Love and Other Chances (Love and Other #2)

1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

A t the chime of the doorbell, I drop to the floor behind the kitchen counter.

My knee bangs against the tile, but I don’t dare cry out.

“Teegan! Are you there?” Loud knocks accompany the voices calling my name through the door.

I sneak a peek around the edge of the cabinet. A cluster of girls’ faces peer in the window beside the front door, visible from the kitchen. I opened the curtains this morning to let in the natural light, but now I regret not closing them when I got home a few minutes ago. Gina, my roommate and coworker, isn’t home, so I was simply standing in the silence until the doorbell interrupted.

“Teegan! We’re leaving to go swing dancing! Are you coming? Are you in there?” the voices clamor. I hold my breath, my body as still as death, afraid that they’ll sense I’m home if I move an inch.

“I thought she was coming, but maybe not.”

“Maybe she’s meeting us there.”

“I’ll text her.”

My eyes widen with panic. I reach a hand up to the counter and feel around until I find my phone. I quickly unlock it and switch it to silent a second before the text comes through. Breathing a sigh of relief, I click the screen off and listen as the girls retreat from the door.

I sit up, leaning my back against the cabinet. Closing my eyes, I breathe slowly, gulping in the silence.

What am I doing?!

My eyes fly open .

Before I can talk myself out of it, I unlock my phone and pull up FaceTime, typing in the names of my two best friends, Amaya and Lana. I hit the green call button and chew on my lip, hoping they’ll answer.

Lana’s face appears first. Her waist-length brunette hair is pulled up in a high ponytail, and her green eyes are filled with concern. “Teegs? What’s up with the impromptu video call?”

Before I can answer, Amaya joins the call. Her forehead is beaded with moisture and furrowed with worry. She’s outside, wearing an athletic tank top with her coily hair slicked back in a low bun. Leave it to Amaya to be out for a run on a Saturday evening .

“What’s going on, Teeg?” Amaya asks, breathing heavily. “We have our regular group call tomorrow afternoon—what made you call now?”

“Can’t a girl just want to talk to her Beefs without everyone questioning her motives?” I respond, forcing mirth into my voice.

The three of us have called each other “Beefs” ever since we met freshman year of college. When Amaya didn’t like the term “besties,” I started calling us “Be Fris” like the first half of a “Be-st Fri-ends” necklace. The nickname quickly got shortened to the single syllable “Beef.”

Despite the fact that we’re mature adults three years out of college, the term of endearment has stuck with us.

Unfortunately, my Beefs see right through my attempt at levity.

“Uh, no,” Lana responds bluntly. “You have way too much going on to video call us out of the blue. Especially on a Saturday night.”

A voice calls from the background of her video. “Everything okay, Lana?” Her screen moves as she stands, and a second later I see her husband’s face next to her.

“Yeah, babe, I’m going to go talk to Amaya and Teegan in our room for a minute,” Lana responds before planting a kiss on Mateo’s cheek. They started dating at the beginning of our senior year of college and were married just over a year later. They’re so obsessively adorable that I almost forget the reason I called.

“Okay, what gives, Beef?” Amaya asks as Lana closes the door and flops onto her bed.

Lana squints her eyes. “Where even are you? ”

“Ummm, sitting on the kitchen floor,” I answer.

“Why?” Amaya asks.

“Uhhh, because I’m . . . hiding,” I say.

“You’re hiding? Are you in trouble?!” Lana’s voice rises with the question.

“No, no, nothing like that,” I reassure them. “I’m just . . . avoiding the group of sorority girls going swing dancing tonight.”

Crickets.

Amaya and Lana both stare at me. I see their eyes move to each other’s screens, make virtual eye contact, then move back to mine.

I clear my throat. “So, it dawned on me that something might be wrong. With me. You know, when I ducked out of sight instead of answering the door.”

“Yeah, ya think?” Amaya replies with a slight roll of her eyes.

Lana’s voice is laden with suspicion. “You love going swing dancing. You love doing everything. There’s clearly something wrong if you’re hiding in the kitchen instead of socializing. Why are you hiding?”

I chew my lip, considering how to answer. Do I even know why I’m hiding? Why don’t I want to go out tonight? Why am I cowering behind the cabinets?

“I guess the thought of going dancing tonight makes me feel a little . . . explodey?” I explain.

More blank stares.

“Explodey?” Amaya questions.

“You know what, I’m being silly,” I say with a wave of my hand. “This week has been packed full of awesome. I was able to hang out in the different sororities after their recruitment activities ended each day, and we had amazing training at our daily Arrow staff meetings. We went over so much content, it was like drinking from a fire hose in the best way possible.”

I’m beginning my fourth year as a staff member with Arrow, a Christian group that helps students grow in their faith throughout college. Amaya, Lana, and I were involved when we were students at Townsend University, located in the mid-sized city of Brooklyn, Kansas. We even spent multiple summers together at Arrow’s Summer Project, an eight-week program in Florida designed to help college students grow as spiritual leaders.

After graduating, I stayed in Brooklyn to join the Arrow staff team full time while Lana started law school in D.C. and Amaya embarked on a business-world takeover in Kansas City.

I let out a mildly manic laugh. “I don’t know what came over me. Temporary insanity. Of course I want to go swing dancing and hear about how all the girls are doing now that recruitment week is over! Sorry to bug you, Beefs!”

“Oh, no you don’t,” Amaya chides. “Don’t you dare hang up, Teeg. So, you spent every day this week in staff meetings and then went straight to a different sorority every evening?”

“Well, yeah, just like every year!” I respond, trying to sound chipper.

“But you also took on a lot more responsibility at the Summer Project this year, right?” Lana asks. When I shrug and nod, she continues. “Did you take any time for yourself to rest or recharge before jumping back into beginning-of-school madness?”

I make a noncommittal hmmm sound.

“So that’s a no,” Amaya states.

“After Summer Project ended, I went on a girls’ retreat with our newest staff girl, Gina, who graduated from Townsend in May. You know, my new roommate. We spent a weekend with some of the other Arrow staff girls from the Midwest region so she could get to know more people. After that, I hosted a weekend slumber party for some of the Arrow student leaders who are in sororities. They needed a chance to bond and dream about the upcoming school year before rush week.”

“So that’s a no to the resting,” Lana echoes Amaya.

“But it was fun! I love getting to pour into all these girls and hang out together. It’s not like I was locked away at a desk job somewhere with no windows and only florescent lights. My life is awesome!” I chirp, trying to keep that weird panicky feeling locked away in my chest.

Lana and Amaya make more virtual eye contact.

“Teegs, I think you’re burning out,” Lana observes gently.

“But I can’t burn out doing something I enjoy! Socializing is the essence of my being. How could I get tired of that? ”

“Yeah, but you’ve been constantly pouring out into everyone else, Beef,” Amaya adds. “Not only this week, but the whole summer.”

“More like the past three years,” Lana chimes in. “Yes, you love socializing. But you’re constantly hanging out with students you’re mentoring. Do you have any friends you’re socializing with?”

“But I do see the girls in my Bible studies as friends. Just because I’m older and the leader doesn’t mean I’m their mom,” I justify.

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it. Do you have any peers you’re hanging out with regularly?” Lana pushes.

Hmmmm, how do I spin this? Sure, I’ve gone the past three years without ever hanging out with people outside of the Arrow universe. But it’s not like I don’t have fun.

“Well, I have you two, obviously. Beefs for life, remember? What more could I need?!” I respond.

“Wrong answer,” Amaya says with a frown. “You know that Lana and I both have new friends that we hang out with even though the three of us will always be best friends. You need people there with you in person, Teegan. Having friends to socialize with purely for the fun of it is different than socializing with students because it’s part of your job.”

“You can’t always be the one pouring out into other people all the time, Teegs,” Lana adds. “I know that you love helping people have the best time all the time, but you need people filling up your cup too. Or you wind up hiding in a dark kitchen.”

I sigh. As much as I don’t want to admit that something really is wrong with me . . . their comments are hitting home. I’ve thrown myself into my staff role for the past three years, never turning down an opportunity to invest time with students. Always planning epic social events to help everyone enjoy their college experience.

Of course, there are the other members of our staff team who are more like peers. But we’re always hanging out in the context of the ministry, not casually as friends. Even when we try to hang out casually as friends, we wind up troubleshooting issues with students or coming up with new ideas for Arrow events.

I have coworkers, and I have younger girls I’m investing in. But I guess I don’t really have any friends here .

Heat burns behind my eyes, but I don’t want to plunge into those sad feelings right now. I talk to distract my thoughts.

“Okay, hypothetically, if you were right, then what would I need to do about it?” I ask.

“You need to meet some peers who aren’t wrapped up in the worlds of Townsend or Arrow. Have you met many people at your church?” Lana asks. During my first year on staff, I switched from the church most popular with college students to a different one. I guess I recognized a need for some separation from my full-time ministry job and my personal life. But apparently, I didn’t follow through beyond that small effort.

“Not a lot. Well, there’s this one woman named Joy who I’ve talked to several times,” I muse. “She and her husband are a few years older than us, but we tend to sit in the same area each week and chat after the service for a few minutes.”

“She seems like a good starting point,” Amaya says. “Why don’t you talk to her tomorrow morning? Ask her to get dinner or coffee sometime?”

“Yeah, I guess I could do that. Hopefully they go to the late service, since I’m sure I won’t make it to the early one after swing dancing tonight.”

“Absolutely not,” Amaya declares, while Lana simultaneously dictates, “Don’t you dare.”

I huff a laugh in spite of myself.

“No swing dancing. No nothing tonight,” Lana says. “Stay home, watch a movie, take a shower, or whatever relaxing thing sounds appealing. Go to bed early. Let your body rest, Beef.”

“And that’s an order,” Amaya concludes with gusto, although they’re both smiling warmly at me.

I avert my eyes to the ceiling to try to quell the burning sensation behind them again. I miss them so much. The technology of video calls is a blessing I count often, but it’s not the same as hugging my Beefs in the flesh. I miss our days of hanging out in the Alpha Omega Pi house—studying, listening to music, discussing boy problems, watching movies, doing Bible studies, attending sorority events together. Everything together .

“I promise I will,” I finally say, bringing my eyes back to their faces on my phone screen. “And I’ll report back on our regularly-scheduled call tomorrow afternoon, since I know that was your next command, LaLa.” Lana’s open mouth closes, and she smiles at me.

“I miss you, Teegs,” she says. “I miss both of you. I have to find a time to make it back to Kansas this fall to see you.”

We wrap up the conversation and say our goodbyes.

In the silence of our ended video call, I try to breathe deeply, evenly.

Do I want to keep doing this job? Can I keep doing this job?

The thought creeps in like a leech looking for a place to latch on to. I shake my head and stand up, unwilling to dwell on the doubt.

I finally open the text message about swing dancing, feeling guilty for abandoning my plans to join them. Gina is over at the dorms meeting students. Will she judge me if I stay in tonight instead of spending time with students?

But I remember my promise to Lana and Amaya, so I send a short text saying I won’t make it tonight.

I decide to take a long shower, blasting my “Dancey Taylor Swift” playlist at full volume. Singing along with her greatest upbeat hits distracts me from lingering on the negative thoughts that keep tapping on the door to my mind.

“Teegan, I’m so happy to see you!” Joy’s face lights up when she turns around after the service ends and spots me in the row behind her. I’d arrived a few minutes late to the church service after sleeping in, and I scanned the backs of everyone’s heads, hoping to find Joy’s signature pixie cut next to Caleb’s crew cut. Thankfully, I spotted them in their usual section and snuck into a seat behind them.

I lean into her hug, already feeling a smidge more peace after seeing her smile. “It’s great to see you again!”

“Where have you been all summer? It feels like forever since I last saw you at church,” Joy says .

“Yeah, I spent the entire summer at Arrow’s Summer Project in Florida. Normally, I would have had a couple of weeks off, but our leaders, Kent and Rachel, had twins over the summer. So I had to stay and keep things running since they couldn’t be there,” I explain. “And last weekend I had about fifteen sorority girls sleeping all over my duplex, so, needless to say, I didn’t make it to church last Sunday.”

Joy laughs, crinkling the corners of her brown eyes. “Whew, that sounds like a lot! I’m glad that you’re back. Want to go get a donut from the lobby? I’m starving.”

I agree, and we make our way out of the church sanctuary. “There’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about,” Joy says as we pick out donuts. “Caleb and I are starting a new small group with young twenty-somethings this year. I know you’re busy leading lots of Bible study groups with students, but I would love it so much if you’d consider joining us. You wouldn’t have to do any prep work—just show up and be with us!”

That eye-burning sensation is back, and I seriously need it to stop showing up. I smile widely at Joy, hoping it will distract her from noticing the sheen of moisture in my eyes. “I would really love to be a part of the group, Joy. This is kind of an answer to prayer. Do you know when you’ll be meeting?”

“We’re thinking Wednesday evenings, although we might do some fun social events on weekends sometimes. Would that work in your schedule? I was hoping that since your Arrow meetings are on Thursdays and the Greek houses have chapter meetings on Wednesdays, you might be more available that evening,” Joy says.

“Wow, you remember all that? And you planned the group around my schedule?” I ask, wide-eyed.

Joy laughs. “I told you, I really want you to join us. I know you’re a busy woman, so I tried to make it work for you. What do you think?”

The warmth of Joy’s smile saturates my heart and gradually spreads through my body. I’m taken aback by her thoughtfulness, her effort to include me. That’s usually my job.

“Yes. I’ll make it work, no matter what. Thanks so much for asking me,” I reply.

“Ah! I’m so glad!” Joy exclaims. “We’re planning to start next Wednesday evening with a social night for everyone to start getting to know each other. I’ll text you our address.”

As she walks away to find Caleb, I inhale deeply, feeling my lungs expand more fully than they have all week. With classes starting tomorrow and our first weekly Arrow meeting of the year on Thursday, it’s sure to be a hectic week. But I already feel more calm knowing I have this small group social to look forward to.

Find peers who are just friends and not coworkers or mentees—check!