23. Chapter 23
Chapter twenty-three
O ur staff retreat is a little more chaotic than usual this year with two crawling babies constantly interrupting. Rachel is apologetic, but we all love having her and the twins present. It’s more important for her to feel included than for us to be efficient.
On day two of the retreat, we take a walk along a nearby park trail to break up the “sitting and planning” portion of the meetings. Kent stayed home with the napping twins, and Gina is deep in conversation with Lucas and Connor, the two single staff guys.
“So, how was the twins’ first Christmas?” I ask Rachel.
“They won’t remember any of it, but Kent and I had a great time celebrating. And our families had a great time spoiling them,” she says with an eye roll. “The amount of presents was a little ridiculous, especially when they’re too young to appreciate them. How was your Christmas?”
“It was great! A little more eventful than expected, with my older brother punching my old ex-boyfriend who I’m currently dating again. But other than that, just your typical Christmas!” I joke. Then, I mentally punch myself in the face. Because I haven’t mentioned a single thing about Brooks to Rachel or Kent.
Rachel stops walking, looking rightfully shocked and confused. “Your . . . ex-boyfriend who you’re currently dating? I didn’t know you were dating anyone.” Her posture sinks slightly, and her expression borders on hurt.
Gah. Teegan. Why don’t you think before throwing jokes out?!
“Yeah, it’s pretty new-ish,” I say. “I’m sorry I didn’t mention it sooner. It’s been a slow development.” I give her a very basic version of our relationship. I’m trying to act nonchalant, like this isn’t a revolutionary turn of events, but I can’t keep the Brooks-induced grin off my face.
“You really like him, don’t you?” Rachel asks, face softening.
“I do.” My heart does a little skip-hop heel-click move.
“You mentioned he’s in Brooklyn teaching. Is that a permanent position? Would he be in town long term as you’re working on campus?” Rachel asks.
It’s a perfectly valid question. Entirely fair. But I’m epically unprepared for the uncomfortable conversation with Rachel (or Kent) about my future. A conversation that would certainly be prompted by the honest answer to her question.
“I’m not exactly sure,” I evade. “It’s still such a new thing, us dating. We’re enjoying taking it one day at a time!” I quickly change the subject, “Hey, I wanted to ask if you want me to continue leading the Friday morning senior group, or if you’ll be taking that back over this semester?”
Rachel’s face still looks slightly disconcerted, but I successfully steer conversation away from Brooks. Or any mention of my undecided future. I’ll be avoiding that for as long as possible.
Forever sounds like a reasonable avoidance goal.
After the retreat, I return to KC on the thirtieth, but I’m staying with Amaya instead of my parents for a couple of days. She’s taking off work on New Year’s Eve so we can hang out and then go to a party together. Amaya lives in Westport but works in the Crossroads district downtown, so I decide to find a coffee shop downtown to hang out and do a little more reflection in my journal from Brooks.
Searching the map for “coffee shops” returns an overwhelming plethora of options.
I parked in a random lot in the Crossroads to find a coffee shop. Looks like I need to plan a coffee shop crawl with all of these cute places! But for today I need a quick decision, so where should I go??
AMAYA
If you want a cool architectural ambiance with lots of open space, go to Messenger. If you want a smaller, unique vibe, Café Corazón is a local Latin American/Indigenous inspired coffee shop with an awesome menu
I quickly compare the two listings on the map. They both look appealing, which makes this coffee crawl idea seem all the more necessary.
!! Café Corazón has a latte flight!!! Winner!
AMAYA
I’ll come meet you there when I get off work
My parallel parking skills come in handy once again when I’m able to pull into a small spot directly in front of the café. Walking inside, the vibrant mural painted on the wall above the counter immediately makes me happy I chose to come here. The display case of unique pastries further affirms my decision.
I order a latte flight and tell the barista to surprise me with a pastry of her choice. Choosing a table near the large windows, I get out my journal and pen. The barista brings over the latte flight, pointing out three different flavors. My mouth is watering already, but then I eye the giant pastry on the plate. “Okay, tell me what you picked.”
“It’s one of our alfajors , the maicena flavor. Think a shortbread cookie sandwich filled with creamy dulce de leche . It’s one of my favorites,” she tells me. Now, I’m full-on salivating.
“Thank you!” I call as she walks away. Pulling out my phone, I quickly snap photos of the pastry and the lattes. I prop the journal open on the table, then take another picture of the full setup to send to Lana.
Look! I’m taking a page out of your book and journaling my thoughts over coffee
LANA
On my way
Seriously though, that looks amazing. Where are you??
A coffee shop in downtown KC. Hanging here till Amaya is off work
LANA
JEALOUS
Ugh, wish I really was on my way there. Have a great time!
I take a sip of each latte, relishing the different flavors. A single bite of the pastry has me moaning with delight and calling out a loud “Thank you!” to the barista.
Every crumb of the alfajor is gone and the latte glasses are empty by the time Amaya comes in two hours later. I jump up to give her a hug, fueled entirely by my excitement to see her and not at all by the caffeine and sugar.
Amaya orders a coffee to go, and then we decide to walk to a nearby Thai restaurant for dinner. We share Pad Thai and yellow curry as I catch her up on staff retreat.
“You’re going to have to talk to Kent and Rachel eventually, Teeg,” Amaya says in response to my story about the narrow miss with Rachel.
“But will I? Casually disappearing seems like a valid option if I do decide not to return to staff,” I joke.
“I know you think the conversation could be slightly uncomfortable—”
“Or straight up excruciating,” I cut in.
“ Mildly uncomfortable,” Amaya emphasizes with an eye roll. “But you can’t avoid it forever. You could give them a heads-up that you’re considering other options before you officially decide anything and stop it from looming over your head.”
“I will take that option under advisement,” I comment before taking a huge bite of curry and rice. “How’s that big pitch coming?” I ask around the food in my mouth.
Amaya graciously takes the reins of the conversation to talk business. It’s not a language I’m fluent in, but hearing Amaya talk about her job makes me feel passionate about it nonetheless.
“Wow—it sounds like you’ve got a lot going on,” I reflect after she outlines the multiple clients she’s juggling. There’s a weariness to her eyes and her voice as she drops the mask in response to my observation.
“It is a lot—which I’m fine with. I like having a lot on my plate, but I do miss having you and Lana around every day to have a safe place to breathe for a minute,” Amaya says before giving a slight shrug. “Even though I have friends I enjoy hanging out with, and I get along fine with my roommate, I still feel like I need to be ‘on’ all the time.”
I nod in understanding. Lana and I are maybe the only two people who ever see behind the image of Amaya that most people know. The confident, charismatic, high-achieving leader with drive and ambition for days. It’s who we saw for the first several months of our friendship, until Amaya slowly trusted us enough to voice the moments of self-doubt and insecurity.
“How are you feeling about the corporate ladder grind?” I ask quietly, leaning forward over the table.
“Feeling about it? I don’t know that I have feelings about it. At least, not that I’ve actively thought about,” Amaya replies. “Maybe I’ll think about it. I love what I’m doing—love what I’m achieving. I’m just feeling a little nostalgic about our late-night slushie runs or movie nights that turned into talking for hours.”
I nod in understanding again. “Same, girl, same.”
“But life moves forward. We keep moving with it,” Amaya says with another shrug.
“Any special man in your life that I’ll be introduced to at the New Year’s Eve Party?” I ask, eyes sparkling. I’m overdoing the teasing tone so that Amaya will answer me because I really do want to know.
“Yeah, right,” Amaya scoffs. “Like I have time to even think about dating. You’ll meet several of my friends but no romantic connections. That’s the furthest thing from my mind.”
Amaya outlines our plans for New Year’s Eve at the Power and Light District tomorrow, listing off the friends who will be there and emphasizing the only friends designation. I’m excited to meet more of Amaya’s KC circle so I can better picture her life when she gives updates on our weekly calls.
The next day, Amaya and I video call Lana to catch up, but otherwise spend a leisurely day hanging out until it’s time to get dressed for the party. We meet up with Amaya’s friends and get the wristbands designating our ticket level. It’s a fun evening hopping from one venue to another and getting to know some of Amaya’s friends. Some are from work, some from church, and others from her women in business group.
I entertain them with stories about College Amaya and laugh at their tales of Grown-Up Amaya. We dance, share good food, and generally have a blast. The only cloud hanging over my head is that I don’t get to share this night with Brooks. Or kiss him at midnight.
At 11:40 p.m., we’re squished in a crowd at the same venue where Brooks and I danced at the silent disco. I pull out my phone and take a selfie to text to him.
Wish you were here
He hearts my photo and then sends his own selfie. Will, Jason, Sarah, Catherine, and Bailey are all smiling in the photo, standing in a crowd in Center Square.
brOOKS
Wish you were HERE. No, I’m glad you’re having fun with Amaya. Wish we could both be in both places. Or teleport back and forth. Why doesn’t that technology exist yet?
Valid question. Also, I love that Bailey is hanging out with you guys! Tell everyone hi from me!
brOOKS
Can’t wait to see you tomorrow kiss face emoji
pink heart emoji