Chapter Thirty-Five
Theo’s footsteps landed heavily against the gum-ridden pavement, his trainers slapping the ground with a fast succession of steps as he turned the corner, breath rushing in and out of his lungs in controlled pants.
He had spent the past few days running back over his dinner with Olivia, and each time he let his mind entertain the idea that it wasn’t that bad, his conscience gave him a quick and firm kick in the backside.
Yes, it really wasn’t that bad, it said, it was much, much worse.
Music blared through his earphones, but Theo wasn’t listening.
Instead, he kept his eyes forward, weaving through the wandering businessmen and tourists who crowded the street leading up to Tower Bridge.
Morning runs were something sacred to Theo.
He always chose to go out first thing, especially in the summer when it was coolest, the light chill settling in the air belying the heat he knew the day would bring.
He’d never planned for it to go this way, but he was sure no one would ever expect it go any other way.
It had been clear from the beginning. He was an idiot.
But Theo couldn’t help it. Thinking of Olivia, of the golden waves that cascaded around her heart-shaped face, framing those enticing, sparkling blue eyes, made his mind muddled.
Just thinking of her made him make stupid decisions, her presence was even worse.
Whenever he was with her his heart was never steady, nothing like his controlled breaths as he jogged onto the bridge, eyes and feet weaving through the early morning tourists taking their photos along the railing.
He had been so selfish. He had been so… in love. It all made him feel sick. Sick with shame, and bitterness. This was not how his mother had raised him, and when he’d phoned her to say he and Olivia had broken up, she called him exactly what he now accepted he was.
“You’re an idiot.”
“Thanks, Mum.”
“Well, I’m not going to sugar-coat it, Teddy.
You remind me a lot of your father at your age.
Both of you are too blind to see what’s right in front of you.
Olivia is a nice girl, selfless and loves to help others.
She’s successful and just a pure delight, and you, my boy, have screwed up. Big time. Idiot with a capital I.”
He paused on the bridge, hands resting on his waist as he looked out at the sun rising against the water of the River Thames.
Despite the heavy clouds scattered in the sky, a thin strip of gold had broken free from behind them, lighting up the murky water and making the morning warm.
He had no qualms about Olivia’s character, no, she was perfect.
It had been him who had hired the damn guy, it had been him who lied and withheld the truth.
It was no excuse at all, but in a city of nine million people, he hadn’t even thought about bumping into that one other guy he’d offered the job to.
Just thinking about the idea made him realise how goddamn stupid it was, how hurtful.
He hadn’t considered her feelings, and now he was paying the price.
Theo had left numerous voicemails and texts for Olivia, her number constantly on the ‘Recents’ page of his phone, both tormenting him and giving him hope that maybe, just maybe, she’d reply or call back.
And if she didn’t, he would understand.
Huffing a breath out into the morning air, Theo pulled his sweat-laden top away from his frame and checked his watch.
It was barely 7:30 and the city was bustling with activity.
Turning back, he retraced his steps, running into the oncoming foot traffic and hoping that the five miles he had to go to his flat would be enough to shake his mistake off his mind, and knock some common sense into him.
“One IPA for the sad-looking fella, and a whiskey on the rocks for me,” Finn muttered, placing their drinks down on the small round table between them.
“Sad-looking fella?” Theo grumbled.
“If you pout any more, people are going to think your puppy died or something.” Taking a swig of his drink, Finn clicked his tongue and whistled at the smooth whiskey, before turning to his friend.
“So, what’s going on then? Get fired? Someone stole your phone?
Forgot to record the Premier League game? ”
“I fucked up, man. Big time.” Theo watched as the froth of his beer bubbled.
“Olivia?”
“Olivia.” Theo sighed. “You know a few months back when I was a complete idiot and decided to hire that magician?”
“Oh, shit. Yeah, you fucked up,” Finn said.
“I knew I shouldn’t have done it. I didn’t even bloody pay him.
I couldn’t go through with it, but he still went.
The date still happened and now I feel like a complete twat.
” Running his hand through his hair, he pulled at the edges, causing a few strands to stand up in messy disorder.
“Olivia deserved better. She’s made it pretty clear that she didn’t want to hear from me again. ”
“Did she say that?” Finn asked.
Theo shook his head. “She didn’t need to. The look on her face said it all.”
“You really like her, don’t you?”
Theo frowned. Like didn’t seem a strong enough word for how he felt about Olivia.
It was more than like. Love seemed a bit rash to say, but it was stronger than a typical crush.
That’s what hurt even more. The fact that the feeling didn’t diminish after she’d shouted at him.
Told him to go home. No, the feeling seemed to grow, and bend, morph into something more, something that made her silence pierce his heart even more than a sharpened dagger.
Theo shook his head. “Nah, it’s more than that. She’s…”
“Oh,” Finn spoke. Theo was a mess, he could only imagine what Finn thought of him sitting there with darkened circles underneath his eyes, the dishevelled hair, the crinkled shirt.
The man sitting before him was lovesick, it was painfully obvious and knowing how that felt, Finn winced, before downing the rest of his drink in one. “Fuck, man.”
Theo nodded.
“Have you tried to contact her? Apologise?” Finn asked.
“Yeah, I’ve tried calling her, but it’s always gone straight to voicemail. I’ve left way too many messages. She needs space now. Away from me. Without me blowing up her phone with silly voicemails and text messages that make me feel eighteen again.”
“You love her.”
Theo let out a sad chuckle, his words coming out dry. “Is it really that fucking obvious?”
“Try again,” Finn said. Theo looked up at his friend, eyes sceptical.
He had tried and tried and tried. Each time he was ignored, each time the stone in his stomach feel heavier and heavier with regret.
“You love her. Then she’s worth fighting for.
Don’t give up. You can’t just give up on a girl like that.
She’s special. You said so yourself. And if she’s the kind of girl that will make you willingly drink piss like the IPA in front of you, then you need to try again. ”