything and donate it to various charities, but the emotional journey had taken her the balance of the summer and fall.
No wonder Colin had sent her away, insisting she was still in love with her husband’s ghost. In some ways, she had never let him go.
Gwen had fooled herself into believing she was living her life fully, simply because she was no longer huddled in a corner, actively grieving her husband’s death.
But she had not opened herself up again to love and the wonders it could bring, somehow living in the small space between the two extremes.
“I’m just going to take a quick shower and be on my way,” Gwen said, turning to walk into the house.
“Wonderful.” Beverly flashed an overly white smile. “It’s a beautiful home. It’s going to go quickly, Gwen.”
“Yes, I think it will.” Gwen smiled and headed upstairs, her hands lovingly caressing the wooden banister. She had become a bride here, been a wife to her husband here, planned a family that had never been realized within these walls.
She was ready to leave it behind, like a winter coat in the spring. Excitement bubbled within her, anxious and alive. Gwen didn’t know what the future held in store, but she couldn’t wait to find out.
Colin had sailed all the way to Poughkeepsie, making the most of a perfect fall day.
The sun shone brightly, not a cloud in the sky, with a dream wind that effortlessly pushed his eighteen-foot boat further than he had intended to travel.
He made his way back slowly, in no hurry to dock and face another night alone at the quiet marina.
Construction of the house was going well, the foundation cured and the framing for the first floor nearly completed.
The architect had worked from old pictures to recreate the lighthouse-like turret, though Colin had designed the rest of the house to suit himself, with larger open spaces and modern conveniences.
The project had consumed the bulk of his energy since returning from Boston, providing him with something to do outside of work and thinking about Gwen.
Colin knew he did the right thing sending her away, but when he couldn’t sleep for thinking of her, he cursed himself with every toss and turn.
Was it really so important that she love him more than a dead man?
It was.
And so the days were long and nights were longer, the house he would occupy alone designed for the woman who would never set foot inside its walls, with an art studio no one would paint in and a nursery for a baby who would never exist.
Music flowed on the air, the sound of a string quartet. Gwen thought it was Mozart, but she couldn’t be sure. Her feet followed the stone pavers as she listened, her sandals quietly clicking in time to the tune.
She thought of the last time she was here, just a few months ago, so dreading her confrontation with Colin. Gwen knew now that she had been afraid, scared that he would awaken feelings that would require her to change.
The doors to the Chapel Restoration stood open in welcome, much as they had on her first visit to this magical place.
Climbing the steps, Gwen let the sounds surround her, true happiness welling inside her soul.
This was where she belonged, where she wanted to live for all time, with Colin by her side.
Would he have her?
She was grateful he had sent her away, refusing to accept only half of her heart. She had kept the memory of her husband held tightly in her clutches, which was not how David would have wanted her to live. To love again was to honor his memory, to carry on joyfully a testament to life itself.
But she wasn’t doing this for David. Gwen’s love for Colin was strong and true, completely separate from all that had come before. She hoped they would make a life, become a family in this little town on the banks of the Hudson River.
Gwen opened her eyes and stepped into the Chapel, the pews decorated with fall-colored chrysanthemums and yellow bows in preparation for a wedding. She smiled as she thought of Crystal, and hoped the flowers were for the young woman’s much-anticipated celebration.
The music began to crescendo, making the hair on Gwen’s arms stand up on end with its beauty. She stood in awe of the sounds, their majesty and tenor, frozen as she listened to the final chord and the silence that followed.
“Bravo!” she yelled out as she clapped. “Belissimo!”
A touch on her arm made her swiftly turn around. Colin stood before her, a look of wonder taking over his suntanned features.
Gwen smiled widely, so surprised she nearly laughed out loud. How good it was to see his handsome face, to feel his warm brown eyes connect with hers so intimately. “Colin, what are you doing here?”
“I live here.”
She giggled. “No, I mean in the Chapel. I was heading to your house next, but you surprised me.”
“There isn’t much of a house there anymore.”
“I figured I’d ask around until I found you.”
The violinist began to play a quick jaunty tune, and Colin touched her elbow, steering her to the door. “Let’s go outside.”
Her pulse raced at his ordinary touch, so excited was she to be near him again. They stepped onto the porch, a gentle breeze bringing the scents of fall leaves and flowers to her nose. “Where are you living, then?”
“On my boat.” He gestured with his chin. “The marina’s right over there. The house is being rebuilt. I was on my way over to check on their progress when I heard the music. Gwen, what are you doing here?”
“I love it here. I stopped by on the way to your house last time, too.”
“No, not the Chapel. Why are you here in town?”
“To see you.”
He stared at her, waiting for an explanation.
She opened her mouth to speak, tears instantly burning at the back of her eyes. “I missed you.”
Colin turned to stare at the river.
“I was angry with you when you sent me away,” she continued. “I didn’t understand why. But then I got back to Vermont and I realized that I did understand. I understood completely.”
He turned back to look at her.
“I had to let go of David before I could really love you.”
“Yes.”
She nodded, letting a single tear slip down her cheek. “I’ve been working on it.” She laughed. “There was a lot to do, and it’s taken some time. I hope you didn’t give up on me.”
He stepped closer. “Never.”
“Good, because I love you, Colin. And I want to be with you forever.” Then his lips were on hers and joy burst into her heart, reunited with this man who meant everything and more.
His head came up so he peered into her eyes. “I didn’t even dare to dream you might come back.” He rocked with her, pressing his forehead to hers. “You’ve made me so happy. Do you know?”
“I’m staying, too. I hope it’s a big boat.”
He laughed. “We could go to your house.”
“My Realtor called. It sold for full asking price about an hour ago.”
His head snapped up. “What? You sold your house?”
“I did.” She beamed at him, happier than she could remember being in a very long while.
“You’re serious. You’re really going to stay.”
“Oh yes, Colin. I’m really going to stay.”
They were anchored off the shore near Storm King Mountain, the setting sun casting a pink glow upon the opposite shore. Colin held a chrysanthemum in one hand and Gwen in the other, spinning the flower by its stem as he gently rubbed the bare skin of her back.
“It was nice of Crystal to let us use her flowers,” murmured Gwen.
He kissed the top of her head. He had proposed on the porch of the Chapel Restoration, seeing no reason to wait when everything he wanted was there for the asking. Crystal and her husband were their witnesses.
“Can I tell you something?” he asked.
“Hmm?”
“During the ceremony, when I turned to you to say my vows, I saw someone in the doorway at the back of the church.”
She raised her head, a smile spreading across her lips. “I saw him too.”
“He gave me a thumbs-up.”
Gwen sat up and flung her leg over his torso. “He probably thinks you have excellent taste in women.”
He reached up to touch her. “I love you, Gwen. I’m going to be a good husband to you. Make you happy.”
She kissed his palm. “You already make me happy.”
“I want to give you a baby.”
She looked around the tiny cabin, laughing. “Where on earth would we put it?”
He thought of the blue prints, the nursery with the window overlooking the valley. “Oh, I think we can find someplace.”