36. Chapter 36
Chapter thirty-six
I ’m in the middle of possibly the longest prayer walk of my life. Just when I think I’ve said all there is to say to God, more words come bubbling up, and my feet continue moving. Brooks will be picking me up to drive to KC in a couple of hours, so I really should head home and shower. But instead, I keep walking and talking.
“I feel so many things about today. A lot of things that I’d prefer to brush to the side and pretend don’t exist. But I know that’s not a viable long-term solution. I love my dad. I want him to know how much I love him. So, please help me keep my reactions in check today. Please help me to get to know Sonya with an open mind.”
I pause, mind churning.
“Thank you for putting Brooks in my life to be the voice of reason last week, to understand what I was thinking and how I was reacting, and to stop me from doing something rash. Well, to stop me from doing something else rash after I initially shut my dad down. To encourage me to apologize and face things. I’m so grateful that you guided our paths back to each other. It’s a gift I didn’t know I could ever ask you for. Thank you for giving me what I didn’t realize I needed, even if it meant starting with the pain of our first breakup. We needed those years apart to grow into the people we are today.”
I think about what Mateo said when he was teasing Lana about changing her plan. It brings a smile to my face and peace to my heart. I think about God’s plan for Brooks and me. His plan for my dad, even if it’s different than what I envisioned. His plan for my future.
“Your plan is always better.”
“Ready?” Brooks asks.
I stare at the doorknob, unblinking.
“Not really,” I admit. Brooks lets go of my hand so he can put his arm around my shoulders, nestling me against him.
“Together,” he says quietly. I nod and reach forward to open the door.
“Knock, knock!” I call out as we step into the foyer of my dad’s house. We hang our coats on the rack as Dad comes around the corner to greet us. He pulls me into a tight hug.
“Thank you for coming, hon,” Dad says quietly. I hug him tighter.
“You’re welcome. I’m sorry again for how I first reacted,” I respond, voice barely above a whisper.
Dad pulls back to look at me, hands still on my shoulders. “You know I forgive you. I know it caught you off guard. I’m sorry I didn’t somehow prepare you better.”
“Let’s just move forward,” I say, forcing a smile. “Is Sonya here already?”
“Yep. She’s in the kitchen talking with Logan.” Dad walks that way, and Brooks laces his fingers through mine as we follow.
Entering the kitchen, I see Logan talking with a woman with salt-and-pepper chin-length hair. She’s wearing black-rimmed glasses, flowy black pants, and a red floral blouse. As my dad announces our presence, she turns to me with a wide smile.
“Teegan, I’ve heard so many glowing things about you. I’m delighted to meet you,” Sonya says, reaching out to shake my hand.
Brooks gives my hand a small squeeze before letting go, which gives me the strength to lean all the way in and hug Sonya. I don’t miss my dad’s grateful smile over her shoulder.
“I’m glad to meet you too, Sonya,” I say. “And this is my boyfriend, Brooks.”
We make small talk for a few minutes before sitting down to eat the chicken, potatoes, and roasted Brussels sprouts they’d prepared. Sonya asks each of us lots of questions about our lives, listening intently and smiling encouragingly.
“Tell us more about you, Sonya,” I say after sharing about my job at Townsend. “I’d love to know more about what’s important to your life.”
“Well, I’m a few years older than your father, so my two children are both married, and I have two grandchildren,” Sonya begins. “Of course, they’re the most important thing in my life. They all live here in the metro area, so I get to see them frequently.”
“Wait till you meet little Lottie—she’s two years old and the cutest little thing,” my dad says. He must see the spark of shock in my eyes because his soften as he adds, “I met them at Thanksgiving, but it was my decision to wait longer to tell you and Logan.”
Sonya picks up the explanation. “I wanted to introduce Morgan to my family and see how they responded before things got too serious between us. This is the first time I’ve dated since my husband passed away four years ago, so it was a big step for my kids to meet someone.” She pauses to smile at my dad, warmth and affection filling her eyes. “Of course, they agreed with me that he’s extraordinary.”
My knee begins bouncing under the table to the increasing tempo of my heartbeat. My dad is extraordinary. But so is my mom. But so is Sonya. I’m so happy that he’s found someone who is so kind and looks at him like he hung the moon. But I still remember when Mom looked at him that way. Why do I have to feel so conflicted about this? Why can’t I just grow up and be like Sonya’s kids?
I hate the confusing swirl of negative thoughts in my head. The air in my lungs doesn’t feel like the right amount of oxygen. My mind automatically cues up my default coping mechanism. Fly away, Teegan. Ocean. Breeze. Sunset. Anything.
My mind comes back to the present moment when I feel one of Brooks’ hands squeeze my knee under the table, his other arm draping around my shoulder. He pulls me close enough to press a kiss to my temple before covertly whispering in my ear, “We got this.”
Sonya is explaining her job as an insurance agent to Logan, so I pull my attention back to listen. Conversation continues to flow naturally, especially once Brooks steps in to entertain with teaching stories. The genuine laughter serves to temper my flight instinct, and by the end of two hours, I can truthfully say I enjoyed getting to know Sonya.
We say our goodbyes to Sonya, promising to meet again soon. After she leaves, Brooks wraps me in an extra-long hug before announcing that he should head home to his dad’s house. Dad thanks him for coming, and Logan gives him a bro hug with a slap on the back.
Logan claps Brooks on the shoulder an extra time as he says, “I’m glad you were here, Murph. I was wrong at Christmas. I want you to know that I’m glad you’re back.”
“Thanks, man,” Brooks responds, giving Logan a second bro hug.
I follow Brooks onto the front porch and bury myself in his embrace. Breathing in his scent to ground my emotions, I sigh into his chest. “Thank you. Us against everything, right?”
I feel his nod before he kisses my cheek. “Always.”
“What time do you want me to pick you up to head back to Brooklyn tomorrow?” Brooks asks, pulling back to look at me. He keeps one hand on my waist and brushes the hair out of my face with his other.
I bite my lip, thinking. Brooks skims his thumb across my bottom lip, pulling my eyes to his. “No doing that right now,” he says wryly. “I’m trying to be strong for you emotionally, not make out with you on your dad’s doorstep.”
Laughing, I playfully slap his chest. The distraction from my tangled thoughts has made them clear.
“I think I need to go talk with my mom tomorrow morning, by myself. I’m sure my dad will let me borrow his car,” I say. “Could you pick me up after lunch, maybe?”
“Sounds like a plan,” Brooks responds. His expression tightens thoughtfully. “I may go talk with my mom tomorrow morning too.”
I reach my hand up to cup his cheek. “We can do it. Together, even if we aren’t together.”
Brooks leans in to kiss me like he can’t resist any longer. I let all my anxious thoughts melt away as I focus on the tenderness of his lips against mine.
“I love you, Sneaks.”
“You knew at Thanksgiving but didn’t say anything?”
My mom and I sit on barstools in her kitchen, mugs of hot coffee in hand. I take a sip from mine to wait for her answer.
“It wasn’t my news to tell you, Teegan. Your dad said he was going to talk to you and Logan if things continued between them after he met Sonya’s family,” Mom says. She places her hand over mine. “But I was okay with it, sweetheart.”
I sigh and bury my face in my hands. “Why am I such a child? Why did I expect you guys to get back together like some naive little kid?”
Mom gently rubs my back. “It’s not childish to want your parents to be together, Teegan. And I understand how you could have perceived that possibility when Morgan and I have worked so hard to maintain a good relationship after the divorce. I don’t know why it took him so long to date someone, but, for me, I’ve been too focused on finding who I am again aside from being a wife and mother. I didn’t have any available head space to date. But I never thought I’d get back together with your dad, so his relationship isn’t hurting me.”
I blink back tears. “You promise?”
My mom smiles compassionately. “Promise. I really am happy for them. And it won’t hurt my feelings if you love Sonya too, okay? If she and your dad are together long term, I want you to love her too.”
Leaning forward to embrace my mom, I manage to choke out, “Thanks, Mom. I love you.”
We continue talking, but when my mom leaves the room to switch the laundry, I pull my phone out to text Brooks.
Good convo with my mom. I feel more at peace with the situation at least. How’s your morning been?
Less than thirty seconds later, his response comes through.
brOOKS
Good. Hard? Yeah, hard, but good. Just sat and talked a lot about the past few months. The past few years, really. Sort of filling her in on everything. Which makes it painful to think about how much she’s missed. But I’m still glad I came
Thankfully no one was around to hear me talking out loud alone like some psycho
clown emoji Glad we both had hard but good talks with our moms. Also glad I’ll get to have a few hours driving home with you after so many uncomfortable conversations. I’m ready for a car dancing Trolls sing-along. I love you heart emoji
brOOKS
Totally agree. Cue it up, Poppy. I’ll be at your house in about an hour
Love you always